


Picking up the Pieces

by tufano79



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-01-07 22:40:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 133,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tufano79/pseuds/tufano79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isabella Black lost her husband in the cruelest way possible. He wasted away and was ravaged by the evil, silent killer, cancer. Five months after his initial diagnosis, he died, leaving Bella with their two young children, John, seven and Grace, five. A year after his death, Bella packs up her home in Phoenix and drives back to Forks, Washington to be closer to her family. Will she finally find a way to pick up the pieces with the help of her family, friends and a green-eyed cop? ON HIATUS until 2016</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolgue

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://s920.photobucket.com/user/jthlavacs/media/PUtPbanner_zpsc5b95dc2.jpg.html)  
> 

**This is dedicated to my best friend who recently lost her husband. She’s a beautiful woman who doesn’t deserve the hand she was dealt. I love you, Pam…**

**Not mine…I’m not Stephenie Meyer. I wish I was. Dang it. But, oh well…**

**Summary: Isabella Black lost her husband in the cruelest way possible. He wasted away and was ravaged by the evil, silent killer, cancer. Five months after his initial diagnosis, he died, leaving Bella with their two young children, John, seven and Grace, five. A year after his death, Bella packs up her home in Phoenix and drives back to Forks, Washington to be closer to her family. Will she finally find a way to pick up the pieces with the help of her family, friends and a green-eyed cop?**

 

**_Picking up the Pieces_ **

 

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Black. The tests indicate that you have stage IV pancreatic cancer,” the doctor said coldly, not offering much hope. He almost seemed bored with what he was saying. _Asshole._  

“How can that be?” Jacob asked, shocked at the diagnosis. He had been feeling off for about a year, but we thought it was just exhaustion. Jacob had started a new job as an independent contractor. He had a lot more responsibilities and it was weighing on him. “Cancer?”

“Stage IV pancreatic cancer,” the doctor corrected.

“Yes, we get that,” I snapped. “What can be done? Are there any treatments? Options, Doctor. What are our options?”

“Mrs. Black, Mr. Black, I’m going to be honest with you,” the doctor, who obviously didn’t care about us, continued. “You have one of the deadliest forms of cancer there is. It’s spread from the pancreas to the liver, spleen and bones. You can try to attack it with chemotherapy, but it would just make your remaining time with your family be uncomfortable.”

“So, this is a fucking death sentence,” Jacob growled. “I’m as good as dead.”

“Jake,” I whimpered, twining my fingers through his large, warm hands. I drew in a breath, looking at my least favorite person in the world: the asshole that doesn’t care that he’s taking my husband away from me. “Prognosis. What’s the prognosis?”

“Less than six months, if you’re lucky.”

I couldn’t tell you anything else the asshole doctor said after that. _Less than six months, if you’re lucky_. Shit, those words were my worst nightmare. I only had six months left with my husband. He only had six months left with our babies: John and Grace. By the end of the year, I’d be a fucking widow …

 _Less than six months, if you’re lucky._  

It’s not fair. Why? Why did God do this to us?

Suffice it to say, we weren’t lucky. Five months after that initial appointment with Dr. Dickwad, Jake was placed in hospice. My six foot five, muscular husband was now a shadow of the man I married. He lost nearly a hundred pounds and was a skeleton. His russet skin was gray and hung limply over his pronounced bones. His once rich, black hair was gone thanks to the chemotherapy we tried, fruitlessly, to stop the progression of the aggressive form of cancer. My soul mate was dying, with one foot in the grave.

What made things even sadder were the expressions on our children’s faces. They were so confused why Daddy didn’t live with us anymore and he stayed at the hospital. John, our oldest, kind of understood Jake was sick but I don’t think he realized how sick his dad really was. Grace just missed her overgrown playmate and hero of a man who would act like her horsey or be her prince charming or share imaginary tea while wearing feathery, floppy hats and pink lip gloss.

“Momma, can we visit Daddy today?” John asked, eating his cereal.

I shot a look at Billy, Jacob’s dad. He was staying with the kids while I went to check on Jake at the hospice house. I didn’t want my kids to see their dad like he was currently: barely breathing, vacant stare, and low moaning from the pain he was in. “Not today, munchkin.”

“Okay,” John said, shrugging his shoulders. “Can you tell him I love him?”

“I will, munchkin,” I replied, a few tears falling down my cheeks. I turned and leaned on the counter, trying not to lose my emotions. I couldn’t. I had to be strong for my babies.

“Can I go play?” John asked, pushing his bowl away.

“Yeah, Johnny,” I choked out. “Your clothes for school are on your bed. Poppy will take you to school today, okay?”

“Kay,” John chirped, skipping out of the room. Grace was nibbling on her food and was quiet during the whole exchange.

“Grace, are you done, sweetheart?” Billy asked his granddaughter.

“Yeah, Poppy,” she said quietly. He lifted her from the highchair and she followed her brother.

Billy walked over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Bella …” he muttered.

“I can’t do this, Billy,” I stammered. “The doctors say it’s only of a matter of days, if not hours. How? Why?”

Billy wrapped his arms around me, holding me to his chest while I crumbled. I crumbled daily, almost. Being held by my husband’s dad made me feel slightly better because Billy smelled like Jacob: spicy, warm with a hint of tobacco. “Jake hates leaving you, Bella.”

“It’s not fair,” I sniffled against his chest. “We were supposed to grow old together. Not barely middle aged.” I pulled back, wiping my cheeks. “Are you sure you can handle taking John to school?”

“Of course, Bella,” he said, giving me a sad grin. “I did raise Jake, you know.”

“I know,” I snorted. “I’ll be back for dinner. There’s lasagna in the fridge. Just pre-heat the oven to 350 and put it in for an hour.”

“Will do,” Billy replied, kissing my cheek. Grabbing my purse, I clambered into the large truck Jake and I purchased just prior to his diagnosis. He needed it for his job as a contractor. Now, it seems pointless to keep it. Not like I’ll need it as a teacher. I can’t really drive the kids around in it since there’s no backseat. If we drove the kids anywhere, we used my Honda Accord.

“Don’t walk into the hospice crying, Bella,” I admonished. “Be strong. Be strong for Jake. He needs you.” I turned over the truck and drove the forty-five minutes to the facility where my husband was staying until he died. I parked the car in one of the nearby spots. I checked in with the nurse and walked to Jake’s room. One of my favorite nurses was standing outside, writing down information on his chart. “Morning, Pam. How is he today?”

“It’s a good day so far, Bella,” she smiled as she hugged me. “He seems pretty with it.”

“Awesome,” I replied, slipping into his room. Jake was laying on his side with pillows surrounding him. “Hey, baby,” I cooed, sitting down next to him. “Pam says you’re doing good today.”

He just hummed and nodded, looking at me. His black eyes were sunken into his head. They no longer held the sparkle of my husband. He was wasting away. “When was the last time you slept, Bella?” he asked, his voice weak and raspy.

“I sleep,” I argued, arching a brow. _No, I don’t. I can’t sleep in my king-sized bed without you._ “Are you saying I look awful?”

“No, Bells. You look beautiful. You always do,” he murmured, reaching weakly for my face. I grabbed his hand, pressing it to my cheek. His hand was cold against my skin. “Bells, I want you to promise me something.”

“What, Jake?” I asked, my brows furrowing.

“When I’m gone, keep living your life,” he whispered. “Don’t give up because I’m gone.”

“Jake, stop it. You’re …” I muttered, trailing off.

“I’m dying, Bells. I know I won’t see tomorrow,” he said, smiling wistfully. “God has granted me today, to be lucid, so I can tell you to keep living. I love you, Isabella Black and I will always be with you. I’ll always be with Gracie and Johnny. But, you have to stay alive and happy for me. Promise me, Bells!”

“How can I promise that? The man who gave me all of my happiness is leaving me,” I sobbed, looking at him.

“You’ll find another who will give you happiness,” he said. “I know you’ll grieve for me, but know I am always going to be watching over you. Hell, I may help your new man find you.”

“Jacob William Black! That is not funny,” I snarled, shooting up from my seat.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” Jake said weakly. “Tell the kids I love them and that I’ll always love them, even from heaven. Apologize to Gracie for me. I was supposed to have high tea with her on her birthday. She had a special hat for me. Also, make sure Johnny looks out for his sister. He’s got to be the overbearing man of the house once she starts dating.”

“Jake, stop. You’re scaring me,” I said, racing back to the chair. I took his face in my hands. “Don’t say goodbye. Not yet.”

“Tell Bella to be happy,” he choked out, tears falling onto his cheeks. “I love you, Bella. You were my first love. My only love. I’ll never forget you.”

“JAKE! NO!” I hissed.

“Kiss me, Bella,” he begged. His voice was getting weaker and his skin was getting colder. “I want to remember what your lips felt like one last time.” I choked back a sob, leaning forward to kiss his chapped lips. He sighed contentedly and then …

Nothing.

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed, falling against him. “You can’t go. NO!” Pam ran in and pulled me away, hugging me tightly. “Why? Why did you tease me? Come back, Jake! Please!! Come back!”

And just like that … my world changed.

**A/N: I know, sad prologue. But it sets up the story. This is loosely based on my friend’s ordeal with being a single parent after her husband died from pancreatic cancer. It will get happier. I promise. Leave me some!**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**This is dedicated to my best friend who recently lost her husband. She’s a beautiful woman who doesn’t deserve the hand she was dealt. I love you, Pam…**

**Not mine…I’m not Stephenie Meyer. I wish I was. Dang it. But, oh well…**

**Summary: Isabella Black lost her husband in the cruelest way possible. He wasted away and was ravaged by the evil, silent killer, cancer. Five months after his initial diagnosis he dies, leaving Bella with their two young children, John, seven and Grace, five. A year after his death, Bella packs her home in Phoenix and drives back to Forks, Washington to be closer to her family. Will she finally find a way to pick up the pieces with the help of her family, friends and a green-eyed cop?**

**Chapter One**

**_One year later …_ **

 

“Grace Rachel and John Jacob, get your butts in gear!” I yelled. “The SUV is leaving in ten minutes with or without you!”

“You don’t have to go, Bella. Jacob …” Billy trailed off, wringing his hands nervously.

“He’s gone. I need a fresh start, Billy. I love you very much, but being here in Phoenix is too much. Every day I see something that reminds me of Jake, of our lives together. This house was supposed to be our dream and now? It’s crumbling and in disrepair because I can’t do it. I know it’s not fair for me to take the kids away from you, but I need to go. It’s been a year since he was diagnosed and I need to start new,” I rambled, running my fingers through my hair. “I’ve got a new house and new job up in Forks, close to my folks. It’ll be good.”

“I just wish it wasn’t so far away,” Billy frowned. “Forks is so _different_ from Phoenix, Bells.”

“That’s the point, Billy. I promise to bring the kids down on breaks and you said you’d come and visit. I’ll hold you to it, old man,” I quipped, holding my finger out, wagging it at him.

He captured my finger and pulled me into an embrace. “I got it, Bella,” he said, hugging me tight. “I’ll miss you, kiddo.”

“I’ll miss you, too,” I whispered against his neck. I inhaled deeply, relishing the scent of my father-in-law, which in turn was the scent of my late husband. Musky and spicy with a hint of tobacco. It brought me solace and sadness. “I’m planning on stopping in Los Angeles, Sacramento, Medford, Portland, and Seattle before making it to Forks. Our road trip is turning into a quasi-vacation. We’re visiting the famous sites in those towns. It’ll be fun. I hope.”

“Call me anytime and be happy, Bells,” Billy murmured, taking my face in his hands.

_But, you have to stay alive and happy for me. Promise me, Bells!_

I shook off that memory of Jacob’s last words to me. I wasn’t happy. To be honest, I miserable. No amount of counseling, anti-depressants or time could fix that. Perhaps distance would. “I’m trying, Billy. That’s why I’m moving. I can’t be happy here,” I sighed. He nodded, kissing my forehead. Turning away from my father-in-law, I bellowed up the stairs. “Any human under the age of eight better be downstairs in thirty seconds or you’re staying in Phoenix!” Pounding feet filled the house and my two children were in the kitchen in a heartbeat. “Okay, munchkins. You ready for our adventure?”

“Yeah!” John squealed, bouncing on his toes.

Grace had some more trepidation about moving. She bit her lip, barely nodding.

My children were a perfect blend of Jacob and me. John was going to be tall. At seven, he was already up to my shoulder and eating me out of house and home. He had black hair with light brown eyes. His skin was caramel colored, a mixture of my pallor and Jacob’s rich russet skin. John had more of my facial features, but Jake’s coloring. Grace, who had just turned five, was more delicate and petite, like me, but held a lot of Jacob in her features. She was paler than her brother with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. However, her expressions were all Jacob. It scared me how much they looked alike.

“Do you have your bags?” I asked. They bounced away, running back up the stairs. “I’m going to start the car. When they are done, send them out to me and do a walk-through of the house. Okay?”

“Sure, sure,” Billy replied. I took a quick look at my now empty house. It was bittersweet to leave, but necessary. I had sold it to Jacob’s younger sister, Rachel and her new husband, Ryan. They were apprehensive at first to buy the house, but I told them that they could make new, happy memories here. They bought it, even with all of the shit wrong with it. Ryan was Jacob’s partner in his contracting business, so I knew the home would be well cared for. With the money from the purchase of the house, I put a hefty down payment on a small house up in Forks a few miles away from my parents. It was smaller than this place, but perfect for the three of us.

Not wanting to dwell on the fact I was leaving the home I purchased with my husband, I walked out to the garage and started my new SUV, a Honda Pilot, to get the air cranking. It was mid-July and it was already pushing ninety at nine in the morning. It was going to be a scorcher. I traded in my Accord and Jake’s truck, using the trade in values for the payment for my SUV. The balance of the car was paid for with Jake’s life insurance policy. I was thrilled with my sleek silver beast. I needed it for the long drive from Phoenix to Forks and for the rough road conditions up in the Pacific Northwest. My Accord would drown in all of the rain. So, my Pilot, named Cornelius, was the obvious choice.

Half of the remaining money was placed in a trust for my children while the rest was helping us set up our new home in Forks. It funded our move and the minor renovations for the new house, such as painting, replacing some light fixtures and installing ceiling fans in each bedroom.

I checked to make sure our suitcases were secure in the back and double checked to see if the cooler had made it into the car. We were golden there. The GPS was set up. My phone charger was inside the car …

“Mommy! We’re ready!” John chirped.

“You have your bags with your iPods, iPads and books?” I asked.

“Yes, Momma,” Grace whispered. “Do we really have to go?” Her hazel eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip trembled. _Crap … I hate moving them, upheaving their lives. But I have to. For my mental sanity. Don’t let the lip get you, Bella. Ignore the sad puppy look._

“We do, little munchkin,” I frowned, trying to not cry along with my daughter. “We sold the house to Aunt Rachel and Uncle Ryan, remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” she frowned, kicking a rock under the car. “I just don’t want to go. I’m gonna miss my room. I love my princess room. Daddy painted it for me.”

“He did. Daddy made it so pretty, just like his pretty girl. But you’re new room is going to be just as pretty,” I said, crouching down to her level, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“No. It won’t. Daddy … Daddy didn’t do it,” she cried, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I miss him, Momma.”

“I miss him too, pretty girl,” I sniffled, hugging her tightly. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to be a widow at the age of thirty-four. Raising two children with Jake was fun. Raising two kids on my own, it was daunting, scary and very lonely. Billy and Jacob’s sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, were awesome but when they left, I spent most of the nights roaming the house, unable to sleep, missing Jacob and panicking about the stupidest shit. I lifted Grace into the car and she buckled herself in. John was already playing on his iPad.

I turned and saw Billy standing behind me. “We’re off,” I said, wiping my face.

“Drive safe, Bella,” he said, hugging me again. “Take care of yourself and take care of my grandbabies.”

“I will. Thank you for everything you’ve done the past year,” I smiled, kissing his cheek. “I couldn’t have done it without you or the girls.” Rachel and Rebecca had stepped up a lot after Jake died. They took the kids when I was ready to buckle under the grief. They made their holidays special while I wallowed in self-pity and loneliness. They baked cakes and celebrated their birthdays. They cooked meals when I couldn’t drag myself out of bed. I just drifted from day to day, barely coping.

_Note to self, do something special for Rachel and Rebecca. They deserve a huge thank you for their help this past year._

“We take care of our own,” Billy shrugged. “It would be downright cruel to let you deal with this on your own.” He pressed a bag into my hands. “Dream catchers for you and the kids. The tribal elders wanted to give you something to remember us by.”

“Well, you’re pretty unforgettable. Tell them thank you,” I said, reverently bowing my head. Jacob and Billy were a part of the Navajo Native American community. Billy was one of the tribal elders and leader of the tribal police force on the reservation, though he didn’t live there. He lived in the suburbs of Phoenix, just a short drive away from the reservation. Jacob was a volunteer for the police force when he was healthy, helping out during times of crisis.

With another hug, I clambered into the car. I waved at my father-in-law and pulled away from the house I lived in for eleven years with Jacob.

The home where we made love for the first time on the night Jacob proposed to me and showed me the house he bought for our new family.

The house we came home to after our wedding, christening every solid surface. That was a lot of fun. 

The home where our first child was conceived and born. Johnny was so anxious to make it into the world, he was born on the steps. By the time the EMTs arrived, I was cradling my newborn son while Jacob was trying to clean up the mess. My husband was quite the neat freak.

The home where we celebrated each and every holiday.

The home where we fought like cats and dogs. But the making up was _soooooooooo_ much fun.

The home where we cried at Jacob’s diagnosis.

The home where I realized I couldn't stay anymore. Not without Jake.

I needed to make a new home.

That home was in Forks.

Hopefully …

xx PUTP xx

A week, fifteen hundred miles, seven fill-ups, and five motels later, I pulled up to my new house in Forks shortly after nine at night. The kids were asleep in the backseat of the car. I was grateful for that because today had wrecked me. They were awful from the moment they woke up. If I hear ‘I’m not touching you’ one more time, I’ll seriously gnaw off my own arm.

 My parents were meeting me at the house since they had the keys. They picked them up after I closed on the property from the previous owners. My dad, Charlie and current police chief of the town of Forks, opened my door and pulled me out of the car. I collapsed against him, sobbing hysterically, the emotions from the trip spilling over. I had kept up a brave front for the entire trip but was falling apart at the seams. It was so difficult to leave the warmth of Arizona, the familiarity of Phoenix and the memories of Jacob.

“Come on, Bella. Let’s get you inside,” he said. My mom, Renee, was carrying Grace while pushing John up the steps to our new house. She unlocked the door and flipped on the lights. Inside, everything was set up. All of my furniture, boxes and _everything_ was done. Even the colors I had chosen to paint the walls were up, along with photos and decorative touches.

“How?” I croaked.

“Everyone pitched in,” Renee said as she hitched Grace higher on her hip. My baby girl groaned, tucking her head underneath Renee’s chin. “I’m going to put her to bed. Come on, Johnny. Nana has your bed all made up, baby.”

“Kay, Nana,” he mumbled, allowing himself to be led up the stairs. He stumbled a few times before he reached the top.

“Come on, Bells. Have a seat. You look dead on your feet,” Charlie chided. I plopped down on my beige couch, tossing my feet up onto the table. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Water would be nice,” I said, looking at him. Charlie smiled, his mustache twitching, before darting into my kitchen. He came back with a bottle of water and sat down next to me. “Thanks, Dad.”

“How was the trip?” he asked.

“Long and cumbersome. Traveling with two children over fifteen hundred miles is not an easy feat to do alone,” I said, chugging my water. “Trying to stay happy with the kids when all I wanted to do was curl up and sob for days …”

“That’s why we wanted to do this for you, Bella. Why we wanted to set up your home. Your mom and I, along with Alice and Jasper, set up everything once the moving truck arrived,” Charlie said, taking my hand. I cuddled next to him, feeling completely knackered. His strong arm wrapped around my body, holding me close. “Your mom will come over tomorrow to show you where everything is, but tonight, you need to finish your water and go to bed.”

“That sounds doable,” I snorted. “I may actually sleep, too.”

“Bella,” Charlie frowned, giving me a hard look.

“What? Being all alone in that bed makes me sick. I sleep better on this damn couch,” I snarled. I shot up and stomped over to the window. Angry tears streamed down my face. I hated being alone. Alone was my new existence. My children were my world, but for all intents and purposes, I was alone.

“Charlie, go help Johnny,” Renee said. She walked over to me and hugged me close. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you ready for bed, too.”

“Down here,” I whispered, looking longingly at the couch. “I need to sleep down here.”

“Okay, but your clothes are in your closet. I don’t want you changing in front of the window and giving the neighbors a free show,” she quipped.

“Not like anyone’s looking,” I spat bitterly. My mom gave me a look. “Sorry. I’m just feeling …”

“Overwhelmed, sad, angry and lost. I get it. You go change while I set up your bed down here, okay?”

I nodded and dragged my weary body up the stairs. I stripped out of my jeans and ratty t-shirt. I pulled on a pair of Jake’s old shorts and one of his button-downs, completely dwarfing me. His smell had long since dissipated from washing but wearing his clothes gave me a reminder of what I had. I felt like I was wrapped up in his arms. With a sigh, I rolled up the sleeves and went into the adjoining bathroom, brushing my teeth and pulling my long brown hair up into a sloppy bun. As I was putting my hair up, I looked at myself. Really looked at myself.

_Ugh, what a nightmare._

I was thirty-four but looked fifty. My skin was pale and ashen. I had dark, purplish bruises under my eyes from lack of sleep. My brown hair was lackluster with grays littered throughout. I was skinny because I didn’t eat much and I didn’t care about how I looked. That was blatantly obvious. I got up, showered, played with my kids, made them happy and put them to bed. While they slept, I crumbled, roaming the halls of the house, remembering my life with my husband. I existed. I didn’t live. I existed, drifting from day to day.

“Get your shit together, Black,” I spat at my reflection. “New start.” I turned and looked at the foreboding bed. “New start tomorrow. I need normalcy today. Couch it is.” I walked to the bed, swiping two pillows from it. I went downstairs and found my mom putting finishing touches on the couch. It looked like a bed, complete with sheets, a downy comforter and my favorite stuffed toy from when I was a girl. Tears pricked my eyes and I hugged her. “Thanks, Mom.”

“My baby’s home and I’ve got to take care of her,” she said, kissing my cheek. She guided me to the couch and tucked me in. “Your father and I will be here in the morning. We’ll give you the grand tour. Oh, and Alice will be stopping by, too.”

“I do appreciate what you all did with the house, Mom. It looks … amazing,” I smiled.

She kissed my forehead and called up to Charlie. “Sleep well, Bella. I love you, baby,” Renee crooned.

“Love you, too,” I mumbled tiredly.

“It’s good to have you home, Bella,” Charlie murmured, squeezing my shoulder.

 _Home …_ As weird as it sounds, Forks didn’t feel like home yet. I still felt homeless. But, I nodded and smiled at my dad. They turned and left, locking the door behind them.

Despite my exhaustion, I couldn’t sleep. Every noise, every creak, every whimper, my eyes flew open. _This sucks._ Shortly before four, I managed to drift to sleep, only to be forced awake by a ringing telephone. I swiped my cell phone from the table, glaring at the number. _Alice Whitlock_. I shouldn’t pick up. I shouldn’t.

I picked up. _You’re a masochist._

“It’s seven in the morning, Alice,” I grumbled by way of greeting.

“Good morning to you, too!” she giggled. “Do you want company this morning?”

 _I do but I don’t._ “I just fell asleep a few hours ago, Alice,” I hedged.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be by this afternoon,” she replied. “But, you’re in for a treat.”

“Alice, you better not be …”

She giggled and hung up. My best friend from high school was up to something. I pursed my lips as my mind began reeling of what Alice could have up her sleeve. God love her, she was a bundle of energy. She always has been. In high school, Alice was on every single club and team imaginable. She was the total opposite of me: outgoing, bubbly and bouncy. I was more reserved, shy and clumsy. Very clumsy. Like I’m almost disabled I’m that clumsy. I am perpetually covered in bruises.

On top of that, she’s my new boss. Alice was the principal of Forks Elementary, where I was starting to work in a few weeks. I had taken a year off teaching to care for Jacob and couldn’t go back after he passed. I was on disability until the end of the school year. I resigned when I was offered the position of teaching first grade at Forks Elementary.

Unable to fall back asleep, I dragged my tired body off the couch and went upstairs to shower. I got ready in my standard ‘mommy’ uniform of jeans and a ratty t-shirt. I plaited my hair and went downstairs to try and cook breakfast. I didn’t know where anything was, but I needed to do something. Plus, I desperately needed coffee.

Lots and lots of coffee.

With my mug of joe, I wandered around the house. It was a three bedroom, two-and-a-half bath two story home. The main level housed the living room, a foyer, half bathroom, kitchen and a small casual dining room. Upstairs, there were the two bedrooms for Johnny and Grace. John’s room was decorated in red and blue, adopting a masculine theme. Grace’s room was chocolate brown, white, green and pink with flowers splashed everywhere. Their shared bathroom was gender neutral with animals. My bedroom was technically in the attic and had a small living space along with a decent-sized master bathroom. The basement was finished and functioned as our family room.

“Momma? I hungry,” Grace grumbled from the top of the stairs of the basement. “Can you make booberry pancakes?”

I climbed the stairs and saw my sleep-rumpled Grace. “I don’t know. A certain pretty girl was pretty grouchy yesterday.”

“I’m sorry,” she blushed, wrapping her arms around my legs. “Johnny was being mean.”

“You both were pretty mean to each other,” I chided, picking her up. “When he wakes up, you’ve got to apologize, Grace.”

“What about Johnny?” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. She scowled up at his room. “Does he have to say sorry?”

“He will when he wakes up. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t get to have his iPad today. Same goes for you, pretty girl,” I said, arching a brow.

“Kay,” she mumbled, leaning her head against my shoulder. I carried her into the kitchen, placing her on the bench in the dining room. I gave her a glass of milk along with some fresh fruit while I made some ‘booberry’ pancakes. I also made some bacon and some eggs for me. I was not a fan of ‘sweet food’ for breakfast. Jake used to give me shit whenever I was running late for work that I had to eat Pop Tarts and not my usual breakfast of eggs or a breakfast sandwich. Usually a Pop Tart day meant it was a bad day for Mrs. Black. If it was a Pop Tart day with no coffee? Steer clear.

“Momma, when is Nana and Grandpa coming over?” Grace asked, pushing her bowl of fruit away.

“Hellooooo?” called Renee.

“Does that answer your question?” I smiled, turning to my baby girl. She smiled widely, sprinting to the living room, squealing in her excitement.

“Peanut!” Charlie laughed. “You’ve gotten so big! And your hair? It’s so long!”

“Do you like it Grandpa?” Grace asked.

Renee came into the kitchen and sniffed the air appreciatively. “I see you found all of the cooking supplies,” she smiled, kissing my cheek. “It smells wonderful in here.”

“I’ve made enough for a small army,” I quipped. _Old habits are hard to break. Jake could easily devour eight of my pancakes. It seems wrong to not cook a ton_.

“Your father is on a strict diet,” Renee said as she began pulling out items from a grocery bag she had carried in with her. “The doctor is concerned about his cholesterol. He bitches on a daily basis about the food. Then again, he never did care much for my cooking.”

“Mom, you can’t cook. I did,” I snorted. “As soon as I was able to reach the stove without burning my arm off, I took over. I love you, but some things do not go together. Watermelon and cream of mushroom soup is generally not an acceptable dinner combination.”

“Psh,” Renee chuckled. “Cooking is not my forte. I get that. Running a school? That I could do with my eyes closed.”

“You were an amazing principal. You shocked so many people when you announced your retirement,” I said as I plopped another pancake onto the platter.

“Alice was more shocked when I announced her as my successor,” Renee smiled. “She said she called you this morning. She told me you didn’t sleep last night.”

“New place. New sounds. A brain that won’t shut off,” I shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. Bella, you look like death warmed over,” Renee chided.

“Don’t, Mom,” I snarled. “I know what death warmed over looks like and _this_ is not it! This is a woman who is struggling … trying to cope with having two young children and no husband to help. This is a woman who is a thirty-four year old widow.”

“Shhh,” Renee said as she wrapped me in a hug. “I’m sorry, Bella. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

The fire alarm went off and I squeaked. “Shit!” I grabbed the pan and moved it to another burner. However, the room was filled with smoke. I opened the back door and the window, hastily trying to force the smoke out of the house. All the while, tears were streaming down my face. It was a clusterfuck in my kitchen and nothing I could do would make it better.

“Mommy, what happened to breakfast?” Johnny asked.

“Johnny, go brush your teeth and get dressed. Grandpa will take you to the diner for breakfast,” Charlie offered.

“Can I come too, Grandpa?” Grace asked.

“Of course, Gracie-girl! Put on your prettiest jeans,” he chuckled. My children went upstairs causing the walls to vibrate with the force behind their steps. I stepped outside, feeling worthless and lost. I couldn’t even enjoy the beauty of my backyard. I was too upset. “Say goodbye to your mom. She needs some extra loving, munchkins,” Charlie said.

My babies came out, hugging me close. “Do you want to us to bring you something, Momma?” John asked.

“No, I’m fine, baby,” I said, kissing his forehead. He nuzzled my cheek before darting inside. “I’m sorry about the pancakes, pretty girl,” I whispered to my daughter.

“It’s okay, Momma,” she said, climbing into my lap. “You’re tired and sad.”

“I’m trying not to be, Gracie,” I whispered into her soft, sleek brown hair. “Have fun with Grandpa.”

“I’ll have him bring you a breakfast sandwich, with extra cheese,” she giggled, kissing my cheek.

“Thanks,” I said, tugging on her ponytail. She hugged me one more time before dancing out of my arms. With a sigh, I curled up on the chaise lounge on my back deck. My mom came back out with a fresh cup of coffee. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Why are you apologizing? Bella, you are so strong. I don’t give you enough credit,” she whispered, sitting next to me. “I understand you’re struggling with all of this, but you don’t have to do it alone. Billy was there for you in Phoenix. Your dad and I are here for you now. Don’t forget Alice and Jasper.”

“I know. It just hits me out of nowhere. This crippling feeling of dread, I hate it. Counseling hasn’t helped and the meds I take don’t do anything to stop it either. It still feels like yesterday that he was here and now, he’s not. I don’t know if I can get over this. What if I’m broken forever?” I whispered.

“You’re not broken. You’re bruised. It’s a deep, to the bone bruise, but it’s slowly healing. Right now, you need to focus on you and your children. In a couple of weeks, you’ll be getting ready to go back to school and then that sense of normalcy will help tremendously. I think being off for the year has caused you to think so much about what you miss about Jake. It’s all you think about and I don’t blame you. You need work to distract you. Come the third week in August, you’ll have twenty pair of innocent eyes looking up at you, ready to learn,” Renee smiled.

“I have missed being in the classroom,” I said wistfully. “I have so much I have to buy. I haven’t taught first grade in ages and all of my supplies are for older elementary students.”

“Before the school year starts, I’ll take you to The Chalkboard. I’m like this,” she crossed her fingers, “with the owner. She’ll give you the best price and even a discount since you’re my daughter.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I smiled, feeling slightly better.

“How about this? You go upstairs and take a nice long bath while I try and salvage that pan. The one thing I’m good at in the kitchen is cleaning. I’ve ruined more cookware than I care to admit due to my culinary experiments,” Renee giggled.

After a long, relaxing and much needed soak in the tub, I felt better than I’d felt in a long time. I even took the time to shave my legs and pits. Things were pretty hairy on my girlie bits, but I figured no one was going to be seeing that any time soon so I left it. I finished in the tub and slathered on some lotion before putting on a loose, comfy sun dress and a pair of sandals. Applying some makeup and running gel through my hair, I looked at myself. I didn’t look like, as my mom put it, ‘death warmed over'. Now, I just looked plain.

A step in the right direction. As good as it’s gonna get. _Sigh._

Downstairs, I heard voices. Frowning, I walked into my kitchen and saw my mom speaking with Alice. Alice Whitlock, nee Brandon, was a petite, elfin girl. She had a short pixie hair cut that was artfully highlighted in shades of auburn, honey and copper. Her eyes were bright and blue, giving her an exotic look. She wore a funky dress with a pair of high heels. _Always with the heels. Jeez!_ Alice married her high school sweetheart, Jasper Whitlock, who worked as a psychiatrist at Forks General Hospital. They didn’t have any children, by choice. Alice loved working with kids but always said she didn’t want her own. Instead, they had dogs. Massive dogs. They were part wolf, I think.

I stumbled as I was walking toward the kitchen and Alice turned to look at me. Her face lit up excitedly. “Bella!” she squealed, running over to me gracefully. She wrapped her arms around my neck, squeezing the shit out of me and cutting off my air supply. “It’s sooooo good to have you home in Forks.”

“Thanks, Ali-cat,” I said, returning her hug and loosening her strangle hold. “I like the color.” I plucked at her cute haircut. She gave me a look, wrinkling her nose. “What’s that face for?”

“Eh, I don’t like it as much. So, I’m getting it colored today, dark brown with a few face-framing highlights,” she shrugged. Her blue eyes sparkled with mirth. “And you’re coming with me.”

“Watching you get your hair colored is not my idea of a good time, Ali-cat,” I quipped. “I’ve got to get the layout of my new digs.”

“Oh, Bella. You have how many weeks until school starts? There’s plenty of time,” Alice chided.

“You misunderstand, Bella,” Renee laughed. “You’re going with her and you’re getting a makeover. Or rather, getting treated to some pampering. Charlie and I will stay with the kids while you bond with Alice.”

“I should be here for them,” I frowned. “We’ve just driven across the country and I need to take care of my babies. I’ve been slacking in that category since Jake’s death and …”

“Bella, when was the last time you did something for yourself?” Alice asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Moving here,” I replied, scrunching up my nose. I nervously played with my wedding set, looking at my best friend and my mom.

“That doesn’t count,” Renee chided. “That was not doing something for yourself … that was for the benefit of your entire family. Being in that house, surrounded by everything. I couldn’t even imagine.”

“I couldn’t either. That’s why I moved,” I shrugged. “It still feels selfish. You know? I uprooted my children from the only home they’ve known so I could start fresh. Epitome of selfishness. I should have ‘Bad Mother’ tattooed on my forehead.”

“Well, it’s not,” Alice said. “And you’re not a bad mother. Stop it with that bullshit. You are long overdue for some girly pampering. I love you like a sister, Bells and I say this with love, but you look like ass.” I gave my friend a sharp look. _I don’t need to be reminded, wench._ “I know why. You came up here to start fresh, start new. Why not start that with a makeover … haircut, highlights, new makeup and some new clothes.”

“Alice, I’m not made of money. You know how much I make. You hired me,” I deadpanned.

“It’s courtesy of your mom and dad,” Renee said, handing me a gift card. “There’s five grand on that. Do not come home until it’s all spent. ON YOU. Not your kids. Not the house. You.”

“Did you become independently wealthy since I moved to Arizona?” I asked, arching a brow.

“I’ve dabbled in the lottery and have won a few decent-sized jackpots,” Renee said. “A majority of the money was put into accounts for Grace and John. Suffice it to say, college is covered for both of them. The rest we used to upgrade our house and set up an account for you too.”

“This is why you retired?” I asked.

“Bingo,” she replied. “Not independently wealthy but extremely comfortable for the rest of our lives. I tried to convince your dad to retire with me, but he’s a stubborn old mule and won’t do it. He wants to reach the true age of retirement before hanging up his badge.”

“Huh,” I said, tapping the gift card to my lips.

“Alice, take my daughter and make her more beautiful than she already is. When you’re done, bring her over to our house. We’re having a welcome home barbeque for Bella and the kids,” Renee smiled. _Ugh, a barbeque. I just know my mom is going to invite all of the single, available men. NOT. READY._ I scowled at her, giving her a mental warning, though my Jedi mind tricks are impervious to my mother’s mind tricks. Damn it. I just know she’s up to something. Her knowing smirk was a very clear indication of said ‘something'.

“Jasper’s bringing his world famous baked beans, Renee,” Alice replied. “We’ll be there. See you in a few hours!” She gently grabbed my arm and led me out to her waiting Lexus SUV. My brows shot to my hairline. She rolled her eyes and pushed me toward the passenger seat. She got in, turning over the car and backed out of my driveway. “Here’s the plan, Bella.”

“Always with the plans, Ali-cat,” I quipped. “I think your plans have plans.”

“You can’t call me that at work, Hells Bells,” she joked. “And duh … plans are my life! Why else would I be a principal? I get to make a ton of plans and make my minions carry them out. Best. Job. Ever.” She cackled evilly as she continued down the street.

“You were always such a control freak, Ali,” I giggled. “I’m surprised you decided to be an administrator. In order to lead, you have to give up a lot of your control.”

“Did you take classes in Arizona for educational administration?” Alice asked.

“You can answer that, Ali. You have my transcripts,” I snorted.

“Bella, I knew I was hiring you before you even had your phone interview. The other candidate was an old crusty man who looked like that creepy dude who lived at the end of your street. The one who gave out socks on Halloween?”

“Ewww,” I giggled. “Really?”

“Yeah. Plus, 'creeper candidate' smelled like pot and he gave off this vibe of ickiness. So, yeah. He never stood a chance,” she said, waving her hand airily. “Anyhow, I never looked at your transcripts. I knew you went to University of Arizona to get your degree in elementary education. But after that?”

“I went back to the University of Arizona to get my master’s degree in Educational Administration. I was in the final interviewing process for an assistant principal position at one of the newer elementary schools in my district when Jake was diagnosed. When I pulled my name from contention, I received a lot of flak since I was the front-runner for the job. But, my focus needed to be on my husband and my family.”

“Would you want to be a principal or assistant principal?” Alice asked, turning into a posh looking salon.

“Eventually. Not now. I need to get used to being here and doing everything on my own,” I sighed heavily.

“That would be sweet if you were my assistant principal. Ralph Banner is looking to retire in a year or two. Consider it, Bella,” she smiled, pulling into a salon housed in a large home just outside of downtown Forks.

“Is this place new?” I asked.

“Yeah. After you moved out to Arizona, a fairly well-off family moved into the Cope house by the river. A doctor and his wife, along with two boys. Well, now, men. Dr. Cullen still works part-time at Forks General but spends most of his time at home to be with his wife, Esme. She’s really sick. Anyhow, the family’s really close. Emmett works as a doctor at Forks General as a pediatrician. His wife, Rosalie, owns this place, Blow Out,” Alice answered, parking the car.

“What about the other son?” I questioned.

“He owns his own place and works with your dad on the police force, but stays with his mom a lot when Dr. Cullen has to work. Edward has given up a lot,” Alice said sadly. She gave me a smile. “You’ll meet them eventually. They’re all great people. Even Esme despite the fact she’s sick. Every Friday, she’s here getting her weekly pedicure.”

We got out of the car and we were greeted by a statuesque blonde with black lowlights on the bottom layers of her silky hair. Her makeup was dark and smoky. Her arms were covered with intricate and beautiful tattoos. She wore black leggings and a loose dark gray tunic that hung off her shoulder like the chick from _Flashdance_. In her nose was a tiny diamond nose ring and a flashy wedding set on her left hand. “Hey, Rose!” Alice chirped.

“Ali!” she said in a low, husky voice. They hugged. “I see you’re here for a color. Touch up?”

“Something new. Darker,” Alice explained. “Sammi can do it for me. I want your expertise for my best friend, Bella.” She turned and indicated to me. I felt like a frump and completely ugly standing next to her.

“I’m wounded, Ali,” Rose teased, smiling crookedly. “I thought I was your best friend.”

“You are. You both are. In different capacities,” Alice smirked. “Bella saw me all through my awkward years. Braces, purple hair, knobby knees, looking like a boy … you, my dear, make me into the chic, up and coming principal I am.”

“You are too much, Whitlock,” Rose snorted, turning to me. “Nice to meet you, Bella.” We shook hands and I tried to pull on my loose, unbecoming dress. “You’re in my hands now. What are we doing?”

“Everything,” Alice said as she plopped down in Sammi’s chair. “Cut, color, makeup, waxing … the whole shebang! She’s starting fresh!”

“Oh, yay!” Rose squealed, grabbing my hand. “We’re going to make you look amazing, Bella. Do you trust me?”

“I just met you,” I said warily. “I don’t know you well enough to trust you …”

Rose laughed, smiling widely. “Well, I know exactly what I’m going to do for you, Bella. Come and sit in my magical chair …”

I sat in the chair for two and a half hours. While I was sitting in the chair, Alice left me and came back with bags of goodies. Once Rose was done with my haircut, she attacked my brows and led me to the back, into the torture chamber. Bikini waxing is the devil. I tried to get out of it, but Rose insisted.

An hour after that, my hair was cut, my makeup was carefully applied and I was dressed in a chic, stylish sundress that hugged my body. Thankfully, the shoes that went with it were a pair of _flat_ gladiator sandals. Alice knew me well enough to not put me in heels. I’d kill myself or maim some poor unsuspecting soul.

“Are you ready for the big reveal, Bella?” asked Rose.

“Kind of?” I squeaked, twisting my wedding band. Rose snickered, turning me around to the mirror. I was shocked at what I saw. My hair, which was around my waist before was now cut into a long layered bob that brushed my shoulders. The color was warm and rich with many facets of red, brown, honey, gold and blonde. My skin was dewy with soft, pretty makeup. I looked like Bella from before the whole ordeal with Jake.

I loved it.

I hated it.

So, I did what a normal person would do. I cried.

No, I sobbed. Hysterically.

_It just seems pointless now …_

**A/N: Bella’s all over the place, unfortunately. I went through a divorce and I’m still coping with that. I could not imagine being a widow. So, for those of you who are dealing and living this, hats off to you and you have my respect. You are so strong. Pictures of the characters, the road trip, Bella’s house and Blow Out are on my blog and my tumblr (Link’s for both are on my profile.) You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79. Leave me some lovin!**

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 2

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Two**

We never made it to the barbeque at my parents’ house. Alice called them, explaining my emotional breakdown. It was irrational. I knew this, but I couldn’t pull myself together. Alice and my new friend, Rose, were understanding as they led me out to Alice’s Lexus. Unfortunately, the barbeque was rescheduled for a later date. _Damn it._ Alice drove me back to the house with Rose in tow. She said we were having a girl’s night since my kids were staying with Grandma and Grandpa.

Back at my tiny house, Alice linked her arm with mine. “Go upstairs, Bella and put on something comfy,” Alice said, pushing me toward the stairs. “I know you’re dying in that dress.”

It was a gorgeous dress, very pretty, flowery and flowy, accenting my best features but it wasn’t me. Not anymore. I was the Widow Black. I should be _wearing_ black, not flowers. I nodded sadly, agreeing with her statement and dragged my weary body up to my gorgeous bedroom. My breath caught when I looked at the bed. I _hated_ that bed. I will always hate that bed. It’s even a new bed. I had to replace the mattress after Jake died because he had gotten so sick on it from the chemo. It smelled like vomit and death. I also figured if it was a new bed, I’d be able to sleep in it. Not so much …

Narrowing my eyes and cursing the foreboding pile of springs and padding also known as my mattress, I grabbed a pair of yoga pants and one of Jake’s hoodies. Walking into the bathroom, I scrubbed my face and slid on my glasses. I didn’t need to wear them every day at every moment, but when I was tired or emotional, I wore them. It prevented me from having headaches. I could feel a nasty headache brewing and using the glasses would hopefully quell the nastiness in my noggin. I had contacts but hadn’t put them in since the last date I went out on with Jake.

Our tenth anniversary.

Just before he was diagnosed. Tears filled my eyes and I whimpered quietly.

“Bella, do you want white or red sangria?” Alice called up to me, breaking my reverie.

“White please,” I replied, my voice quaking. With a huff, I walked back to the bedroom scowling at the bed before I slipped on a pair of thick socks. When I got downstairs, Alice and Rose had made themselves comfortable in my kitchen. A large pitcher of sangria was on the counter along with some fancy cheese, pepperoni and crackers. Alice was in a pair of short shorts and a tank top while Rose was in a pair of yoga capri pants with a loose-fitting t-shirt. Her hair was pinned up in a loose but messy knot at the top of her head. “Where did you find the clothes?” I asked.

“I had something packed. I always keep a gym bag in my car and yes, the clothes are clean,” Alice said, handing me a filled wine glass. “Rose just borrowed something of mine.”

“These are supposed to be pants,” Rose quipped, indicating to the capris she was wearing. Looking at Alice and Rose, there was easily a foot difference between the two. Rose was close to six feet tall while Alice was just shy of five feet.

We took our sangria, along with the massive pitcher of booze and the cheese and crackers, into the living room. I curled up on my couch/bed while Alice sat next to me and Rose cuddled on the chair opposite. “While you were changing, I told Rose a little bit about why you broke down,” Alice said quietly.

I sneered at her. I loved Alice. Don’t get me wrong, but she had a propensity to stick her nose in other people’s business when it truly wasn’t warranted. If I wanted Rose to know about my sucky life, I would have told her on my own. “Don’t give her shit, Bella. I just asked why you started crying. I thought you looked smoking hot but then you started bawling. I was confused. I’m sorry about your loss,” she frowned.

“Thanks. I don’t know what to do with anything anymore and seeing me look almost normal reminded me that I have no one besides my kids to look pretty for,” I shrugged, holding my favorite stuffed toy that was smashed between the couch cushions. “The last time I looked nice and dressed up was for my husband’s funeral. Prior to that, it was our ten year anniversary.”

“I couldn’t imagine losing my Emmy,” Rose whispered, sipping her drink. “He’s my rock, my everything …”

“That’s what Jake was for me. Then, he got walloped with pancreatic cancer at the age of thirty-seven,” I mumbled, a few tears falling down my cheeks. Hastily, I wiped my face, turning to Rose. “I appreciate the haircut and the color, but it feels wasted. Who’s going to notice a thirty-four year old widow with two children? Hell, I’m not even ready for anything yet. I just know my mom was planning on some sort of mixer instead of a barbeque. All of the eligible men, over the age of consent and under the age of fifty were probably invited. Am I right, Ali-cat?”

“You got your mom pegged,” Alice snorted humorlessly. “But, she was doing it out of love. Renee doesn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. You’re still young …”

“I’m still not ready,” I said, trying to bite back a snarky, rude retort.

With a sigh, Alice changed the subject. “Why don’t you tell us about Jake, Hells Bells? How did you meet?”

Alice and I had drifted apart once I moved to Phoenix for college. She was wrapped up in her life at UDub while I explored the Southwest, sweating my boobs off. Seriously, since having two kids, my boobs have shrunk. You’d think after breastfeeding two children, my knockers would be big. Not so much.

Anyhow, I had a different life in Phoenix. Alice and I maintained a long-distance friendship, but the familiarity of our childhood friendship waned with the expanse of fifteen hundred miles. She came to my wedding as a guest. Our ceremony and reception were small with no more than fifty people. Rebecca and Rachel were my attendants while Jake had his partner, Ryan, who would later become Rachel’s husband and his childhood friend, Sam as his groomsmen.

“Jake and I met on campus at the University of Arizona. I was a freshman and he was a senior. I was looking for the fine arts building for my music appreciation class. My nose was buried so far in the map I had in front of my face that I ran into a wall of muscle, knocking both of us down, shockingly. That says something since I’m 5’2” and Jake was nearly 6’6”. I was so upset that I darted up, leaving my pile of crap and sprinted back to my dorm,” I chuckled nervously. “I was quite shy. Still am, really. However, I hide behind my inherent shyness with snark and dry wit.”

“You have that in spades, Bella,” Rose snickered.

“You should hear my inner-ramblings. They’re badass,” I said, winking at Rose. “Anyhow, I buried myself under my fugly yellow comforter in my room, embarrassed as hell and wanting to be swallowed up by the Grand Canyon. My roommate, a very bubbly girl named Jessie, didn’t understand why I was such a basket case. I didn’t either. I was anxious, nervous and completely befuddled on campus. I was a guppy in the ocean of faces, tall buildings and cacti. I was pale, lost and homesick. I did _not_ fit in on campus. You see where we live.” I gestured to the forest outside my window. “You’ve probably seen our high school, a school that houses three hundred students. The entire town of Forks is the size of the campus of the University of Arizona. I was ready to chuck it all and go home, hiding in my childhood bedroom for the rest of my life. Then, there was a knock on the door to my room.”

“It was Jake,” Rose smiled.

“Yeah. He picked up my stuff and looked me up on the campus directory. Jessie was flummoxed at the wall of studly-looking muscle leaning against our door. Jake gave me a smile and asked me for coffee. We were inseparable after that,” I smiled softly. “We took things slow. Very slow. I didn’t want to rush our relationship since Jake was my first boyfriend, really and Jake was very conservative. That first year, we barely kissed. When we did, it was sweet and very loving. By the time I was a senior, working on student teaching, we had kind of rounded second base. It wasn’t until Jake showed me the house he had bought for us and he had proposed to me did we make love for the first time. Our wedding was a few months after that and the rest, as they say, is history.”

“What did Jake do? You said you met him on campus?” Rose asked.

“He was a civil engineering major. However, he just was incredibly good with his hands. After he graduated, he started working as a contractor and designer for a small architectural firm in the outskirts of Scottsdale. This was while I was still in school. The firm was very corporate but not Jake’s dream job. He continued working there while he lived at home and was able to save up a good chunk of money. With that cash, he started his own contracting business with his friend and carpenter, Ryan Littlefoot. They remodeled our house in Phoenix and …” Tears welled up in my eyes as I remembered our home. I wiped my face, downing my sangria and pouring myself another one. “What about you, Rose? Tell me your life story.”

Rose told us about how she and Emmett met in a bar while he was in med school and she was in cosmetology school. They went home together and instead of having a wild night of sex, they ended up dying Emmett’s hair and reworking his skin regimen. At first, Rose thought he was gay, but Emmett valued the feeling of good skin care and he was worried about going prematurely gray. Emmett was a bit vain, but with a heart of gold, supposedly. After that, they flew to Vegas, eloping nearly seven years ago. Emmett completed his residency at Seattle Grace Hospital and returned to Forks to be close to his family because of his mom’s illness. They were currently trying to have children, but Rose had severe endometriosis and getting pregnant was proving to be quite difficult. Adoption was next on their avenues to try in having children. Emmett wanted to make his mom a grandmother before she succumbed to her illness. Edward, Emmett’s brother, was a confirmed bachelor. No babies in his near future unless he donated his sperm.

_Really?_

Alice regaled us in her story of her soul mate and love of her life, Jasper Whitlock. I gagged because I remembered Jasper Whitlock when he was shorter than me, smelled like Fritos and had bad acne. Yes, he had grown up to be a handsome man, but he will always be the boy who tried to kiss me behind the slide in second grade and failed miserably because I screamed that he had cooties. Besides, I was slightly bitter that Rose and Alice still had their soul mates. Mine was in an urn on Billy’s mantle.

Rose must have noticed my change in demeanor and she suggested we order some pizza, gorge ourselves on cheesy breadsticks and watch bad eighties movies. It was very reminiscent of a high school slumber party, but in a way, I needed it. After watching _Pretty in Pink_ , my friends, old and new, decided to head home. Jasper had to pick Alice up since she was a little blitzed from downing the pitcher of sangria single-handedly. Rose lived just around the corner, leaving her car with me since she shouldn’t drive as well. Jasper gave her a ride home while I parked her car inside the garage.

After they left, I made up my bed. I still slept on the couch. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in my bed.

xx PUTP xx

Over the next month, we settled into our lives in Forks. I was very close with my parents and Alice and Rose were quickly becoming my two closest friends. Every Friday, we’d repeat our girl’s night in, complete with sangria, fancy food and cheesy, light-hearted movies. Every so often, my mom and Alice’s mom joined in the fun at my place, but for the most part it was just Alice, Rose and me.

I also got the kids settled with their new counselor since they were still dealing with the grief of losing their father. Yes, my children were resilient, but they woke up from nightmares and needed to talk to someone. Jasper gave me a name of a fantastic children’s grief counselor in Port Angeles. We went once a week. I also went to my own counselor as well. Personally, I didn’t see the point in it since being ‘counseled’ was not going to bring my husband back. However, it was nice to have someone who was not family or close friends to vent to about how much I hated what happened to me and to my family, my frustration of my mom’s meddling in trying to get me to date and my avoidance of sleeping in my bed. The shit wasn’t normal.

Today, I was in my new classroom at Forks Elementary. I was working on setting up my room and making everything perfect for the first days of school, which were happening in a week. I was standing on a table, putting numbers over the clusters of desks in my classroom when I heard a knock on the door. “Hello?” came a woman’s voice.

I looked over to the door and saw a petite woman with curly brown hair. “Hi,” I smiled, hopping off the table.

“You must be the new first grade teacher. I’m Angela Cheney,” she smiled, holding out her hand. I shook it. “I also teach first grade and I’m the ‘team leader’ or something. Alice said you were here. Bella, right?”

“Yeah, Bella Black,” I answered. “I just moved here from Phoenix.”

“Drastic difference in climate,” she chuckled. “Which do you like better? The heat of Phoenix or the constant drizzle here in Forks?”

“The drizzle, definitely. I was born and raised here. So coming back was like a breath of fresh air,” I shrugged. Angela gave me a confused look. “My married name is Black. My maiden name was Swan. Bella Swan?”

“You’re Chief Swan’s daughter?” she asked. “Wow, that’s awesome. Did you move here with your husband?”

“Unfortunately, no. My husband passed away from cancer about a year ago,” I answered, my voice tightening up. “I came back home to be with my family.”

“I’m so sorry,” Angela frowned. “If there’s anything you need, classroom or otherwise, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Since you’re offering,” I blushed. “I need some help moving my desk from that corner to the spot by the window. Can you help me?”

“Sure,” she nodded. With great struggle, we moved my desk closer to the window and closer to the computer connection. I wanted my computer on my desk and I wanted to be near the window, overlooking my little cherubs for the year. Angela and I chatted a little more, going over expectations for the first grade team and then I left to spend time with Johnny and Grace. They were starting school along with me and our days of being idle were slowing coming to an end.

The weeks leading up to the start of school were filled with fun, day trips to Seattle, Port Angeles and La Push beach. Before we knew it, I was dressed in a pair of black dress pants and a purple blouse, trying to curl my hair for the first day of school. My parents were helping me get the kids ready. I was nervous and anxious. Not because of being in the classroom again, but because I was doing this without Jake. It was Grace’s first day of kindergarten. She was in the morning class and my mom was picking her up to go to Grandma Daycare while I finished out the day. It was a bittersweet moment.

As I was curling my hair, my wedding ring glinted in the light of the bathroom. Putting down my curling iron, I stared long and hard at the diamond solitaire and diamond eternity band nestled on my left hand. I slid off my rings. I didn’t want to have kids ask me about my husband. I wasn’t going to be Mrs. Black. It would be Ms. Black. A few tears escaped my eyes and I put my rings on a necklace around my neck. “Be strong, Bella. You can do this.”

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” squealed my daughter. “Grandpa is trying to do my hair.”

“Oh no! I wonder how many knots you have, pretty girl,” I giggled, pulling myself together. I turned and my daughter’s hair was in a haphazard ponytail. “Oh, Charlie. You got to give him credit. He tried.” I scooped her up onto the counter.

“Mom, I look like a monster,” she deadpanned. “Can you do it?”

“Sure, baby,” I replied as I turned her around. I took out the _rubber band_ from my daughter’s hair and quickly brushed out the snarls in her silky brown hair. My dad walked into the bathroom, giving me a sheepish look. “I appreciate the effort, Dad, but you fail at doing my daughter’s hair.”

“Your mother was working with Johnny. He wanted a faux hawk or something. Grace gave me this look, begging for me to help her,” he shrugged. “I think I’ll stick with making lunches and scaring away boys.”

“Grandpa,” Gracie growled. “I’m five. Boys have cooties.”

“They better stay that way,” Charlie smirked, his mustache twitching in amusement. My dad’s brows shot to his forehead when I finished Grace’s hair in a sleek, tight French braid hanging down her back. I was working on curling the random tendrils around her face. “How do you do that shit? You tangled her hair into some sort of order in like five minutes!”

“Language, Charlie,” I chided. “And I’ve been doing my own hair for thirty-four, almost thirty-five years.”

“Maybe we should start the swear jar again, Mommy,” Grace giggled. “It stopped Daddy from using the f-bomb.”

“It did. He single-handedly bankrolled your college education in the first week, pretty girl,” I smiled, kissing her head after I put her on the ground. “Go find one and make Grandpa put in five dollars.”

“Five? What sort of jar is this?” Charlie griped.

“Grace will fill you in on the menu of swearing. Each cuss word has a price. ‘Shit’ and the b-word are five dollars,” I explained. My dad scowled at me as Grace dragged him from my bathroom. I finished getting ready by putting on a pair of ballet flats and Jake’s watch I got him for Christmas a couple of years ago. Once dressed, I swiped my leather messenger bag, cell phone and glasses from my dresser and went downstairs. My kids were eating breakfast. I was too nervous, honestly. I just grabbed my travel mug, filling it to the brim with black, strong coffee.

“The first grade classrooms are the furthest from the staff bathroom, Bells,” Renee chided.

“I need coffee,” I said back. _Though, alcohol would be better_. “Are you sure you can pick up Grace?”

“Bella, Gracie is my granddaughter. Of course I can pick her up. Relax, baby,” Renee said as she ran her fingers through my hair. “Now, let’s take a picture on the front porch! First day of school!”

“Do we hafta?” John grumbled, glaring at Renee.

“Yes, you hafta. I made your hair stick up in the middle like Alfalfa. You can take a picture for your decrepit, lonely old grandmother,” Renee said, tugging on John’s hand.

“Who’s Alfalfa?” asked John, looking very confused. _Ah, children_.

My mom arranged my kids on the front porch and snapped a few photos. “You get in the picture, too, Bella,” Renee said.

“Oh, no …” I began.

“It’s your first day, too, Bells,” Charlie said, pushing me to sit in between my kids. “You need more photos of you and the kids. Smile pretty for grandma!” I looked down at my babies and they were growing up too fast. I wrapped my arms around their bodies, smiling as best as I could. Though, it probably looked more like a grimace.

“Alright, kiddos, load ‘em up into the Beast,” I said. “Are you ready to meet your new teachers?”

“Yeah!” they squealed. They took off and got into the car. My dad handed me my bag, car keys and two lunch boxes.

“I even wrote you a note, Bells,” he said, kissing my cheek. My eyes welled up with tears and I hugged my dad tightly. “You’re going to do amazingly, Bella.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I sniffled, burrowing into his arms. He held me tightly, kissing my head before sending me off into my car with my kids. I handed John his Batman lunch box and I stuffed my bags in the front seat. We listened to Radio Disney, singing an off-key rendition of ‘Go the Distance’ until we arrived at Forks Elementary. I parked the car, helping my kids out and into the school. The first stop was to Grace’s kindergarten classroom with Mrs. Crowley.

Little did I know Mrs. Crowley was my arch-nemesis in school, Lauren Mallory. The only people I knew at the school were Alice and the members of my team: Angela, Leah, and Embry. I plastered on a smile as I walked my girl into the classroom covered in more paper mache and apple décor than should be legal.

“Good morning,” Lauren said in her sickly sweet voice. Her hair was bleached blonde and she did not look good. Age had not agreed with Lauren Mallory. Her boobs were obviously fake and she wore more makeup than a drag queen. _And this is the woman who is teaching my impressionable five year old?_ “What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Grace Black,” my baby girl said quietly, clutching my hand. “This is my mommy.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Black,” Lauren said, eyeing me. “Bella?”

“Yep,” I replied tersely. “Pretty girl, go find your cubby, okay?”

“Kay, Mommy. I love you,” Grace said as she hugged my legs. She toddled toward the cubbies, finding her spot and jamming her backpack inside. A girl with black hair and blue eyes befriended my daughter. Johnny was watching over his little sister near me. I turned to Lauren.

“I’m not sure if Mrs. Whitlock has spoken with you, but we recently went through a loss,” I began.

“Yes, Alice told me about your husband. How sad,” Lauren said with mock sincerity.

“Extremely,” I replied, wrinkling my nose. “Anyway, I know the kindergartners do a project about their family history. Please be cognizant of Grace’s situation. Besides myself, Grace has taken the death of her father quite hard …”

“I can give you a name of an excellent counselor,” Lauren began to say.

“I’m good. We’re meeting with someone in Port Angeles. If there are any issues, I’m just down the hall,” I explained, pointing in the direction of the first grade hallway. Lauren pursed her lips, nodding tightly. “Gracie!”

“Mommy,” she squealed, dancing toward me. She hugged my waist. “I made a new friend! Her name is Nessie!”

“That’s awesome, pretty girl,” I said, crouching down to her level. “Now, you be good for Mrs. Crowley. Tell me all about your first day of school when I get home, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” she said, hugging me tightly. “You do good, Mommy. Daddy’s watching from heaven, over both of us.”

“I know, baby,” I whispered, kissing her head. “Grandma will be here to pick you up.” Grace nodded and skipped back to Nessie. They giggled and went inside of the classroom. Lauren was already speaking to the next parent as I took Johnny to his classroom. His teacher was an older gentleman named Mr. Molina. I told him about Jake and he was very understanding. Johnny was sitting down, talking with a few boys and I knew he was going to be fine. With a wave to my oldest child, I left Mr. Molina’s room and walked to my classroom. I greeted my new students along with their parents.

My morning flew by. We went about the tour of the class and then calendar time. After we bonded on the carpet, I took them outside for recess. Once we got back inside, I began a math lesson using beans and other math manipulatives. The last thing we did before the kids went to lunch was read a story, having a class discussion about the characters. During lunch, I ate with Angela, debriefing over my morning. We talked about the students and it was the fastest thirty minutes of my life. After lunch, we worked on my science lesson and finished with an introduction with all of the first grade classes about their specials, music, art and physical education. The kids were loaded up to their bus lines, car lines or to the YMCA after school program. We waved as the buses pulled away or the cars left with the children in tow.

When I got back to my classroom, Johnny was waiting for me. He was nibbling on his after school snack. “How was your first day, munchkin?” I asked as I erased my board.

“It was alright. Mr. Molina’s cool but there are some kids in my class that are kind of mean,” he shrugged.

“They didn’t tease you, did they?” I growled.

“No. Not me. This one girl who was wearing a pair of pants that were too small and her clothes smelled funny,” John said, his eyes downcast. “You and Dad told me to never make fun of someone and I stuck up for her. She thanked me but spent most of the afternoon in the principal’s office.”

“Was she in trouble?” I asked, knowing full well this girl was probably talking with Alice and the social worker.

“No. She just needed someone to talk to and some new pants since the boys shoved her, causing her to tear the clothes at the knee,” he growled. “She never came back.”

“I’m proud of you, kiddo, for sticking up for this girl. Do you know her name?”

“Sabrina. I don’t know her last name, but her first name was Sabrina,” Johnny replied, hugging his legs. I walked over to him, tucking him to my side. “I know this last year has sucked …”

“John Jacob Black, watch your language,” I admonished.

“Sorry, Mom. But you know it’s true,” he snorted humorlessly. I sighed, nodding against his head. “But, I’m grateful we have each other. You take good care of us and you’re a good mom. I love you.”

As if today wasn’t already a bundle of emotions, my son has to be all adorable. Cue sobs. Lots and lots of sobs. At least I waited until I got home though.

xx PUTP xx

Late August turned into September, September turned into October and my parents finally gave up the idea of having the damn barbeque. Instead, we had weekly dinners. It was good since my kids got to spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa while I worked around the house after the dinners. The meals started off innocently enough. My mom would attempt to cook, we’d pretend to enjoy the food and we played board games until I left. Unfortunately, winning the lottery has not made my mother a better cook. I’d rather eat my own shoe than some of her concoctions.

Then, one night, Alice took the kids to spend time with her and Uncle Jazzy. I went over to my parents’ house and quickly found out why my children were with Alice and Jasper. My parents had invited a man to dinner.

Alice and Jasper will die a slow painful death, asphyxiating on their own arms. _Traitors._

And don’t get me started on my parents.

Jacob had been dead for roughly a year. I’m not, in any way, shape or form, ready for any sort of relationship. I should have just turned around, holed myself up in the basement of my house, eating bon bons and watching some bad reality television. But, NOOOOOOOOOOO, I went inside. I went inside and met Michael Newton.

Again.

Michael Newton who I went to high school with and worked at his parents’ sporting goods store just prior to moving to Arizona. Michael Newton who still lives in his parents’ basement and is the manager of said sporting goods store.

Kill. Me. Now.

“Bella, I’m so glad you could make it!” Renee crooned. She hugged me. “Don’t run away, baby,” she hissed in my ear. “He’s a good guy.”

“Not. Ready,” I hissed back.

“Michael, this is my daughter, Bella. Bella, you remember Mike?” she giggled.

“Of course,” I smiled tightly. “How are you doing?” I held out my hand and Mike scooped it up, kissing my knuckles like I was the queen. I think he even licked my hand.

“You look beautiful, Bella,” he said in his nasally, whiny voice. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

“Thank you,” I answered. Mike beamed and took my hand in his. It was all sweaty. I allowed myself to be dragged into the living room where my mom danced into the kitchen to finish working on whatever she had charring on the stove. Charlie at least had the courage to look ashamed at what was going on his house. Mike was still holding my hand, trying to weave his fingers into mine.

_Not happening, buddy._

“Excuse me, Mike. I’m going to check on dinner,” I said, extricating myself from his vice-like grip of my hand. I ran into the kitchen, glowering at my mom’s back. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t murder you with my sensible heel on my foot, Mother. Why I shouldn’t bludgeon you to death?”

“Because you love me and I’m adorable,” she quipped, waving her wooden spoon, covered in some brown slop.

“Loving you is debatable at the moment and you are so not adorable. My children are adorable. Puppies are adorable. You, my traitorous old bat, are not adorable,” I seethed.

“Come on, Bells! Mike is really nice and he’s got a stable job,” Renee argued.

“In a sporting goods store!” I wailed. “Plus, he’s clingy, whiny and smells like Axe. Not to mention, he’s trying to molest my hand. Mom … I’m not even remotely ready for this. I’m still grieving my husband. The man who I spent fourteen years with … the father of my children … my soul mate! Mike is not …” Angry tears of betrayal fell down my cheek.

“Bella, go on up to your room,” Charlie said as he touched my arm.

“What about Mike?” I sniffled.

“I sent him home. Go on, sweet pea,” Charlie urged. I nodded, sending a hateful glare to my mother before I walked up the stairs. “I told you this was a bad idea …”

I laid down on my childhood bed. It felt safe, comfortable and familiar. I could still smell the laundry detergent my mom used to wash the sheets, the colors long since faded from the numerous washings. Apparently, I had drifted off and my dad was stroking my hair out of my face. “How are you doing, kiddo?” he asked.

“Pissed off,” I replied honestly. “Why can’t she understand that I’m not ready?”

“Because she doesn’t want you to resign yourself to being alone,” Charlie answered. “Look, I know you’re hurting and you miss Jacob. We all do. He was an amazing man with a loving heart and giving soul. He was too young to die, but he did. It sucks. I get that. We also don’t want you to ‘die’ with him. Your mother’s methods are unorthodox, but what she did was stemmed out of love.”

“Dad, Mike Newton?” I deadpanned. “He lives in his parents’ basement.”

“Okay, slightly skewed love, but love nonetheless. I agree with you about Mike. He was a douche,” Charlie grumbled. “He was planning your life together while you were ripping your mother a new asshole. He wanted two additional kids, a dog and a minivan.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Sadly, I’m not,” Charlie snorted. “Don’t be too mad at your mother. She only wants what’s best for you.”

“I understand, but can you please get her to lay off the matchmaking? When I’m ready, I’ll let her know. For now, I’m not,” I sighed.

“Okay,” Charlie replied, kissing my forehead. “Now, we’re having a date. You and me. Or are you too pissed off at your old man?”

“Nah, that sounds really good. I’m in the mood for some good grease at the Lodge,” I giggled. “What about Mom?”

“She’s ‘grounding’ herself. She feels badly about forcing [[B1]](https://d.docs.live.net/9d331bdf3f761da7/Documents/Picking%20Up%20the%20Pieces/pieces2.docx#_msocom_1) this situation on you,” Charlie said, giving me a soft smile. I nodded and went out to the car, following my dad to the Lodge. Over dinner, we talked about school, my kids and his job as police chief. Charlie said he was probably thinking of cutting back his hours since he wasn’t getting any younger. Besides, Renee was bugging him on a daily basis to retire so they could take their long overdue second honeymoon in Europe. The lottery had made that dream a possibility but they just need the time off together.

After a filling dinner, Charlie and I went our separate ways. I picked up my children from Alice and Jasper’s before going back home. I needed them by me tonight due to the trauma of the failed set up with Mike Newton. _Cringe_.

I didn’t go over to my parents’ house for dinner for a few weeks after that. I’d still see them and talk with my family, but I was apprehensive of another set up. In order to avoid it, I just didn’t go over for dinner. However, that streak ended on Halloween. My kids wanted to go trick or treating in my parents’ neighborhood since there were more houses. I lived in a neighborhood where the houses were more spread apart, hence not a lot of candy. I would not begrudge them their candy.

Johnny was dressed as Iron Man while my daughter was dressed up as Belle. They were adorable and cute. They were also super excited to go trick or treating. I’d never seen my kids so pumped for sugar. They were running from house to house, asking for candy as politely as they could. My dad walked with me, wearing his full uniform. I teased him that he was pretending to be a policeman for Halloween. He just chuckled and said the he wanted to ensure the safety of his babies. When we were done with trick or treating, Dad and I walked back to my parents’ house. Grace ended up having to be carried by my father since her feet were hurting. Johnny was complaining, too, but I couldn’t carry him since he was almost as tall as me and weighed over eighty pounds.

Once we got back to the house, I could hear my mom speaking with someone in the kitchen. “Oh … here they are now,” she said excitedly.

“Tell me she didn’t, Dad,” I seethed.

“I had no idea, Bells,” Charlie replied grimly.

“Bella, I want you to meet someone. He works as a science teacher at Forks High School. This is Royce King,” Renee said, indicating to a fit, handsome blonde man. His eyes were shrewd and something about him just unnerved me. “Royce, this is my daughter, Bella.”

“You didn’t say she had kids,” Royce said, his voice deep and resonant. It almost sounded like Jake’s booming voice, but it didn’t hold that warmth. “I don’t do kids.”

“Gracie and Johnny are awesome, Royce,” Renee beamed. “Guys, say hi to a friend of mine.”

“No thanks,” Johnny scowled, stomping up the stairs. Grace just shook her head, her curls showering over her shoulders. Charlie put her down and she followed her brother.

“Mom, you’re unbelievable,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her. “I told you I wasn’t ready.” I turned to my dad. “I’ve got to get some air. I’ll be back to pick up the kids in a little bit.” I gave my mom a shocked look before sneaking out of the house and into my car. Angry tears were splashing on my cheeks as I peeled out of the driveway and away from the house. The further I got from my parents’ home, the more hysterical my crying became. I was so out of it I didn’t even notice the flashing lights of a cop car behind me.

“Pull over your vehicle,” came the disembodied voice of the police officer.

I drove off to the side, cradling my head in my arms. I was a hysterical mess. I didn’t need a ticket. I didn’t need any of this bullshit. I wanted my happy little life back in Phoenix. I wanted …

_Knock. Knock._

I lowered my window, looking up at the broad chest of a Forks police officer. “License and registration, ma’am,” said a smooth, velvety voice.

I sniffled, reaching across the console and into my purse for my license along with my registration and proof of insurance. I handed him the information, my tears flowing anew.

“Are you okay, Ms. Black?” he asked, looking at my driver’s license.

“No,” I cried. “I’m not okay. Just give me my ticket so I can wallow at home, please?”

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asked, his eyes gazing at my license.

“I have no clue. I just want this day to be over,” I sniffled, wiping my nose unattractively. “Why?”

“You were driving ten miles over the speed limit and quite erratically. Have you been drinking?” he asked, his eyes looking up into mine. They were most alluring shade of jade. In fact, Mr. Police Officer was quite attractive in general with a strong jawline, straight nose and obviously fit body.

_You just went off on your mother for another failed set up and you’re eye fucking the cop who pulled you over? Talk about a double standard, Black._

“No, I haven’t been drinking. I’m just very upset at the world, my parents, my dead husband and my life,” I spat. “Seriously, give me my god damned ticket so I can add you to the list, Officer …” I looked at his badge, “Cullen.” I shot him an indignant stare. He pursed his pink lips.

“No, I won’t give you a ticket, Ms. Black. I know what it’s like to be pissed off at the world. I’m with you. I have my own demons and issues. I understand,” he said softly, handing me my information. Only then did I see the sadness in his eyes and the weight on his shoulders. “I do want to follow you home to ensure you don’t end up in a ditch though.”

“I’ll be fine, Officer Cullen,” I said. “I’m better now. I just needed to let out some frustration.”

“Humor me, Ms. Black,” he said, arching a brow. “I can still give you a ticket. It’s either that or me following you back to your house. Your choice.”

“Fine,” I replied. He nodded and strode back to his vehicle. His ass was quite nice. _Stop. It._ Once he turned off his lights, he flashed his brights and I pulled away from the curb. I drove like an old grandmother until I reached my house, ten minutes away from where I was pulled over. I parked the car in the driveway. Officer Cullen got out of his squad car and strode to my Pilot. “Thanks for following me home.”

“No problem, Ms. Black,” he said, nodding his head slightly. “In the future, if you’re that upset, don’t drive. The roads are curvy and very slick when it’s rainy. I’d hate for something to happen to you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, holding out my hand. “Thank you, Officer Cullen.”

“Edward,” he murmured, engulfing my hand in his. “My name is Edward.” As he squeezed my palm, a surge of warmth, contentment and protection wafted over me. He pulled his hand back, smiling crookedly but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Well, I appreciate your help and concern, Edward. And please, call me Bella,” I whispered, lowering my hand.

He nodded again, fussing with his hat. “You have a safe evening, Bella. Happy Halloween,” he said, his voice quiet. With another nod, he turned on his heel and walked back to the idling squad car. He beeped the siren twice before pulling away.

“Happy Halloween,” I murmured, watching the tail lights of his Crown Vic disappear around the corner. I walked into my house in a daze. My phone was ringing off the hook. I looked at the caller ID, noticing it was my mom. I ignored her call but sent a text to Charlie.

_I’m home safe. Can you keep the kids tonight? Rough night and I need some time alone – Bells_

_Understandable. Your mom feels horribly (again) and promises to not do that again. Call the house around eight-thirty to say goodnight to the munchkins – Dad_

I nodded at the phone, calling up Alice. I told her I was taking a sick day tomorrow. I was emotionally wrecked from today. My mom’s ambush, my emotional breakdown and those haunting green eyes … I just needed a day to myself. I also needed to see my therapist. My emotions were everywhere. I hated this feeling of being out of control.

At eight-thirty, I called my kids and said goodnight. They gave me the low-down of what happened after I left. Royce, being the douche that he was, had a male version of a temper tantrum before storming out of my parents' house. Johnny told him he was mean and rude. Gracie stomped on his foot. His behavior obviously unnerved them as well. My kids were fairly good at reading people. If they didn’t trust you, I didn’t trust you. Simple as that. I should be pissed off at them for acting like heathens toward this guy, but secretly I was proud of them.

I got off the phone, typing up my sub plans for the next day and emailing them to Alice, Angela and the secretary, Patty. Soon after that, I stripped out of my clothes and fell into my bathtub. I luxuriated in the tub, allowing the fragrant bubbles to take away my troubles. _Calgon, take me away._ Finishing my bath, I went downstairs to my ‘bed,’ well, erm, couch. I curled up, wrapping myself in the quilt Jacob’s tribe made us for our wedding. However, it did not comfort me as it should. I tossed and turned until I got up and got another blanket from the linen closet. It was a neutral down comforter that matched the bedding on my mattress. It was a light sage green with embroidered bamboo elements on it. Within moments, I was asleep and visions of sad jade eyes filled my mind as I dreamt of Officer Edward Cullen.

**A/N: Raise your hand if you want to smack Renee for trying to push Bella into a relationship before she’s ready! If she’s ever ready…Ah, hell…who am I kidding? She’ll be ready. Just saying. Who wants to hear from Edward? Officer Cullen?**

**I do! So, I’m writing him! Leave me some!**

 

* * *

 [[B1]](https://d.docs.live.net/9d331bdf3f761da7/Documents/Picking%20Up%20the%20Pieces/pieces2.docx#_msoanchor_1)I don't think most people will know foisting means the same thing as forcing.


	4. Chapter 3

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Three**

**EPOV**

“Mom, deep breaths,” I soothed, rubbing her back. She was huddled over the toilet, sobbing as she threw up. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and was battling it valiantly. Unfortunately, this was her second bout with the disease and the prognosis wasn’t good. She was skin and bones. The double mastectomy she underwent did little to stop the disease as it already spread to her lymph nodes, attacking them aggressively. The chemo was preventing the cancer from spreading elsewhere, but it was only a matter of time. “Do you want some water?”

“Not yet,” she said faintly. “Can you get me my meds?”

Sighing, I nodded. Walking into her bedroom, I picked up her joint. Washington State had legalized medical marijuana. It was the only thing that helped with the nausea and vomiting. It also relaxed her so she could be with us, not in a medically induced stupor. I sat down on the bathtub, lighting the joint and passing it to her. She took a few hits, her breathing evening out. “Better?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

“Do you want more?” I asked.

“No. I just need to sit here,” she mumbled, leaning against the cabinet. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Dad called me. He said you were having a rough day. Charlie was understanding when I called in, but I have to work the overnight shift on Halloween so he can go trick or treating with his grandkids,” I said, snuffing out the joint. “It’s a fair trade.”

“No, it’s not. You should be in Washington D.C., working at the FBI,” Esme said, adjusting her head scarf. “Not taking care of your sickly mother.”

“Mom, I’m right where I want to be,” I said, smiling as softly as I could. “You need me. Dad needs me. I’m not going to abandon my family.”

“I’ll guess we’ll just agree to disagree,” she quipped, arching her brow.

“It’s what we do best, Mom,” I snorted. She chuckled, trying to sit up. I helped her to her feet, guiding her to the bedroom. “Chair or bed?”

“Chair,” she said, looking out the window. “It’s a rare sunny day.”

“Got it,” I said, setting her up in the recliner that overlooked the backyard. I covered her legs with a blanket, handing her a book and placing a garbage can next to her feet. “I’m going to make something for you. Any requests?”

“Whatever you want, Edward,” she smiled, patting my cheek. I captured my mom’s hand, kissing her palm before darting downstairs to make some chicken soup.

If you had told me that I would be living in this tiny, rainy town ten years ago, I would have laughed in your face. This was not how I envisioned my life. I was thirty-six years old, working as a small-town cop when I should have been assistant to the deputy director of the FBI. I graduated from college with a degree in criminal justice, working in D.C. for the FBI when my mom was first diagnosed. I was twenty-three. She said that she was fine and I stayed in our nation’s capital, making a name for myself. She overcame the cancer and I, along with our family, relaxed, grateful for mom’s remission.

Selfishly, I had everything I could have ever wanted. A beautiful condo in Arlington, a sexy girlfriend, a lucrative job, a flashy car…but it all came crashing down. At the age of thirty, I was getting ready to go undercover to take down a huge drug ring when my dad called and said that the cancer had come back. The cancer was very aggressive. It was only a matter of time, he said. When he said that, I told my boss that I had to take an extended leave of absence. He gave me two weeks. I flew to Forks, Washington to see my mom and I knew that two weeks wouldn’t cut it.

I tendered my resignation with the bureau, sold my condo and moved into a medium-sized four bedroom house in the rainiest place in the continental United States. My girlfriend, the bitch from hell, also known as Kate, dumped me when I told her that I had to go home to take care of my mother. She had the audacity to call me selfish and not care about _her needs._ I simply demanded my key to condo from her, moving out in a weekend. Most of my furnishings were shipped to my new home. What I didn’t want, I donated to Good Will. I changed my cell phone number. I traded in my sleek Mercedes and bought a massive Yukon Denali. At the age of thirty, my life completely changed.

I said goodbye to my old life and started my new one. A small town cop…oops, sorry. _Deputy_ for the Forks Police Department. With my experience with the bureau, I was technically second in command after Chief Swan. That was in title only. I got paid the same as the other deputies.

Which was next to nothing…not that I needed it anyway.

_You sound so fucking bitter, Cullen. Stop it._

Now, when I moved out here, I expected my mom to live for a year, perhaps less. We all did. But, with her chemotherapy and her meds, _her pot,_ she was still kicking, but I could tell that she was getting exhausted. We were grateful for all of the time she spent with us. Sadly, my once vibrant mother was now a shadow of herself. Her reddish hair is long gone and her skin is paper thin. She lost both of her breasts to a double mastectomy in hopes of ridding herself of the cancer. That was fruitless; the disease still attacked her frail body. My mom puts on a good show, but she’s tired. She’s tired of fighting. The only thing keeping her here is the possibility of getting grandbabies. Rose and my brother, Emmett, are trying for children but some medical issues is preventing that.

Heaven knows I’m not giving her any.

Ever since my ex-girlfriend, Kate, decided to say that I wasn’t worth her time and that I was _selfish_ because I was going to be closer to my family because my mom was _dying_ , I didn’t want to open myself up to anyone. I maintained friendships with my coworkers on the police force, but there were no women who held my attention. There were no women, period, in Forks that were even remotely attractive to me. The ones who were my age were married, looking for a man who could give them a thrill (an affair), happily married with seven plus children or bitterly divorced. And don’t get me started on Lauren Crowley. She calls the department daily for some bullshit reason just to try and lure me into her bed.

No. Thank. You.

I do not want to be the man on the side. I wanted that _forever_ love like my parents have.

Finding it in Forks didn’t seem likely.

I went through the motions of living, but didn’t really enjoy life. Sure, I missed what I had in D.C. I had a challenging career and everything I could ever want. Staying there, in D.C., wasn’t an option when Mom’s cancer came back. I was grateful for what I had: a steady job with a great boss. Plus, I was close to my family. My family that desperately needed me. My mom needed me, first and foremost, followed by my dad. He was lost at the prospect of his wife dying. I needed to be there for him, too. Selfishly, though, who was there for me?

xx PUTP xx

On Halloween, I dressed in my uniform. It was simple and black, which matched my mood. Mom had had a horrible day today. I spent the morning with her before I drove home to take a nap before my twelve hour shift starting at six in the evening going to six the following morning. My mom was cranky and unhappy. Her bones hurt. Her head was splitting from being so dehydrated and she couldn’t keep anything down. Thankfully, Rose came over just before I left to watch over her. Hugging my sister-in-law, I darted home to take a quick nap before going to work.

I prayed it was going to be quiet. For the most part, life in Forks was quiet. The biggest to-do was the recent move of Chief Swan’s daughter back to Forks. I hadn’t met her, but Charlie was thrilled that she was closer to home. From what I gathered, she had had a difficult time recently and was starting new in Forks.

Anyhow, it was Halloween and I knew that my wish of a quiet evening was probably not going to happen. Charlie had warned me that some of the local high schoolers were planning a bonfire on LaPush Beach. That meant alcohol, drugs and debauchery.

_Fantastic._

Pulling up to the precinct, I parked my SUV in the employee lot before going inside. Charlie was talking with Sue Clearwater, one of the dispatchers. “Afternoon, chief,” I said quietly.

“Hey, Edward. Happy Halloween,” he said, tossing me a small bag of candy. “Courtesy of Renee.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled, smiling crookedly. “Everything okay this afternoon?”

“Yep. Quiet. As usual,” he laughed. “Thank you for covering tonight. This is the first Halloween with my grandkids in Forks and I want to be there for them. You know?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Grace and John, right?”

Charlie beamed, taking out his wallet and showing me two photos of two adorable kids. There was a sadness in their eyes, but were very cute. “Grace is going to be Belle and John is going to be Iron Man. They’re trying to convince their mother to dress up, but Bella, my daughter, isn’t really feeling it. She’s doing it for work, but as soon as she’s at our house, the costume is coming off.”

“Your daughter is a teacher?” Sue asked.

“Yeah. She teaches first grade at Forks Elementary,” Charlie replied. “She’s going as Raggedy Ann at work, complete with the red wig and everything.” He checked his watch, tutting quietly. “I better go. I’m praying that the high school thing doesn’t pan out, but if it does and you need backup, call me.”

“Will do,” I said, waving as he sauntered out of the office. “Anything of consequence, Sue?”

“Nope,” she replied, handing me the keys to my cruiser. “I’ll call you over the radio of something comes up. What are you planning on doing?”

“Probably run a sweep of the highways and scope out the high school,” I shrugged. “Perhaps do a speed trap. I’ll be in contact.”

“Awesome. Be safe, Edward,” Sue said.

I nodded, walking out to the cruiser and sliding into the driver’s seat. I started the car, loading up the laptop and logging into the system. Once I was set up, I pulled out of the parking lot and did a perimeter sweep of the town. It was misty and cold, making for a dreary Halloween. It didn’t stop the kids from running around in their costumes. I parked the cruiser by a nearby park, watching as the families wandered around the neighborhood just by Forks Elementary.

I stayed there for a few hours, reading some recent reports from other deputies. There had been an influx of drug activity in Forks, Port Angeles and mainly in LaPush. Several high school students and older teens were found with packets of coke, ecstasy and the makings of meth. The agent in me was worried that this was a symptom of a larger problem. But the small town cop in me just wanted to put these delinquents away.

Against my better judgment, I began cataloguing where and when these kids were brought in. This was a bigger problem and it needed to be addressed. Obviously, there was a dealer, using these kids as a way to push the products. However, in the _mean streets_ of Forks, they didn’t know how to do it without getting caught. I worked on my leads until I got a dispatch call from Charlie.

“Chief Swan to Deputy Cullen, come in,” Charlie’s terse voice said.

“Cullen here,” I replied, tossing my notes in the passenger seat.

“I hate to do this, but…” he sighed and I could just imagine him running his hand through his thick, graying hair. “My wife tried to set up my daughter with one of the science teachers from Forks High School. Bella, my daughter, she’s upset and I’m worried about her. She left the house very shaken up.”

“When did she leave?” I asked, turning over the car.

“A few moments ago. She should be driving past the school right now, heading to her home off of Sol Duc Way. Can you make sure that she’s okay? She was barely keeping it together, Edward,” Charlie said, his voice resigned and very, very sad.

“What kind of car does she drive?” I asked, heading toward Sol Duc Way, away from the elementary school.

“Silver Honda Pilot,” Charlie responded, rattling off her license plate number. As he was saying that, I pulled up behind her car.

“Sir, I’ve got a visual. Her driving is highly erratic,” I said as I watched the car weave and bob on the slightly wet roads.

“Pull her over. Don’t give her a ticket, but follow her home. Edward, my baby girl…it kills me to see her this,” he muttered. “Too young to be dealing with all of this bullshit.”

“Sir?” I asked.

“It’s Bella’s story to tell,” Charlie sighed. “Contact me when she’s home, okay?”

“Got it, Chief,” I replied as I flipped on the lights, but leaving the siren off. She didn’t seem to notice that she had a cop on her tail, so I used the bullhorn to get her to pull over. With a sudden jerk, her SUV stopped on the shoulder.

Walking over to her car, I gently knocked on the window. She lowered the window. From the looks of it, Chief Swan’s daughter had been crying and was obviously very upset and sad. Her dark brown eyes were swimming with tears. My heart shattered at seeing her so miserable.  “License and registration, ma’am,” I murmured, trying to keep calm.

She sniffled, reaching across the console. She fumbled with her purse before handing me a new Washington driver’s license and registration. Her tears spilled over onto her pale cheeks. Her slender shoulders were tense as she tried to keep it together, but she was barely hanging on by a thread.

“Are you okay, Ms. Black?” I asked, looking at her driver’s license. She was a few months younger than me, but her defeated posture made her look so much older. The sadness in her eyes made her look small and broken and all I wanted to do was to hug the shit out of her.

_What the fuck are you talking about, Cullen? Have you been smoking your mom’s pot?_

“No,” she cried. “I’m not okay. Just give me my ticket so I can wallow at home, please?”

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” I questioned, staring at her license and trying to remember her features. Isabella Black, while incredibly sad, was beautiful. Her looks were ethereal and…

 _Stop. It._  

“I have no clue. I just want this day to be over,” she said, wiping her nose. Glaring at me, she asked, “Why?”

“You were driving ten miles over the speed limit and quite erratically. Have you been drinking?” I asked. _No, you weren’t drinking. Why did I ask that? Stupid, Cullen. You’re fucking stupid._

 “No, I haven’t been drinking. I’m just very upset at the world, my parents, my dead husband and my life,” she spat. _Did she just say dead husband?_ “Seriously, give me my god damned ticket so I can add you to the list, Officer …” she scowled at my badge, “Cullen.”

“No, I won’t give you a ticket, Ms. Black. I know what it’s like to be pissed off at the world. I’m with you. I have my own demons and issues. I understand,” I said softly. As I handed her back her paperwork, my own stiff posture slumped and I knew that she understood that life sucked. “I do want to follow you home to ensure you don’t end up in a ditch though.”

“I’ll be fine, Officer Cullen,” she said curtly. “I’m better now. I just needed to let out some frustration.”

“Humor me, Ms. Black,” I challenged, quirking my brow. “I can still give you a ticket. It’s either that or me following you back to your house. Your choice.”

“Fine,” she huffed.

I nodded and strode back to my cruiser. Once I turned off the flashing lights, I indicated to her to pull away. She drove really slow, obviously embarrassed that I had pulled her over. She parked the car in the driveway. Walking to her car, I wanted to make sure that she was alright. Blushing slightly, she gave me a half-hearted smile, “Thanks for following me home.”

“No problem, Ms. Black,” I replied, nodding my head slightly. “In the future, if you’re that upset, don’t drive. The roads are curvy and very slick when it’s rainy. I’d hate for something to happen to you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she sighed sadly, holding her tiny hand out. “Thank you, Officer Cullen.”

“Edward,” I said quietly, wrapping her hand in mine. Her hand was completely engulfed in mine. When our skin touched, I felt a flutter of butterflies in my belly, something I had not experienced since I was in high school. I felt compelled to, perhaps, offer her some friendship. The first step was to get her to call me by my first name. “My name is Edward.” I squeezed her tiny hand, relishing in the jolt of warmth and smiled. Her skin flushed while she dropped her gaze to the front door of her tiny home. Our hands separated.

“Well, I appreciate your help and concern, Edward. And please, call me Bella,” she said, giving me a shy smirk.

I nodded again, fussing with my hat. “You have a safe evening, Bella. Happy Halloween,” I said, my voice quiet. She took out her keys, opening her front door. I walked back to my car, beeping the siren twice and watched her disappear into her home. I drove away and parked my cruiser in the nearby park before contacting Chief Swan. I used my cell phone since I’m certain that he didn’t want this broadcast over the radio.

“Swan,” he said brusquely.

“It’s Edward,” I said. “Your daughter’s home. She was…very, _very_ upset, sir.”

“Understandably so,” Charlie muttered. “Did she fight you?”

“No, I threatened to give her a ticket and she resignedly allowed me to follow her home. I made sure she got inside,” I said. “Should I stay close?”

“Do a few sweeps past her house,” Charlie suggested. “If there’s anything out of the ordinary, let me know.”

“Define out of the ordinary?” I asked.

“Lights on after midnight. Seeing her roam around the house,” Charlie said, his voice very sad. “It kills me to see her like this. My daughter shouldn’t have to…I can’t fix this, Edward and…I…UGH!”

“What can’t you fix?” I pressed.

“Her sadness,” he barely whispered. “Look, Edward, I know that I’m crossing a million professional boundaries, but reach out to her. I think she’ll talk to you. I don’t know why, but I do. You have this inherent way of knowing what people are thinking and getting a good read on them.”

“This isn’t a set-up is it?” I asked.

“No, Edward. Bella is grieving a great loss. She needs a friend. Someone who doesn’t know her entire story and perhaps sharing that story will help her move past her pain,” Charlie said.

“We’ll see, Charlie,” I said, my hackles going up. Yes, I felt drawn to Bella, but she looked like she carried the weight of the world on her tiny shoulders. I was barely handling my own pile of bullshit, let alone trying to help the chief’s daughter sort through hers. “I’ll check on her in a few hours. I’m going to see if that bonfire ever came to fruition on LaPush Beach.”

“Be safe, Edward,” Charlie said before we hung up. I didn’t log Bella’s traffic stop into the computer, but did jot down her address so I could go back and check on her in a few hours. I also noticed that her house was just down the block and around the corner from my home. I could always check it out…

_Stop! That’s called stalking. Go drive to the damn beach, Cullen._

Huffing out a breath, I drove off toward LaPush. Upon arriving there, I saw a few bonfires and decided to check them out. Thankfully, nothing was illegal. I told the revelers to stay warm as the air had turned quite chilly. A few hours later, I checked on the beach again, finding it empty.

As per Charlie’s instructions, I drove past Bella’s home. It was dark after midnight but when I drove past it again at four, the lights were on and I saw her curled up on the couch as the drapes were not drawn. She was clutching something and looked to be crying brokenly. Frowning deeply, I jotted down what had happened and pulled away, not wanting to alert her to my presence outside of her home.

The rest of my shift went by uneventfully and when I rolled in at six in the morning, I left Charlie a detailed note of what had transpired when I did my two drive-bys to Bella’s home. Waving at Sue, I got into my car and drove home, swinging by Bella’s place in my SUV. With a sigh, I went home, parking in the garage and dragging my exhausted ass up to my bedroom. Stripping out of my uniform, I fell into the fluffy bed and fell asleep quickly.

My dreams were invaded by Isabella Black.

xx PUTP xx

When I woke up a little after one, I wandered into my kitchen. As per usual, it was empty. I had a six pack of beer in the fridge along with some orange juice and moldy cheese in the crisper. The last time I’d been grocery shopping was a month ago. I’d been spending most of my down time at my parents’ house due to my mom’s illness. Grumbling, I went into my bathroom and took a quick shower. I needed to go to the Thriftway for provisions. Dressing in a pair of jeans, a Henley shirt and a flannel, I swiped my keys from the counter to go grocery shopping.

I parked, picking up a cart and idly traveling through the aisles, tossing staples inside. When I got to the breakfast food aisle, I saw Bella trying, unsuccessfully, to grab some pancake mix off the top shelf. She was using a bottle of syrup to try and inch it forward while she was standing on the edge of the shelf. “Ms. Black, let me help you,” I said as I walked toward her.

She turned to me, her eyes wide as she stumbled off the shelf and several boxes falling toward her head. I left my cart, catching her before she fell on her ass, deflecting the boxes with my back. “Shit,” she spat as she gripped my shirt.

“Are you okay?” I asked, holding her against my chest. She pulled back, putting her hands on my biceps. I looked down at her and she looked so tired. Her eyes were bloodshot and bleary. Her long brown hair was piled into a messy bun. She was wearing a sweatshirt that engulfed her. She was staring at my chest, tears welling her eyes. “Ms. Black?”

“Bella,” she said quietly.

“Sorry, Bella,” I murmured. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“Physically, I’m fine,” she sighed, stepping further away from me. “Are you? You got clocked by a box Bisquick.”

“I’m good,” I chuckled. Reaching up, I swiped two boxes of the batter. “Is this what you need?”

“Yeah,” she said, giving me a tiny smile. “Thanks. Being short sucks. I can’t reach anything and my normal shopping…” She trailed off, wiping away an errant tear. “I took a mental health day and I figured I’d use it to get some chores done. My oldest son, he’s a bottomless pit and he is gonna eat me out of house and home.”

“That was my brother. Emmett, we called him the human garbage disposal,” I quipped. “He’s still big. I don’t know how my sister-in-law, Rose, can keep him fed and not go into the poor house.”

“You’d be surprised what you can do with coupons,” Bella snickered. She held up a massive wallet stuffed with coupons. “I’ll probably pay less than a hundred bucks for all of this.” Her cart was overflowing with food.

“You’re going to have to teach me that shit,” I laughed. “If only to say that I was a bargain shopper just once.”

“When you have one salary and two growing kids, it’s important to pinch pennies,” she said, giving me a sad smile. “Thank you, by the way, for following me home last night. You were right. I shouldn’t have been driving, but I needed to the hell out of my parents’ house.”

“It’s not a problem,” I said.

“Was it my dad who tipped you off?” Bella asked, giving me a sardonic smirk. “Did he call you in or something?”

“You’ve got him pegged,” I blushed. “He was worried, Bella.”

“I know. I talked to him,” she shrugged. “My mom…never mind. You probably don’t want to hear my problems. You’ve got enough of your own.” She gestured to my cart. “Would it kill you to add a few veggies to your pizza and beer?”

“Don’t be dissing my diet,” I said, my face cracking into a genuine smile. The first one in nearly six years. Bella giggled. “I eat veggies.”

“Veggie pizza is not what I’m talking about, Deputy Cullen,” she said, holding up my supreme pizza from Homerun Inn. “How can you stay so in shape while eating this crap?”

“Okay, Miss Bossy Pants, show me the error of my ways and teach me how to eat my veggies,” I deadpanned.

“Are you serious?” she asked.

“I’m a single guy. Obviously, my diet of choice is distasteful for a discerning woman such as yourself. Besides, I’m not getting any younger. I refuse to be a cop with the beer gut, with my order on hold at the local donut shop,” I said, giving her a crooked smile.

“Come, my young padawan. Let me show you some simple veggies that will break up the monotony from all this nonsense,” she said, pushing her cart away from me. I dragged mine, following her into the produce section. She held up several large potatoes. “Great, easy, _fast_ meal. Stick these into the oven at four hundred degrees for an hour. You can cover them with chili, cheese or, _gulp_ , spinach for a healthy option. How many?”

“Two to start. I’m either working or with my parents,” I shrugged.

She tossed two into a bag, knotting it and putting it into my cart. Tapping her fingers to her lips, she idly wandered to the carrots, tossing a bag of baby carrots. “Great snack food. Sugar snap peas are great, too. Use some ranch dressing and nummy.”

“What are sugar snap peas?” I asked. She wandered to another section, holding up a peapod. She handed it to me, encouraging me to eat it. Shockingly, it was good. Crunchy, but slightly sweet. “I like those.”

“You want some?” she questioned. I nodded. While she picked out the peapods, I picked up some Marie Callender’s ranch dressing. “How about peppers?”

“Hot peppers? Hell, no,” I snorted. “When I was in college, I was dared to eat twenty jalapeño peppers and ugh, it was awful. The things the peppers did to my stomach were not pleasant.”

“Yeah, ewwww…just met you and I do not need to know your gastrointestinal issues,” Bella laughed. “Plus, I was talking about sweet peppers.”

“I’ll hold off for now. I’d rather try them before I commit to buying them,” I said.

“Well, peppers and onions with sausage, baked…hmmm, it’s delicious. You can also add the potatoes, too,” she said.

“That sounds pretty complicated,” I frowned.

“Do you know how to cook, Deputy?” she asked teasingly.

Picking up a pizza, I smiled sheepishly. “Like I said, I’m not really home all that much. Charlie teases me that I’m workaholic and I guess, in some way, I am. I also spend a lot of time with my parents, my mom in particular. She’s really sick…”

“I know,” Bella said, her pale skin blanching. “I’m close friends with Rose. She hacked off my hair during the summer time and instead of praising her for it, I had a breakdown. All of her hard work was for nothing. She told me about Esme and how she comes in every week to get her pedicure, despite her cancer. I’m so sorry. I know what it’s like to…” She trailed off, walking to the lettuce. She began rifling through the bags harshly. I walked closer to her, noticing that she was crying.

“Hey, are you alright?” I asked quietly.

“I’m f…”she started.

“If you say fine, I’ll know you’re lying. Unless the lettuce really pissed you off or something’s wrong,” I said, trying to make her laugh. She wiped her face, looking at me. “Bella, you can tell me to fuck off. You won’t upset me if you do…”

“I really want a day where I don’t feel empty,” she said quietly, her voice sounded dejected.

“Do you want to get out of here?” I asked quietly. “Go somewhere to talk?”

She sniffled, frowning deeply. “Let’s pay for our groceries and we can go to my house.”

“Do you promise to finish your lesson on vegetables with me?” I laughed lightly. _Smile, Bella._

“At some point, yes,” she said, shooting me a half grin, but it looked more like a grimace. Turning on her heel, she pushed her cart with a lot of power to the checkout lanes. We paid for our groceries. I told her that I was going to drop off the food at my place and then meet her at her own home. She nodded, giving me a wave as she loaded up her car.

Fifteen minutes later, after swinging by Starbucks, I was standing nervously on her front porch holding two cups of coffee. I rang the doorbell. There was a small crash and Bella hissing out a few cuss words before she opened the door. “Hey,” she said, her eyes hidden by a pair of glasses. “Come on in.” She was rubbing her leg, limping slightly.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine. I have an ongoing battle with gravity and I’m losing,” Bella grumbled, standing up, pushing up her glasses.

“I got you some coffee,” I said, handing her a cup of black coffee. “I don’t know what you liked…”

“It’s okay. I’m particular with my coffee. It’s more like milk with a dash of coffee on top,” she said. “Let me take your coat.”

I slipped off my leather jacket, handing it to her. She hung it in the hall closet, leading me back to the kitchen. It was small, but efficient. The walls had a back splash of green tiles with bright white cabinets. Hanging on the stainless steel fridge was a family photo. Bella was sitting on the lap of a tall man with russet skin and thick black hair. On the man’s other knee was a girl. I assumed it was Grace. On the man’s shoulders was a boy, probably John. They looked happy and the man looked adoringly at his family as they beamed at the camera.

“That was taken a month before…” Bella muttered. “I don’t know how much you know, but…God, I can’t say it. Even after a year, it’s still…”

“He loved you,” I said quietly. “All of you.”

“And we love him,” she sniffled. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I invited you back here. It’s not like you want to listen to a bitter, old widow sob over the death of her husband.”

“Bella, I was worried about you last night when you were on the road. You were very upset. It appears that you’re still upset. I’m concerned and originally my concern was stemmed from your worried father, but now, it’s more me wanting to be your friend. It looks like you need one today,” I explained. “And I’m sorry about the death of your husband. To lose someone who obviously loved you so much, I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling and I’m not even going to try.”

“You probably understand a little more than most,” Bella said, sitting down on the stool at the counter. “Your mom?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled sadly. “Have you met her?”

“In passing. Alice, one of my best friends from childhood and also my boss, pretty much forces me to have one day a month at Rose’s salon where I’m shackled to a salon chair to get some sort of beauty treatment. Alice says I need to spoil _me._ Anyhow, a couple weeks ago, as we were leaving, your brother was helping her out of his car so she could get her pedicure,” Bella explained. “She is such an amazing woman.”

“She is,” I smiled. “She is the embodiment of everything that’s good in the world. I hate what the disease is doing to her body and I wish I could take her pain away.”

“That’s how I felt with Jake,” Bella sighed, jutting her jaw to the fridge. “He was tall. Taller than you and you’re pretty big. Six-three?”

“Just about,” I blushed. “Just a few centimeters short of six-three. How tall was Jake?”

“Six and half feet. I came up to his sternum,” Bella said. “At his healthiest, he was about two hundred fifty pounds and when he died, he was just over one hundred forty. He was a skeleton. Anyhow…he was in so much pain that he was in a constant stupor with the morphine. My Jake was a shadow of himself.”

“What type of cancer?” I asked.

“Pancreatic,” she grimaced. “Enough of that. Did you put your veggies away?”

“Yes, Bella,” I replied. Bella was deflecting her pain. She obviously was still grieving the death of her husband but not acknowledging that grief. She needed to talk about her feelings in order to even try to heal. _God, you sound like our shrink, Cullen_. “I appreciate your help with the purchase of the veggies. At least I know I won’t die of scurvy.”

“Next lesson…fruit,” Bella snickered.

“I’m counting the minutes,” I smiled. “Well, I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing prior to the grocery store.”

“And my vicious attack of the bagged romaine,” Bella said wryly. “Thank you for the coffee and for treating me kind of normally.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I get those looks of _pity_ ,” she shrugged, demonstrating said look. I chuckled, well-versed in those looks. “I hate those. It’s a cruel reminder that my husband is currently in an urn on my father-in-law’s mantle. I honestly enjoyed having a decent conversation that didn’t completely revolve around my kids, the death of my husband or a plastered-on fake-look of sincerity. Though, you did have that look on last night. I’m surprised that you didn’t ask why I was so upset or really press me on it.”

“If you want to tell me, I’m willing to listen,” I offered. “Until then, it’s none of my business.” I got up from the stool and walked toward the foyer. Bella was following me. She got my coat out of the closet. Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out one of my business cards. “Bella, if you want to talk to me, here’s my cell phone number.” I jotted it onto the back of the card. “And I meant it when I said that I want to be your friend.”

“I appreciate it,” she whispered.

“Thanks again for the lesson in produce shopping and,” I tapped the card in her hand, “call me if you want to talk, argue over mangoes or whatever.” I opened the door, stepping out onto the front porch.

“Edward?” she murmured. Her voice wrapping around my name made my heart lurch. She sounded broken and desperate to let it all out, but she wasn’t ready yet.

“What, Bella?” I replied, looking at her.

“Last night, the reason why I was so upset was because my mom tried to set me up with someone,” she said, a few tears falling out of her eyes. “I’m not ready…why doesn’t she get that?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. “She probably thinks that if you have someone new that you wouldn’t be sad anymore. But you know and I know, that when you grieve, it doesn’t work like that.” Bella nodded. “If you want to talk more, call me.” She let out a shuddered sigh as she shut the door after she murmured a goodbye. I walked to my car, waving at her in the front window. I drove to my parent’s house and found my mom in the solarium, reading a book and smoking a joint.

_Something I’d never thought I’d see._

I sat down on the ottoman, staring at my mom. She marked her place in the book, giving me a warm, motherly smile. “What is it, Edward?” she asked.

“I love you, Mom,” I whispered, drawing her into my arms. “I just wanted you to know that.” Being with Bella most of the afternoon made me realize that I needed to cherish the time with my family, my mom in particular.

Seeing the picture on the fridge with a light and happy Bella and the shell that remains now, made me realize two things. One, our time on earth is finite; we need to make the most of whatever time we have left. Two, and this made zero sense to me since I had just met her, I wanted to make Bella smile like she was in the photo with her husband.

“I love you, too, Edward,” Esme murmured against my shoulder. “You’re such an amazing man and I’m so proud to call you my son.” She pulled back, caressing my cheek and staring into my green eyes. _My mom’s eyes._ “You’ve met her, haven’t you?”

“If you’re referring to Bella, I have,” I said. “Last night, I followed her home at the chief’s insistence and ran into her today in the grocery store. She’s so…” I trailed off, waving my hand feebly.

“I’ve only spoken with her once in passing and yes, I see it. I also see it in your father’s eyes, too,” Esme quipped sadly. “Edward, be her friend. I think that you are probably the only person who can really get through to her. You understand.” Esme gestured to herself. “Be patient with her, though. Bella doesn’t need to feel like she’s being pressured into something she’s not ready for.”

“Mom, she’s still grieving her husband. I’m not looking for a _love_ connection,” I said, giving her an amused look. “I want to be her friend, meet her kids, see her smile…”

My mom gave me a secretive grin, like she knew something that I didn’t. Hell, my mom was always like this. She patted my cheek and snorted delicately. “You may say that now.”

_What?_

**A/N: So, we’ve got some background on Edward. And well, for those of you are curious…this will be a slow burn, and mostly in Bella’s voice. We’ll hear from Edward periodically, but not every other chapter as per my usual writing style. We will be switching back to Bella next chapter, hearing about her feelings regarding Edward, along with Renee’s apologies and some kid time. Additionally, we’re going to go back to the store to finish Edward’s education in the finer things about produce.**

**Pictures of Edward’s home are on my blog and tumblr. Carlisle and Esme’s home will be up within the next few chapters. You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: Tufano79. Leave me some lovin!**

 


	5. Chapter 4

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Four**

**BPOV**

After Edward left, I slid down the door. I felt incredibly foolish for having that breakdown in the grocery store. I felt even more foolish for inviting him into my house.

_He wants to be your friend. He’s not going to try and replace Jacob._

“It could be another ploy by my mother,” I snorted out loud.

_Your dad was the one who sent him to check on you._

Scrubbing my face, I lay down on the floor and tried to get the feeling of guilt to go away. My heart was not capable of anything but loving my children at the moment. Yes, talking to Edward was nice and he seemed intelligent and kind, but I’m not ready for anything. Not even friendship.

But, being with him made the emptiness go away.

“I’m so confused,” I moaned. Heaving my body up, I went back into the kitchen to finish drinking the coffee that Edward had kindly brought over. I sipped the warm drink, trying to calm myself. After a few moments, I managed to pull myself together and finished putting the food away. Pulling out the makings for chicken enchiladas, I started cutting up the veggies and frying up the chicken breasts. I hated to leave my children last night and I wanted to make it up for them by having their favorite meal tonight.

I was nearly done shredding the chicken when I heard a set of keys rattle in the door. Smiling, I walked to the foyer. My dad, wearing his uniform, ushered in my babies. “Mom! Guess what? Grandpa let us ride in the cruiser!!” John bellowed, running to me and throwing his arms around my waist.

“Did you get arrested?” I asked, ruffling his hair. “Driving without a license? Having too much fun at school?”

“No, I’m seven, going to be eight. I’m too young to drive and school is always fun,” John deadpanned. “It was cool, though!”

“I think you did get arrested. The charge?” I said, crouching down. “Being too cute and adorable for your own good.” I kissed his nose, earning me a groan.

“Mom, that was lame,” he laughed.

“I think it was pretty clever, munchkin,” I said. “Do you have homework?”

“Yeah. I’ve got to read my book and some math problems,” John grumbled. “I don’t get the math.”

“Well, do your reading and come down when you’re done so I can help you with the math, okay?”

“Kay,” he hugged my waist again, darting upstairs with his backpack and overnight bag.

“How are you, pretty girl?” I asked Grace. She was in Charlie’s arms, very quiet and contemplative.

“She had a rough day today. She’s mad at Renee,” Charlie chuckled, squeezing Grace. “She did _not_ like Royce and was not happy with the introduction of him at the house.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I don’t blame her,” I said coldly, taking my baby girl from my dad’s arms. “He’s not coming back, pretty girl. I promise.”

“He was mean, Mommy,” Grace scowled. “He looked at me and Johnny like we were bugs or something. He kept saying that he doesn’t do kids and he was just mean. Yeah, mean.”

“Well, I don’t like jerks and that’s what Royce was,” I said, hugging her tightly. “Did you have a good day at school?”

“It was fine. We had art today. I painted you a picture. Mrs. Crowley said I could have it tomorrow because it needed to dry,” Grace explained. She hugged me, burrowing close to my body. “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, pretty girl,” I whispered into her long hair. “Do you have homework?”

“I’ve got to work on my writing and we need to read a story together,” she replied.

“We’ll read the story before bed but for now, I need to talk to Grandpa and finish cooking dinner. I’m making your favorite, chicken enchiladas!” I smiled, kissing her forehead. She squealed, hugging me tightly and wriggling in my arms. I put her on the ground, watching as she clumsily ran up the stairs.

“How are you, Bella?” Charlie asked, pulling me into a hug.

“Mentally exhausted,” I sniffled. “Emotionally spent. Confused at Mom’s actions.”

“I don’t blame you one bit about that last statement. You’ve told her numerous times that you weren’t ready and then she brings the biggest jerk in all of Forks to come over for dinner,” Charlie snorted. “I can kind of understand why she’s doing what she’s doing, but the way she’s doing it is causing a rift in your relationship with your mom.”

“And aren’t you doing the same thing with Officer Cullen?” I asked, smirking at my dad.

“I am not trying to set you up with Edward. He’s a good guy and I think he’d probably understand what you’re going through. More than me and your mom,” Charlie said, arching a bushy brow.

“I know, Dad. I’m just giving you shit,” I snickered, walking to the kitchen to finish assembling the enchiladas. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

“I’d love to, but I’m on duty in an hour,” Charlie said, adjusting his jacket. Sighing, he looked at me. “Bells, I know that you’re having a rough go, but if you want to talk, please call me. Call your mother.” I snorted derisively, glaring at him. “Once you’ve forgiven her.”

“Unlikely. It’s going to take me some time to get over this,” I said, rolling the chicken in the tortillas.

“I think she knows that,” Charlie said. With a sigh, he gave me a soft grin, “As weird as it sounds, talk to Edward.”

“I barely know the guy, Dad. His mom is dying from breast cancer. He probably doesn’t want to hear about my problems,” I said, arching a brow. “He’s got enough of his own. You know?”

“Well, just don’t write him off. He’s a good guy. Hard worker. Loyal to his family and gave up a lot to come back to Forks to help care for Esme,” Charlie said, nervously spinning his flashlight. “Anyhow, I’m going to go. I have to read the reports from last night and this morning before getting ready to do my patrol. If you need anything, call me, alright?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Don’t get yourself killed, Charlie.”

“I’ll be good,” he said, tugging on my bun before kissing my temple. “Love you, Bells.”

“Love you, Daddy,” I whispered, falling into his arms. He squeezed me before leaving my house, promising to call me before the kids went to bed. I focused my attention on finishing the meal for me and my kids. Over dinner, the kids told me all about their days at school. John had PE and music and he was as happy as a clam since he had two specials in one day. He also told me about the girl he stood up for on the first day. She was going to be moving away, to be with her grandparents. I had heard about the girl in the lunchroom. It was rumored that she was being abused and I was glad that she was going to be safe.

Working together with my kids, we cleaned up the kitchen and then set up John to complete his math problems. Grace was in the basement, watching some television as I explained John’s homework to him. He struggled with two-digit math, unsure on what side he needed to start on to add or subtract. We worked for about a half hour and he finally got it, able to complete his homework without little help from me after I explained it. Once he was done with his homework, I told him to hop in the shower while I picked out a book with Grace to read together after she finished her own bath.

I sent Johnny downstairs to play on the Wii until I was done with Grace and once they were done with baths and bed, I collapsed on the couch. It had been a long day. Even though I took today off, I was still emotionally drained and unenthused to go back to work tomorrow. Thankfully, it was Friday and that meant it was a casual day. I planned my lessons carefully before making up my couch and setting my alarm. Next to my phone was Edward’s card with his cell phone scrawled neatly on the back.

_If you need a friend, call me…please? Edward ~ 360-555-1918_

I didn’t call him, but I did take a huge step. Well, huge for me.

I programed his number into my cell phone.

xx PUTP xx

Apparently, my little cherubs were demon-spawn for my sub. The note that was left for me was scathing, explaining that I had no classroom management skills and that my lesson plans were sub-par. _Well, excuse me while I try and cope with the death of my husband. Not every lesson is going to be amazing, you bitch._ I checked in with Angela and asked how the sub was. She rolled her eyes.

“You had old lady Fogarty,” Angela snorted. “That woman comes from the time of corporal punishment and kids were mini-automatons. Your kids were fine. A little loud, but respectful. I helped set up the lessons and I thought that everything went well.”

“Not according to her,” I said, waving the sub’s report.

Angela swiped it from my hand, glossing over the nasty report. “Lies, lies, all lies. Why do we keep calling this hateful woman?” she groaned.

“So, my kids were not little hellions as she described?” I asked.

“Nope,” Angela chuckled. “They missed you, that’s for sure. Compared to Fogarty, you are an angel.  All kind and loving.”

“I think my father would be a softie compared to this lady,” I said, tossing the sub report into the garbage. “Thanks for helping out. I’m sorry about being out, but…”

“No need to explain, Bella. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling,” Angela said. “There are clear reasons why we have sick days. Some of them are needed to mentally recharge you. Soothe the soul, you know?”

“Yeah. I just pray that I don’t go through all of them during the first semester,” I laughed nervously. Angela gave me a warm smile, rubbing my arm. Waving sheepishly, I walked back to my room and prepared my board for the day. I was nearly done, just choosing a book to read after lunch when Alice walked into my room. “Hey, Ali-cat.”

“How are you feeling, Hells Bells?” she asked, sitting down on one of the desks. “You sounded downright miserable on the phone.”

“That’s because I was,” I said, tossing the book I chose onto the rocking chair I kept in my room. “My mom invited over another guy, Alice.”

“Who?” she asked.

“Royce something,” I shrugged. “He was a jerk, glowering at my kids like they were flesh-eating bacteria. He apparently doesn’t do ‘kids.’”

“Royce King?” Alice asked. I shrugged, not really caring about who was my latest attempt at being a love connection. Alice crossed her arms over her chest. “That makes zero sense. He’s a teacher,” Alice said.

“High school science. From what I read on the high school’s website, he teaches AP biology and AP chemistry. Both of those are senior level courses and he’d be dealing with students that are seventeen or eighteen. Yes, they’re kids, but practically adults.”

“I’m sorry, Bella. That must have been tough,” Alice said, threading her arm through mine.

“What pisses me off more than anything is the fact that Renee won’t stop, Alice,” I frowned. “I can’t just turn off my Jake switch and be over him. I love my husband even though he’s gone.”

“Are you going to talk to her?” Alice asked.

“I need to calm down first. I’m still upset and betrayed by her actions. I know she had my best interests at heart, but the way she’s doing it is convoluted,” I sighed. “I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend with my kids. I may take them to Port Angeles to go out for dinner or something.”

“On Saturday, I’ve got an appointment for you to get a manicure at Blow Out,” Alice said. “Did you forget?”

“Apparently so. Do I have to?” I whined.

“Yes. Your cuticles are disgusting, Bella,” Alice scowled, pointing to my hands. The bell rang and Alice hopped up. “I’ll pick you up at noon. Jasper will stay with John and Grace. He’ll probably bring the dogs.”

“Those wolves need to stay outside,” I grumbled. “Last time you brought them over, they shed all over the furniture and I sneezed for a week straight.”

“Duly noted,” she said, dashing out of my room. I threw on my coat to go to my duty post, waiting for my kids to come inside from the chilly late autumn air. They waved at me, grateful I was back. I gave them my teacher smile, waving at my cherubs while they eagerly bounced into my classroom. As the final bell rang, I slipped into my room and we waited for Alice to say the Pledge of Allegiance, morning announcements and birthdays for the day. I had two birthdays in my classroom, which meant that we’d get dessert with Principal Whitlock before the end of the school day.

The morning was spent doing calendar time, asking them about Mrs. Fogarty and science. The art teacher, Ms. Battles, rolled into my room for her art lesson after science. I swiped my planner and several books to make copies while she was in with my kiddos. I had roughly forty minutes to get my planning done for the following week.

My plan period went by too quickly and I was back in my classroom with my papers. Thanking Ms. Battles, I began my lesson on telling time, which we focused on until lunch time. After lunch, the rest of the day flew by and Alice was in my room with cookies and milk for my class, celebrating the birthday of my two kids in my class. As we were finishing up the cookies and milk, the bell rang and we hurriedly got ready for the end of the day. Waving at my class, they got onto the bus or into their parent’s cars.

Walking into my classroom, I checked to make sure that I had everything ready to go for Monday. With a sigh, I went to pick up John from his classroom. He was reading in the corner. I waved at Mr. Molina. He gave me smile before telling John that I was here to pick him up. John put the book back onto the shelf, walking towards me. I hugged him, kissing his forehead. “Did you have a good day, munchkin?”

“Yeah,” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist. “I’m happy it’s the weekend, though.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked, leading him out to my car. “Grace can pick one activity and you can pick another.”

“Can we go to the beach? There’s supposed to be tide pools,” John smiled, his brown eyes twinkling.

“Grandpa knows all about those tide pools,” I said, helping him into the car. “He was the one who showed me!”

“Can we go tomorrow?” John asked.

“Let me ask Grandpa and I’ll let you know,” I replied, hopping into the driver’s seat. We drove back to the house, picking up Grace from my parent’s. I spoke briefly to my mom, but was very terse in my responses. She didn’t push me, which I was grateful for.

Back at home, we ordered pizza and that made me think, briefly, about Edward. I was curious if he had actually eaten some of his veggies that he had bought with me. Shaking it off, I enjoyed the pizza with my kids, watching some silly Disney movie until bed time. I called my dad after they were asleep and found out that he was available on Sunday to look at the tide pools with John. Tentatively, I made plans to go to Port Angeles with Grace and John after getting my nails done, as Alice reminded me several times via text message, phone call and damned carrier pigeon.

Early the next morning, I made pancakes for my kids. John ate five of them, clearly going through a growth spurt. Shortly before noon, Alice and Jasper showed up. I kissed my kids, reminding Jasper to keep the dogs outside.

Alice drove us to Blow Out. She was oddly quiet. “Everything okay, Ali-cat?”

“Fine. Just sleepy. Jasper kept me up late last night,” she said, wriggling her brows.

“Yeah, I don’t need to know that,” I deadpanned. “My girlie bits have cobwebs.”

“Have you taken things into your own hands?” Alice asked. “You’ve got to be, I don’t know, horny, right?”

“Of course I’m horny. And yes, I’ve taken things into my own hands, but it’s empty. Not the same, you know?” I said, pulling out my wedding set from my shirt. I looked down at the stone, sighing sadly. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be with another man, Alice.”

“You will,” Alice smirked.

“You say that so confidently. What if I can’t get over Jake?” I pressed.

“Bella, Jake will always share a special place in your heart. He was your first love. But, would he want you to stop living because he’s gone?” Alice questioned.

 _When I’m gone, keep living your life. Don’t give up because I’m gone_.

“I don’t know,” I hemmed.

“You’re lying. Jacob knew he was dying and he knew that you’d forget about yourself,” Alice barked, pulling into the parking lot.

_God has granted me today, to be lucid, so I can tell you to keep living. I love you, Isabella Black and I will always be with you. I’ll always be with Gracie and Johnny. But, you have to stay alive and happy for me. Promise me, Bells!_

“It feels wrong, Alice. I shouldn’t be living my life while he’s dead,” I said quietly.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to have a life, either,” Alice said, taking my hand. “You’re a beautiful woman with a good heart, amazing children and a sad story. But you’re story isn’t over yet, Hells Bells. You can still change the ending and have your happily ever after.” She looked over at a large silver Yukon Denali. It looked vaguely familiar. “It looks like Edward brought Esme to get her pedicure today. Perhaps Rose is giving him a haircut, too.”

 _Great,_ I thought bitterly. I wasn’t ready to see him. He had seen me at my most vulnerable, really and I didn’t want to see that look of pity. Alice turned off the car. Begrudgingly, I followed her and was greeted by Rose at the front counter. She hugged me, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder. “Hey, Bella,” she said, kissing my cheek.

“Hi, Rose,” I said, stepping into the salon. “Apparently, the teeny, tiny tyrant has me down for a manicure.”

“Yep, you’re with Leah,” Rose said, guiding me to a manicure station. To the right of the station sat Esme Cullen, resting with her eyes closed and her feet being pampered. Across the salon, Edward sat in Rose’s chair, getting his hair trimmed.

“Hey, Bells,” Leah said, giving me a warm smile. “Do you want a plain manicure or no-chip?”

“I’ll go with the no-chip,” I shrugged.

“Pick a color,” she said as she handed me a swatch wheel. The red was pretty, but I was certain I’d get bored with it quickly.

“Go with the color,” said the tired voice of Esme. “You only live once.” I looked over at her and she was smiling. “It’s why my toenails are purple with pink and white paisley on the big toes. It’s my one indulgence.” She held her up her foot, displaying her toes.

“Very cute,” I chuckled.

“Have you decided?” Leah asked, sitting down with all the necessary supplies.

“I’m going with the red,” I said, pointing to the oxblood red swatch. “Can I also get something on my ring finger, too?” Leah beamed, nodding eagerly before she went to town on my fingers.

“Smart girl,” Esme chuckled. “Have some fun.”

“Thanks for the advice,” I said, shooting her a warm grin. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve got good days and bad days. Today is a good day because I’ve got my middle son with me who was in desperate need of a haircut,” Esme barked, laughing lightly.

“Yeah, Edward. You look like a damn hippie,” Rose snickered, cutting his hair deftly.

“Excuse me for having hair that grows like a weed. I was just in here a month ago,” Edward grumbled. “Perhaps I should just shave it all off.”

“Nah, your head is too lumpy,” Rose teased, tugging on his unruly brownish-red strands. “Besides, most women would pay top dollar to have your highlights. Hell, I know I would!”

“And to think, when he was a baby, he was a blondie,” Esme giggled.

“Mom, please don’t pull out the naked bathtub baby picture,” Edward groaned. I snickered quietly. “No one needs to see that.”

“Yes, we do,” Rose laughed, bouncing to Esme’s seat. She took out a worn photo, sighing contentedly. “Awww, Edward, you were so pudgy as a baby.”

“It didn’t stop when he was a baby,” Esme quipped. “When did you lose your baby fat?”

“In high school, Mom,” he grumbled, shrinking in the salon chair.

“Do you want to see, Bella?” Rose asked, plucking the picture from Esme’s hand. I looked at it and Edward was too cute with these huge green eyes, very white-blonde hair and pudgy baby rolls. “It makes me want to rub his Buddha belly.”

“Very cute,” I replied, looking back at Edward.

“Where’s the nearest hole?” he groaned, tossing the drape over his head.

Rose gave Esme back the photo and skipped over to Edward, rubbing his belly. He flipped the drape down, scowling at Rose. “Not funny, Rosalie,” he growled.

“No Buddha belly anymore,” she said, continuing to cut his hair. I found myself laughing quietly at the relationship between Esme, Rose and Edward. It was clear that they loved each other. Esme watched over both of them wistfully while Rose and Edward teased each other. She knew that she wouldn’t see this for much longer. My heart broke for her. She deserved as much time with her family as possible.

“You’re all done, Mrs. Cullen,” said the young woman who was doing Esme’s pedicure.

“It looks beautiful, dear,” Esme said, wriggling her toes. “I’m thinking next week, we’ll go with blue!”

“Smurfette toes,” Edward snickered as Rose attacked his head with some sort of pomade.

“It’s better than the army green you suggested I try,” Esme scoffed, carefully sliding her feet into a pair of flip flops. “My toes looked like they had gangrene. Not an attractive look at all.” Edward slipped a jacket around Esme, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him, smiling gently. “So much better. You look so handsome.”

“Thanks, Mom,” he said, kissing her temple. He saw me, giving me a crooked grin. “Did you enjoy the floor show?”

“It was quite entertaining, Buddha,” I quipped.

“Rosalie, I owe you big time,” Edward deadpanned. “I do not have a Buddha belly, damn it!”

“No, you don’t,” I said, looking down briefly at his flat stomach. “We’re just teasing you.”

“And I’ll have you know that I ate the baked potatoes with chili last night,” Edward said, arching a brow. “It was delicious.”

“My son ate a vegetable? Of his own accord? Bella, what have you done with my middle child?” Esme asked, clinging to Edward’s arm.

“I ran into him at the grocery store, convincing him to purchase some veggies when I saw his cart filled with pizza, beer and chips. I’m actually quite shocked that he doesn’t have a Buddha belly with all of that fattening foods,” I quipped.

“I work out. A lot,” Edward grumbled, shooting both of us a look. “Besides, veggies are good. In moderation.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Esme said, rubbing his bicep.

“Emmett’s the same way,” Rose said, handing Edward a bag. “He hates anything green.”

“I’m open to trying anything once,” Edward chuckled. “When are we going to have our lesson on fruit?”

“Next weekend?” I suggested. “I think I’m good with food until then. Though, John is going through a growth spurt or something.”

“You have my number,” Edward said, giving me another crooked grin. Looking at his mom, he gave her a once over. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah. I’m a little tired,” she said. “And Bella, feed him as many veggies as you can. This one needs it.”

“Got it, Mrs. Cullen,” I replied.

“Please, call me Esme, dear,” she whispered, scuttling over to me and hugging me gently. “Next time, choose an even bolder color.”

“I’ll consider it,” I chuckled. She patted my cheek before latching onto Edward’s arm. He helped her out of the salon, giving me a tiny wave. I nodded my head, turning back to Leah who was nearly done with my manicure. Alice was next to me in a blink of an eye, her face flushed and her body vibrating with excitement. “What?”

“You kind of, sort of, almost made a date with Edward,” Alice hissed giddily.

“Shut up. I’m showing him how choose cantaloupes,” I said, furrowing my brows.

“And soon he’ll choosing more than just cantaloupes,” Rose said, squeezing her boobs.

“Not going to happen. He said he wanted to be my friend. That’s all I can give him. He’s not going to touching my cantaloupes. Period,” I said sternly. “He’s a nice guy, but I cannot give him more than friendship.”

“Edward is more than a nice guy. He’s an amazing guy. He gave up his entire life in Washington D.C. to move back here to help take care of Esme. He was on the fast track in the FBI, but his devotion to Esme is unrivaled,” Rose explained. “He’s also lonely. I know that. Part of that is him, shutting himself off to women and the other part is that he feels guilty about having a relationship with someone while Esme’s so sick.”

“Sounds strangely familiar,” Alice said, pinching my leg.

“OW!” I glared at her. “That hurt, bitch!”

“No hurting my patrons, Alice,” Rose giggled. “And, for you, missy, give Edward a chance. Be his friend. He needs some, honestly. And if you can get that boy to eat healthier, I’ll bow down and kiss your feet, giving you free pedicures for life.”

“Are Edward’s eating habits that bad?” I asked.

“You have no idea,” Rose snickered.

xx PUTP xx

The rest of the weekend was fun, spending it with my kids. Grace wanted to go to the children’s museum in Port Angeles, which I took them to on Saturday once we got back from the salon. John went to La Push Beach to look at tide pools with my dad while I had a chilly picnic with them when they were done. The work week went by slowly as we prepared for parent-teacher conferences next week. I had to make sure my grade book was up to date and that I had notes on every child in my class.

On Friday, I was making my list of what I needed from the grocery store. To my surprise, John had eaten almost everything I had purchased the day after Halloween, plus almost all of his Halloween candy (not including the goodies that I pilfered. I love Butterfingers and Three Musketeers). As I was making my list, my cell phone sat next to me. Taunting me.

_Call Edward. Text Edward…_

I wanted to but I didn’t. Was this a date?

_Please. You’re choosing produce. It’s not a date._

I picked up my phone, opening up Edward’s contact information and stared at it for a few moments. “No! No! Don’t do it,” I said, tossing the phone back onto the counter. I was writing down cantaloupes on my list when I groaned. Forever seared in my mind was Rosalie squeezing her boobs. “What’s the worst thing that could happen? He says no.” I opened a new message, sending him a text.

_Edward ~ If you want to learn the finer points of choosing fresh fruits and VEGGIES, I’ll be at the store around ten in the morning, after I drop off my kids at my parents’ house. ~ Bella_

I put the phone on the counter, continuing to add to my grocery list. I never expected him to respond.

_Bella ~ I’m looking forward to it. We can bond over apples and oranges. Perhaps go out for coffee after? ~ Edward_

“Oh, shit!” I hissed. “He’s…is he? Is he asking me out?” I leaned forward, threading my fingers into my hair. “He can’t be. Friends. I can be friends.” Picking up my phone, I dialed Alice.

“What’s up, Hells Bells?” she asked.

“Edward asked me out for coffee. I sent him a text, asking if he wanted to meet to go grocery shopping and he asked me to go out for coffee! It’s like a date! ALICE!” I wailed.

“It’s not a date, Bells. We go out for coffee all of the time. Dinner and a movie? That’s a date. Coffee is coffee. Go with the flow, Bella. Say yes to caffeine,” she laughed.

“It’s not a date?” I whimpered.

“It’s not a date.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “Thanks, Ali-cat.” She giggled and hung up. Looking down at my phone, I pursed my lips, trying to figure out how I was going to say yes to coffee.

_Coffee sounds great. Ten work for you? ~ Bella_

_I’ll be there with bells on. See you tomorrow and sleep well, Bella ~ Edward_

“Yeah, right,” I snorted. I finished my list, plugged in my phone and made my bed on the couch. Checking on my kids, I smiled at how adorable they were as they slept. Grace was clutching the stuffed wolf that Jake had won her at a local carnival just prior to his diagnosis. She never let it go after he died and now Wolfie was her constant bed companion.  Walking to my son’s room, John was curled around his blanket, sucking on his thumb. Gently, I pried it from his mouth, wanting to avoid expensive braces. I went through the hell of a metal mouth and I do not want my children to endure the same fate. However, based on John’s few adult teeth that have grown in, it seemed inevitable that he’d need braces.

Kissing my babies, I went downstairs to try and attempt to get some sleep, but it alluded me. I was excited to meet up with Edward but guilty in the same respect, feeling like I was cheating on my husband. Yes, I’d had male friends while Jake and I were married, but they knew I was married. Jake and I had been a couple forever. Now, it was different. Technically, I was singled, _widowed_. In my mind, I was still a married woman. Despite my mom’s half-assed attempts to set me up and Alice’s encouragement to pursue something with another man, I couldn’t get over the fact that I was single. Edward was the clear front runner, being friendly, compassionate and quite good looking, but I couldn’t get the thought of my head that I was cheating on my husband. The guilt was overwhelming. I shouldn’t be happy. Not without Jake. He was my happiness. He was my personal sun, my moon…my life. Without him, there’s nothing.

Okay, not really. I have my children and I need to be there for them, but raising them on my own is fucking hard. Yes, I had help. My parents, Alice and Jasper and even my dad’s dispatcher, Sue, have been invaluable in helping me care for the kids. Even Rose has helped out, especially with giving the kids free haircuts. Raising John and Grace with Jake was fun. We enjoyed parenting and its challenges. Now? I find myself getting frustrated over everything when it wouldn’t have bothered me when I had my partner. My best friend. My lover. My husband.

Pulling out my wedding set, I spun the eternity band. The diamonds glittered beautifully in the moonlight. “I miss you, Jake. Give me some sort of sign that you are still with me. That you still love me.” As always, nothing ever came. Biting back sobs, I fell into a fitful sleep, hating my life.

Far too early, Grace clambered into my arms and she was snuggling against me. Trying to catch some more shut-eye, I held her, running my fingers through her hair but she was very antsy. “What’s wrong, pretty girl?” I asked.

“It’s raining,” she muttered, her hazel eyes capturing mine. “I don’t like the rain.”

“It rains a lot here, baby,” I said, caressing her little face.

“I miss the sand,” Grace frowned, putting her head on my chest. “Can we go back home now?”

“This is our home, Gracie,” I whispered, tears threatening to spill over my cheeks. She huffed out a breath, pushing off my body, directly on my bladder and stomping upstairs. I scowled at her tantrum, getting up from my couch and going to the bathroom. I scrubbed my face before going to make some coffee. I made it extra strong, sipping a cup and a half by the time John came downstairs, scratching his head. I made him some oatmeal along with a side of bacon. Grace was upstairs, doing God knows what in her room. I kissed my sleepy son, going up the stairs to check on my daughter. In her room, I was shocked at what I saw.

“GRACE REBECCA BLACK!” I snarled. “What are you doing!?”

“I’m moving out,” she bit back. “I hate it here. I hate this house. I hate this town. I hate you!” Her room was completely trashed. Her clothes were strewn all over the floor as she tried to stuff them into her tiny carry-on bag. Her toys were jam packed into her backpack. My heart shattered at what she had said to me, further solidifying that I was an awful parent, selfish beyond all recognition.

“Grace, you have a half hour to clean up this room or you’re grounded from television, books, toys and you friends for a week,” I said, my voice sounding defeated.

“I don’t care,” she snapped.

“Fine,” I snapped back, picking up her bag with her toys. I also swept her books into my arms and with a flourish, snagging Wolfie from her bed.

“NO! Not him!” she screamed.

“When you realize what you did was wrong, then you’ll get Wolfie back,” I said, turning on my heel and walking up to my bedroom and tossing her toys into my closet. Gracie was having a full-on, melt down tantrum at the base of the stairs to my bedroom. “Grace, your words and your actions mean more than you could possibly ever understand.” Guiding her back to her room, I left her there and went downstairs to check on John. He gave me a sympathetic look, finishing his breakfast. I called my dad, asking if he was coming over to watch the kids while I went grocery shopping. Upon hearing my haggard voice, he dropped everything to drive over. When he arrived, Gracie was still screaming at the top of her lungs. John was downstairs watching cartoons and I was ready to slit my wrists.

“What happened?” Charlie asked.

“Grace told me that she felt like moving out at the tender age of five, nearly six,” I said, my throat catching. “Her room is a disaster area. She told me that she hated me, hated the house and hated the town. She wants to go home. Home, in Arizona. Away from me.”

“Bells,” he whispered, wrapping me in his arms.

“I’m an awful parent. I should have just stayed in Phoenix,” I sobbed. “My kids needed the normalcy…not my selfishness!”

“Bella, you are not selfish. You made the right decision for you,” Charlie murmured against my hair. “Have you called Jane?”

“No. I’ve been a mess to call,” I sniffled. Jane was the counselor my kids saw in Port Angeles. “Do you think she could fit in Grace?”

“I’ll call her and you go take a shower, calm yourself down,” Charlie said, gently pushing me off the stool. I dragged my body upstairs, stripping out of my clothes and stumbling into the bathroom. I scoured my body and washed my hair, allowing myself to sob brokenly, my crying hidden by the water. Blow drying my hair and tossing it up into a ponytail, I dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. I put on my glasses, trying to alleviate the raging migraine in my head, not to mention hide the puffy eyes I was sporting. Grace was quiet in her room. I checked on her, seeing my father sitting on her bed, telling her to put things away. He looked up at me, getting up from the bed. “I’ll be back, Grace.”

“Kay, Grandpa,” she whispered.

He walked out into the hallway, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “What voodoo hex did you put on my child?” I asked.

“A certain secret that only can be shared between grandfather and granddaughter,” Charlie smirked.

“Dad,” I hissed.  “I want to know so I can get those kind of results in the future.”

“Not budging, Isabella Marie,” Charlie snickered.

Narrowing my eyes, I growled lowly. “No fair. You raised me. It’s only goes without reasoning that you share and impart your wisdom with your single-parent daughter.”

“Oh, relax. It got her to clean up her room. Besides, Jane is willing to see her this afternoon. I’m going to take her and John while you go grocery shopping,” Charlie said, his brown eyes twinkling knowingly. I rolled my eyes. “It’ll be fine, Bells. Go shopping. Have some coffee.”

“How do you know this shit?” I asked.

“Edward texted while you were in the shower,” Charlie snickered, handing me my phone. “He wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t forget your date with the produce department. I said, or rather, you said, that you wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“You’re just as bad as mom,” I spat, stuffing my phone into my pocket. “I had a shitty night and even shittier morning. What I wouldn’t give to crawl into bed and just sleep the day away? Right, I can’t. I just dream of what I had and that I lost once Jake died!”

Charlie’s eyes widened, shocked at my outburst. He went to hug me but I held up my hands. Turning on my heel, I went downstairs, grabbing my purse, car keys and jacket, going out to the car. Yes, I knew I was having a tantrum but today, _today_ was my own personal hell. I sat in the driver’s seat, taking a few calming breaths and twisting the steering wheel. I didn’t want to drive while upset. Calming down slightly, I backed out of the driveway, turning to go to the grocery store. Yes, I was early but I needed to get out of the house. Ten minutes later, I parked next to Edward’s Yukon Denali. _The guy was a damn boy scout._ I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to be pleasant. I wanted to grab my shit, pay for it and go home, wallowing on my couch in self-pity.

Steeling myself for the inevitable, I got out of the car and walked to the entrance. Edward was casually leaning against the wall, flipping through something on his phone. He didn’t notice me and I try to sneak past him. “I’ve been looking forward to this lesson all week, Bella,” he said wryly. “Don’t be standing me up. We have a date with some kiwis.”

“Right,” I said, looking at him. I pray that I didn’t look too hideous, but I knew that my eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying and lack of sleep.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked, presumably noticing my inherent sadness along with my feeling utter despair.

Tears spring in my eyes and I jerkily nod. “I’ll be fine. Just a bad morning.” I wipe my cheeks before gripping the handle of the cart really tightly, almost to where my nails dig into my palms, drawing blood.

“We can do this another time, Bella,” he said quietly.

“No, I need the distraction,” I said, pushing the cart toward the produce department. He followed me dutifully with his own cart, staying quiet. Woodenly, I talk him through some of the fruits that might interest him. I keep it simple. He ended up getting a bunch of bananas (some green and some yellow), six apples, a few pears and a sack of grapes. His questions are endearingly silly and he gets me to crack a few smiles while we wandered around the produce department. However, I still feel like a black cloud was hanging over me.

Hell, it will probably hang over me for the rest of my life, sadly.

We spend an hour or so in the store and Edward impresses me with his more health-conscious choices. He even voluntarily picked up frozen veggies from the frozen food aisle as opposed to pizza. He beamed proudly as he tossed broccoli and creamed spinach into his cart. “For my new favorite food, baked potatoes.”

“Very nice,” I said, smiling weakly. He frowned slightly and I felt bad, being all dramatic. “I’m sorry, Edward.”

“Don’t be sorry. I feel like a douche because obviously you’d rather be anywhere else than here. I get that. I just hate seeing you so sad,” he said, his green eyes looking more gray than green.

“I’m holding by a thread. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don’t want to burden Alice and Rose. My mom and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms and my dad, he’s on my shit-list, too,” I sighed.

“Bella, I meant it if you want to talk to me. I want to be your friend,” he whispered, putting his hand on my shoulder. The warmth from his large hand seeped through my jacket and I bit my lip to stop the sobs from erupting.

“You don’t mind?” I sniffled, a few rogue tears spilling onto my cheeks.

“I wouldn’t offer it if I did,” he smirked. “But, would you mind if we go to my place. I promise, scout’s honor and all that jazz, that I’ll be a perfect gentleman. I just need to stay close to home since my mom had a treatment yesterday. We all are on deck when she’s sick.”

“You should be with her,” I said, giving him a guilty look.

“I was with her last night, after I got off my shift,” he said. That’s when I looked up at him. He looked as tired as me with a smattering of stubble on his pale skin. His reddish hair is in a state of disarray.

“You’re probably tired. I can understand if you want to just go our separate ways,” I mumbled, turning to go to the check out.

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t mean it, Bella,” he said, his hand capturing mine. “You need a friend. Someone who’s not close to the situation. Besides, I may need you to return the favor at some point. For now, let me be that person that you can talk to. Alright?”

“Okay,” I murmured. He smiled, squeezing my hand before following me to the checkout lanes. We paid for our food and loaded up our vehicles. I told him that I had to swing by my house to put away my groceries. Edward nodded, giving me his address before we went out separate directions. I put away the groceries in my quiet house. Charlie left me short note, apologizing for his behavior. I was still upset with him, but it was quickly dissipating since he actually apologized, unlike my mother who still had yet to call me since Halloween. Yes, we’d talked briefly when I picked up my kids, but those conversations are stilted. And she never apologized.

Ignoring my anger, I got back into the car and drove the very short distance to Edward’s modest home. It was nice, bigger than my place. It was tucked back from the road, surrounded by trees. It almost blended in with the scenery since it was a deep olive color with wooden shingles and white trim. Parking my car, I walked up the driveway and knocked on the door. He opened it up, smiling widely as he ushered me inside. It was nicely decorated for a bachelor pad. The colors were neutral but warm, with family photos all around. “Let me take your coat,” Edward said, reaching for my leather jacket. Rather, Jake’s jacket. It dwarfed me, but it was warm and still kind of smelled like him. “I picked up some donuts and coffee from the diner in town. You know I can’t cook, but I could at least attempt to be a good host. My mom would tan my hide if I didn’t.”

“Esme doesn’t seem like the person who would hurt a fly,” I said, following him into the large, open kitchen. He had dark gray granite counter tops with oak cabinets and stainless steel appliances. It was a gorgeous kitchen.

“My mom has a heart of gold but a temper that would fell the strongest of men,” Edward snickered. “She’s made my brother, Emmett, cry on numerous occasions.” He pointed to a tall, beefy man with impish blue eyes and muscles that rivaled Jake’s. “But then again, he’s a total momma’s boy.”

“Did she make you cry?” I teased.

“Oh, yeah. When I was in high school, I snuck a girl into my room. We weren’t having sex or anything, just fooling around. My mom opened the door, dragged the girl out the door and removed my bedroom door and putting bars on my window. I was grounded for the rest of the year and lost my car until I was a senior.”

“How old were you?” I asked.

“Sophomore. I had just turned sixteen, relishing in my freedom,” he said. “Emmett had to cart me around everywhere. And he was in football, basketball, baseball…you name a sport, he was involved with it.”

“Not you?”

 “Nope. Well, I tried out for the football team but I got hit pretty hard when I was a freshman and I decided it wasn’t for me. I’m active in different ways: golf, running, working out, some fishing and as weird as it sounds, home remodeling.”

“I never considered that to be an acceptable form of exercise,” I chuckled.

“This entire kitchen was gutted down to the studs. I was never more sore than when I woke up the following morning after tearing out the old cabinets, countertops and flooring. I had to take several days off before I attempted to make the renovations,” he said, rolling his neck.

“You did this yourself?” I asked.

“Yeah. Charlie had hired me but I couldn’t be an active member of the police force until I took a class required by the state. I moved out here in November but the class wasn’t offered until March. I had several months to kill. I helped out at the department, acting as a dispatcher, but only when Charlie needed it,” Edward shrugged, pouring me some coffee into an oversized mug. He pushed some milk, sugar and even some hazelnut syrup my direction. “I used my spare time to renovate. This lovely home was an homage to bad seventies shag carpeting and puke green walls.”

“That sounds pretty disgusting,” I retorted, wrinkling my nose. “How did you manage to do all of this? You weren’t working?”

“I made good money at the bureau and saved a good chunk of it. Plus, my mom’s grandparent’s came from old money, setting up our family, essentially, for life. I used part of my trust fund to purchase this place and make the renovations. The rest of it is currently in my trust, ready for use for whatever may be needed, but I live fairly frugally. Not like my brother. Emmett is quite ostentatious, but he always had a taste for the finer things in life.”

“You don’t?”

“I do, but I’d rather spend the time with my family then spend money frivolously. When I lived in D.C., I drove a Mercedes, living in a luxury condo in Arlington and felt like I was a real-life James Bond. Here, I’m not. And I don’t miss it,” he said, sipping his black coffee. I arched a brow. He blushed. “Okay, I miss the challenge of being an agent, but I love what I’m doing here in Forks. Charlie’s a good guy, great boss and hard as nails.”

“A softie when it comes to his grandkids, though,” I said. Just saying that made Grace’s words come to the forefront of my mind. I frowned, spinning the mug of coffee.

“What’s with the frown?” Edward asked, taking my coffee from my hands and guiding me into the living room that held dark brown leather sofa and two matching chairs. He put the coffee mug down on the table, urging me to sit. I curled up and watched as he sat down next to me. “What happened this morning that made you so upset?”

“It was a combination of things. I barely got any sleep last night and early this morning, Grace climbed onto the couch with me, antsy because it was raining,” I grumbled.

“The couch?”

“I tried to, um, watch television to put my mind at ease but it didn’t really work,” I lied. I didn’t want him to know that my bed scared me. My big, _empty_ bed. “Anyhow, Grace said that she hated the rain and wanted to go home. In Phoenix. I told her that this was our home now and she, well, had a tantrum. She tore apart her room, saying she was leaving and that she hated Forks, hated the house and hated me. I felt like the world’s most selfish parent, uprooting my kids because…”

“Bella, don’t even try and think that it’s your fault,” Edward chided.

“But it is! I should have left well enough alone and stayed in Phoenix, close to their friends and Billy, their Poppy,” I said, clinching my hands into fists.

“And how would you have fared?” Edward asked.

“I would have dealt with it,” I said petulantly. It was his turn to arch a brow. Tears filled my eyes and I curled into myself. “I had to get out of there. Every place was associated with Jacob. Staying at the house where we built our life was too painful. Seeing memories of our lives as I drove through town broke my heart.”

“What you did was the best for your mental well-being. Grace was probably just missing her daddy and she took it out on you. The move was the best thing you could have done for you. All of you.”

“It still hurt when she said that she hated me. I know that I’ve been preoccupied as a parent,” I said, laying my head on my knees. “I wish I could go back in time and fix it so my kids had their father…” I curled up tighter, feeling the emptiness of my heart escalate. Tears streamed down my face and my stomach churned. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, hopping up. “Bathroom?”

“Around the corner,” he said quietly. I darted out of the family room and closed myself in the tiny half-bath. I bit my lip to not sob brokenly. I gripped the pedestal sink and tried to keep it together. I failed. A harsh sob broke through and it was like an explosion of emotions and sadness. I fell to my knees, hating that I couldn’t keep it together. I wanted to talk to Edward like a normal person, not a woman still grieving the loss of her husband.

I was so out of it that I didn’t realize that two arms wrapped around me. Edward had let himself into the bathroom and drew me into his lap as I sobbed hysterically. “Let it out, Bella,” he whispered against my ear. “It’s okay.” I clung to his sweater, wanting to enjoy the small comfort he was giving me. But the guilt bubbled inside, making my tears come even harder. I tried to pull away, but Edward held firm. Not wanting to fight it, I melted against his body and stayed in his arms until my tears stopped and I was left with a massive headache and extreme exhaustion. “Better?” he asked, holding me against his muscular chest.

“Not really,” I muttered tiredly. “I’m so over feeling this way.”

“I know, Bella. My mom isn’t even gone and I have moments like you,” he said, pulling back and looking at me. I ducked my head, not wanting him to see my snotty nose and red-rimmed eyes. “It’s okay to feel upset, pissed off and fucking mad at the world.”

“Does it ever go away?” I whispered, toying with a string on his sleeve.

“I don’t know. I presume not completely, but you find ways to make that pain go away. Eventually, the pain fades and it will come back periodically. However, I honestly don’t know,” he said, leaning his cheek on my head. “Now, I’m old and my ass hurts. Would mind if we continue our conversation on the couch?”

“You’re not old. Charlie’s old. Renee’s old,” I said. “You’re my age. What does that make me?”

“Old,” he quipped, getting up and helping me to my feet. I swayed slightly, dizzy and downright exhausted from my emotional outburst. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me back to the couch. I shivered and he tossed a throw blanket over my shoulders. “When did you last eat?”

“Last night. I was making breakfast when Grace told me her plans to move out,” I mumbled tiredly. He got up and I heard him putter around in his kitchen. Placing a plate on my lap, it held a couple of donuts. It wasn’t a preferred breakfast, but it was something. Sluggishly, I nibbled on the donuts but they didn’t agree with my stomach. My eyes were fighting a losing battle. I knew I needed to get home. I shouldn’t stay here, but my mind had other ideas. The plate was removed from my lap and I was guided to lay down onto the couch. “No,” I whispered.

“Just a cat nap, Bella,” Edward soothed. “You’re dead on your feet.”

Not really fighting him, my eyelids drooped. A pillow was stuffed behind my head and I curled up on the couch, succumbing to my exhaustion. In some strange man’s house, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to really care. I just needed to sleep.

I just needed to forget.

Everything.

**A/N: Poor Bella…I couldn’t even imagine what she must be feeling. Guilt for accepting comfort from Edward. Rage and anger at her husband for leaving her. Sadness and self-doubt for moving her kids from Phoenix to Forks. A combination of all of these. I promise, _promise_ , things will get better. I need to address the Renee thing and get Bella into some sort of therapy before we do. And who do you think will convince her to go? Hmmmm? **

**Anyhow, no pictures with this one. Edward is posted on the characters page on my blog. Thanks to Tiffany Kennedy for creating the manip of Copward. You can find a link to my blog and my tumblr on my profile. I’m also on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79. I’d appreciate some lovin!**

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 5

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Five**

**BPOV**

My eyelids fluttered open. I was incredibly confused and disoriented. _Where was I?_ Looking around, I didn’t recognize much. I had a quilt tucked around me. There were a few candles lit on the cocktail table and the lights were dim. Sitting up, I remembered. I was at Edward’s. _How long had I been asleep?_ I rubbed my eyes and swiped my glasses from the table. Looking at the clock on the cable box, it was after three. I had been asleep for over four hours.

“Crap,” I hissed, trying to get up, but I was burritoed in a quilt. Edward must have heard me struggling, grunting to get the quilt off of my body. He came into the family room, holding a mug of coffee. I stood up, my feet tangled in the blanket and nearly face planted onto the table. Edward caught me.

Just barely.

“What’s the rush?” he quipped, sitting me back down onto the couch.

“I have to get home. I need to cook dinner for the kids,” I said, my head still pounding from my emotional outburst. “I should also call Jane, their therapist, to discuss Grace’s appointment. I can’t believe I slept for so long.”

“You needed it, Bella,” Edward said, handing me the coffee. “You barely stirred when I accidently dropped a case of pop in the kitchen. I felt horrible, rushing into the family room to see if you had woken up. You didn’t. You were still sleeping soundly, barely even moving. I almost did the mirror test to see if you were still breathing. You were out.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, gripping the coffee mug tightly. “I shouldn’t have come. You don’t need all of this crap. I’ll understand if you don’t want to deal with a bitter old widow.” I sipped the drink, made to perfection. I put the cup on the table, feeling like such a loser. “I really should go.” I got up and started to walk toward the kitchen with my mug of coffee.

“Bella,” Edward said as he caught my arm. He stood up, taking the mug from my hands and enfolding me in a hug. I was stiff, uncertain how to react to the embrace. “I will not rescind my friendship to you because you’re having a bad day. I want to be here for you. I know the sadness you’re feeling. The emptiness. Please don’t push me away before I can truly be your friend.”

“I want to be friends,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist.  I snuggled against his muscular torso, reveling in the small comfort he was giving me. I could smell his detergent and whatever cologne he wore. It was soothing, clean fragrance that enfolded me in a soothing cushion of warmth. “I’m just so…I hate my life.”

He tightened his hold on me, swaying us gently. “I know,” he replied. “But, you aren’t alone. Yes, your husband isn’t with you but your family is supporting you, as are Alice, Rose, my mom and now me. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need to be held. It’s okay to nap on your friend’s couches. I even joined you. My recliner is quite comfy. I’m shocked my snoring didn’t wake you.” He released me and left his hands on my shoulders.

I chuckled, wiping my face from the tears that were covering my cheeks. “Like you said, I was out.”

“Well, if you need to take more naps, my couch is always open,” he quipped.

“Thanks for the offer, but I really do need to get home. I appreciate everything you’ve done today. I used to be a lot of fun,” I laughed humorlessly.

“People change, but regardless, I think you’re pretty cool,” Edward said, his ears turning pink.

“Losing a spouse changes a person, that’s for certain,” I said, my voice sounding hollow. “Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on and for the use of your couch. It won’t be a regular occurrence, I promise.” He smiled crookedly, walking to the closet to get my coat. Helping me put it on, he walked me out to my car. “Thanks again, Edward. You’ve gone above and beyond the call of friend duty.”

“I aim to please,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “And I do mean it that if you want to talk, please call me. Text me. I don’t care. If I’m available, we can talk, have coffee, nap in my family room or trade secrets over mounds of produce.”

“It’s nice to have a shopping companion,” I admitted.

“We can have a standing date to go grocery shopping together. You can give me tips on better eating habits,” he smirked.

“I’ll do you one better. Cooking lessons?” I suggested. “I show you how to prepare said vegetables and fruit, plus you get to learn how to be a functional member of society without having to resort to eating prepackaged, processed junk food.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he replied, giving me a crooked grin. “When’s the first lesson, teach?”

“Well, the first lesson will be me cooking you a meal in gratitude. You’ve done so much for me, Edward,” I said quietly. “When’s your next day off?”

“I’m on the overnight shift for the next week so I can spend the days with my mom. I’m off from Thursday until Monday, when I’m back on days.”

“Are you on tonight?” I asked.

“Yeah. I start at midnight. It’s not a big deal. The most serious event I’d had to deal with was an erratic driver on Halloween,” he teased, his green eyes sparkling mischievously.

“Ha ha,” I deadpanned. “How about you plan on coming to my place on Friday? I have an institute that day since we’re having parent teacher conferences on Wednesday and Thursday.”

“What time?”

“Around six?” I suggested.

“Awesome,” he beamed, his face radiating joy. “I’ll bring some wine and the dessert. I hear the diner makes an amazing apple pie.” He was quiet, dancing on his feet. “Will your kids be there?”

 _Good question._ “I don’t think so. Probably not. With Grace’s mood, I may hold off on bringing another person into the fold. Yes, we’re friends, but I want them to know that they are my number one priority or that I’m trying to replace their daddy with someone else. You know? They’re staying with my parents while I have parent teacher conferences, anyway. My dad is taking them to Seattle on Friday for the weekend with my mom.”

“I understand,” he said, rocking on his heels. “Thanks for your help at the grocery store and for hanging out.”

“Sleeping,” I quipped.

“Hanging out,” Edward argued back. “Send me a text or give me a call when you get home. I want to make sure you got home safe and sound.”

“I live around the corner, Edward,” I said.

“Humor me, Bella,” he retorted. I nodded as I started my car. Putting it into gear, I backed out of his driveway, waving as I pulled away from his home. A few short minutes, I was back at my place. Charlie’s SUV was parked on the street. I sent Edward a quick text, saying that I was home. He just reiterated his constant plea, ‘If you want to talk, call me.’ I sighed, feeling like I’m burdening the poor man with my depressing life. He didn’t need my brand of bullshit. I responded the only way I knew how. A winky face emoticon. ;-)

_Deflection at its finest…_

Sticking my phone in my pocket, I went inside of my house. I hung up my coat and went into the kitchen where I heard Charlie, my kids and Renee. “Hello?” I called out.

“Mommy’s home,” Charlie said. Two loud bangs reverberated through the house and little feet ran toward me. John threw his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.

“I missed you, Mommy,” he whispered.

“I missed you, too, baby,” I replied, kissing his messy hair. “Were you good for Grandpa?”

“We went to Miss Jane’s and then ice cream afterward. I had chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles,” he said.

“Nummy,” I smiled. He hugged me again and darted back into the kitchen. Grace was nervously wringing her hands by the basement door. It was a habit she picked up from me. “Come here, Gracie girl,” I murmured, holding out my hand. Tentatively, she took it and we went into the family room. We sat down on the couch. “Did you talk with Miss Jane?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, not looking at me. “We talked about what happened this morning. I know that Forks is our home, now. I just miss Poppy and Daddy and Auntie Bec and Uncle Ry and Daddy.”

“You already said that you miss Daddy, sweetheart,” I said, running my fingers through her silky hair.

“But, I do. This morning, I remembered when he stayed with me, sleeping in my princess bed, when a bad storm came through. He hummed to me, really badly but kept me safe,” she cried.

“Daddy was tone deaf, that was for certain,” I sighed, remembering my husband’s one flaw. The man didn’t have one musical bone in his body. He pretended to dance and he sang all of the time, but it was off key and not on rhythm. “Poppy was worse, though.”

Grace nodded, her hazel eyes wide. “This morning, I heard thunder and I wanted Daddy. He wasn’t there. He’ll never be here. He’ll never hum the storms away.”

“I know, Gracie. It’s not fair and I hate that you don’t have him anymore,” I murmured. “I wish I could make it all better. I’m doing the best that I can.”

“You are, Momma,” she sniffled, crawling into my lap. “I sorry for saying those things to you. I don’t hate you. I shouldn’t have said that but I was so angry.”

“I’m angry, too, baby,” I muttered, leaning my cheek on her head. “But, we keep talking to Miss Jane, to each other and to our family. We have to work together, sweetheart. Not fight against each other.” She nodded against my shoulder. “What else did Miss Jane say?”

“That I’ve got a lot of sucking up to do to you,” Grace said, pulling back and jutting out her bottom lip. “I should use my words positively. Not negatively. Those negative words have consciouses.”

“Consequences,” I corrected. “Do you remember those consequences?”

“No TV, books, toys or friends for a week,” she grumbled.

“And punishment is staying in effect even though you apologized,” I said sternly. “You have to know that you can’t speak to me or any adult like that. Before you leave for Seattle on Friday, if you have made good choices in school and at home, you’ll get Wolfie back along with two books and one other toy to take with you. Until then, the only books you’ll be reading will be for school, got it?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I really sorry, Momma. I don’t hate you. I love you and I shouldn’t have ever said that.”

“I love you, too, Gracie. I forgive you,” I whispered, kissing her forehead. She hugged me and hopped off my lap, ambling back into the kitchen. Collapsing against the couch, another wave of exhaustion washed over me. I took off my glasses, rubbing my eyes when I felt the couch next to me dip. _What now?_ I looked over at who sat next to me and saw my mother. She looked worried. “What, Mom?”

“I’m concerned, Bella. When was the last time you slept through the night?” she asked.

“It doesn’t really matter. I get enough sleep,” I said, putting my glasses back on. “I can take care of my children. I can do my job.”

“I know, sweetie, but you’re running yourself ragged. I know that Alice forces you to go to Blow Out and spend some time spoiling you. You’re still a shadow of your former self,” Renee frowned.

“Face it, Mom. This is the new and improved Isabella Marie Swan Black. I’m a fucking zombie. Let’s get used to it, alright?” I snapped. “I’m never going to be happy. I’m never going to be what I was with Jake because he’s gone. And your sad attempt of matchmaking? It’s over.”

“I know that, Bella. I feel awful about that. In my mind, I thought that if you had someone new to spend your time with…” she trailed off.

“Imagine if Charlie died, Mom. Would you want to immediately jump back into the saddle to find a new man?” I asked.

“Of course not! I’d need time to grieve the loss of him, but it’s been a year, Bella,” Renee chided.

“Jake and I were married for thirteen years, Mom. Dated for three years prior to that. Sixteen years have been spent with one man. The man who I gave everything to…my first kiss, my first love, my first time…everything. When I’m ready, which may be NEVER, I’ll take that plunge, Mom. For now, I need to focus on me. On my children. On surviving from day to day. In your mind, you may be thinking that you’re helping, but you’re not,” I said.

“I’ll back off, Bella. I’m sorry. I truly am,” she murmured. “I hate not talking to you.”

“I do, too, but I just need some more time. I still feel betrayed by your constant need to set me up. Thank you for apologizing, but I need to get over this in my own way,” I said.

“Bells! Renee! Dinner’s ready!” Charlie bellowed.

Renee gave me a look. “I’ll be there in a minute. I have to take something for this migraine that I’ve got. I didn’t eat much today and little sleep is only exacerbating the situation,” I explained. Renee nodded and got up from the couch. Shakily, I went upstairs to my bedroom to pick up some ibuprofen. Popping three pills, I sighed heavily before going back downstairs to eat dinner with my family.

Once the dishes were put away, my parents left and I spent some time with my kids. Grace was totally sucking up, hoping for a reprieve in her punishment. I wasn’t budging. When I put them to bed, Grace begged and wheedled for Wolfie. I nearly buckled, but her words hurt me and she needed to have a consequence.

xx PUTP xx

Monday rolled around too quickly. I had barely gotten any sleep because Gracie was wedged in between my body and the couch since I had taken away Wolfie. I drove my kids to school, barely getting through my day. Tuesday was a repeat of Monday, but with even less sleep. John had woken up with an upset stomach, spending most of the night throwing up. Grace was also feeling it when I was getting her ready for school. I called them both in and asked my mom to come over to the house to watch over my two pukey kids while I went to teach my cherubs.

John and Grace were mildly better on Wednesday but still unable to keep much down, so they spent another day at home. I gave Grace a partial pardon, allowing her to watch television and to have Wolfie while she was sick. I prayed that I wouldn’t get the funk that my kids were riddled with and based off the churning in my stomach, it didn’t seem like I was going to be spared. Teaching was unbearable. Every scent made my stomach revolt, almost like I was pregnant again. _Which I wasn’t._ I was dizzy and my movements were sluggish.

Thankfully, my afternoon and evening were pretty light in regards to parent teacher conferences. During the break between the end of school and my first conference, I picked up a small bottle of ginger ale and some saltine crackers. I barely got through my evening of conferences before my stomach rebelled. Violently. I hated throwing up. Abhorred it, really. When I got home, I was a mess and I knew I was dehydrated based off the raging headache I had, plus the aches and pains of a high fever. Charlie saw me stumble through the door. “Renee, stay with John and Grace. Bella’s got the flu. I’m taking her to the hospital.”

“Dad,” I groaned. “I’ll be fine.”

As I said that, he held a garbage can underneath my face as I puked up lots of unpleasantness. Handing me the garbage can, he led me out to the car and drove me to Forks General. In between my bouts of nausea, I called Alice, explaining my illness. I wouldn’t be at work tomorrow, but would try to make it for the conferences.

I got checked into the emergency room, next to someone else who was also dealing with some pukiness. I was hooked up to an IV and administered some Reglan, which was a favorite that was used for Jake’s nausea while he had chemo. Charlie was flipping the television stations when his cell phone rang. “Swan,” he barked. “Oh, Edward…is everything alright?” Charlie listened and chuckled slightly. “Small world, Edward. Come to curtain three.”

Edward poked his head into my room and I groaned internally. I was sicker than a dog and my new friend is seeing me with pale, pasty gray skin and eau de vomit going on. He hung up his phone and blushed slightly. “I’m sorry, Chief, but my mom is struggling tonight. She’s been admitted for dehydration. My dad’s on call. Rose and Emmett are in Portland for some conference, so that just leaves me to care for her, staying with her in the hospital.”

“You’re not the only one with a sick family member,” Charlie chuckled, gesturing to me.

“Shut up, Dad or I’ll puke all over you,” I deadpanned, hugging my garbage can.

“Empty promises, Bells,” Charlie smirked. I rolled my eyes, flipping him off. “I obviously can’t go in, but I can call in Mark to see if he can cover your shift. If you can stay with Pukey McPukerson, I’ll be back in a few.” He clapped Edward on the shoulder on his way out of my room and I just wanted to crawl into a hole.

“Stomach flu?” Edward asked, walking over to me and pressing a blissfully cool hand to my forehead. _Oh, keep that there._

“Yeah. My kids both got it and I succumbed on my way home from conferences,” I said feebly. “My dad dragged me here so I could get rehydrated and some medication.”

“Zofran?” he asked, sitting down on a stool.

“Reglan,” I answered. “Zofran never helped me much. My doctor tried to prescribe it when I was pregnant with John, but I still lived in the bathroom. Reglan became my best friend during both of my pregnancies. Is your mom okay?”

“She’s resting comfortably. We’re waiting for an orderly to bring us up to the medical floor. She’ll probably be here for a couple of days. She’s really dehydrated and weak. Her medication wasn’t even helping her after this round.”

“Medication?” I asked.

“Medical marijuana,” Edward replied. “She couldn’t stop throwing up long enough to get a few hits in. I scooped her up and brought her here. My dad checked on her during a break between surgeries and he’s really nervous that this is what’s going to get her; cause her to lose the battle. Hell, we all are.”

“I’m so sorry,” I frowned. “Cancer sucks.”

“It does. When I die, I do not want cancer. Heart attack, car crash, meteorite,” he quipped morbidly. “I want it to be fast. I don’t want to know.”

“Well, you’re not dying anytime soon,” I said, glaring at him. I just became friends with the man. I didn’t want to lose that friendship. He couldn’t die. My glare quickly morphed into tears and I was trying to not throw up and sob at the same time.

“Shhh, Bella. I’m not going anywhere,” he said, taking my hand in his and he brushed my hair back from my sweaty face.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to fall apart, but the mere thought of losing another person in my life scares the shit out of me,” I said, collapsing onto the bed. My head was throbbing. Edward’s hand was still holding mine, caressing his thumb lightly over my knuckles. Frowning slightly, “You can’t say that you’re not going anywhere, either. Jacob was the vision of health prior to his diagnosis. He ate healthily, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink all that much…and yet, he still died from cancer.”

“You’re right,” Edward replied. “If it’s in my control, I won’t go anywhere. Better?”

“Nothing is ever in your control,” I said blandly. “In the blink of an eye, all control is gone.”

“Not all control. You still have control over your reactions,” Edward countered. He stared at me, smiling wistfully. I bit my lip, letting his words sink in. Charlie sauntered in, finishing up his phone call. Edward released my hand, standing up from the stool. “I hope you feel better, Bella. If you want to reschedule our dinner, I’m okay with that.”

“If you’re available on Saturday?” I asked.

“Works for me. I’ll give you a call tomorrow. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that you’re not going to work tomorrow, yes?” he asked.

“Work yes. Conferences, I’m going to damn well try,” I said, giving him a pitiful fist pump.

“Feel better, Bella,” Edward said sincerely, laying his hand on my leg. Charlie led Edward out of my room, speaking in hushed tones. They shook hands before Edward went back to his mom’s room.

Charlie came back into my room. “Mark and Sam are going to split Edward’s shift. As a result, Edward will have to pull a couple twelve hour days, but that man works more than me,” he chuckled. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” I grumbled. “I can’t wait to go home and crawl onto my couch and sleep.”

“You won’t sleep on your bed?” Charlie frowned. Averting my eyes, I shook my head. “Why?”

“Too big. Too empty. Jake was a bed hog and usually, he slept curled around me. I miss that and in a way, I get that when I’m on the couch. That’s about as much room as I got anyway with Jacob in the bed with me,” I shrugged. Groggily, my eyes drooped. The Reglan was working its way through my system and making me tired while stopping the nausea. Charlie sat down on the stool that Edward had vacated. I dozed until they switched out my IV bag twice before they discharged me. I was told to eat very blandly and get as much sleep as possible. While I was being rolled out, I saw Edward walking with his mom, who looked so tiny on her bed, being rolled up to the medical floor. He gave me a tight smile before ducking into the elevator.

When I got home, I collapsed on my couch and slept all day, not even making it to my conferences. I sent an email out to the parents that I’d reschedule with them or have a phone conference, but I was too sick to come in. Alice was understanding, fielding calls and handling the fall out of my absence. Alice also told me that I didn’t have to come in for the institute day, which a majority of our time was going to be spent in our classrooms. I don’t think I would have made it anyway. I was so weak and tired that making myself some toast kicked my ass.

Edward sent me a brief text late on Thursday, saying that Esme was going home. She drastically improved once she was admitted to the hospital. I was happy for him that Esme wasn’t going to die, even though it was inevitable in the near future. From what Rose told me, Esme’s body was riddled with cancerous cells and the chemo therapy was only slowing down their growth, not stopping it. Edward asked if he could call me the next day, to check how I was doing. I replied that if I wasn’t sleeping, I’d talk.

John and Grace were over at my parent’s house, finishing with their recuperation. I had the house to myself on Thursday. Renee said that they were going to hold off going to Seattle until Thanksgiving weekend since my children were still weak as newborn kittens, but would keep them over the weekend since they were excited at spending time with Grandma and Grandpa. On Friday, I puttered around the house, cleaning it up. During my illness, I had turned quite slovenly. It took almost all of my energy to pick up the main floor of the house and I was downright exhausted when I sat down late in the afternoon. I snuggled on my pillow, watching some bad daytime television when my cell phone rang. Picking it up, I noticed it was Edward. “Hello?” I asked, my voice sounding tired and weak.

“Were you sleeping? I can call back,” Edward rambled.

“No, I just sat down. I was cleaning up the house. With three sick people, it looked like a hurricane blew through it,” I quipped. “But, the picking up that I did wore me out. Having the stomach flu…ugh!”

“I remember having it real bad when I lived out in D.C. It was shortly after I started working at the Bureau. My dumb ass went in to work, puking at my desk because I didn’t want to appear weak. I was so sick that I ended up passing out, walking to deliver a report to the agent in charge of my office. I fell, splitting my forehead open on a desk. I had to have an ambulance take me to a local medical center. I was admitted for extreme dehydration, a fairly moderate concussion and eighteen stitches along my hairline. I was out for two weeks after that, recuperating,” Edward chortled.

“Eighteen stitches?” I squeaked.

“Yeah. I went down like a ton of bricks,” Edward snorted. “I’ll show you the scar when I see you on Saturday.”

“Um, no thanks. I don’t handle blood well,” I grumbled. “I don’t want to puke on you.”

“Bella, it’s long since healed. It happened thirteen years ago,” he chided.

“Hmph,” I pouted. “If you say so.”

“So, I was curious. What are you making? I’d like to bring wine that’s going with the meal, you know?” he said, his voice sounding unsure.

“I haven’t really thought that far ahead. The whole idea of touching and handling food, doesn’t sound all that appealing,” I snorted derisively.

“We can cancel,” Edward said, somewhat dejectedly.

“No, I don’t want to cancel. I want to make this meal for you as a thank you for being such a good friend. Alice and Rose come over on a weekly basis and I cook for them, getting drunk and silly with them. This is kind of like that. However, it’s pretty safe to assume that we won’t be painting each other’s toenails or discussing makeup tips,” I quipped.

“Ah, no,” he laughed. “I hate feet. They’re gross. Just saying. And Burt’s Bees lip balm is the shit.”

“Yeah, this conversation is going to the dark side,” I giggled. “Burt’s Bees?”

“What? When you’re as outside as much as I am, you get chapped lips. That lip balm makes the lips nice and soft without that sticky, goopy, girly feel. Plus, it tastes good, too.”

“You must be quite comfortable in your masculinity to admit that, Edward,” I teased.

“Quite. Thank you very much, Ms. Black,” he quipped. “So, dinner?”

“How does meat and potatoes, sound?” I asked. “I’ll make some steaks, baked potatoes and some creamed spinach?”

“I think I’ve died and gone to heaven, Bella,” Edward said, the smile in his voice evident. “Are we still shooting for six?”

“Sounds like a plan,” I answered.

“Excellent. I’ll see you then. Send me a text or give me a call if anything changes. I’m spending the night at my parent’s place since my dad has to work and Emmett is still in Portland.”

“Tell Esme that I hope she feels better,” I said sincerely.

“I will. See you tomorrow, Bella,” Edward said before hanging up. I collapsed against the cushions of the couch, feeling more exhausted than before, for a couple of reasons. One, talking to Edward made me feel happy. He was funny, compassionate and selfless. Plus, his patience in dealing with my crap was nothing short of nomination for sainthood. Unfortunately, the guilt that was associated with that happiness overwhelmed me. Second, I had a strange inkling that this meal was more than a meal between friends.

Was I ready for that?

No, I wasn’t.

But, did I want to cancel?

Again, no. Even for a few brief moments, I felt like a fraction of the woman I once was with Edward. I wanted that. Selfishly, I wanted that so badly.

_Forgive me, Jake._

xx PUTP xx

My house was spotless. I had several filets in the fridge, ready to be put in the broiler. I never mastered the art of grilling. That was Jake or Billy’s domain.

Jake…I dreamt of him last night. And it wasn’t my usual nightmare of him dying in my arms a thousand times. This was different. He seemed at peace, telling me that he was still with us even though he was gone. Dream Jake also asked if I liked my present that he sent me. I woke up before I could ask him what the hell he meant. I tried to fall back asleep but was unable to do so. I just lay on the couch, watching as the family turned from black to gray to lavender to bright and sunny.

A quarter to six, I was dressed in a pair of jeans and black sweater. I took the time to put on some makeup. I felt somewhat normal, but the guilt was still eating at me. This felt like a date. I hadn’t been on a date in forever, let alone a first date.

“This isn’t a date. It’s dinner. Edward’s my friend. Stop obsessing over this,” I hissed to myself. Looking up at my reflection, I frowned at what I saw. I was still upset, pale and unbelievably sad. Not to mention, about ten pounds lighter thanks to my bought with the stomach flu. But, in my eyes, I saw something that troubled me more. A twinkle. A spark. And not tears. What I saw was a twinkle of excitement, a spark of joy. Before, Jake or my kids had been the only reason for the twinkle, the spark. Now, someone else was giving me this reaction.

Do I go with it?

Or, do I end it before the guilt eats me up?

I couldn’t even respond to my mental questions because the doorbell rang. Flipping my hair over my shoulders, I sprayed some perfume on my wrists before going downstairs to open the door. On the other side, Edward was standing there, wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a black button down shirt along with a black leather jacket. In one hand, he held a bottle of red wine and in the other, a box from the diner, presumably dessert. He chuckled, his eyes sweeping over me. “We match,” he said in his deep voice.

I blushed when I realized that were twins. “Wow, this is somewhat awkward,” I snickered. “I can change.”

“Don’t. You look great,” he said, walking inside. I took the wine from his hands, putting on the table along with the pie. I put his coat in the closet, leading him into the kitchen.

“Thank you,” I said, my blush deepening. “Do you want a glass?”

“Sure,” Edward replied. “Let me open it up. I may not be able to cook, but I’m excellent at opening up alcoholic beverages.”

I chuckled, handing him the wine and a wine opener. While he did that, I turned on my convection oven for the potatoes, wrapping them in aluminum foil. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s good. Most of her strength is back and she’s able to keep down most foods. She even felt good enough to get her pedicure today, too.  She chose red with little pink hearts on her big toes,” Edward said, shaking his head. “How are you feeling?”

“Today’s the first day I didn’t feel like my insides were revolting. I can handle headaches, toothaches, colds, coughs, and pregnancies, but throwing up? Fucking evil,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “My abs are still pissed off at me.”

“Sorry,” Edward frowned. “We could have rescheduled.”

“I’m glad that you’re here, Edward. Don’t think otherwise,” I said, patting his arm. He nodded, giving me a crooked smile. “So, what made you want to become an agent?”

“I always knew I wanted to help people. I didn’t have the scientific mind like my dad and brother to become a doctor, but I was always engrossed in mysteries and watching cop shows when I was a kid. At first, I toyed with the idea of becoming a lawyer, but I knew it wasn’t for me. I liked to be in the thick of things, not jumping it at the tail end at trial. Over the summers during college, I worked at the sheriff’s office in the suburbs of Chicago where I grew up and I was hooked. Reading the information in the warrants division, going on ride-alongs with the deputies when they went on minor calls, visiting the jail…it was all a dream come true. I sailed through my undergraduate degree, landing a job at the bureau immediately after graduation. I went through my training at Langley, scoring incredibly high in weaponry, computers and technology and an aptitude for different languages. I worked with the drug task force, finding sources of drug cartels and stopping them before they grew into something bigger,” Edward explained, his smile wistful.

“I bet you miss it,” I said.

“I do, but Charlie challenges me. He knows that the Forks Police Department is not the F.B.I., but I like it,” Edward replied. He poured two glasses of wine, pushing one towards me.

“Would you go back?” I asked. “To the Bureau?”

“Probably not. My position has long-since been filled. Would I go to a bigger police department? Possibly. Become a detective, perhaps. I mean, Charlie does have me do detective work on the bigger cases here in Forks, but it’s not very often. I’m the most experienced in the field with my criminal justice degree. Most of the guys hired are just trained by the state in a several month course that I took after I moved here,” Edward shrugged. “What about you? Did you always want to be a teacher?”

“Originally, I wanted to be a high school English teacher. I loved English and the many facets of writing. I wanted to instill that joy into my students, but I did some observations at a local Phoenix elementary school when I was admitted into the college of education. I couldn’t get any observations at a high school, at least one within walking distance. I didn’t have a car at school until I was a sophomore. Regardless, I fell in love with the children’s inherent curiosity and need to learn, absorb things like sponges. I changed my major immediately from English with a minor in secondary education to elementary education with a minor in English. I taught third and fourth grade for most of my career. I did get my masters in administration and was in the final running for an assistant principal position when Jake got sick,” I shrugged.

“Would you ever use that degree?” Edward asked.

“I don’t know. Alice mentioned that Banner was retiring in a couple of years. I missed being in the classroom when Jake was diagnosed and after he died. I don’t know if I’d want to leave it again,” I answered, tossing the potatoes into the ready convection oven. “You want to sit in the family room? The potatoes, since they’re so freaking huge, will take longer than the steaks. I’ve got about a half hour before the meat can go into the oven.”

“Sure,” Edward replied, following me into the family room. I curled up on the couch, watching Edward as he sat down, crossing his long legs at the ankles. “How are John and Grace doing? Have they recuperated from their bout with the stomach flu?”

“They bounced back quicker than I did. My parents took care of them while I spent most of my day on Thursday worshipping the porcelain god,” I groaned. “On Friday, they were supposed to go to Seattle, but they’ve rescheduled for Thanksgiving weekend. I’m assuming they’re going to go shopping while I transform the house into a holiday haven. Last year, I barely had enough energy to put up a tree.”

“Why?” Edward asked.

“Jake died on December tenth. He had one last Thanksgiving with his family and then he was placed into hospice. After the funeral, I retreated into my room and Jake’s sisters, his dad and my friends down in Phoenix did everything for Christmas. I could barely function, nearly catatonic. I was a zombie, not even able to wrap my own children’s presents. After losing it on Christmas Day, I made a vow that I’d make this Christmas and subsequent Christmases be extra special. So, I’m going to overcome my fear of heights and hang lights outside, put up a real tree and turn this place into Santa’s workshop,” I said, my voice cracking ever so slightly. A few rogue tears slipped out and I hastily wiped them away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Edward said, taking my hand. “Bella, you don’t have to hold back. I know you’re hurting.”

“I’m just tired of crying,” I laughed humorlessly. “And all you see me do is cry.”

“Have you considered talking to someone?” Edward asked, his thumb swiping over my knuckles.

“What good will it do? It won’t bring my husband back. I don’t want to take drugs because they make the pain dull, but it’s still there. I’d rather feel all of it,” I said, tugging on my necklace that held my wedding rings.

“Talking to someone won’t make Jake come back, but it could help. When my mom’s cancer came back, I was so angry. I was angry at her for not fighting hard enough. I was angry at the cancer for stealing her away and shortening her time with us. I was angry the world. She’s not even gone, Bella. I’m still angry, but talking with a counselor, it helped me channel my anger. I can only imagine the emotions you feel. But, besides my mom, you are probably one of the strongest people that I know,” Edward murmured.

“I don’t feel strong. I feel weak,” I sighed, leaning my cheek against the couch cushions. “But enough heavy. Onto something else. Please?”

We spent the rest of the time chatting about inconsequential things until the timer on my phone went off, indicating that I could put the meat into the broiler. Back in the kitchen, Edward asked me questions about my class and what I was doing for our meal. I felt like a sports commentator as I described each step I took while I was cooking. If Edward could, he probably would have been taking notes. He watched each movement with rapt attention. Once the meat was in the broiler, I handed Edward some plates and silverware, asking him to set the table. I watched as he carefully set my kitchen table. Everything about him was just _good_.

Edward had a good heart.

Edward was a good man, selfless and compassionate.

Edward definitely had a good soul.

_Was he the ‘present’ that dream Jake was talking about?_

No. It’s too soon.

In a way, Edward was right. I did need help with what I was feeling. All of the emotions coursing through me were overbearing. I was angry, spiteful, pissed off, sad, upset, empty, guilty…

Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to the cooking meat and potatoes. The creamed spinach was on the stove and the salad, that I had premade, was in the refrigerator. Scooping out the creamed spinach, I handed the bowl to Edward and asked him to take out the salad with the dressings from the door. Afterward, I checked the meat. It was made to perfection. I put the four filets onto a small platter and the potatoes into a bowl, carrying it to the table. Edward had topped off my glass of wine, helping me into a chair. “This smells delicious, Bella. Whenever I make, or attempt to make steaks, they always end up looking like a charcoal briquette and tasting like the bottom of a shoe.”

“That’s really not all that appetizing,” I teased, spearing a potato. “You really are hopeless in the kitchen. How did you manage to survive for so long?”

“Take out, frozen pizzas, mooching off my ex-girlfriend in D.C. or Emmett and Rose while I’m here,” Edward chuckled, grabbing two filets. “My mom occasionally cooks, but only when she’s feeling really good. The last time she made a meal was Easter. She hasn’t felt up to it since.”

“Well, I hope that this doesn’t taste like the bottom of shoe. It definitely doesn’t look like a charcoal briquette,” I quipped, swiping a filet for myself. “Enjoy!”

The first few moments of dinner were spent in silence. It was slightly uncomfortable. I was nervous that Edward was going hate my meal. However, he moaned loudly as he tasted the meat. “Holy shit, Bella. This is the best steak I’ve ever, I mean, _ever_ had!”

“Really? I didn’t do much,” I blushed. “Just some salt, pepper, garlic and a bit of basil.”

“Whatever you did, it’s ruined all future steak dinners for me,” he quipped. He picked up his glass, smiling widely. “To new friendships and amazing dinners.”

“New friendships and teaching you how to make amazing dinners,” I snorted. He laughed, clinking his glass with mine. The rest of the meal was spent idly chatting about Edward’s time in D.C. and some of the cases he worked on. Apparently, when he had asked for a leave of absence, he was about to go undercover in a big case. With his mother’s illness, he couldn’t go under and he immediately came here to be closer with his family.

Once we were done with dinner, I got up to do the dishes. “Put your ass back in that chair, Bella,” Edward said, arching a brow.

“Why?” I countered.

“You cooked. I clean,” he said, picking up my plate. He was so close to me that I could smell his cologne. “It’s tradition in my family’s household that the cook doesn’t do the dishes. Since I was the only person who can’t cook, I always got stuck with dish duty. I’m good. Trust me.”

“I can help,” I said, feeling the guilt build inside of me.

“You just relax. Finish your wine and tell me about how you met your husband,” Edward said, rolling up his sleeves. Smiling softly, I told Edward how I met Jake and the growth of our relationship. Edward was asking questions, laughing at my stories and seemed to enjoy hearing how I met my first love. My only love, besides my children. By the time he was done, I had told him how we had met through John’s birth. I was starting to share about Gracie when Edward’s phone rang. “Hello?” he replied. “Tomorrow? Sure, Mark. You’ve covered my ass earlier this week. I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. I’ll cover your shifts until you get back from Boston. Don’t worry about it. Talk to you later.” He hung up his phone, sighing.

“What is it?” I asked, sitting at the counter.

“Mark’s grandmother fell, breaking her hip and is in the hospital. He needs to fly out to Boston and stay with his parents. He’s going to be gone for at least a week, if not longer. I’m going to be earning a lot of overtime,” he grumbled.

“Do you need to go?” I asked. My heart sank somewhat at the prospect of him leaving. I had enjoyed tonight a lot.

“Not right away. But I can’t stay as late as I had hoped. I have to be at the station by six,” Edward explained, taking out the pie from the fridge. “I can stay for a cup of coffee and a piece of pie, then I need to head home.”

“Let me make a pot,” I said, hopping off the stool and quickly brewing a pot of coffee. As I took out two mugs, I frowned a little. “Did talking to someone help?”

“With the anger?” Edward replied. I nodded. “It did. To an extent. Therapy is not the cure-all, Bella. It definitely helps me cope with what will happen with my mom. When I moved here, I was a mess, really. But, working with Shelly, I managed to get my anger under control. Is that what you’re feeling? Anger?”

“Anger, sadness, emptiness, but the biggest is the guilt,” I whispered.

“Guilt?”

“I shouldn’t be happy. Jake isn’t here and he was the source of my happiness, I suppose. I don’t know. I feel guilty when I smile, when I see my kids have a milestone like go to kindergarten or lose a tooth. I feel guilty when I spend money on the manicures that Alice forces me to get. I feel guilty talking to you.”

“Don’t feel guilty about your kids or cherishing their accomplishments. Jake would want you to feel that excitement. He’s probably just as happy and overjoyed, wherever he is. In regards to the other things, I can’t tell you that I understand why. Sometimes you have to do something for you, whether it be a manicure,” Edward caressed my fingertips, “or move closer to home.” Gently he turned me and tipped my head up to look at him. “I don’t want our friendship to eat at you. If by talking to me, you feel badly, I’ll walk away…”

“That’s the thing. I like talking to you. I like your friendship. While I’m with you, even though I’m an emotional mess, I feel almost normal, save for the guilt,” I said, a lone tear falling out of my eye.

“Why do you feel guilty?”

“I don’t know,” I lied. Edward arched a brow, staring into my eyes. Slamming them shut, more tears fell onto my cheeks. “I feel like I’m cheating on my husband; that I’m trying to fill that void that his death left by befriending you.”

“Bella, we’re friends. I would never put you in a situation where you would feel uncomfortable. You are still grieving Jake. I know that. I will be there for you. As a friend for as long as you need me. I don’t want to replace your husband. I want us to be friends and perhaps, if we’re lucky, best friends.” I opened my eyes and looked up into his own green orbs. He was being sincere, but I could see something swirling behind his words. I arched a brow. He must have recognized the look on my face. It was my ‘mom bull-shit reader’ face. “I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t find you attractive. But, I’m not going to risk our friendship over that. If, when you’re ready, you want more with me, I’m willing to wait. You’re the first woman that I’ve cared for that wasn’t my family in a long time. I understand that you do _not_ want anything like this. You need to focus on you, on your children…I’m not going to tell you what you should do, but if you want the name of my therapist…”

“I do want that. The name,” I whispered, leaning against the counter.

“Her name is Shelly Cope. She’s a grief counselor at Forks General.” He wrote down her name on the dry erase board on the fridge along with her phone number.

“Thank you, also,” I said, looking at him.

“For what?” Edward replied.

“For being honest. I don’t know if I’ll be able to move past this, but I’m grateful that you’re willing to be my friend. I wish I could say that I want more, but…” I sniffled.

“Bella, I will always, first and foremost, be your friend,” he murmured. Carefully, he gathered me in his arms and I allowed myself to be embraced by him. His hugs were different than Jake’s. Jake was always trying to squeeze me so tightly, to wrap me in his body and shielding me from the world. Edward’s embrace was more about providing security and ease, rubbing his hands up and down my back. His hug wasn’t about shielding me, it was about giving me the needed comfort that I desired.

Pulling apart, I poured us both a cup of coffee and we shared a piece of pie. I was full from dinner and couldn’t eat an entire slice anyway. After dessert, I made up a care package of the remaining filet, potato and the rest of the creamed spinach. I also took a couple pieces of pie for my kids, giving Edward the rest. With his bag of goodies, he put on his coat. “This week will probably be crazy with me covering for Mark. I’ll give you a call when I can and if you do decide to meet with Shelly, let me know. I’m curious if you’ll like her,” Edward said, taking out his keys.

“I will. And thank you. For being my friend and not pushing,” I whispered. “I know that I’m broken…”

“You’re not broken. Don’t ever say that,” Edward said, his eyes flashing. “Admitting that you need help is the first step in healing, Bella. Asking for Shelly’s name is a huge deal. Be proud of that.”

“I still feel guilty,” I shrugged.

“I still feel angry, but those feelings eventually get pushed back,” Edward said. “If you need a friend, call me.”

“I will.”

“Promise?” he asked, his brow arching.

“I promise. Now, go home. You’ve got a long day tomorrow,” I said, giving him a friendly grin.

“Thank you for dinner and I can’t wait to start our cooking lessons,” Edward beamed. “Soon, I’ll be cooking for you and possibly your kiddos.”

“Let’s hold off with you meeting my children. At least until I can get over my feelings of guilt. Plus, with Grace…” I rambled, twisting my wedding rings on their chain.

“I understand,” Edward nodded. He hugged me once more before ambling to his car. I leaned on the door jamb, watching as he backed out of my driveway. Flashing his brights, I waved as he pulled away. Tonight had been fun. For the first time since Jake’s death, I hadn’t been wallowing in sorrow. Edward made me laugh, he pushed me with his comments and comforted me with his soothing embrace and warm demeanor. However, I did feel the guilt push to the forefront of my subconscious.

The guilt for not being with my kids as they were still recovering from their illness.

The guilt of making a meal for man who wasn’t my husband.

The guilt of feeling happiness.

The overwhelming guilt of everything in my life, up until this moment. Edward was right. Billy was right. Alice and Rose were right. My parents were right. I needed to talk to someone. Yes, Jake was gone and I still loved him, but I can’t continue living like this.

With newfound determination, I programmed Shelly Cope’s phone number into my cell. I would call her during my lunch on Monday. I needed to work my way back into the land of the living. Hopefully, Shelly Cope will be the woman who can do it.

**A/N: So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Mediocre? I’d love some opinions on this. Do you think Bella’s going into therapy for the right reasons? What do you think of Edward’s sort of confession about his attraction to Bella? Do you think he’ll hold true to his word and just be her friend?**

**Now, coming up next, meeting Shelly, Thanksgiving, setting up the house for Christmas and the year anniversary of Jake’s death. This next chapter will be a sad one. It’ll be a lot of reminiscing on Bella’s part, missing her husband. It will also be a turning point in Bella and Edward’s relationship. You’ll seen when it’s posted. No pictures with this one, unfortunately. You can check out my blog and tumblr (links in my profile) for previous chapter pictures. You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79.**

**Leave me some!**

 


	7. Chapter 6

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Now, coming up next, meeting Shelly, Thanksgiving, setting up the house for Christmas and the year anniversary of Jake’s death. This next chapter will be a sad one. It’ll be a lot of reminiscing on Bella’s part, missing her husband. It will also be a turning point in Bella and Edward’s relationship.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Six**

**BPOV**

During my lunch, I stared at Shelly’s phone number on my cell. I just couldn’t bring myself to call her. I knew I had to. The overwhelming guilt that I felt after Edward left kept me up most of the night on Saturday. I was so upset that I had shared a meal with him. That I felt somewhat normal, carrying on a conversation that didn’t revolve around my kids, my dead husband or my sadness. Yes, they were a part of our evening, but it wasn’t the dominating conversation. Edward made me laugh. Like, _really_ laugh. He was funny, sweet and just so good. The fact that I had such a decent time caused me to spend the entire night crying out of guilt. I shouldn’t be feeling these things. Not yet. It’s too soon.

Isn’t it?

When my kids came home on Sunday night, I was a bit of a zombie, but I faked it. I read books with them, played on Wii and fed them hamburger helper before tucking them into bed at their bedtimes. I crashed early, but woke up, again in tears feeling guilt for my time spent with Edward and for not being the mother I should be.

Instead of calling Shelly, I texted Edward. _You’ve got a problem, Black. He’s tall and entirely too nice. Why did he have to be so god damned perfect? UGH!_ As soon as I hit send, I wanted to retract the text. I shouldn’t bother him. Edward’s working and he’s the problem. Well, that and the fact that my heart feels like it’s been stomped on, ripped out of my chest and thrown into Lake Crescent where a bear found it and ate it for lunch. _Graphic, Bella._

I’ve lost my damn mind. Gone. It’s gone. Completely gone. Poof! Vanished.

_Slightly freaking out. I want to call Shelly. I really do, but I’m scared ~ B_

I never expected him to text back but instead, he called. “Hey, Bella,” Edward breathed. “I’m in the car. I can’t exactly text you. I’m supposed to be nailing the high schoolers who do it on a daily basis. I’d be a hypocrite if was doing the same thing: texting while driving.”

“That would be ironic, really,” I teased. Huffing out a breath, I continued, “Why am I freaking out over calling a therapist? I did it for my kids.”

“My guess is that you’re afraid that you’re going to lose everything that you had with Jake by talking to her,” Edward explained. “I don’t know. All I know is that Shelly helped me realize that I need to cherish the time I have left with my mom and not let the anger overwhelm me.”

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed. Looking at the clock, I knew I didn’t have time to call her now. “I’ve got to go. In ten minutes, my kiddos are back from lunch and I still need to reschedule some parent/teacher conferences.”

“Call Shelly. You won’t regret it. She’s an adorable grandma-type who doesn’t take shit from anybody,” Edward snorted. “I’ll talk to you later, Bella.”

“Thanks for calling,” I murmured. “I’m sorry that I bothered you, especially while you’re working.”

“You’re never a bother,” he said sincerely. I heard a crackle over the phone line. “Where, Sue? I’m on my way. Call Charlie for back up. Cullen, out. Bella, there’s a robbery in progress at one of the local gas stations. I’ll call you tonight?”

“Be safe, Edward,” I whispered.

“I will. I promise. Bye, Bella,” Edward said, clicking off the phone. I took off my glasses, rubbing my eyes. With an audible sigh, I refocused, contacting the parents that requested a rescheduled parent conference and then prepared my classroom for the afternoon of classes.

When the bell rang at the end of the day, I asked my mom to pick up John since I had a ton of work to do in my classroom. I’d come over to have dinner and take my kids home afterward. John hung out in my classroom while we waited for Renee. He was organizing the books on the bookshelf while I was writing up on my board the plan for tomorrow.

“Mom?” John asked. “I got a birthday invitation today. Jared’s having a party at this bowling alley with laser tag on Sunday. Can I go?” He walked over to me, handing me the invite. It was scheduled from noon until four, with bowling from one to three.

“Let me call Jared’s mom, but I don’t see why not. What would like to get him?” I asked.

“He loves Legos. He’s got the coolest Lego lunch box,” John beamed. “Maybe something Lego related?”

“I think we do that,” I said, hugging him. As I did so, I could hear the laughter of Alice, her heels clicking on the linoleum flooring and my mom’s voice, prattling on about something that Grace did. They walked into my classroom with Grace holding Renee’s hand.

“Momma!” Gracie squealed, running to me and throwing her arms around my neck. I hugged her back and picked her up. “Guess what we did in school today?”

“What?” I replied.

“We had music! Miss Palmer said that I had the prettiest voice when we sang about the states,” Grace beamed. “Fifty Nifty United States!” she began. And she did have the voice of an angel. Thankfully, Grace inherited my musical abilities, not Jake’s. Poor John was riddled with the tone deafness.

“You do have a pretty voice, Miss Grace. Now, why don’t you and John read a book while I talk to Mrs. Whitlock and Grandma, okay?” I said, kissing her nose. John smiled, holding out his hand for his sister. Plopping down on one of my beanbags, he pulled out a picture book from the shelf and began reading to her. My eyes pricked at the sweetness of that picture. John had really taken Grace under his wing, assuming the role of protector. _My sweet, brave boy._ Shaking it off, I turned to Alice and my mom, “Alice, I managed to reschedule most of my parent conferences. Only two declined to reschedule. They were happy with just a phone conference. I’m sorry about the hassle…”

“Hells Bells, you were sick. Most of the parents were dealing with a similar situation. The stomach flu came through here, attacking almost every classroom. You were one of the few teachers who got infected,” she snorted.

“Yeah, don’t remind me. Puking sucks,” I deadpanned.

“And you had it quite severely, too,” Renee frowned.

I wrinkled my nose. “Still don’t need the reminder, Mom,” I said. “Anyhow, I’ve got some things that need to get done here in my classroom. Can you take John home with you?”

“Sure. Does he have homework?” Renee asked.

“Math and social studies,” I answered. “Plus reading for an additional twenty minutes.” Renee nodded, hugging me before collecting both of my children. Once their coats are on, I hugged them both, kissing their heads and watched as my mom took them out of my room. Alice stayed back, giving me a look of concern. “What, Ali-cat?”

“I know you’re getting over being sick, but you look like shit, Bells,” Alice said.

“I’m dealing with a lot of stuff, Alice,” I retorted. Walking over to my board, I finished putting up the schedule for the day. _Two specials, yes!_ “Being sick didn’t help, plus it’s getting closer and closer to Jake’s anniversary of his death. This time of the year kind of sucks.”

“I know,” Alice frowned, plopping herself down onto one of the desks.

“Which reminds me. I know that I want to take the day that he died off. A personal day,” I said, looking at my friend. “If it were the weekend, I would have flown down to Phoenix, but it’s in the middle of the week. I’ll just have to hold off visiting Jake until Christmastime. Can you get me a sub for December tenth?”

“Sure, Bells,” Alice said, giving me a sympathetic grin. “I’m just worried, though.”

“I’m trying, Ali. Edward, you know Esme’s son? He gave me a name of a grief counselor,” I said.

“Excellent!” Alice squealed, clapping her hands. “Have you called?”

“I was going to during my lunch today, but I chickened out,” I grumbled. “I don’t want medications, Ali.”

“If you’re going to a counselor, you won’t get meds. Jasper, who is a psychiatrist, can prescribe meds. Counselors and psychologists cannot. They can only say that you may need additional help and send to you a psychiatrist. Can I ask who?”

“Shelly Cope,” I replied, checking my phone. “She’s out of Forks General.”

“I’ve heard she’s great. Sue Clearwater, your dad’s dispatcher, went to Shelly after her husband Harry died of a sudden heart attack a couple of years ago,” Alice said. “And you know you can always talk to me or Jas.”

“I know, but sometimes you want to vent and not feel like you’re being a burden. All I do, it seems, is cry, vent and disrupt your lives. I love you, Ali. I love everyone here, but maybe talking to Shelly will be good for me. I don’t know. I still am afraid of calling her. I don’t want mock sincerity. I don’t want someone to belittle my pain and grief from losing my husband,” I said, remembering the counselor that was assigned to me through hospice.

The counselor, Yvette, seemed bored with what I was saying. It was like she was forced to listen to grieving widows and widowers. She probably was and was burnt out with her job. She’d offer some half-hearted advice and then say that she’d see me next week. More often than not, though, she’d cancel. When my time was done with her, Yvette told me to see a psychiatrist who prescribed a strong antidepressant, sleeping pills and a mild antipsychotic, at Yvette’s recommendation. I took them for a month when I decided they weren’t for me, flushing the remaining medications down the toilet. I’d rather be a sobbing mess than a robot.

_There’s your reason for your fear. You don’t want another experience with Yvette. You want to talk to someone who cares, or who, at least, pretends to care._

“Shelly won’t belittle your pain. She’s a widow herself and understands,” Alice said, rubbing my shoulder. “She lost her husband twenty years ago to a car accident. Remember Principal Cope? He used to work at the high school?”

“He retired when we were freshmen, right?” I asked. Alice nodded. “I remember reading about the accident in the newspapers when I was in Phoenix. Renee sent me the clipping.”

“Shelly, who had had a degree in psychology, went back to school to become a grief counselor at the age of forty-seven. It’s what made her continue on living her life. She now helps other people,” Alice smiled. “Plus, she’s enjoying some time with Banner, too. He’s quite smitten with Shelly.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to imagine two old fogies, one of whom may be my therapist, getting it on,” I shuddered. “Ewwww, Alice. Line…you crossed the line. Yuck!”

 “I’ll just leave you with that little nugget of information. I’m going to get ready for our staff meeting on Thursday. Are we still on for girl’s night in on Friday?”

“I’ll let you know, perv,” I snorted. Alice guffawed as she skipped out of my room. I worked on my lessons for a few hours, prepared up through Thanksgiving. I was putting on my coat and locking up my room. Walking out into the parking lot, I noticed a Forks cruiser parked next to me. It wasn’t my dad’s car. When I got closer, the officer got out and I recognized him instantly. “Edward, you stalking the dangerous parking lots of Forks Elementary?”

“I was just driving by and I saw your car still parked,” he said, smiling crookedly. “Shouldn’t you be at home? It’s nearly six!”

“Missing Thursday and the institute on Friday, I was way behind. Plus, most of my down time today was spent contacting parents and rescheduling conferences. I needed to be ready for those meetings, not to mention having stuff for class tomorrow,” I shrugged. “Did you catch the felon from the gas station?”

“He’s sitting in a holding cell,” Edward smirked. “The Clallam County Sheriff is going to pick him up for his arraignment in Port Angeles in the morning. The kid was higher than a kite. He didn’t know what he was doing, but he was looking for money to get his next fix. The gas station was an obvious choice and he went in, guns blazing. He’s being charged for attempted burglary with a deadly weapon, possession of a controlled substance and DUI. The sad thing is that these drugs cases are becoming more and more rampant.”

“And the agent in you is trying to connect the dots?” I asked.

“Yep. I’ve got some hypotheses, but, enough of that. Did you call Shelly?”

“Tomorrow. Lunch time tomorrow. I promise. I just had no time today and by the time I could do it, I was walking out of here and she’s probably gone,” I said. Edward looked at his watch, nodding slightly. “Are you off? Is your shift done?”

“Nope. I’ve got until ten tonight. Then, I’m back on at seven until ten,” Edward groaned. “I’m covering most of Mark’s shifts because of his grandmother. He called me and said he should be back by this weekend. The fall wasn’t as bad they had believed. Instead of a complete hip replacement, it’s just surgery to pin it in place. His dad is flying back with him while his mom is staying in Boston.”

“What’s your schedule like the rest of this week? Surely not seven in the morning until ten at night every day?” I barked.

He wrinkled his nose, indicating that was his schedule for remainder of the week. “I’ve had worse.”

“Edward, you’ll get sick,” I chastised.

“If it’s any consolation, Charlie is guaranteeing the entire week off during Thanksgiving. I can help you put up those Christmas lights,” he said, grinning crookedly. “I’ll go up on the ladder, save you from having a panic attack because of your fear of heights.”

“You’d do that?” I asked, my brows shooting to my hairline.

“You said that you wanted to make this Christmas the best for your kids. I want to help you do that,” he replied, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s what friends do, Bella.”

“Thank you,” I murmured. I reached over and gave him a brief hug. “Sometime during the week, I’ll swing by the station and bring you some dinner. My kids have an appointment in Port Angeles on Thursday with their therapist, Jane. I can drop off some healthy fast food for you?”

“I’d like that, Bella. Thank you,” he said. “Anyhow, I’m glad that I got to run into you. Call Shelly and if you need to talk, I’m just a phone call away.” He grasped my hand, his hand shockingly warm despite the chilly temperature outside. With another crooked smile, he slid into the idling cruiser and drove off.

xx PUTP xx

It was, again, lunchtime. I was staring at my phone. Shelly’s number was taunting me. Over dinner, my parents both encouraged me to talk to her and when I was standing outside during morning bus duty with Alice, she did the same. Even Edward, while he was on his morning break, sent me a text, reminding me of Shelly’s number. “I can do this,” I whispered. Dialing the number, I waited for the receptionist to pick up. I was shocked when Shelly herself answered the phone.

“Dr. Shelly Cope,” she said pleasantly.

“Um, hello?” I squeaked out.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think so. My name is Isabella Black and I recently moved back to Forks…” I began. Pulling out my wedding rings, I spun them on the necklace. “A year ago, I lost my husband to cancer and I was wondering if I could come speak with you. You’ve come highly recommended by a few friends of mine.”

“Isabella Black?” she asked.

“Charlie Swan’s daughter,” I said automatically. “I grew up here in Forks, but most everyone remembers me as Bella Swan?”

“Oh, yes! I know who you are,” Shelly said, her smile evident. “Your dad always gushed about how smart and successful you are. I’d run into him at the Thriftway every so often. Anyhow, I’d be happy to help you. When would like to come in?”

“When’s your earliest appointment?” I asked, biting my lip.

“In about ten minutes,” Shelly snorted.

“Well, I can’t do that. I’m a teacher at Forks Elementary and I have my lovely cherubs coming back from lunch in about twenty minutes,” I chuckled.

“I do have a cancellation at four today,” she murmured, flipping through something, presumably a planner. “Would that do?”

“I’ll make it work, Dr. Cope,” I said, jotting down the time. “Where are you located?”

“Please call me Shelly, dear. I’m in the medical offices, just south of the hospital.” Shelly gave me directions to her office. I gave her insurance information before I hung up so she could begin processing the information. We chatted for a few more minutes until the bell rang and my students began clambering into the room. I quickly sent a text to my mom, asking her to pick up John from school so I could go to my own appointment with my grief counselor.

The afternoon dragged by. Well, with the exception of when my students had art. That forty minutes zipped by, but everything else was slower than molasses in January. At the end of the day, I told John to wait outside to meet up with Grandma in the car lane since I had a doctor’s appointment. John got worried, immediately thinking the worst. I quickly calmed him down, explaining that it was like his appointments with Miss Jane. I made note of his reaction, wanting to bring it up with Jane. He was irrationally freaking out.

_It’s not so irrational, Bella. Jake went to the doctor one day, perfectly healthy, and when he came back, he was dying of cancer. John thinks that the same is going to happen to you._

I watched John get into the car. He waved at me, his little face sad and full of worry. Checking my watch, I darted into my classroom to grab my coat, bag and purse. I quickly drove to the medical offices by the hospital and easily found Shelly’s suite. I was distracted by John’s fears, probably thinking that I would begin my session with Shelly with that. Signing with the receptionist, I idly played on my phone until the door opened in the waiting room. “Bella?” called an older woman. She reminded me of Rose Nylund from _The Golden Girls_.

“Shelly?” I replied, standing up. She nodded, holding out her hand. We shook and she led me to a very comfy, homey office. Shelly gestured to the leather sofa while she sat down in the matching leather chair. “Thanks for squeezing me in at such short notice. If I had this appointment scheduled for a couple of days, I would have chickened out.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Bella,” Shelly said, giving me a warm grin. “It takes strength and courage to come to therapy. You’ve crossed the first bridge by making that phone call and another bridge when you arrived today. Now, we’re going to ease into things. From our discussion earlier today, you’ve lost your husband to cancer, correct?”

“Yeah. He died of pancreatic cancer about six months after his initial diagnosis. His death anniversary is coming up in about a month or so,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I just know that it’s going to be tough. I’ve been strong for my kids, but it’s hard.”

“I know,” Shelly said. “Now, tell me about your husband. Jake, right?”

“Yes. We met in college. He was a senior when I was a freshman and I ran into him. Literally.” I told her how we met and his sweet ways to woo me. Shelly asked me questions, about how he acted when we were first dating. I eagerly answered, happy to share the really romantic side of my husband.

“What was the most romantic thing your husband did for you while you were dating? Something that you and he shared?” Shelly asked.

“I was really anxious to start my student teaching experience. We had been together for a couple of years at this point. The school that I was placed at was a half hour away from where I went to school. I felt that I was wholly unprepared to step into that classroom, teaching those kids. I had done most of my clinicals in the primary grades, first and second grade but I was assigned to a fifth/sixth classroom. On the eve of my first day of student teaching, Jacob took me out to an early dinner and then went to this local classroom supply shop called The Chalkboard. Jacob told me to buy what I needed. I argued with him saying that I was a lowly college student without an unlimited budget. He took my hand, cupping my face with his massive paw and kissed me, saying he was going to front the bill. I damn near had a nervous breakdown because I was so overcome with sappy happiness that he’d do this for me.

“Anyhow, I picked out some different books on grammar, math, science, social studies and some classroom display artwork since my cooperating teacher said I needed to create a bulletin board. While I was wondering around the store, Jacob was also looking for goodies for me, too. When I put my books up on the counter, Jake had also found a tote that had a ‘math equation’ on it. ‘2 Teach + 2 Touch = 4 Ever’ with apples all over the tote. He also got me a grade book, some pens and pencils and a set of hall passes. Every year after that, even the year he died, we had our annual trip to The Chalkboard to buy my school supplies. He’d find some cheesy apple-themed teacher gift but it made for a special connection between the two of us. I still use the tote to this day. It’s threadbare, but I can’t even imagine not having it.”

“Jacob sounds like a generous, loving man,” Shelly smiled. “You were very lucky.”

“I was. I miss him so much, every day,” I sniffled.

“Now, before you go, I want to ask you. Why were you afraid of coming here?” Shelly asked. “Today was fairly painless, right?”

“It was. It’s just that I went to grief counseling down in Phoenix and my counselor wasn’t all that sincere or genuine. She seemed more interested in canceling our appointments or shipping me to a shrink than actually helping me get over my grief,” I snarled.

“That’s awful,” Shelly frowned. “Grief is not something you can medicate or try to fix in two or three sessions. Getting over a loss; it takes time. For some, a year or two. For others, not at all. I don’t know how much you know about me, but my husband, Gene, died in a car accident over twenty years ago.”

“I remember. Principal Cope retired when I was a freshman in high school. My mom sent me the clipping when he had passed. I’m so sorry,” I said quietly.

“Thank you, Bella,” she replied, giving me a sad grin. “Even though he’s been gone for twenty years, I still miss him. The way I got over his death was to become a grief counselor, to help other people get over their losses. Now, it took me two years to make that decision, but it’s the single most amazing thing I’d ever done, except having my kids. There are still days that I wake up and I am reminded that my beloved is no longer with me. It’s those days that I work the hardest, though. Now, what worked for me, may not work for you. Our job is to figure out a way for you to live with your grief and whatever else you’re feeling.”

“Guilt,” I muttered. “Overwhelming guilt.”

“That’s understandable. Now, I’m going to end it here but first, I want to give you some homework. Do you keep a journal?” she asked.

“No,” I replied.

“I would like you to write down two memories of your time with Jacob that made you happy, loved and cherished. Then, I want you to write down a memory that you had after Jacob died that made you feel guilty. Don’t write about the feelings, just the memories. We’ll process the feelings when I see you next week at the same time,” Shelly said, arching a brow. “Does that work for you?”

“Yeah. There is one more thing before I go. I had my son get picked up by my mom because I had this appointment. John, my baby boy, got really upset when I said that I had a doctor’s appointment. How can I get him to realize that every time we go to the doctor, it’s not a bad thing?” I asked.

“That will take time. John suffered a loss like you. Yes, children are resilient, but their fears can be irrational and you going to the doctor brought that latent fear to the front of his mind. He’s already lost one parent. His mind can’t bear to lose another. When you get home, love up on him and reassure him that you’re perfectly healthy physically but you needed someone to talk to. A friend,” Shelly said thoughtfully. Biting my lip, I nodded. Shelly got up and we walked to the front window. I paid for my session, scheduling my appointment for the following week.

Driving to my parent’s house, I ate dinner with them before taking both of my kiddos home. I noticed that John was pretty sullen when we got into the house. “Gracie, why don’t you go downstairs and pick out a video to watch before you go to bed?” I suggested. “You’ve got about a half hour.”

“Can I watch _Tangled?_ ” she squeaked, mentioning her favorite movie. I nodded and she squealed, darting down the stairs.

“John, come here, sweetie,” I said, guiding him to the couch. We sat down and I pulled him to my side. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” he grumbled, playing with the zipper on his hoodie.

“No, you’re not. Talk to me, John. Why are you so upset?” I pushed. John huffed, tugging on his zipper, almost ripping his clothes. I took his hands and forced him to look at me. “John, please, baby?”

“You’re going to die. Just like Daddy!” he said, tears spilling over his cheeks. “You had to go to the doctor today and then, you’re going to get sick and…and…you’ll be gone!”

I hugged him tightly, holding him to my body. “John, I’m not going anywhere. I’m fine,” I soothed.

“Daddy was fine and then he wasn’t,” John muttered, his face buried in my hair. “You were sick last week…”

“So were you,” I teased, brushing his hair off his forehead. “John, today, I went to an appointment to talk to someone. You know how you see Miss Jane every couple of weeks?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I decided that I needed someone to talk to you like that, but I didn’t want to see Miss Jane because she works mainly with kids like you,” I said, caressing my son’s cheek. “A friend of mine gave me a name of someone that can help me not be so sad.”

“You’re sad?” John asked.

“I am, sweetie. I miss Daddy so much that I feel like I’m missing part of myself. I also feel bad because he’s missing you and Grace grow up,” I whispered. “That makes me feel sad and empty. I need some help to deal with these feelings. I want to be the best mom for you and if I’m always sad or tired or upset, then I can’t do that. Today, I met with Miss Shelly to help me get better.”

“So, you’re not going to lose your hair and get sick like Daddy?” he asked, his dark brown eyes swimming with tears.

“Not if I can’t help it,” I vowed, kissing his forehead. “I’ve got to see you grow up, get married and be happy, John. Daddy made me promise before he died that I be there for you and Gracie.” He also made me promise him to be happy. I’m not happy. Not yet…

“Okay, Mommy,” he said, putting his head on my shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you so much, my brave boy,” I whispered against his hair. He stayed curled up against me until Grace bounded up the stairs deciding to join our little snuggle fest. We stayed on the couch until both of my children started nodding off. With a little prodding, I helped them up the stairs and into their pajamas. Once my kids were in their beds, I went into my bathroom and showered. Standing under the hot spray, I processed the conversation I had with Shelly. She held true on her promise on not getting too much into the nitty gritty of why I was there. Today was spent reminiscing, remembering the great things of my relationship with Jake.

When I was done with my shower, I put on a pair of pajamas and went downstairs into the storage we had in the basement. I searched through the boxes until I found what I was looking for. The red plastic bin, labeled ‘apples’ was buried underneath some of Grace’s baby clothes that I decided to keep. Carrying the bin into the family room, I opened it up, taking out each apple inspired gift that Jake ever got me. What should have been an annoyance to teachers, Jake turned into something sweet and just for us. It started with the commercialized apple teacher paraphernalia from The Chalkboard turned into homemade apple gifts as the years progressed. The last gift he got me was a personalized key chain with apples, sparkles and just something fun. He told me that he wanted me to wear it on my lanyard while I worked at my new school as the assistant principal.

“Jake,” I sniffled, clutching the keychain to my chest. “I’m sorry, Jake. I miss you so much, baby.” I cried for a spell before deciding to carry the bin up the stairs and loading it into my car. Emotionally, I was exhausted and I just wanted to fall into bed. When I got upstairs, wanting to try and sleep in my room, the king-sized bed taunted me. Despite my exhaustion, I carried my pillows and blankets down to my couch, making my bed up. I curled up and almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

xx PUTP xx

_“I can’t believe how small she is,” Jake murmured, cradling Grace in his arms. “She’s feather light…”_

_“Well, you’re massive. Anything less than fifty pounds is feather light,” I quipped, smiling softly as I watched my husband hold our daughter. She was truly dwarfed in his arms. Grace was only six pounds when she was born and eighteen inches long. What she lacked in size, she made up for in volume. Once she took her first breath, she was screaming. Loudly. “Thankfully, we had her in the hospital.”_

_“That’s for damn sure,” Jake quipped, caressing her cheek. “She was not in a hurry to come out, were you little one?” She must have done something cute because Jake’s face erupted into a goofy grin. “Bells, she’s so perfect. I can’t believe we created something so perfect.” He moved to sit down next to me, passing me Grace. “I love you so much, Bella. Our family is…” He cupped my chin and a few tears fell onto his cheeks. “I’m so blessed, Bella. Thank you for choosing me.”_

_“Running into you,” I chuckled, wiping his tears away._

_“Best thing that ever happened to me,” he laughed, causing Grace to jump in my arms. “Oops, sorry, baby girl.” Grace’s eyes stayed open and she blinked, staring at both of us. Her eyes were light gray and her skin was closer to my pallor than Jake’s. However, she was bald. Completely bald. John was born with thick black hair that fell out within the first few months of his life, but Grace had nothing on her head. She wriggled a little in my hold, making her adorable baby sounds._

_Jake got up from the bed and sat down next to me. His appearance had changed. He looked thinner and his thick black hair was gone. When I looked down in my arms, Grace was gone. Looking around, I was sitting in my bedroom. “Bells, I’ve missed you,” Jake whispered._

_“Jake?” I cried, tears falling freely down my face._

_“Don’t cry, love. I know you’re sad, but I’m so upset that I’m the one who made you cry by leaving,” he said. His cold hand caressed my face._

_“What? Why? Come back!” I pleaded. “Why this memory?”_

_“I wanted you to remember when we had Grace…how happy we were,” Jake said, waving his hand and displaying our much younger selves, fawning over our little girl. “I also want you to know that I want you to be happy again, too. I know you’ve met someone.”_

_“No, I haven’t. Jake, I still love you,” I shrieked, sitting up on the bed. I tried to move closer to my husband, but an invisible barrier prevented me from doing so. “Jake!”_

_“Bells, I hate not being here for you. I hate that my death has caused you so much anguish. I also know that you’re struggling with a lot. The biggest thing is your guilt,” he said, moving closer and gently guiding me back onto the pillows._

_“How do you know that?” I asked._

_“I’m in your head,” Jake chuckled. “Don’t feel guilty, Bella. You’re a young, beautiful woman. There are going to be men who are interested in you. I don’t want you to not pursue something because of this guilt.”_

_“I gave you everything, Jake. How am I supposed to give that to someone else?” I asked, tears falling down my cheeks._

_“It will take time, but I know that there’s someone who is willing to wait for you,” Jake said. “I’ve been talking with Esme and we both believe that Edward is the one to help you heal. Seeing Shelly is the best, but Edward knows what you’re dealing with.”_

_“But, I love you,” I sobbed._

_“And I love you. So much. I also know that you gave me everything but now it’s my turn. I’m telling you it’s okay to move on. I know it won’t be right away, but…”_

_“NO! Jake, we were supposed to be together forever!” I snapped. “We had our lives planned out!”_

_“Those plans changed, Bells,” he said, gathering me in his arms. “I love you, Bella. I’ll always love you.” Pulling back, he cupped my face and stared into my eyes. He leaned forward and I eagerly awaited his kiss._

_But it never came._

“NO! NO! NO!” I screamed shooting up from the couch. Charlie was on the floor, his eyes wide with shock. “What are you doing here? What time is it?” I looked at the clock and realized it was well after eleven. “SHIT! I’ve got to go to…”

“Bella, relax. Please,” Charlie said, pushing me back onto the couch. “Alice was one who called me when you didn’t show up to work. She’s covering your class.”

“I’m going to get in trouble. I’m going to lose my job,” I sobbed, pushing away from my father and running up the stairs. I tripped on one of Grace’s toys, catching myself on the stairs. I rolled my foot and I cried brokenly. “Daddy!”

“Shhhh, baby girl,” he soothed, pulling into his arms. “I know, baby.” We sat on my stairs as I cried over everything. I hated being so weak, broken. I wanted my old life back but it was never going to happen.

“I want him back, Daddy,” I whimpered, clutching his plaid shirt. “He came to me in a dream…saying it was okay to move on, but I’m not ready. He was everything. My everything. I want him back.”

“Jake isn’t coming back. I hate that he’s gone. He loved you so much, but he’s…” Charlie said, caressing my messy hair. My sobs came anew. Charlie cursed under his breath and kept holding me against his chest. “Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you dressed. Your mom wants to spend some time with you. She’s with Grace right now.”

“I hurt my foot,” I muttered, showing him my slightly swollen ankle. “I tripped on something.”

Charlie pursed his lips and took out his phone. “I can’t carry you, Bells. I’m calling for back up.”

“Don’t call Edward,” I whined.

“It’s either him or Sam,” Charlie chided. I scowled, crossing my arms over my chest. “Edward? Where’s your location? Can you come over to Bella’s? She’s fallen and I can’t…Thanks. See you in a few.” Charlie turned to me. “Edward will be here in a little bit. Do you have crutches or something?”

“No. I got rid of them when I moved. I was praying I’d never need them again,” I said, trying to cover my body. I was wearing one Jake’s button-down shirts and a pair of his boxers. There was a knock at the door and Charlie got up from the stairs. He let in Edward, who was wearing his Forks police uniform and a pair of sunglasses. Tears came down my cheeks and I just wanted to disappear.

“I’m going to get some ice,” Charlie mumbled, leaving to go into the kitchen.

Edward walked over to me and he frowned. “What happened?”

“I slept through my alarm, had a horrific nightmare and lost my footing,” I muttered, feeling very exposed. “I’m kind of stuck here. My dad…”

“Do you want to go up or down?” he asked.

“Down,” I sniffled, my cheeks damp with my tears. “To my bed.”

He turned and saw my couch. I saw something flash in his eyes but he quickly hid it as he turned back to me. “Arms around my neck, Bella,” he said quietly. He bent down and I wrapped my arms around his head. Easily, he swept me in his arms and carried me down the stairs to my couch. He grabbed a few cushions and placed my swollen foot on top of them, covering me with my comforter. “Are you okay?”

“No,” I whispered. “I met with Shelly yesterday and then…I shouldn’t have gone.” I curled up, crying quietly.

“Bella, don’t say that. Yes, you’re struggling now, but…” he began.

“I shouldn’t have gone,” I snarled. “Going there obviously reminded my subconscious that my husband was dead and…that he’s never coming back…and…and…” Edward hugged me in his arms as I fell apart. Again. He kept me in his arms until I calmed down. I felt badly for snapping at him. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Bella. I understand,” Edward replied, pushing me onto my pillows. “Now, let me see your foot. I’m not a doctor but I’ve got some first aide skills.”

“I just sprained it,” I explained as he lifted the blanket. His warm hands wrapped around my foot as he manipulated it. “I’ll be fine. I’ll just wear some sneakers for the next few days.”

“Do you have a wrap or ACE bandage?” Edward asked.

“Up the stairs, in the linen closet. There’s a basket filled with wraps, braces and other goodies,” I quipped sadly. He nodded, darting up the stairs. He came back a few moments later with an ACE bandage and a black brace. He held them up and I pointed to the brace. He asked if I wanted some socks and I nodded. He ran back upstairs, finding some socks for me in my bedroom. Carefully, he put the socks on my feet and pushed the brace on. “Thank you.”

“Where’s your dad with the ice? Is he flying to the North Pole to get it?” he laughed.

I shrugged, not really sure where my dad was but I had an inkling that he was meddling. Edward’s laughter stopped and he got up from the edge of the couch, walking to the kitchen. The emptiness that I felt was swallowing me whole. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted the pain to stop. Edward came back into the living room, holding the blue gel pack. “Your dad was on the phone. He’s talking to Alice, I think.”

“I’m going to be fired,” I muttered dejectedly.

“I doubt it,” Edward said quietly, wrapping my foot with the ice pack. “Bella, she knows that you’re struggling.”

“But, I was hired to do a job. If I can’t do that job, I should be fired,” I said, my tears splashing onto my cheeks. “I couldn’t wake up and it wasn’t until my nightmare was over that I…”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Not really,” I sniffled. Edward’s eyes dropped to my floor. “I’m sorry, Edward. I probably should, but I’m just feeling raw and…I suck.”

“You do not suck,” he said, his eyes flashing with anger. “Bella, don’t think that I’m upset that you don’t want to share your nightmare with me. I get it. I have those, too. When you’re ready, you’ll talk.” He took my hand, caressing his thumb over my knuckles. “If you don’t talk to me, talk to Shelly. Don’t let this situation stop you from going to see her.”

Charlie walked back into the living room, sitting down in the recliner. “Alice will be over after school,” he said.

“How much trouble am I in?” I asked.

“None, Bella. Alice was worried about you. When you weren’t in your class and the kids not in school without a phone call, she more concerned that someone was hurt,” Charlie explained.

“But, I didn’t call in. I didn’t have lesson plans…” I said.

“Don’t worry, Bells,” Charlie said. “Now, you just relax. Get some more sleep if you need to.”

“Feel better, Bella,” Edward murmured, squeezing his fingers around my hand. “Call me, okay? I’ll have my phone with me until I get home.”

“I will. Thank you for helping me,” I whispered, my exhaustion beginning to wash over me. My eyelids drooped and I felt someone kiss my forehead as I dozed off. I heard the door open, then close. On the porch, I could hear Edward and Charlie speaking quietly. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but my mind was too exhausted from my emotional morning and I eventually drifted into a dreamless, thankfully, sleep.

When I woke up, Alice was sitting on the chair. I dropped my gaze to my comforter, feeling shame at not going to work and not even notifying the office. “Don’t even start, Hells Bells,” Alice chided.

“I should get docked pay or fired,” I muttered.

“Bull shit! Bella, I’m not going to dock you pay because of what you are going through. It will cost you a sick day, but that’s the extent of your ‘punishment,’” Alice explained. “Besides, I had a lot of fun with your class. They were so excited to have Principal Whitlock as their teacher.”

“I didn’t have plans…” I trailed off.

“You had your agenda up and everything was labeled on your desk, Bells. It’s okay,” Alice said, moving to sit next to me. She saw my tears falling on my face and she hugged me. “What is it, Bella? Why are you so upset?”

“I had a nightmare. Well, it started as a dream,” I muttered against her shoulder.

“Tell me,” she said, pulling back and listening as I told her about what I dreamt about last night, into this morning. I also told her about my appointment with Shelly, her request of homework and what happened after I was jolted awake from my nightmare. “Bells, be honest with me. Why are you so upset about that dream?”

“Nightmare,” I corrected.

“No, it was a dream,” she reiterated. “Why are you upset? Is it because Jake said it was okay for you to move on or the fact that he gave you his blessing to move forward with Edward?”

“Yeah, neither will happen any time soon,” I spat, trying to get up to go the bathroom. When I stood up, I was reminded of my gimpy ankle. I hobbled to the downstairs bathroom, quickly taking care of business before grabbing some pain killers for the headache I had along with the aches from falling.

“Bells,” Alice said as she sat down at the counter. “I think that this is your body’s way of telling you that living in the past is not healthy. You dreamt of Grace and then that morphed into Jake essentially telling you to move ahead with your life. Is that such a bad thing? You made the decision to move here. You’ve got the opportunity to start fresh. You know?”

“I’m terrified, Alice,” I murmured. “I gave Jake _everything._ ”

“And that is something that you should cherish. Now, you have a chance to build a new future with someone else. And from what I’ve heard from Charlie, that someone is a hunky officer with red hair and a crooked grin.”

“We’re friends, Alice,” I stated firmly.

“You’re friends now, but I predict that you will be more than friends,” Alice smirked. “Now, are you going to be back to work tomorrow?”

“I will. I’m sorry about…”

“Don’t apologize. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smirked, kissing my cheek before leaving.

xx PUTP xx

The next few weeks improved slightly. I continued to see Shelly, starting by telling her about my dream at my next appointment. She didn’t delve too much into it but she did say that it was a good thing that I had it. What Alice and Edward had said about my body was trying to move past the loss of Jake was the reason why I had it. Plus, rehashing the memories of my student teaching and the apples brought my husband to the forefront of my mind.

Before I knew it, Thanksgiving break was upon us and I was taking out the slew of holiday decorations out of the basement. My kids were excited that I was going to make sure that they had a special Christmas this year. For Thanksgiving, we spent it with my parents. Alice and Jasper came by for dessert on their way back from Alice’s parents’. I left my kids at my parents since they were driving to Seattle early the next morning for a couple of days away to give me a chance to put up the holiday décor.

On Friday, I woke up early, making some breakfast. Edward had texted me last night, asking what time I wanted him to come over to help me. I wanted this chore over and done with. My response was the sooner the better. I had some waffles made along with bacon when my doorbell rang. Opening the door, I saw a bundled Edward on my doorstep. “Morning,” I chuckled. “Cold?”

“Preparing for spending most of my day on the roof,” he said, removing the beanie from his head along with the long scarf. “Is that bacon I smell?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, leading him into the kitchen. “Help yourself, Edward.”

“Even though I gorged myself yesterday…” he said, rubbing his hands together as he grabbed two waffles and a handful of bacon. I placed a cup of coffee in front of him. He smiled in appreciation. We had spoken since he had rescued me from my stairs but we hadn’t seen each other much due his crazy work schedule and my lack of time due to shuttling my kids to therapy sessions, along with my own. “How’s your foot?”

“I was fine after a couple of days. The bruise lasted longer than the pain. Thank you, again, for carrying my fat ass to the couch. I really didn’t want to crawl.” I chuckled, feeling the heat burn my cheeks.

“You are so not fat and it was my pleasure. I’ve got this weird white knight syndrome, I’ve got to help a damsel in distress,” he laughed, popping some bacon into his mouth. His smile faded and he stared at me. “I’m curious, though. Why do you sleep on the couch? You’ve got a gorgeous bedroom upstairs with a very comfy looking bed.”

“Um,” I sputtered. “More coffee?” I turned, pouring more coffee into his cup.

“I’m sorry, Bella,” he frowned. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay. It just threw me for a loop,” I replied. “I promise you that I’ll tell you why I don’t sleep in the bed. Just not right now, okay? I don’t think I can tell you without crying and I made a promise today that I wouldn’t be a sobbing, hysterical mess while you were here.” He nodded, finishing his breakfast. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

“It was good. For the first time ever, I helped with the preparation of the meal,” he snorted. “I made baked potatoes with creamed spinach. My family was impressed.”

“As they should be,” I giggled. “How’s Esme?”

“She’s had a good couple of weeks. She worked with Rose to make Thanksgiving dinner and she was laughing, singing and just having an amazing time. Today, though, she was tired and said that she pushed it too far yesterday, but my mom said that it was worth it.”

“So, I have a random question. At the salon, Esme said that you were her middle child,” I said, arching a brow over my glasses. “I thought it was just you and Emmett.”

“Technically, I am a middle baby. My mom got pregnant after me but lost the baby because of a nasty fall she had while she was pregnant. She was about thirty weeks pregnant and they tried like hell to save my baby sister, but her lungs were developed enough. Elizabeth Anne Cullen lived for two hours before she died and she was never more loved,” Edward said wistfully.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I can’t imagine losing a baby…”

“My mom was in a bad place for a while, but with two rambunctious boys, she couldn’t stay in a funk for long,” he shrugged.

“How old were you?”

“I was six and Emmett had just turned eight. She sought out counseling and was back to her normal self by my seventh birthday in June. She would still get sad on Elizabeth’s birthday, but she adjusted to her grief. So as to never forget her long-lost daughter, I was always deemed the middle child,” he said, giving me soft smile. “Now, in regards to this Christmas wonderland you want to create…what’s the plan, Ms. Black?”

“Let me get my coat,” I said. He put his coat on along with his beanie, scarf and fingerless gloves. I led him into the garage to where I had the slew of Christmas lights. I described what I wanted. All along the roof, I wanted the lights to be strung up along with lights wrapped around the columns on the front porch. Edward nodded, urging me back inside so he could get to work.

While he worked outside, I did some minor rearranging in the living room so the Christmas tree could be in the front window. Until Christmas was over, I made the executive decision to sleep in the basement with the kids using their old baby monitors. The tree was put up along with the colorful lights on the evergreen branches. Outside, I could see Edward hanging the lights on the ladder. Well, I only saw his legs and a sliver of his skin as he raised his arms to staple the strands of lights onto the roof. His stomach was toned and a trail of reddish hair disappeared into his jeans. I shook off my lusty thoughts of licking that trail of hair, focusing on adding the ornaments to the tree.

_Wait, lusty thoughts?_

I shook it off, adding the ornaments to the tree and then turning to add the rest of the decorations to the house. The main floor was done and I was putting up the small trees I had bought for each of my kids in their rooms. Grace’s had white and pink lights with princess ornaments. John’s had colorful lights with superhero ornaments.

“Bella?” I heard in the foyer.

“Upstairs,” I called down to him. “I’m in John’s room.”

I heard him walk upstairs. He poked his head into the room, rubbing his hands together. It was cold outside and Edward’s face was red from being outside all day. “Wow, if my mom had done this for me, I would have never left my room,” he chuckled sitting down on the floor next to me as I continued to hang up the ornaments.

“John’s obsessed with superheroes. I got all of these last year on sale, plus there are a few from the tree downstairs, too,” I explained, putting up a Hulk ornament. “I hope they like it. I want to make this Christmas special since last one was so sad.”

“They’ll love it, Bella,” he said, hugging me with one arm.

“Damn! You’re freezing,” I said, pressing my hand to his cheek. I hopped up, holding out my hand to him. “You need some hot chocolate or something. Come on!”

“I’m fine. My winter wear is warmer than my uniform,” he chuckled as I led him downstairs to the kitchen where I began making him some hot chocolate.

“Edward, your face is a freaking icicle,” I chided. Walking over to him, I took his face in my hands, shocked at how cold he was. “You’re going to get sick.” I ran my thumbs over his cheekbones. His hands reached for mine, wrapping them around my wrists. Our eyes were caught in some sort of connection. Butterflies took up residence in my stomach and I felt myself wanting to lean forward.

_No!_

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pulling my hands away.

“Don’t be, Bella,” he whispered back. “It felt nice.” Turning to the stove, I checked on the milk and poured it into the mug that I had put the hot chocolate mix in. I pushed the mug towards him, bracing myself against the sink. My heart was racing and the guilt was threatening to eat me alive. “Bella, please look at me.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” I muttered.

“Please, Bella,” he urged, turning me around. With one finger, he guided my chin up and he looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. It felt really nice to have your hands on my face. They’re all soft and feminine…”

“Well, thank goodness I don’t have rough man hands,” I quipped nervously. He laughed quietly, moving his hand to cup my cheek. I allowed my eyes to flutter closed and the feel his slightly calloused palm on my skin brought me solace. I leaned against his hand before wrapping my arms around his waist. Tears spilled over my cheeks but for the first time, it wasn’t out of sadness or guilt. I felt comfort and whole since my husband had died.

“Don’t cry, sweetness,” he breathed, pressing his cheek to my head. “I didn’t want you to cry.”

“I’m not sad,” I said against his chest. He hugged me tightly, swaying us in the kitchen and I just melted against Edward’s chest. “Confused, but not sad.” I wriggled out of his hold and handed him the mug. “Come with me,” I said, leading him back upstairs. We continued up to my bedroom and I sat down on the couch. He sat down next to me. I glared at my bed.

“Why are we up here, Bella?” he asked, holding his mug tightly.

“I haven’t slept in a bed since Jake was diagnosed, in late July over a year ago,” I explained. “When he was sick, I stayed on the couch while he slept in the bed because he would sweat and throw up. After Thanksgiving last year, he went into hospice and stayed there until he died. I replaced our bed after the first of the year, but I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in it. There’s too much room. Jake was a notorious cuddler. I just can’t sleep in the bed without him. It’s stupid, but that’s why I sleep on the couch. In a way, I still feel like I’m being surrounded by him.”

“I can understand why you do that, but at some point you’re going to have to sleep on a bed, Bella,” he said. “And what does that have to do with your confusion?”

“Edward, for the first time since Jake’s death, I’ve felt comforted. Normally when I receive hugs, it felt empty and forced. With you, I almost feel normal,” I said, pulling my legs up and looking at him. “You’ve been patient and sweet and…I don’t know. I like how I feel when I’m with you, Edward. I’m glad that you gave me Shelly’s number. I’m really glad that I’m giving our friendship a chance.”

“I’m glad that you gave our friendship a chance, too,” he said, smiling crookedly. “I’m happy that I can make you feel normal. I really like holding you, being there for you.” His eyes twinkled and he put down the mug. “I have something for you. I’ll be right back…”

“Edward!” I called as I watched him dart out of my bedroom. I heard the door open and close. A few moments later, he came back and was in my bedroom in a flash. He handed me a slim box. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Just open it, Bella,” he said, pushing it further into my hands. I slid the lid off the box and nestled inside were several moleskin journals. “I know that Shelly uses journaling as a technique to get over grief. I hated doing it but when I discovered these, it made it easier. They’re small enough to fit in my jacket pocket, or for you, in your purse or work bag.”

“Thank you,” I said, running my hand over the textured cover. “You’ve been so amazing since we’ve met, Edward. I don’t think I could have gotten this far without you.”

“Bella, sweetness, you’re someone very special to me. I’ve seen you struggle but I’ve also see you persevere. Eventually, your bad days will dwindle and the good days will be more abundant. I’ll be here for you. I promise you,” he vowed, his now warm hand cupped my cheek. I sighed contentedly, leaning against his palm. He moved closer, holding me in his arms. “If this is all you can give me, I’ll take it.”

“The thing is that I want more but I’m terrified, Edward. Jake was my first everything,” I muttered. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give you more. Maybe this is all I can do…”

“You’re in charge, Bella. I’ll wait for you. You’re too special to just forget,” he whispered, kissing the crown of my head. “I’ll respect your decisions, but I don’t want to lose our friendship or if it morphs into something more.” I looked at him. His eyes were filled with trepidation. “I know I’m not Jake.”

“You’re not, but you’ve given me something that I haven’t had since he died,” I said, cupping his cheek.

“What’s that?” he asked, caressing my knuckles with his hand as it covered mine.

“Hope,” I smiled. I leaned forward, kissing his cheek and snuggling against his shoulder. I felt him smile against my hair and his arms wrapped around me.

**A/N: I wanted to get to Jake’s death anniversary, but this seems like a good place to stop. Additionally, this chapter is over 10K words. So, next chapter will have some angst, too. Bella is getting better and she’s letting Edward in, but she still feels the guilt of having feelings toward our favorite cop. Now, are they dating? No, not yet. They’re friendship is changing into something more. She feels comforted, safe and hopeful around him. Edward feels protective, concern and cares for Bella a great deal. In his eyes, she is something special. I will switch to his POV at some point. Probably the chapter after next.**

**Anyhow, pictures of all of the apple gifts that Jake gave Bella are on my tumblr and blog (links for both are on my profile). You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79. Leave me some lovin!**

 

 


	8. Chapter 7

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**So, next chapter will have some angst. Bella is getting better and she’s letting Edward in, but she still feels the guilt of having feelings toward our favorite cop. Now, are they dating? No, not yet. They’re friendship is changing into something more. She feels comforted, safe and hopeful around him. Edward feels protective, concern and cares for Bella a great deal. In his eyes, she is something special.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Seven**

**BPOV**

A year ago. One year ago…Jacob died. It was the single most traumatic moment of my life. One minute, we were talking and then, he was _gone._ I remembered that moment like it was yesterday. The moment where my life and my children’s lives changed forever…

_“Are you saying I look awful?” I asked my husband._

_“No, Bells. You look beautiful. You always do,” he murmured, reaching weakly for my face. I grabbed his hand, pressing it to my cheek. His hand was cold against my skin. “Bells, I want you to promise me something.”_

_“What, Jake?” I asked, my brows furrowing._

_“When I’m gone, keep living your life,” he whispered. “Don’t give up because I’m gone.”_

_“Jake, stop it. You’re …” I muttered, trailing off._

_“I’m dying, Bells. I know I won’t see tomorrow,” he said, smiling wistfully._

_“How can I promise that? The man who gave me all of my happiness is leaving me,” I sobbed, looking at him._

_“You’ll find another who will give you happiness,” he said. “I know you’ll grieve for me, but know I am always going to be watching over you. Hell, I may help your new man find you.”_

_“Jacob William Black! That is not funny,” I snarled, shooting up from my seat._

_“It wasn’t meant to be,” Jake said weakly. “Tell the kids I love them and that I’ll always love them, even from heaven. Apologize to Gracie for me. I was supposed to have high tea with her on her birthday. She had a special hat for me. Also, make sure Johnny looks out for his sister. He’s got to be the overbearing man of the house once she starts dating.”_

_“Jake, stop. You’re scaring me,” I said, racing back to the chair. I took his face in my hands. “Don’t say goodbye. Not yet.”_

_“Tell Bella to be happy,” he choked out, tears falling onto his cheeks. “I love you, Bella. You were my first love. My only love. I’ll never forget you.”_

_“JAKE! NO!” I hissed._

_“Kiss me, Bella,” he begged. His voice was getting weaker and his skin was getting colder. “I want to remember what your lips felt like one last time.” I choked back a sob, leaning forward to kiss his chapped lips. He sighed contentedly and then …_

_“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed, falling against him. “You can’t go. NO!” Pam ran in and pulled me away, hugging me tightly. “Why? Why did you tease me? Come back, Jake! Please!! Come back!”_

Shaking off that nightmarish day, I tried to keep it together. Shockingly, I wasn’t as upset as I anticipated. I was ready to spend the day, curled up on my couch and looking through the picture albums. Yes, I was sad. Extremely sad, but I wasn’t filled with despair like I had expected.

I sent my children to school with my father. I did contemplate keeping them home with me, but after much debate, most of which was at midnight while I paced the basement, I decided to send them to school. I did forewarn their teachers about the date. Mr. Molina was concerned, promising to keep an eye on John. Lauren was dismissive, saying that I should send them to therapy. I ignored her comment. _I’m already doing that, you skank._

I was dressed in all black, wearing my wedding set. After today, I was not going to wear it.

My kids knew that today was a bad day. John was reserved, sad and contemplative. Grace was very weepy and clingy. She didn’t want to leave me, but I needed today to finally move forward. I had made an appointment to see Shelly at four, but leading up to that moment, I was going to work through my grief.

I had filled up one of the moleskin journals that Edward had given me. I had written down our entire history from when we met until I graduated college. I was currently writing about my first years teaching and struggling with our first years of marriage. Remembering the first time we made love, it was a bitter sweet moment. We had given each other our first times and it was not everything I thought it would be.

It was clumsy. Jake was nervous and lasted only a few strokes inside of me and it hurt like crazy. My husband was a big guy. Let me just say, he was big all over. I felt like I was being torn in two when we first had sex. After a few times, I had grown accustomed to his size and Jake had started exploring my body with his fingers and mouth. After a month or so, we finally were able to make love and both enjoy it. Immensely.

Shortly before ten, my cell phone rang. I was curled up on the couch in the living room. Picking it up, I saw it was Billy. Taking a deep breath, I answered my phone. “Hello?” I replied wearily.

“How are you, Bells?” asked my father-in-law.

“Lonely. Sad. Upset. Angry,” I answered. “I could tell you more, but what good would it do? How are you?”

“About the same,” Billy chuckled sadly. “I prayed for Jake at dawn this morning. It was a gorgeous day today and I felt him, Bells.”

“You did?”

“He’s worried about you,” Billy said, his voice choking slightly. “We’re all worried about you. I know that this has taken its toll on you and the kids. We miss you and wish we could be there for you, John and Grace.”

“I miss you all, too,” I murmured. “I’m planning on flying to Phoenix during our winter break. I’m looking at flights, trying to find one that’s a direct shot to Phoenix that’s not astronomically expensive. How are things back at home?”

“Quiet. I’ve resigned from the reservation police force. There was a nasty fight and I nearly got shot. Rebecca and Rachel demanded I tender my resignation, putting me on early retirement. I’m still a tribal elder. Rachel is still single, living near Scottsdale and Rebecca, she’s pregnant.”

“She is?” I smiled. “When is she due? Do they know what they’re having?”

“She’s due in May and it’s too early to tell what they’re having,” Billy answered. “I’m excited because I get to be a grandfather again.”

“That’s wonderful news, Billy. When did Rebecca tell you?”

“When I got back from praying for Jacob. She wanted to give this day of sadness a moment of happiness. I couldn’t be more thrilled at her decision. I needed this. I was hoping that would be happy about their news as well,” Billy said reverently. “How are things up in Forks?”

“Cold and wet,” I grumbled, looking outside. It was a dreary December day. The temperatures were hovering at forty degrees. It was misting, making the roads slick and the skies murky. The weather, honestly, matched my mood. “I’m enjoying my job and my boss is amazing.”

“You’re teaching first grade, right?” Billy asked.

“Yeah. My kids are adorable and such amazing learners. They absorb everything I teach like a sponge,” I giggled. “I’ve had a few rough days, but I’m working through them. In fact, I’m seeing a therapist. Her name is Shelly Cope and she’s been…I have no words on how much I appreciate all she’s done for me.”

“Better than that woman in the hospice?” Billy spat bitterly.

“My shoe was better than that woman in the hospice,” I snickered. “A friend of mine encouraged me to meet with this woman. His mother is dying of breast cancer and Shelly helped me him overcome his anger so he could relish the last few months of his mother’s life.”

“I’m glad, Bells,” Billy said, his voice sounding relieved. “I’m happy that you’re content in Forks. Being down here, it was a struggle for you. Yes, I miss you and the kids, but I’m grateful that you saw that staying here was not healthy. I love you, Bells. I always will. You’re the last connection to Jacob that I have but I know that staying in Phoenix would have caused you so much pain.”

“Well, at some point, you’re going to have to come up and visit me,” I said, arching a brow.

“After the first of the year. I promise I’ll come up and spend time with you, my grandbabies and go fishing with Charlie,” Billy laughed. “He’s been calling me ever since he found out I resigned.”

“He needs a new fishing buddy. John has proclaimed fishing to be ‘icky’ and won’t get on the boat with my dad,” I said. “Grace is in the same mindset. She hates even thinking about touching the night crawlers. I don’t blame her.” I shuddered, trying to keep the willies from overtaking me.

“When’s your spring break, Bells?” Billy asked.

“Last week in March.”

“I’ll make plans to come up and visit you then,” Billy said. “I must be crazy. Instead of going someplace warm, I’m going to someplace colder.”

“That’s because you love me. And my kids,” I giggled.

“Very much, Bells. Send me an email when you get your plans finalized for Christmas,” Billy said. “If you need to talk some more today, please call me. I love you and always know that Jacob is looking over you.”

“Thank you, Billy,” I whispered, a few tears escaping my eyes. “I love you, too, and I’m glad that you called me. Perhaps, when the kids come home from school, you can talk with them?”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Billy replied and he hung up the phone. I got up and moved to the kitchen.

Today was all about saying my final goodbye to Jake. I loved him with everything that I was. But, I couldn’t move forward with my life. Not with his ghost lingering in my head. Looking down at my hand, I smiled softly at the wedding rings that glistened on my finger. After today, they were going into my jewelry box and staying there until Grace or John wanted them. I wasn’t going to wear them on a necklace, nor on my finger. It probably seemed fast, but it was right for me.

I made Jake’s favorite breakfast, waffles with bananas foster and whipped cream. Enjoying my breakfast, I wrote in my journal, documenting the first time I’d made it for him.

_December 10, 2014_

_It was our four year wedding anniversary, August 1 st. I had wanted to make Jacob a special breakfast. I had some big news to share with him. I wanted it to be extraordinary. While he slept, I looked up the recipe for the waffles and topping. I was eager to make it for him the following morning. I woke up early, making the batter for the waffles. I pulled out the waffle maker, pouring the batter into the machine as I put the ingredients for the bananas foster in the sauce pan. _

_Suffice it to say, I got distracted._

_Very distracted._

_My very horny and lonely husband walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Without even noticing that I was cooking, he picked me up and laid me out on the island in the kitchen, stripping me bare. He licked me to orgasm and then slid inside of me, making love to me while our breakfast was burning to a crisp. It wasn’t until the fire alarms went off that I remembered that I was trying to make this special meal for my husband._

_The waffle maker was ruined and the sauce pan had to be pitched. But nothing was more magical than when I showed Jake the positive pregnancy test when I discovered I was pregnant with John._

_Every year, on our anniversary, we’d eat those same waffles because it reminded him of the best day of his life, after our wedding day. The day he found out he was going to be a daddy._

I closed the journal and smiled softly. I couldn’t make those waffles without crying. Today, though, I wasn’t crying. I was at peace. Was I still sad that Jacob was gone? Yes, but I was coming to the realization that even though he died, I couldn’t stop living.

After I washed my dishes, I went up to my bedroom and into the closet. I had a handful of Jake’s clothes. I had donated most of them to Goodwill, but kept some for sentimental purposes. Looking over the clothing, I pulled almost all of them off their hangers and tossed them into a bag. The only things I kept were his button-down shirts since I preferred to wear those to bed along with his leather jacket, his wedding tuxedo and a pair of his jeans. I folded the remaining clothes, putting them into my dresser.

Taking the bag, I drove to Port Angeles to drop off the clothes to the Salvation Army. I was walking out when I saw Esme with a large man, presumably Emmett, Rose’s husband, walking toward a huge Hummer. Esme grabbed Emmett’s arm, waving at me with a smile on her tiny face. Tugging my coat around my body, I crossed the street to meet up with Esme. “Bella,” she beamed, hugging me tightly. “It’s nice to see you, sweetheart.”

“You too, Esme,” I replied, looking at her and appraising her appearance. She didn’t look as gaunt as before and her skin was flushed. “Out Christmas shopping?”

“Yes. I was having a good day and Emmett was off today. We decided on having a date,” Esme said. “Emmett, have you met Bella Black?”

“Not in person, but I feel as though I know you from the conversations I’ve had with my beautiful wife or the constant chatter from my little brother,” he smirked, dimples pitting in his cheeks. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bella.”

“Are you shopping?” Esme asked me, eyeing me curiously.

“Actually, no. Today is the anniversary of my husband’s death,” I said quietly. “I’m using it to try and move on from his death.”

“I’m so sorry,” Esme frowned. “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling today.”

“I would have expected something different,” I shrugged. “A year ago, my husband took his last breath, but I’m surprisingly at peace with what happened. Well, today, I’m at peace. Tomorrow, who knows?”

“Would you like to join us for lunch?” Esme asked, linking her arm with me.

“I wouldn’t want to impose on your date with Emmett,” I quipped, giving him a wink.

“Nonsense. Emmett won’t mind, will he?” Esme asked, giving her oldest son a smile.

“Having lunch with two lovely women? Hell no!” Emmett bellowed, gesturing toward an Italian restaurant. “I’ll be the envy of all the guys in there.”

“You’re a charmer, Emmett, but mind your language,” Esme chided gently as we walked passed him to the restaurant, Bella Italia. Emmett blushed and he looked embarrassed that his mother called him on his language. We were seated right away, ordering some drinks and an appetizer to share. “I haven’t seen you at Blow Out, Bella.”

“I’ve been busy. I am due for a new manicure,” I grimaced, looking at my remnants of the no-chip manicure “Plus, I had some pretty rough days. Getting a manicure and spoiling myself didn’t seem right.”

“Are things better now?” Emmett asked, sipping his coke.

“As good as they can be considering I’m starting new, trying to move on from the death of my husband. I just have days where getting up are a challenge. Talking to a counselor has helped,” I shrugged.

“Shelly?” Esme asked, her green eyes twinkling. I nodded. “She’s done wonders for our family. All of us have spoken to her at some point. The only people who see her regularly are my husband, Carlisle and Edward.”

“Edward was the one who gave me her name,” I murmured, thinking about her handsome _middle_ child. Esme’s grin was secretive and she nearly bounced out of the booth. I arched a brow at her. “Why are you so giddy?”

“No reason,” she answered, taking a healthy swig of her water.

“Mom, you’re as transparent as that glass of water,” Emmett snickered. Esme rolled her eyes, smacking his arm. “She’s excited that Edward is doing something other than renovations to his house or working. He won’t shut up about you.”

“You be quiet, Emmett McCarty Cullen!!” Esme screeched.

“What? I’ve never seen my brother as twitterpated…” Emmett trailed off as Esme covered his mouth with her hand. I giggled at their antics. Apparently, Edward had divulged something revolving me and I wasn’t supposed to know. Not yet.

“Bella, why don’t you tell us about your children?” Esme suggested, giving Emmett a withering glare. Emmett shrugged as I began telling them about my two little angels. The only time I stopped talking was to order my meal, mushroom ravioli. Esme had a wistful expression in her eyes as I told both her and Emmett about my kids. I found myself dominating the conversation and I felt guilty. Pushing my food away, I abruptly stopped. “Bella?”

“I’m sorry about prattling on about my children.”

“Sweetheart, I wanted hear about them,” Esme grinned. “John and Grace seem like such sweet kids.”

“They are. I’m so proud of them,” I murmured. “Would you like to see a picture?”

Esme smiled eagerly. I pulled out their photos from school, passing them to her. “John is so handsome and that smile! It lights up his whole face,” she cooed. “Grace is absolutely gorgeous. Her skin is such a rich color and I’m envious of her hair.” Esme patted her purple scarf. “I used to have such pretty hair. Same color as Edward’s. They don’t make wigs that color. The closest color I found was a garish red color. No thank you. The scarves are nicer and I can coordinate them with my outfits.”

“When Mom was diagnosed the second time, we all shaved our heads in solidarity,” Emmett snickered. “Rosalie, she actually donated her hair to Locks of Love. Mom couldn’t even fathom the thought of Rose losing all of her hair.”

“I suggested her donation. She donated fifteen inches of her hair, getting it styled into this adorable little bob,” Esme explained, finishing her salad.

“We also teased Edward for having a lumpy head,” Emmett laughed.

“Your brother had a lumpy head because your father dropped him,” Esme retorted, smirking slightly. “And don’t think that you’re perfect either, Emmett Cullen. You’ve got your own flaws. Rose reminds daily of your inability to close the door while you take a dump.”

“Oh, ewww,” I wailed, wrinkling my nose.

“Ma!” Emmett boomed, covering his reddening face with his hands.

“I have secrets on all of my boys. Edward used to bite his toenails when he was a kid,” Esme giggled. “He tried again when he was in college, but he wasn’t nearly as limber. He broke his pinky toe trying to jam his foot into his mouth.”

“That’s an image that…” I laughed, tears falling down my cheeks. “Wow!”

“I could also show Bella those adorable naked bathtub photos with you and your brother,” Esme quipped.

“Where’s the damn waitress so I can ask for the damn check?” Emmett grumbled, his face bright pink. Almost, as if she was beckoned, she brought the folder. Emmett put his credit card in the folder, handing it back to her.

“You should come over to the house,” Esme continued, unfazed by Emmett’s embarrassment.

“Not today, Esme. I think it should be fair that Edward be in attendance so he can at least defend his bad fashion choices and questionable bath partners,” I said, smiling at her.

“It’s a date!” Esme responded gleefully. Emmett signed for our meals.

“Thank you for lunch,” I said, giving Emmett an appreciative grin.

“My pleasure,” Emmett replied, nodding. “I’m glad my gross bathroom habits made you laugh. Thanks, Mom, for literally and figuratively airing out my dirty laundry.”

“It’s what mothers do best, Emmett,” Esme smirked. “Isn’t that right, Bella?”

“It is true, even when don’t mean it,” I shrugged. We got up, put on our coats. “If I don’t see you, I hope you and your family have a nice Christmas.”

“Are you coming to Blow Out on Saturday?” Esme asked, arching a brow. Her eyes twinkled like Alice’s did when she imparted her will over me.

“I’m guessing you won’t take no for an answer,” I replied.

“Smart woman. I’ll see you Saturday,” she beamed, hugging me tightly. Emmett gave me a half hug before offering an arm to his mom. They shuffled toward the Hummer while I darted back to my Honda Pilot. I watched as Emmett’s car pulled away and I smiled softly. For the hour I spent with them, it felt amazing to laugh and just be. Unfortunately, as I drove closer and closer to my home, the hollowness that I expected from this day soon took hold in my heart.

Parking my car, I let the tears, which came out of nowhere, fall freely on my face. I was downright hysterical when I heard a quiet knock on my window. Wiping my cheeks, I looked up and saw a sopping wet Edward standing outside of my car. I unlocked my door, nodding to the passenger seat. Edward jogged around and he got into the car. “Are you okay?” he asked, removing his hat.

“It just hit me. All of a sudden, I couldn’t stop crying,” I sniffled. “I was in Port Angeles, having lunch with your mom and brother, but as I was driving home…”

“I’m sorry,” Edward said, gripping my hand.

“At least I pulled over,” I quipped sadly.

“Do you want to talk? I haven’t taken my lunch,” Edward said.

“I’m just overwhelmingly sad. I’ll be fine and besides, I’m going to see Shelly today at four,” I said, looking at the clock. “I just felt hollow. Empty. When I woke up this morning, I was at peace. Now? I’m a mess.”

“You’re entitled. Especially today,” Edward said, tucking a rogue hair from my ponytail. When his fingers lightly touched my cheek, the pain in my chest eased slightly. I leaned against his hand, a few tears falling out of my eyes. Edward cupped my cheek. “It’s okay, Bella.”

 _No, it’s not. On top of the emptiness, I’m now feeling guilty for experiencing some sort of comfort from his touch._ “I wish I could feel normal again,” I whispered. “I was _fine_ at lunch and when I was at home, but out of the blue? This fucking sucks.”

“What are you feeling?” Edward asked, taking my hand in his.

“Empty. Hollow. Guilt,” I answered simply.

“Am I the reason for your guilt?” he questioned.

“Yeah. When you’re around and being all sweet, the pain goes away,” I shrugged. “I don’t feel as empty. I’m trying to move on, but…”

“I get it, Bella,” Edward chuckled, squeezing my fingers. He released my hand and my heart stammered. I started to hyperventilate, feeling the emptiness wash over me. “Oh, shit!” Edward got out of the car and my hysterics grew. He pulled open my door and enfolded me in his arms. Carefully, he led us into the backseat of my Pilot and held me tightly as I sobbed brokenly against his jacket. He didn’t say anything, he just held me. Gently, he rocked me and he pressed his cheek to my head. When I calmed down, I heard a deep baritone hum and it was very soothing. Snuggling against his chest, I let out a shaky breath. He tightened his arms around me and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. “Better?”

“A little,” I whispered. “I’m sorry for being a basket case.”

“Bella, you’re entitled to be a basket case,” Edward said. “I’m happy to be here for you as a friend. I hate seeing you cry, though.”

“I hate crying,” I snorted humorlessly. “This past year I’ve done nothing but cry, rage and complain. I want to move past it. I have to. This isn’t healthy.”

“Not grieving isn’t healthy either. Bella, you have every right in the world to feel this upset, to be pissed off at the universe,” Edward said quietly. “The most frustrating part is that you don’t know when it will hit you. How you’ll react. Why you feel this way when moments earlier you were laughing or smiling.”

“Or your uncanny ability to talk me off the ledge,” I said, pulling back to look at him.

“It’s a gift,” he said, grinning crookedly. “It’s almost four. How about I follow you to Shelly’s office?”

“Are you going to walk me into her suite?” I teased.

“No. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Humor me, Bella,” he deadpanned. I nodded but made no move to get out of his embrace. It felt so right. So nice. He smelled so good, like rain, a touch of cologne and a hint of pine. “Sweetness, as nice as it to sit and cuddle in the backseat of your car, it’s not very safe and I should, technically, give you a citation for parking illegally along the highway.”

“Shouldn’t you cite yourself since you’re also parked here?” I asked, moving away from his warm body.

“Touché,” he said, arching a brow. “I won’t say anything if you won’t.”

“I think we have a deal, Deputy,” I said, looking out the window. What started as a light mist early this morning was now a torrential downpour. “Does it ever stop? I mean, this is ridiculous!”

“It could be worse. It could be snow,” Edward retorted. I shuddered, hopping out of the backseat and scrambling to the front. Edward snickered as he slid across the bench. He put his hat back on, hunching his shoulders as he stood out in the rain. “I’ll follow you to Shelly’s and then I’m going to call you tonight, Bella. Is that alright?”

“Yeah. Thank you for just being awesome, Edward. You have no idea what it means to me that you are willing to be my friend,” I blushed.

“I know,” he smiled. “Drive safely, Sweetness. Please?” I blushed again at his nickname for me, nodding shyly. He turned on his heel, walking back to his squad car. I pulled onto the highway and watched in my rear-view mirror that Edward was following me. I drove like a little old lady since the roads were slick and I could barely see out of my windshield. Somehow, I managed to get to Shelly’s building and parked the car. Edward parked the squad next to me, rushing over to my door and helping me out, holding an umbrella over both of us.

“This is really sweet, Edward,” I murmured as he walked us to the doorway. “Unnecessary, but sweet.”

“I want to make sure you’re okay, Bella,” he said, holding my hand momentarily. “I’ll call you when I’m off shift. I should be done after eight. Okay?”

“Thank you again,” I smiled, kissing his cheek. It was his turn to blush as I slipped inside of the doorway and scurried to Shelly’s suite. I sat in the waiting area for only a few moments when Shelly called me back. She had a twinkle in her blue eyes as she sat down on her leather chair. “Don’t you start, too.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” she snickered. “Just that Edward Cullen is a good man and you could do a lot worse.”

“Can we not play the dating game?” I snorted. “We’re friends. Friends! He’s concerned and I was having a moment on the side of the 101.”

“Most cops would not have followed you and he probably checked on you, personally,” she said.

“That’s neither here nor there. Can we please talk about something else besides Edward? Perhaps, I don’t know, the anniversary of my husband’s death?” I snapped. Shelly arched a brow. “Shit, sorry.”

“It’s okay, Bella. Your emotions will be all over the place today. That’s _expected_ ,” Shelly said gently. “How was it today?”

“I woke up and I was down, but no more than usual. I saw my kids off to school and then ate some breakfast. After that, I cleaned out the closet and delivered some of Jacob’s clothes to the Salvation Army in Port Angeles. It wasn’t until I left Port Angeles that I lost it, completely. I felt empty and helpless. I didn’t even notice Edward’s squad car pull up behind me. He was knocking on my window when I was in hysterics. Then, I grew more upset because I was grateful that he was there.”

“The guilt again?” Shelly asked. I nodded. “Bella, I know that you’re struggling with the guilt of living, but you have to realize that you will probably have to deal with that for the rest of your life. Eventually, it will fade away in the background, but you can’t let it eat at you. What are you feeling guilty about?”

“The feelings that I have for Edward,” I muttered. “More so than I should.”

“Why does that make you feel guilty?” Shelly pressed.

“Because he’s not Jake,” I sighed, leaning forward and tugging on my ponytail. “I’m attracted to Edward. He’s a gorgeous man, but he’s not my husband. I feel like I’m using Edward for something that I can’t give in return.”

“What’s that?”

“Comfort.”

“So, being with Edward makes you feel comfortable?” Shelly asked.

“No, he provides me with comfort. While I’m with him, the emptiness goes away. I don’t feel so alone. I don’t feel lost,” I muttered, curling up on the couch. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, Bella. You are not a bad person. You are in need of someone who can make you feel protected, safe and comforted. You’re finding that in Edward. You’re not using him, per se. He’s willingly giving you want you desire and right now that’s being a shoulder to cry on,” Shelly said. “Should you feel guilt over it? No. It’s like accepting comfort from a parent or a friend. It’s just that Edward’s a man.”

“A handsome man,” I snorted derisively.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Shelly tittered. “Edward is incredibly attractive and what makes him more appealing is that he has a good heart. Not many people would give up their lives to move closer to their families in times of crisis. He gave up his career, his home, his relationship, all of it, to be move to Forks when Esme was diagnosed with cancer a second time.”

“But what would he want to do with me?” I asked bitterly. “I’m a lonely widow with two children and a broken heart. I am, for all intents and purposes, used goods.”

“You’re not used,” Shelly chided. “Bella, I know today was going to be rough, but you have to realize that you are more than just a label. You’re not just a ‘widow.’ Neither am I. I wear many different hats, as do you. Now, I want to use the rest of our time together to process the final moments with Jacob. It will be tough, but in the long run, if you are able to not dwell on the sadness of the moment, but of the ability to remember that he was able to talk to you, say that he loved you, you will be in a better place. Okay?”

I nodded and we talked about Jacob’s final days on earth. It was harder than I anticipated. I never realized how much I pushed back and ignored as I spoke with her. I had been so strong for my family, my children, that I never gave myself an opportunity to truly grieve. Yes, the month following Jacob’s death was a blur, but I was in shock. I wasn’t grieving. I was trying to make sense of Jacob’s business and selling off his share to Billy. I was working to get Jacob’s life insurance policy squared away, placing a majority of the money into a trust for my children. I was trying to remember to shower and be there for my kids, but most of the time acting like a ghost.

“Bella, you probably know that there are seven different stages of grief, right?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I answered, arching a brow.

“They are shock and denial. That was probably what you were experiencing that first month. After that, you moved to pain and guilt. For the most part, you’re working past that, just dealing with the guilt piece. Having Edward in your life is exacerbating the guilt, but I think that in the long run, he’ll be helpful for you. You’re also experiencing the third stage, anger and bargaining. That’s the unexplained emotions and feeling of helplessness, which brings us to the fourth stage: depression, reflection and loneliness. You’re hovering within those three stages. The good news is that you’re on the way out of your grief,” Shelly smiled.

“The bad news?”

“I have no idea how much longer you will be in this grief limbo. That’s up to you and your mind,” she said. “You’ve got a strong network of friends and family here in Forks. Rely on them and don’t push them away. They all love you and want you to be happy.”

“Will I ever be happy?” I asked.

“I know it seems unlikely, but you will,” Shelly smiled, taking my hand. “I was in the same boat as you and I felt the same way, Bella. We all grieve in our own way and if that way, for you, is to rely on a handsome, caring and good-hearted cop, than go for it. Trust me when I say that he doesn’t feel used. Edward feels wanted when you call him and like he has a purpose,” Shelly said. “But, you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Should I buy you a pair of Cupid’s wings?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“No, but when you two get married, invite me to the wedding,” Shelly giggled.

“Unlikely, Shelly,” I snorted.

“I vowed to my dead husband that I wouldn’t be with another man for as long as I stayed on this earth. Ralph Banner wore me down and hmmm, I haven’t regretted it since,” she said, giving me a sly grin.

“Yeah, that man, he’s my boss. I have to see him tomorrow. Ewww!” I laughed.

“I’m just saying that a vibrator is not what a woman needs. I crave cuddling after…”

“I’m going,” I barked, hopping up. “You’ve sufficiently scarred me for life, Shelly. Thank you.”

“At least you’re laughing,” she smiled. We walked out front. I paid for my session and scheduled my next appointment. With a hug, I left the office and got into my car. I drove to pick up my kids from my parent’s house. We ate dinner together. John prattled on about the second grade music program coming up in a week while Grace was quiet, sitting on Charlie’s lap as she picked at her food.

After dinner, I drove back to the house and called up Billy. He spent a half hour talking to the kids, asking how they were doing. I used the time to make their lunches and just pick up around the house. Grace was a little better after she talked to Poppy, but she was still very clingy. We did baths, bed and prayers, cuddling on John’s bed to read a story together. They fell asleep within moments of my reading and I slipped out of John’s room after I covered them up with a blanket.

I went up to my bedroom, going to shower. I stripped out of my black clothing and stepped underneath the hot spray. I cried quietly, missing my husband. I stayed in the shower until the water cooled and I heard the phone ringing in my bedroom. Finishing up, I dried myself off, slathered on some lotion and put on one of Jake’s button down shirts along with a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. Sliding off my rings, I kissed them softly before placing them in the jewelry box. “Jake, I’ll always love you, but I have to move forward,” I murmured. “I hope you forgive me.”

I looked at my bed, shaking my head at all of the changes that I had made today. Sleeping in the bed was not going to be one of them. _After the first of the year. I’ll try then…_

Checking on my children one last time, I kissed them both before turning on the baby monitor and going downstairs in the basement. I carried my cell phone, holding it like a talisman. It beeped, indicating I had a new message. Curling up on my bed/couch in the basement, I listened to my voicemail.

“Hi, Bella. It’s Edward. I wanted to call to see how you were doing and, um, to see if you wanted to meet up to go grocery shopping on Saturday? I hope that you’re alright. I’ve been thinking about you all day today and…if you want, please call me. If not, sleep well, sweetness,” he said, his voice sounding unsure. “Bye.”

Biting my lip, I dialed Edward’s number. I was willingly calling him. I wanted to talk to him. The phone rang a few times before he picked up. “Hello?” his voice rasped.

“You okay, Edward?” I asked.

“Sorry, I was taking out the trash when the phone rang. I sprinted back inside to answer the phone. Stubbed my toe in the process,” he grumbled. I bit my lip, imagining him trying to put his toe into his mouth like Esme described. I giggled. “Why are you laughing?”

“No reason,” I snickered.

“Bella,” he chided. “Are you laughing at my pain? My toe is multicolored thanks to my less-than-graceful display of athletic ability.”

“Sorry,” I said, sobering. “I wanted to thank you again for being there on the highway.”

“Not a problem, Bella,” he said quietly. “I spoke with your dad briefly yesterday and he said that today was going to be rough, but I already knew that from our conversations. Seeing your car on the side of the road obviously made me worry, but I’m glad that I was able to help, even for a little bit.”

“I still appreciate it,” I said, wrapping the blanket around my shoulders.

“So, did you get my message? I am in desperate need of a grocery run,” Edward chuckled. “I’m living off Lean Cuisines and beer.”

“Healthy, Cullen,” I quipped.

“I’ve been working like a maniac. One of the guys on the Port Angeles department broke his leg in a domestic dispute. Charlie offered some help and we’ve been rotating there. Plus, there’s been some more drug related robberies. I’ve been pulling some crazy hours,” Edward explained.

“How do you know that the robberies are drug related?” I asked.

“Money was taken along with over the counter pharmaceuticals and prescription medications,” Edward described. “If it continues to escalate, we may have to contact the county for back up.”

“You could help, though, right? With your background in the bureau?” I questioned. “Hell, you could probably handle it all with your eyes closed.”

“Probably, but these kids, they have to be answering to someone. We just need to find out who,” Edward said. “We have yet to capture a suspect that is lucid enough to actually spill the beans on anything. They’re all to hyped up on whatever they’re taking. And when they crash, it’s like talking to a brick wall or they’ve lawyered up. Our hands are tied until we get someone/ who is loose-lipped.”

“I’m sorry,” I frowned.

“It’s not your fault. But thanks for listening,” he chuckled. “So, groceries?”

“I’m supposed to go to Blow Out on Saturday. Your mom was giving me grief about not being there,” I said, rolling my eyes. “How about we go grocery shopping after I’m done at Blow Out and then you can come over, meet my kids and have your first cooking lesson?”

“I get to meet John and Grace?” he asked, clearly shocked at my suggestion.

“We’re friends. I want them to meet you,” I said simply, though my heart was stammering. Was I making the right choice? Would my kids feel like I was trying to replace their father?

“It’s a date, Bella,” Edward said, the smile clear in his voice.

_Dear God, what have I done?_

**A/N: I soooooooooo apologize on being so late with this update. Writer’s block kicked ever-loving arse along with ZERO time to write. o.O Damn it. I’m still struggling with writer’s block but thankfully, my brain decided to work today and not block out my mojo. Woo hoo! This was shorter than I had hoped, but it seemed to work. We’ll see.**

**No pictures with this one except for a pic of Shelly. She’s the awesome Betty White. I love her. I want to be Betty White when I grow up. She’s wicked awesome. You can check out the pic on my tumblr, blog and Facebook page. Links for all of those are on my profile. You can also find me on twitter: tufano79 or on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation.**

**We’re going to switch to Edward next chapter and see what he’s thinking. I love writing EPOV. He’s so awesome and so sweet. Leave me some lovin!**

 

 


	9. Chapter 8

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**We’re going to switch to Edward next chapter and see what he’s thinking. I love writing EPOV. He’s so awesome and so sweet. Leave me some lovin!**

**Chapter Eight**

**EPOV**

“Mom?” I called, letting myself into the house.

“In the library, Edward,” she replied. I walked through the house and found my mom curled on the leather sofa, covered with a blanket with a book in her lap. “You look troubled, son.” She patted the couch. “Talk to your mother.”

After I had talked to Bella about meeting up to go for groceries, deeming it a ‘date,’ she had been distant toward me. Her text messages were short and somewhat cold and when I asked her for a time to get together, she never gave me a straight answer. Her response was ‘I’ll call you when I’m done.’

“Edward, talk to me. I’m not a mind reader,” Esme snickered, putting her feet on my lap. “You’ve got that constipated/I’m-thinking-too-hard/life sucks face on.”

“Really, Mom?”

“Edward, spill,” Esme demanded.

“So, on Wednesday, I was talking to Bella on the phone,” I blushed. “We’d been going grocery shopping together since I’m helpless in the kitchen. She was going to give me cooking lessons and show me ways to make different meals incorporating veggies.”

“I could kiss her. Finally! After thirty-six years, my son finally gets that he needs to eat his greens,” Esme giggled. She sobered quickly, looking at me. “Tell me more.”

“Flippantly, I said that it was a ‘date’ when I was talking to her on Wednesday to go grocery shopping and then for her to give me my first cooking lesson. Since then, she’s been, um, distant.”

“You know what Wednesday was, right?” Esme asked, her green eyes softening.

“It was the anniversary of her husband’s death,” I replied.

“Edward, I love you, baby, but you shouldn’t have said that. Bella, while a beautiful and amazingly _strong_ woman, is nowhere ready to date. Even in the flippant sense,” Esme admonished lightly. “Do you care for her?”

“Very much, Mom. I’ve never met anyone so strong, graceful and wonderful in my life. She reminds me of you, in a way, with this quiet power behind her every move,” I said, taking my mom’s hand.

“Then, let her lead you through this. I can see that you have feelings for this woman, but she’s still grieving and you need to give her time. My suggestion to you is to make up some excuse to get out of the ‘date’ this weekend. Give her time to calm down and when she’s ready, Bella will contact you. Edward, you’re a fixer, just like your father. You see something wrong and you automatically want to fix it; make it better. The only thing that can fix Bella is time, understanding and patience,” Esme said. “But don’t be mistaken, she cares about you, too. Bella’s just confused, scared and lost. She’s been a widow for a year and so she feels badly for wanting to move on. She probably thinks that she’s broken and that she’s using you.”

“She’s not!” I barked.

“Trust me, she does. Bella, I’m assuming, has taken some comfort in what you’re offering, but feels horribly that she can’t give anything in return. You’ve been affectionate, loving and kind, right?” I nodded. “Hugged her, provided her the support she needed?” Again, I nodded. “Bella yearns for that, but her heart is still attached her husband and she wants it to be him, but she’s taking it from you. And I know that you’re going to continue giving it because that’s just who you are. My suggestion to you is to give her some space. Do _not_ push her or she’s going to shut down completely.”

“How did you get to be so smart?” I chuckled humorlessly.

“You’re not the only one who’s talked to Shelly,” Esme said, pinching my arm. “I’ve had to come to grips that I’m not going to be here forever. I’m healthy, for the most part, for now. The cancer not growing, but it’s not stopping either. It’s only a matter of time until it decides that the chemo can’t stop it anymore and I’ll die. Ideally, I’d like to see Emmett and Rose have children and for you to be married, but it’s in God’s hands right now. So, don’t piss him off.”

“Okay,” I said, leaning back on the couch.

“Now, if you’re so desperate to go grocery shopping, I’m having a good day. We could go together and I can teach you how to make chicken stir fry,” Esme quipped, getting up from the couch. “I had a date with Emmett on Wednesday, now today, I have a date with my handsome middle son. While I get ready, send Bella a text or call her or something.” She kissed my forehead before walking upstairs.

Taking out my cell phone, I found Bella’s number. Being a chicken and realizing that she was probably teaching right now, I sent her a text. _Bella, I’ve had something come up. I’m pulling a double shift on Saturday. I’m working in the morning in Forks and then helping out in Port Angeles in the evening. Rain check on our grocery shopping?  ~ E_

Her response was almost immediate. _No big deal. It frees up my weekend to go to Seattle with Alice and my mom to go Christmas shopping for my kids. Some other time? ~ B_

_You call me when you’re ready ~ E_

She never responded and my heart shattered slightly. Shaking it off, I called Charlie and asked for some extra hours. He gave me the time I needed and I went to the Thriftway, picking up the necessities with my mom along with the makings for the chicken stir fry she wanted to teach me. It wasn’t the same as going with Bella, but at least, I had more in fridge than Lean Cuisines and a twelve pack of beer.

The rest of the weekend, I spent in Port Angeles, staying at the Olympic Lodge, while I helped out the Port Angeles police chief. It was mindless work, patrolling the streets with a rookie, who was wanting to bust every single person for a tiny citation or deviation of the law. I kept telling him to pick his battles. It wasn’t worth our trouble to write out a ticket for a person jaywalking when there was bigger fish to fry. Like the assault that we caught just before I was about to drive home.

A woman was walking back to her car, arms filled with bags for her family for Christmas. A group of high school boys saw her as an easy target, attacking her from behind. Little did they know that I was watching her and took chase while I told the rookie to call it in, asking for an ambulance. I trapped them in an alleyway, my gun drawn. “Hands up,” I screamed, holding my gun steady, glaring at these punks who had injured that unsuspecting woman. The three of them turned slowly as I saw the lights of another squad car. The police chief joined me as we frisked them. The boys were juniors and seniors in high school, doing this as a prank.

Two of the boys were hysterical messes while the third was stoic and cold. “Cullen, take the quiet one,” Chief Willard said. “He seems like a loose cannon and from what Charlie’s told me about you, you’re a keen interrogator.”

“Yes, sir,” I nodded, taking the boy and guiding him to my waiting squad car with my rookie partner.

“We get the ring leader?” my partner, Riley, squeaked as he danced next to me.

“I get the ring leader. You get to gather the witness statements,” I smirked, pushing the kid into the backseat. Riley pouted. Locking the cruiser, I led Riley away from the car. “Look, you’re young and just learning job. The eager-beaver routine is a bit much. These kids are in serious trouble. This isn’t like a cop show on television. The kid in the backseat can easily get seven to ten years for what he did to that woman.”

“I know that this is real life,” Riley spat.

“You know what? You can stay for the interrogation, but you cannot be in the room with me. Watch from the mirror,” I said. “You have to break into the why he did it as opposed to trying to get as many bad guys as you can. He’s seventeen years old. He could be tried as an adult and you don’t want him to throw away his life because of one bad decision. It could be different, though. You never know.”

“What if he asks for a lawyer?” Riley asked.

“Then, we give it to him and it’s in the hands of the DA,” I shrugged.

Back at the station, I spent nearly two hours interrogating Colin, our leader of the band of misfits who attacked that woman. The first hour was me talking about random shit, trying to get him to open up. He wouldn’t say anything nor would he ask for an attorney. When I mentioned something about bullying, he flinched and then it opened him right up. The popular kids had dared him to steal something from an unsuspecting shopper. Once he and his friends did that, they’d be welcomed into the ‘popular’ crowd. It was a stupid reason to attack the woman. Insanely stupid and the woman was adamant on pressing charges. The two younger boys were being charged as juveniles while my suspect was old enough to be charged as an adult.

We booked the boys and I filled out the paperwork for processing. It was nearly midnight when I was getting into my car to drive back home to Forks. I checked my phone for any messages. _From Bella, you masochist._ Alas, the only message was from Charlie, telling me to take tomorrow off and work the morning shift on Tuesday. I slept in late, spending the day cleaning up my house before I went to check on my mom. She had had a treatment this morning. My dad was with her, holding her hand as she dozed on the couch.

I stayed with them for a few hours, hoping my mom would wake up, but she didn’t. This treatment must have knocked her out. I ate dinner with my dad, helping him defrost some chili before I went back home. Though, I turned into a quasi-stalker, driving past Bella’s house. The Christmas lights twinkled in the light mist. I saw her walking in the window, holding her daughter in her arms. I smiled softly watching her for a few more moments before driving away. Bella needed time. I’d give her time.

A woman like her is definitely worth the wait.

xx PUTP xx

The next couple of weeks flew by. Before I knew it, Forks was getting ready for the Christmas Festival that was held annually since the election of the new mayor. He wanted to get families out, celebrating the holidays. It started with a parade and the local shops opened up their stores, providing hot chocolate, kid-friendly activities and holiday decorations all along the main street.

For the first time since the Christmas Festival, I was not working and was able to help out Rose at Blow Out. And no, I was not giving manicures or haircuts. Emmett used his connections to have a horse-drawn carriage give residents a tour of the holiday decorations in the residential areas. I was one of the drivers of the carriages. I was dressed in a pair of jeans, a black pea coat, a long red scarf and a Santa hat.

The parade was fun, filled with floats from local churches, the high school and middle school bands and a slew of dance troupes. Once the parade was over, families wandered all around the town. It was truly a magical evening. Snow was falling and it was quickly turning into a winter wonderland. An hour into the festival, I saw Bella and her two children walk towards Blow Out. She looked good, though her eyes were dead.

“Mommy, can I get my finger nails painted with little trees?” Bella’s daughter, Grace asked.

“I want to go on the carriage ride,” John pouted.

“It looks like one is gone and the other is filling up quickly,” Bella said, gesturing to my full payload. “How about this, Gracie gets her nails done and then by the time the carriage comes back, we can go on that. Okay?”

“John, right?” Carlisle, my dad, smiled. John nodded. “I’m Carlisle. We’ve got a petting zoo in the parking lot. There’s reindeer, goats, and sheep. Let’s check that out while your sister gets beautified.”

“Can I go with Mr. Carlisle?” asked John.

“Be nice and stay close,” Bella admonished.

“Edward, go,” Rose hissed. “The people are getting antsy.” I nodded, biting my lip. Flicking my wrist, the carriage pulled away from Blow Out. I flipped on the holiday music while the people ooh’ed and aah’ed at the decorations. My cell phone chirped in my pocket.

_Edward, I’ll keep Bella in the shop until you get back. I’ll also make sure it’s just her and her kids in the carriage. She’s been, um, down since her husband’s anniversary ~ Rose_

_Don’t push her, Rosalie. I may have pushed her_ too _far…~ Edward_

_She may not realize it, but I think she needs you. She asks about you ~ Rose_

_Trust. Me. ~ Rose_

_I don’t want her to feel like we’re all conspiring against her, Rosalie Lillian Hale Cullen. I purposely left the ball in her court ~ Edward_

_Don’t get snippy with me, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Please, listen to your brilliant sister-in-law ~ Rose_

I rolled my eyes, pocketing my phone and focused on my route. A half-hour later, I was back at Blow Out. The families all clambered out, putting donations into the jar located by the exit. We gave those donations to whichever non-for-profit my mom wanted. This year, it was a donation to Stand Up For Cancer. I checked the horse, giving her some water and a snack. Carlisle walked up with John. “Edward, I want you to meet my new friend, John. John, this is my son, Edward. He also knows your mom.”

“Hello, Mr. Edward,” John said shyly.

“Nice to meet you, John,” I smiled, picking up an apple.

“Does the horse have a name?” Carlisle asked.

“Her name is Nessie,” I replied, running my hand along her shoulder. “A friend of my brother’s, Emmett, let’s us use Nessie and Embry for this event. Do you want to pet her?”

“Can I?” John asked, his eyes twinkling. I nodded, taking his hand. Carefully, John ran his hand down her shoulder. “She’s so soft.”

“She is,” I replied. “She needs a snack, though.” I handed him the apple. “Place it in your palm and Nessie will enjoy her snack. Like this.” I demonstrated for John and he eagerly bounced on his toes. “Come on, bud. This way.” Leading him to her mouth, John held the apple and Nessie gently took the fruit from his hand. She whinnied appreciatively, chomping down on her apple. “You going on the carriage ride?”

“I’m just waiting for my mom and my sister. Gracie wanted to get her nails done,” John said, rolling his eyes.

“What’s with the eye roll, little man?” I asked. Carlisle chuckled as he walked back to the petting zoo.

“Nail polish is so dumb. I mean, no one’s fingers are really green or pink or black. Why paint them?” he asked, huffing quietly.

“It’s a way for women to feel special and pampered. What’s one thing that you love to have done to you?” I asked, helping him onto the driver’s seat of the carriage.

“I like it when my mom scratches my back. It’s soothing and she makes all of the bad things go away,” he answered. “She doesn’t do it very often, but when she does, I feel better.”

“When does she do it?” I pressed.

“When I’m sick or when I’m sad. I’ve been sad a lot. We all have,” he sniffled. “My dad, he died a year ago. I miss him.”

“I’m sorry, John,” I said, rubbing my hand on his back.

“It’s okay. Gracie and I, we’re getting better but Mom is sad, all of the time,” John shrugged. “When she’s sad, she doesn’t scratch my back.” He twisted his scarf, tears falling down his cheeks. “Sorry, Mr. Edward.”

“Why are you apologizing, John?”

“I shouldn’t cry. I’m a man and men don’t cry,” he said, wiping his cheeks.

“Who told you that?”

“My friend, Benny and my Poppy,” John said, his tears falling faster. “Sometimes, I just want to cry, Mr. Edward.” He hiccupped before he threw himself in my arms. I don’t know why, but it felt right. I was also confused. I was a stranger to this boy and he felt comfortable enough to sob in my arms. I held him tightly, gently rubbing his back until I saw Bella come outside. She saw John in my arms, dashing over to me.

“Johnny, baby?” she asked frantically. Her eyes narrowed at me, like I had done something wrong.

“He got upset about crying,” I explained. “He said that men can’t cry and the next thing I knew, he was sobbing against my shoulder.”

“John, who told you that men can’t cry?” Bella soothed.

“B-B-B-Benny,” he sniffled. “Poppy.”

“Johnny, it’s okay to cry,” Bella said, kissing his forehead. “I’m certain Mr. Edward’s cried, right? He’s a man.”

“Have you?” Johnny asked, his black eyes filled with tears.

“I have, little man. My mom is really sick and when she was diagnosed, I cried like a baby. I didn’t want her to die. I didn’t want her to be sick,” I said. “She is so good…she shouldn’t be as sick as she is.”

“She’s still alive?” John asked. I nodded. “I hope she gets better, Mr. Edward.”

I pressed my lip together, my own tears threatening to fall because she wasn’t going to get better. “Thanks, John. Me, too,” I choked out. Bella looked at me intently. I gave her a tight smile before shaking off my lingering sadness. “Do you guys want to go on the carriage ride?”

“Mommy, the horse is so pretty. Can we?” Grace asked from her spot next to Rose.

“Climb on,” I said. Grace was too small and I had to lift her onto the back of the cart. I helped Bella on as well. John was still on the driver’s seat. He was curled up in a ball. “You want to help me drive, John?”

“Really?” he replied, his eyes big with shock.

I nodded, climbing onto the seat. Rose was already guiding the next batch of riders to Emmett’s carriage. I handed John the reins. “To get Nessie to go, you flick your wrists. To have her stop, pull gently on the reins. To get her to turn, guide the reins to whichever way you want her to turn.” I wrapped my arms around him, giving Nessie a flick. She jumped slightly, pulling away from the curb and easily trotting down the street. We had a mile before she had to turn. “See?”

“I’m driving, Mom!” John squealed, gripping the reins tightly. “Can I get a horse?”

“I don’t think so, Johnny. Where would we put it?” Bella quipped, holding Grace in her lap.

“In the backyard,” John answered simply.

“John, I think a horse needs more than a backyard,” I chuckled. John sighed, focusing on keeping Nessie going straight. When we needed to turn, I told him what to do and he was overjoyed that he was able to get her turn. The ride took longer since John wasn’t encouraging Nessie like I was, but he was happy with his newfound ability to drive a horse-drawn carriage. Bella and Grace were quiet in the back, snuggled underneath one of the wool blankets.

We didn’t say much until I took the reins back from John to park the carriage. I still struggled with it and I’d been doing it for a total of three hours. Emmett’s buddy was back with the horse trailer and Embry was already loaded up. “Do you guys want to help me load up Nessie into the trailer?” I asked John and Grace.

They both nodded excitedly. “Can Grace give Nessie an apple, too, Mr. Edward?” John asked. “It was really cool.”

“You gave Nessie an apple?” Grace asked, clapping her hands. John smiled, hopping off the carriage. I jumped down as well, lifting Grace off so she could go with her brother. Holding my hand out to Bella, I gave her a shy smile. She took it, stepping off the carriage, only to stumble on the last step. I caught her, wrapping my arms around her slender body.

“Sorry,” Bella blushed, gripping my arms. “Lack of sleep and being a perpetual klutz are not a good combination.” She quickly distanced herself. “Thank you for what you did with Johnny. He grew up with the personification of macho men. He thought it was a sign of weakness to cry over the death of his father. The only time he’d do it was with me. Even then, it was for short bursts and then he was back to normal, as you can see.”

“How are you doing?” I asked, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

“You don’t want to know,” she said, shrugging slightly. “I’m sorry that I gave you the cold shoulder. You deserve better than that, Edward.” She bit her lip, watching as Emmett helped Grace give Nessie an apple while his friend removed her from the cart. “You’ve got to be cold. Do you want to get some hot chocolate? I promised the kids I’d get them some after the carriage ride. I’m assuming you’re done, right?”

“It’s a little hard to give a horse-drawn carriage ride without a horse,” I chuckled. “I’d be happy to join you, if that’s alright.”

“I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t want you to come,” Bella smirked. “Besides, your face is awfully pink, Cullen.”

“Mom, are you sure we can’t get a horse? Not even a small one?” John asked as he petted Nessie and her companion Embry.

“Sorry, bucko,” Bella sighed. “Maybe we can visit Nessie and Embry once it warms up, okay?”

“Yay!” both kids yelled, hugging each other.

“I’m just going to tell my family that I’m going to head out,” I said. Bella nodded. Walking into Blow Out, I caught Rose. “I’m getting some hot chocolate before my face freezes off.”

“Have fun, Edwardo,” Rose snickered.

“Don’t make me arrest you for being a pain in the ass,” I deadpanned. She rolled her eyes, flipping me off as I darted back out into the snow. I pulled off my Santa cap and pulled on a beanie since I had some major hat hair. Bella was holding both of her kid’s hands, waiting for me on the sidewalk outside of Blow Out. “You ready?”

“You’re coming with us, Mr. Edward?” Grace asked.

“I’m a sucker for hot chocolate, Miss Grace,” I said. “With extra marshmallows.”

“You can have mine. I don’t like marshmallows,” Grace said, wrinkling her nose.

“You’re the only person in the world who doesn’t like marshmallows, Gracie girl,” Bella teased. She gave me a nervous smile as we walked toward the local coffee house that was serving free hot chocolate for the festival.

“Why don’t you guys sit down? I’ll get the hot chocolate,” I said, pointing to a table.

“Edward…” Bella frowned.

I arched a brow, turning on my heel to get our order. Four hot chocolates, three with marshmallows and one without. I also got a shot of peppermint syrup added to Bella’s and mine. Paying for our drinks, I sat down at the table, handing the drinks to the appropriate person.

“What do you say to Mr. Edward?” Bella asked.

“Thank you, Mr. Edward,” both of them chimed, eagerly slurping down their chocolatey drinks. They were sharing a seat, looking at a book. Bella and I were awkwardly avoiding the elephant in the coffee shop.

“This is tough,” she said quietly, twisting the sleeve around her hot chocolate. She shot a glance at her oblivious children. “You deserve an explanation, but I’m hesitant to give it to you since we’ve got little ears nearby.” She sat back on her chair, huffing out a breath. “Simplest explanation…I panicked. You said the dreaded ‘d’ word.”

“I never meant to allude to that, Bella. It’s just a phrase,” I shrugged.

“A phrase or not, I panicked. I’m not ready to…” she trailed off, staring at her kids. “I can handle being friends. Hanging out, but _dating_ is not in the cards. Not for a while, if ever. I know that I’m a mess. I’ve been a mess since that day. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and my emotions are all over the place. You deserve something more than this.” She frowned, twisting at her left finger that was noticeably bare.

“Bella, let me decide on what I deserve and what I don’t,” I said, arching a brow. “I’m sorry that my flippant remark caused you to panic. I meant it when I want to be your friend. I also meant it when I said that I would wait.”

“You could be waiting a long time,” she snorted humorlessly. “Things have gotten worse for me since the anniversary of Jake’s death. I’m angry all of the time, wishing I could bring him back. There are moments where I’m fine, but in a flash, I’m exploding at my children or sobbing in the teacher’s lounge. I’m a fucking mess, Edward.”

“Mr. Edward?” John chirped.

“Yeah, John,” I replied.

“Are you a cop like my Grandpa?” he asked.

“I am. But I wasn’t always. I started with the FBI,” I smiled.

“What’s the difference?” Grace questioned.

“Well, here, I work for your Grandpa, just for the city of Forks and every so often for the city of Port Angeles. When I worked for the FBI, I worked for the government. I got to travel all over the country and even went overseas at times as well.”

“Really?” John smiled. “Where was the farthest you went?”

“I had a mission in Beijing, around the time the Olympics were going on in 2008,” I answered. “It was hard, but very cool. I got to go to the Great Wall of China, visit Beijing and traveled to Shanghai.”

“Do you have pictures, Mr. Edward?” Grace asked. “We’re talking about China in school. When we get back, we’re going to have a celebration for the Chinese New Year.”

“I have some pictures, but I also have some Chinese souvenirs from my time there. You can bring them in for show and tell, if you’d like. That is, if your mom is okay with it,” I said, feeling like I stepped over my bounds.

“Mom, please?” Grace begged.

“Perhaps we can talk to Mr. Edward about his trip to China when we get back from Phoenix. But, you need to treat his things carefully,” Bella chided.

“I promise,” Grace vowed, giving me a timid grin, reminding me of her mother.

“Did you go anywhere else that was really cool?” John asked. “Can you fly a plane? A helicopter? Are you like James Bond?”

“John, let the poor man breathe,” Bella laughed. John had gotten progressively closer until he was nearly in my lap with each question. “Sit down and finish your hot chocolate.”

“Mom,” he whined.

“To answer your questions, I can’t fly a plane. I do have a helicopter’s license and no, I’m not like James Bond. That would be the CIA. FBI, we’re a bit more boring,” I snickered.

“Do you own a helicopter?” Grace asked.

“I don’t, but I got my pilot’s license through the bureau. They offered several classes and I signed up. I go up every so often to keep my skills up to snuff,” I shrugged. We stayed in the coffee house, John shooting off questions about my time in the bureau. Grace was quiet, drifting to sleep in Bella’s arms. Bella was just running her fingers through Grace’s hair, not really contributing anything to the conversation, just listening as John probed my brain.

The barista mentioned that the coffee shop was closing. Grace was snoring on Bella’s shoulder. John was also on his last limbs, yawning widely. It didn’t stop him from chattering on about his new dream of becoming an FBI agent. Bella was struggling to get up. “Let me get her,” I said, gesturing to Grace.

“She’s gotten so big,” she said sadly. Easily, I scooped her up. Her little arms wrapped around my neck and she snuggled against my body. “Either that or I’m desperately out of shape.”

“She’s dead weight. Anyone would struggle with that,” I said, holding Grace to me. She was down for the count, snoozing on my shoulder.

“Anyone who isn’t muscle bound,” she snickered, putting John’s coat on. “I can take her now.”

“I’ve got her,” I said, following Bella out of the coffee house. We walked down the street. The roads were now covered in several inches of snow. Bella looked nervous as she held John’s hand. “You okay over there?”

“It’s been _ages_ since I’ve driven in snow. Yes, I have a beastly, all-wheel drive monster, but…but…this white stuff scares the crap out of me,” she whimpered.

“I could drive you back,” I suggested. “It’s a short walk back to my house from yours.”

“You are _not_ walking back to your home in this, Edward,” Bella chided. “I just need to put on my big-girl panties and deal with it. I’ll just drive like an old grannie.”

“Bella, it’s no big deal,” I offered. “I spent how many hours sitting on a horse-drawn cart, freezing my ass off.”

“Exactly the reason why you shouldn’t have to walk home,” she reasoned. Pinching her nose, she helped John into the backseat while I strapped Grace into her booster seat. “Here’s my proposal. You drive us home. I’ll probably need help carrying Grace up to bed anyway. Then, you take my car to drive home. I do not want the guilt of you getting sick dangling over my head. Tomorrow, I’ll drive you to pick up your tank at Blow Out. Does that work?”

“That’s fine. If the weather is still shitty, I’ll get Emmett to help with my car. If you want, I can give you snow lessons?” I suggested.

“Thank you, but I’ll just ask Charlie. I don’t want to put you out,” she murmured, handing me her keys. She looked up at me, her brown eyes filled with questions, pain and uncertainty. “I still need time to sort out myself. I appreciate your help tonight, but I don’t want you to think that I’m using you.”

“The ball is in your court, Bella,” I said, helping her into the passenger seat. She gave me a nervous smile. I jogged to the driver’s side, adjusting the seat since Bella was easily a foot and half shorter than me. Driving cautiously and slowly, we made it back to Bella’s home in one piece. Both John and Grace were asleep in the backseat. Bella gave me a worried glance, but I had no qualms in carrying both of her children inside. John was nearly as tall as her. Grace was just awkward since she clung to whomever carried her like a limpet. John was the first to go in. Carrying him to his room, I left him with Bella, while I picked up Grace.

“Daddy?” she whispered, sleepily.

“Shhhh, pretty girl,” I soothed. “Go back to sleep.”

“Kay,” she said, her fingers twining in my hair at the nape of my neck. Carrying her into her bedroom, Bella ushered me out so she could change Grace into her pajamas.

I went downstairs, waiting for Bella before I just left. That would have been rude. I was looking at the Christmas tree, smiling at the ornaments that adorned it; memories of John and Grace and Bella’s family prior to be broken apart by the evil savage known as cancer. “Thank you for your help,” Bella said quietly.

“It was not a big deal. I’m happy to do it,” I said, giving her a crooked grin. “Though, Grace called me ‘Daddy’.”

“She calls Charlie that, too. But, physically, you’re closer to Jake than him. I mean, you’re tall and more muscular than the chief,” she blushed. “I’ll shut up.” Bella sighed, removing her coat and hat. “They miss their father and seeing you talk to them, made me realize how much having a male influence impacts them as much as me.” She rubbed her face, looking at me forlornly. “I’m so fucking confused.”

“I’m sorry that I’m…” I began.

She strode over to me, clamping her hand over my mouth. “You shut up. I’m the idiot. You’re a fucking saint,” she said, arching a brow. She removed her hand and slumped against the couch. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this…”

“What?” I asked.

“Edward, I like you. A lot. You’re an amazing man and…” she sniffled. “I want more with you, but I’m not ready.”

“I said I’d wait,” I whispered.

“I know. I believe you, but I don’t know how to move past all of this. How I can be with you without feeling like I’m turning my back on Jake and what we shared together?”

“Bella, Jake was an important part of your life. He was the father of your children. I do _not_ want to replace him. I want something that is uniquely us. Now, you asked for time and space, I’ll give it to you. I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you out. When you’re ready, though, I’ll be here.”

She blinked a few times, tears falling down her cheeks. “Not many men would be willing like you,” she whispered.

“Not many woman have endured all you have. Sweetness,” I said, cupping her chin, “you are strong, smart, beautiful and the embodiment of grace and power. I’ll be here. Well, not _here_ here. That would be awkward. Living in your house?” She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Seriously, though. I’m willing to wait. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Time, I just need time. We can still do the shopping thing, and build our friendship. I just need to get over my guilty conscious,” she said. I nodded and kissed her cheek before I walked to the door. “Call me when you wake up so we can do the car exchange, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, giving her a warm smile. Darting out of the car, I felt lighter than I’d felt in ages. She had admitted that she wanted more. Yes, she needed time to grieve and I would give it to her.

Was I crazy in wanting to wait for Bella? Probably. For the first time in my life, I felt something more than just lust toward a woman. In high school, I had a few flings but nothing long term. In college, again a few flings with one relationship. Kate was the last woman I was with and she was a jealous, petty harpy that only wanted me for two reasons: procreation and financial stability. When I decided to move home, she realized that I wasn’t worth her time because my genes were faulty with my mom’s second diagnosis of cancer and she refused to move away from the East Coast. What I felt for Bella was deeper than lust, more akin to what my father felt for my mother or Emmett felt for Rose. Was it love? It was too soon to tell, but in my heart, my mind and my very soul, I knew that I had to wait. Something magical would happen between us if I was patient enough.

xx PUTP xx

We traded cars the next morning. Bella wished me a Merry Christmas, giving me a gift card to the local home repair store. _The woman knew me well_. I had decided to redo my downstairs bathroom since I apparently was going to have a fair amount of time on my hands since I was not thinking with my dick but with my heart.

As Emmett would say, I should hand in my man card.

I worked Christmas Eve but celebrated Christmas Day with my family. Bella sent me a text with pictures of Grace and John in front of the Christmas tree. Before I had dropped off Bella’s car, complete with a full tank of gas, I had picked up two ornaments for Grace and John, wrapping them for the holidays. I also picked up another set of journals for Bella. The picture she sent showed Grace and John holding up a written message: ‘Thank you, Mr. Edward! Merry Christmas!’        

The next few weeks, I worked at home and on the job. Bella would text and I would respond, but we never met up face-to-face. A month after that, we graduated to phone calls. In early March, I received an invitation in the mail. John was turning eight and was going to Emmett’s buddy’s farm for a party with a few of his friends. His handwritten letter said that he wanted me there as his friend. I RSVP’d, heading to Port Angeles to pick up something for John.

I’d seen both Grace and John when Charlie brought them to the station. I had made a huge impression on them when I took them on their carriage ride at Christmas. Charlie heard all about me and I had ‘dates’ with Bella’s kids when I was on my lunch. Bella was aware and encouraged it, but she was still working through her grief. Every day was better and apparently the test was John’s birthday.

A few more weeks passed and on a rare sunny Saturday in late March, I was driving to Frank’s stables for John’s birthday party. I parked next to Charlie’s SUV, carrying the brightly wrapped present, which happened to be a Lego set that recreated the Space Needle, into the education center where the party was going to be held. I deposited my present onto the table. The kids were all in line for the buffet of food. Standing off to the side was Charlie, Renee, and an older gentleman with long, black hair. Bella was behind Grace.

“Edward! So glad you could make it,” Renee tittered.

“With the personal invite from John, how could I refuse?” I chuckled, giving her a hug.

“He was adamant on inviting you,” Charlie said. “You made a huge impact on my grandson. It takes both of those kids forever to open up to anybody and they took to you so quickly.”

“They’re amazing kids,” I shrugged. “Bella has done a wonderful job, not to mention Jake, too.”

The man next to Charlie gasped, clinging to Charlie’s arm. “Billy, dude!”

“I’m sorry, Edward. This is Billy Black. He’s Jake’s father and John and Grace’s Poppy,” Renee explained. “He’s up for some quality time with his grandchildren and to go fishing with my beloved husband.” Her nose was wrinkled.

“What’s with the face, Nee?” Charlie asked.

“You smell like ass when you get home and I think we have enough fish in the freezer to last us until the apocalypse,” Renee snickered. “Why do we need more?”

“It’s not for us, it’s for Billy,” Charlie grumbled.

“You keep telling yourself that, Charlie,” Renee said, dragging him to the end of the line of the buffet. Billy was just staring at me. It was a bit disconcerting.

“Is everything alright, Mr. Black?” I asked, looking at him warily.

“I’ve dreamt about you,” he murmured.

_Yeah, creepy._

“Um,” I stuttered.

Billy nodded to the door and I followed him. Once outside, Billy’s eyes widened. “You’re the one sent by Jake.” I arched a brow. “Okay, I’m not a crazy old coot who smokes too much peyote. I’m a man who is grieving his son and I dream of him. Just before I came here, I had an amazing dream. I dreamt of my Jacob and he said that Bella had found the man who would help her heal.”

“Sir, Bella and I are friends. Kind of,” I said, wavering my hand. “She’s something special, but right now, she’s not ready for a relationship or anything else. I’ve been kept at arm’s length since just before Christmas. Today is the first day that I’ve seen her since then. We’ve talked on the phone, but not face-to-face. Not recently.”

“Edward, one thing you have to know about Bella is that she’s stubborn. One of the most stubborn women I’ve ever met, save for my own wife, who unfortunately passed when Jacob was in high school. Bella also loves with her whole heart and soul. I’ve seen it with how she loved my son and with how she loves her children. I can imagine that she was feeling horribly when she realized that she had feelings for you. The guilt was eating her alive. I heard it when I spoke with her. However, when I arrived yesterday, she seemed at peace and receptive to having something _more_ with you. She told me that you would be here and that she wanted my opinion of you. I didn’t want to tell her that you were the one that Jake sent to her, but I did promise to speak with you,” Billy said quietly. He looked at me, his eyes sharp and sad. “I love Bella like my own daughter. I want her to be happy. You will give her that happiness, Edward. It will start today.”

“Mr. Edward?” yelled John.

“That’s why. You’ve bonded with my grandkids,” Billy smiled, patting my arm. “Out here, Johnny!”

John poked his head out, smiling brilliantly before he broke off into a dead sprint. “Mr. Edward, you came!” he smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Are you going to ride one of the horses? Frank said that I could take out Nessie!”

“I’m good with guiding the horses, but riding them? Not so much,” I said, crouching down. I ruffled his hair. “Happy birthday, John.”

“I’m happy you’re here, Mr. Edward,” he said, hugging my neck. Pulling back, he tugged on my hand. “Come on! You have to get some food! Benny is going up for seconds and he eats more than Mr. Emmett!!”

In the education center, John handed me a plate and encouraging me to fill it up with the various goodies that were set out. He stayed glued by my side until Frank came out, explaining that the petting zoo was open for the kids. Bella was roaming around the center, throwing away plates and such before plopping down at the same table as me. “You made his day,” she smiled. She looked better than at Christmas. Her hair was down and shiny and her eyes didn’t hold that deadness like before. “And mine, too.”

“Shouldn’t you be out there with the hooligans?” I quipped, taking a bite of my hotdog.

“My mom has my camera. Pulling together this party, all while dealing with spring conferences and spring break, it was a challenge. She gave me a reprieve,” Bella snickered. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Working my ass off,” I smirked. “I needed to do something to occupy my time.”

“Rosalie said that you gutted your guest bathroom,” Bella teased, elbowing my ribs. “I hope you used the gift card.”

“It got me the lighting fixture I wanted,” I replied, finishing my meal. “You didn’t have to do that, though.”

“I did. I wanted to. The kids wanted to. You are amazing with them. I haven’t seen them smile like this since before Jake’s death,” she said, looking out. “I know that you’re not trying to replace their dad, but it’s nice for them to have another positive influence in their lives.” She bit her lip, looking back at me. There was trepidation in her deep brown eyes. “Are you mad at me? For keeping away from you?”

“You asked for time and space. I gave it to you,” I replied. “I had a conversation with Billy and he explained it to me.”

“Billy was all weird this morning. He was anxious and nervous but giddy at the same time. He mumbled about something about his dreams,” she said. Her brows furrowed. “Do you know what he was talking about?”

“He dreamt about me,” I said, quirking a brow.

“Wow, creepy,” Bella giggled.

“That’s what I said,” I laughed back.

We shared our laughter but Bella sobered, placing her hand on my forearm. “He’s not the only one who’s been dreaming about you,” she whispered. “I swear to God, I can’t believe I’m going to share this…”

“It can’t be any weirder than a man whom I’ve never met announcing that he had a dream about me,” I said, placing my hand on hers.

She blushed. “Around the end of January, Jake started coming to me in my dreams. He said for me to trust my heart. I’d wake up after that, not being able to fall back asleep. Every night, it was the same thing. One night, just before we changed the clocks, I had the same dream, but I didn’t wake up. Jake was behind me, pushing me towards you. After that night, the dreams got pretty x-rated.”

“Really? You were having sex dreams about me, Ms. Black?” I teased. She scowled at me, smacking my arm. “She didn’t deny it…”

“Don’t make me hurt you,” she growled, but her eyes were swirling with amusement. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m ready. Well, not completely ready, but ready for more than what we’ve been doing. Does that mean that I want to jump into bed with you?”

“Whoa! Whoa! Bella, relax,” I said as I took her hands in mine. She was waving her arms frenetically. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. You’re in charge of this rodeo.”

“Rodeo?” she snorted.

“We’re at Frank’s Horse Stables. Work with me, woman,” I snickered. “I want to do this right, though. I don’t want you to freak out on me.”

“I’m over the freak-out stage. I’m in the lonely and horny-as-hell stage,” she quipped. “I miss the companionship that I had with Jake. I missed our friendship, Edward. I missed you.” She hugged me and I pulled her into my lap since the chairs and table were just obnoxiously in my way. She snuggled against my chest and I relished her soft, warm, obviously female body pressed against me.

Rubbing her back, I pulled back and stared into her eyes. “So, if I, _hypothetically_ , ask you if you want to go out on a date, would you knee me in the balls and run away screaming or actually say yes?” I asked.

“When would this _hypothetical_ date happen?” she asked, her eyes twinkling. _So pretty…_

“You’re off this week for spring break, right?” Bella nodded. “I’m off on Thursday. We could go to Seattle, spend the day there. Perhaps bring John and Grace?”

“I may not have had had a date since the late nineties, but I’m pretty certain first date protocol does not include taking one’s children,” she giggled.

“So, you and me?” I asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” she blushed. We were staring into each other’s eyes. I wanted, desperately, to kiss her, to see if her lips were as soft as they looked.

“Mommy! Come see John! He’s on Nessie!” Grace shouted into the room, causing Bella to jump.

“Be right there, pretty girl,” Bella yelled back. She looked at me expectantly as she got up from my lap. “Thank you for being patient, Edward.”

“Good things come to those who wait, Sweetness,” I said. Her responding grin was all I needed to see. However, with me and Bella, I definitely saw _great_ things.

**A/N: In case you haven’t figured it out, I jumped ahead in time. We went from Christmas to the end of March-ish. Seriously, I didn’t want to be a dead horse (literally and figuratively) with Bella’s wishy-washyness. (Is that a word? According MS Word, it’s not. *Shrugs*) Anyhoozle…it seems fast. I don’t know what the standard grieving period is, but I wanted them to get together. Besides, everyone grieves differently. For example, I was over my marriage (got divorced) even before the paperwork was filed. No grieving, really. More like relief. A divorce is different from being widowed or widowered, but each person moves at their own pace. Am I saying that Bella and Edward’s relationship will be perfect? No. There will be set backs and such, but the fact that Bella is willing to try and that she missed him is huge. Also, the kids…the kids they’re attached.**

**No pics with this one. I could have found a picture of Nessie and Embry (the horses), but I’m being lazy. Los siento…You can find previous pictures on my blog and tumblr (links for both of those are on my profile). You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79.**

**I am happy that I was able to get this out in less than a day. I’ve had the WORST writer’s block for the past few weeks. This chapter fell together pretty easily. I just pray it doesn’t suck. So, if you don’t mind…leave me some?? Please and thank you! MWAH!**

**PS ~ We’re back to Bella next chapter. As stated before, this is going to be mainly in BPOV with a smattering of Edward. This chapter just _screamed_ Edward. You know? I’m done talking now. Uber-long author’s note. I do apologize. ;-)**


	10. Chapter 9

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**We’re back to Bella next chapter. As stated before, this is going to be mainly in BPOV with a smattering of Edward.**

**Chapter Nine**

**BPOV**

After John’s birthday party, I was about to collapse. Exhaustion was washing over me like a wet, heavy blanket. So many things happened at that party and prior to it, as well. I had spring parent/teacher conferences the days leading up to spring break, which had started the Friday prior to the party; I had to finalize plans with Frank, the owner of the stables, for the party, find time to actually buy my son a gift, get food, drinks and goodies for the goody bags and bake John’s favorite cake, funfetti cake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. On top of all of that, I’d been having some pretty raunchy dreams, featuring Edward Cullen, severely cutting into my sleepy time.

_Not that I was complaining._

And let me tell ya, ‘Dream Edward’ is one hell of a lover.

For the first time in my entire life, I had an orgasm from sleep sex.

_Just wait until the real thing, Bella. You’ll be quivering for days._

What. Was. That? Am I serious? We’ve yet to go on our first god damned date and I’m already planning when we have sex? Holy crap. Stop it, Bella.

I really am in the lonely and horny stage. Damn.

However, the weirdest occurrence was my father-in-law. He kept giving me secretive little glances and mumbling incoherently upon his arrival on Friday. I called him on it the morning of John’s party. Billy had explained that he was also having dreams, featuring the man that Jake said would make me happy and would fill the void in my heart, complete my soul. When Billy said that, my heart stammered against my ribs. Could he be talking about Edward? Quietly, I asked him to describe his mystery dream man and I nearly fell off my chair when Billy described Edward perfectly.

Even down to his unruly bronze hair and golden-flecked green eyes.

I asked Billy to give me his interpretation of Edward since he was coming to John’s birthday. They spoke during the party. I was anxious to hear what he had to say. I was also filled with fear and sadness that Billy would be upset at my willingness to move on. From the fact that Edward was still breathing and had _asked me out_ , Billy seemed to have approved him, but I still wanted to know. I had to hear it from my father-in-law’s mouth.

When we got home, John went upstairs, carrying his load of toys, books and clothes from his friends. Grace went to her room to take a nap since I had to give her a Benadryl due to allergies to hay. Billy guided me to the living room and smiled softly. “I saw you talking to Edward. He is an amazing man. Good heart. Strong mind. Loving soul,” Billy said reverently. “I can tell that he cares about you a great deal. When you’re in the same room together, you move like magnets, attracting each other.”

“And you think that Edward was the man that Jacob chose for me?” I whispered.

“Without a doubt. Bella, Jacob loved you and he didn’t want to leave you. He hated his illness and that there was nothing that could be done. However, he and I spoke at length about you when you were with the kids or running errands. With you being so young and having two young children, he didn’t want you to be alone. Jacob, while saddened that he wouldn’t be with you forever, wanted you to move on. To date. To not be alone. Seeing you with Edward and how he interacted with Grace and John, you were meant to be,” Billy said, taking my hand. “With him. Is it forever? I don’t know, but, Edward could be that man who puts on the path towards your new forever.”

“It feels right with Edward. I just feel so bad that I’m moving on,” I sighed, shooting Billy a sheepish look. “Did you know that Edward is taking me to Seattle on Thursday? We’re having our first date.”

“I kind of had a hunch that he was asking you out when you were on his lap,” Billy snickered. Rolling my eyes, I swiped at Billy’s arm. “I also told him, while you were helping Grace with her allergy attack, that I would babysit John and Grace. Don’t worry about the kids and just have fun. You remember that? Fun?”

“You are such a pain in the ass,” I snorted.

“No, I’m not. I’m just trying to help you be happy. Jacob insisted on it,” Billy said, capturing my hand. “He’s okay with it. More importantly, I’m okay with it. Edward makes my grandkids smile and brings back the sparkle in your eyes. I’ve missed that. We’ve all missed it. Now, you look like you’re dead on your feet. Why don’t you go upstairs and take a short nap before we go to Port Angeles to see that latest animated movie?”

“Upstairs?” I squeaked.

“Where else?” Billy asked. He had been staying with my parents who had a spare bedroom and still didn’t know that I had yet to sleep in my bed. I tried, but I couldn’t. I flew into a panic attack each time, unable to calm down and sob for hours. _Would I ever be able to sleep in my bed again?_

“Bella, have you slept on the couch this entire time?” Billy chided.

“I plead the fifth,” I chuckled, trying to hide my shame. I walked quickly into the kitchen to do _something_ other than deal with my father-in-law’s scrutinizing stare.

“Hold it,” he said, spryly jumping in front of me. He crossed his arms over his chest, arching his brow and looking so much like Jake that my heart sputtered. I felt tears fall onto my cheeks before I realized it and Billy had me wrapped up in a hug. “Bella…”

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered against his soft flannel shirt. “I hadn’t cried in ages, but you looked so much like Jacob…”

“Shhhh,” Billy soothed, rocking me back and forth. Using my techniques that I had worked on with Shelly, I managed to calm myself down. I relaxed slightly, pushing away from him. “Better?”

“A little. Certain things just trigger it. When you gave me the ‘look,’ I lost it. Plus, the reminder that I haven’t slept in a real bed in nearly two years,” I quipped sadly, going to make myself some chamomile tea. “I want to try, but it’s so _big_. Jacob was a bed hog and I hate crawling onto a cold, empty mattress. It’s stupid, but I can’t wrap my head around it.” Sighing, I picked up some lemon from the fridge along with a couple of packets of Splenda. “I’m supposed to work on it over my spring break. My plan is to do it on Tuesday, while the kids are with you and my parents, spending the night there before your fishing adventure. I don’t want John and Grace to hear me as I scream and sob for their father in the bedroom.”

“Have you considered someone being in the bed with you?” Billy suggested. I arched a brow. “Not like that. Have Alice spend the night or Renee? You two share the bed?”

“Perhaps,” I shrugged. I yawned again. Billy turned off the water and pushed me toward the basement. Since I couldn’t sleep in my bed, I went down to the couch in the family room. With a kiss to the cheek, Billy said he’d wake me in a couple of hours before we had to go to the movie theater in Port Angeles.

As I drifted, my mind conjured up Edward Cullen and how good it felt to have him hold me.

xx PUTP xx

The first few days of my spring break were spent cleaning. Billy had decided to spend a day with each of my kids on their own, making them feel special. The other child was my helper for the day, earning some money for their bank account. Monday, Grace went out with Poppy since John had his birthday party on Sunday. John and I worked diligently on cleaning his room, along with emptying out his closet of clothing that he had outgrown and purging some toys that he didn’t need or want anymore. My son, who just turned eight, was now up to my shoulder and was half my weight.

“Mom?” John said as we bagged his clothing and toys for donation.

“What, baby?” I replied.

“Do you still have some of Dad’s clothes?” he asked. “I mean, I don’t see you wear his shirts anymore.”

“I got rid of a ton of it, but I saved a few things,” I answered. “Why?”

“I was wondering if I could have one. Erm, Mr. Molina mentioned something about this company that makes stuffed animals out of the clothes of, um, the person who died. I kind of want something made using Dad’s shirts or um, yeah,” John mumbled, toeing the ground uncomfortably.

“Do you think Grace would want that, too?” I questioned.

“She said so,” John said, his brown eyes wide with anticipation.

“Let me talk to Mr. Molina. I think that would be a nice keepsake for you and Grace, but I have to get the information from him so I can send off the shirts to the right location,” I explained. John beamed, running to wrap his arms around my waist. I nuzzled his hair, kissing his forehead. He murmured his thanks, saying that he loved me.

When all was said and done, John earned twenty dollars for his bank account. Grace would probably earn the same, but she’d complain about it more. My Grace hated cleaning. She hated throwing away toys more than cleaning. If she could, her room would be filled with tons of dolls, Barbies and girly items as possible. When we had moved to Forks, cleaning out her toddler toys was absolute hell. She didn’t want to give up _anything_ because Daddy got it for her. Unfortunately, her room was much smaller in our new home and she didn’t need her baby toys. After too many tantrums, I told Billy to take both of my kids out so I could empty out their rooms with Rachel and Rebecca, donating the toys, clothes and whatnot to a local women’s shelter.

To my surprise, Grace was actually fairly helpful with our work in her room the following day. She never fought me on clothes since she was not into fashion. Not yet. If it fit and it was either pink or purple, she wore it. While we worked, I mentioned the stuffed animal idea that John brought up yesterday. Grace was surprisingly aloof about it, thought she did say that she would like a keepsake of her father since he wasn’t with us anymore.

Before the kids left with Billy to go to my parents, I had them choose from the remaining shirts in my closet. John picked one of Jake’s few sweaters that had a Navajo pattern on it. Grace chose a striped button down that had red and grey stripes. Folding the shirts, I kissed them before they went over to my parents’ home with Billy. On Wednesday, they were going out to Lake Crescent with my dad and his friend, Harry Clearwater and his grandkids, Seth and Emily.

Once the kids were gone, I was tempted to call Alice to stay the night with me, but I _needed_ to do this myself. I couldn’t rely on other people to get over this irrational fear of my damn bed. My very expensive bed, thank you very much. However, the bed _taunted_ me. In its innocence, it still caused me a great deal of anxiety. Not having Jake in there with me, made my heart ache. I sat on the tiny loveseat in my bedroom until nearly two in the morning, scowling at my bed. I tried to get onto the king-sized mattress, but I couldn’t. With a huff, I stomped to the living room and made my couch.

_When will I be able to sleep on a bed like a normal human being?_

I was woken up on Wednesday by a pounding on my door. Checking my cell phone, I saw that it was after eleven. Dragging my body off the couch, I opened the door to see Alice, smiling eagerly. “I waited as long as I could! Come on! You’ve got an appointment at noon at Blow Out! A little birdy told me that Bella Black has a date!” she squealed.

“Wait a minute,” I said, pulling her inside. “I just woke up, Ali-Cat. Plus, who told you that I have a date?”

“Rose, who heard it from Emmett, who heard it from Esme, who wheedled it out of Edward,” Alice snickered. “Apparently he was smiling like a buffoon all day on Monday when he went over to check on Esme. She had to find out why her son was looking like a love-struck teenager.”

“Ugh, you all so nosy,” I grumbled good-naturedly. Alice giggled, arching a brow. “Now, why do I have go to Blow Out? I look fine.”

“Bella, you need a haircut and your nails are atrocious. Have you been soaking your cuticles in bleach?” Alice asked.

“Sadly, yes. I’ve been scouring my house, Alice,” I deadpanned.

“Hells Bells, this is the first date you’ve had in like _forever_. You need to knock Edward off his rocker,” Alice said. “However, he thinks you’re amazing regardless, but you have to show him all that Bella has to offer.”

“I’m not a hooker, Alice,” I said.

“I’m not saying that. Do you trust me?” Alice asked.

“In theory.”

“Then, trust me on this. We’ll go to Blow Out today and I’ll pick out a cute first date outfit for you. Something sexy but still comfortable. Edward will be head over heels because you’re so beautiful,” Alice said, taking my hand. “Now, do I have to drag you up to your shower and strip you naked by force?”

“I’d love to see you try, Ali-Cat,” I said. She rolled her eyes. “Since you’re here, make yourself useful and make some coffee since I have to get ready to go to the salon.” Alice squealed, hugging me before she darted into my kitchen. I swiped my blankets and jogged upstairs. I stripped out of my pajamas, appraising my body as the water warmed up.

_Ugh…_

I was still slender. Thankfully, I got great metabolism from my mom. My skin was very pale. My shoulders were rounded, obviously tired from carrying the weight of the world on them. Looking further down my body, I grimaced at my breasts. They were on the smallish side. My stomach was slightly rounded from having two children and my hips were wider than when I was younger. My grooming habits had fallen by the wayside and I was furry between my legs. _Who was going to see that?_

According to Alice, apparently Edward.

_Not any time soon, if at all._

I felt unattractive and didn’t see what Alice saw, nor Edward. I tried to look my best for work and for my kids, but it wasn’t the same. I missed the intimacy to share with someone, but I was terrified. Edward was an amazing man, gentle, kind, handsome as hell and great with my kids. But, what if I lose him, too? What if he decided that I wasn’t worth his patience and trouble?

Shaking off my negative thoughts, I hopped in the shower. Quickly washing everything, I got dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and a long tunic, pairing it with some boots. I pulled my hair up into a loose, messy bun since I hadn’t washed it in the shower. I was getting a haircut and Leah, Rose’s assistant gave amazing head massages while she washes the hair.

Nearly four hours later, a dye job, haircut, manicure, pedicure, and _bikini wax_ , I was deemed gorgeous by Rose and Leah, not to mention my nosy best friend. She was also determined to get me a first date outfit since none of my clothes were date-worthy, so Alice dragged me to Port Angeles to shop the boutiques for some cute and sassy clothes. Three shops and a new spring/summer wardrobe later, I had my first date outfit. Surprisingly, I was looking forward to wearing it. I felt attractive in it. Sexy, even.

_Don’t push your luck, Black…erm, Swan…who am I again?_

My outfit was a pair of black skinny jeans with a bright green wrap blouse, paired with a black camisole. The jewelry that Alice found was chunky and silver, making me look hip and en vogue. I was still questioning her choice of an obnoxiously pink clutch, but she assured me that it would go. Not wanting to fight her, I went with it.

As I was driving back from Port Angeles with Alice, my phone rang. I smiled eagerly when I saw it was Edward. “Hello?” I answered.

“Someone sounds happy,” Edward chuckled.

“Well, I spent the day getting beautified and spending an obscene amount of money on clothes,” I giggled.

“She’s back in color, Edward,” Alice laughed as she turned onto the highway.

“Ignore her. I do,” I said flatly, pinching Alice’s arm. She snorted. “You’re not calling to cancel, are you?”

“Definitely not, sweetness,” he crooned. “I’m just calling to say that I’ll be over to pick you up around ten in the morning. I know you’ve lived in Forks and the Pacific Northwest for most of your life, but I have a completely touristy day planned tomorrow in Seattle. If that’s alright with you, though.”

“It sounds like fun,” I replied.

“Anyhow, I’m looking forward to spending the day with you. Dress warmly since our date is mostly outside, okay?” he said sweetly.

“Thanks for the heads up. Call me if anything changes, okay?”

“I will, sweetness. I’ll _see_ you tomorrow,” he murmured before hanging up his phone.

I bit back a girly squeal. Clutching my phone to my chest, my heart was stammering against my ribs. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time, giddy over having a date. With Jake, I had an anxious feeling. Well, it was more like shock and disbelief that he wanted to be with someone like me. That eventually faded when I realized that Jake was a goofball, just like me, wrapped in a muscular, GQ-like exterior.

Now, my life is dramatically different with another gorgeous man trying to woo me. My giddiness quickly faded to insecurity. “Hell Bells, you were just grinning like an idiot. Now, you look like you are scared out of your mind. What’s up?”

“Why does Edward want to be with me? I mean, widowed mother of two kids. I’ve got baggage. Why me?” I asked, looking at my friend.

“Bella, Edward is a good man. He has a good heart and he thinks the world of you. Don’t doom this relationship even before it has a chance to blossom and grow,” Alice chided gently. “You may have baggage, but so does he. Remember, Esme is sick and probably won’t last until next year. You may have to be strong for him, just like he’s been strong for you. Just go with it, Bella. Edward wants you. He’s wanted you since you first came into town when he pulled you over on Halloween. However, he knew he had to be patient, waiting for you to get it together. You had to finish grieving and now, you have an opportunity for something special and amazing with Edward Cullen.”

I bit my lip, letting her words sink in. We pulled up to my house and carried my bags into my bedroom. “Bella, how would you feel about having a girl’s night? We haven’t had one in a couple of months and I know that Rose wants to hear all about your upcoming date,” Alice suggested.

“That actually sounds perfect. The kids are staying with my parents and Billy until Friday since I’ve got my date tomorrow. As far as I know, they are still on Lake Crescent, fishing to their little heart’s content,” I said.

“I thought John and Grace hated fishing,” Alice said, arching a brow while she hung my date outfit in the closet.

“Billy mentioned something about not using nightcrawlers. So, they were more amenable to going. Plus, I gave them a ton of activities to do while on the boat that didn’t require fishing. It’s amazing what iPads and coloring books can do,” I snickered, tossing my hair up into a loose ponytail. “Plus, Harry’s grandchildren are on the boat, too. They’re a little older than John and Grace.”

“That’s good that they have some other kids with them. Now, I’m going to call Rose. Pizza or Chinese?” Alice asked, referring to dinner.

xx PUTP xx

The girl’s night was a lot of fun. They both put me at ease, encouraging me to listen to my heart and ignore my head. Both my heart _and_ my head were telling me that it was alright, but the niggling feeling in the back of my subconscious was what was causing me distress. Alice also spent the night so she could help me get ready in the morning. I let her stay in my bedroom while I curled up on the couch, as per usual. Rose would have stayed, but she had to do inventory at the shop before it opened. Her day would start just before seven.

When I woke up the next morning, I talked to my kids, who had crashed on the drive home from Lake Crescent and could not be bothered to talk once they got back to my parents’ place since they were both asleep. They told me about their adventures on the boat and how Seth got the biggest fish of the day, followed by Grace. With the excitement, my kids had rediscovered the fun of fishing and were anxious to go again with Charlie, Harry, Seth and Emily.

We spoke for a few more minutes until Renee called them for breakfast. We said our ‘I love you’s’ before clicking off the phone. Alice told me to shower but to not wash my hair. I was grateful for her presence. Had she not been here, I would have been a bundle of nerves, causing me to possibly cancel my date with Edward. Alice prattled on about nonsensical things while she curled my hair and applied my makeup. I sat there, letting her do what she did best, which was distract me.

“All right, Bella. You’re done except for your lips. Get dressed and then I’ll give you some time to relax before Edward comes over,” Alice said.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“Quarter to ten,” Alice smiled. “You’re going to be fine.”

“Will I?” I choked out.

“Bells, just go with it. In your heart, you know that Edward is a good guy. Trust yourself. I know that you’re panicking since he’s not Jake, but I have no doubt that you two will be happy,” Alice said, tucking my hair behind my ears.

“Are you a seer now?” I quipped.

“All-knowing, omniscient Alice Whitlock,” she sang, waggling her fingers. I laughed as she dissolved into a fit of giggles. “Now, seriously, you need to get dressed. I don’t want you answering your door in your bathrobe. Edward might think he’s getting some.”

“Alice!” I growled, smacking her arm. Rolling my eyes, I went to put on my outfit and even sprayed some perfume on my pulse points. Carrying my boots in my hands, I walked down to the first floor of my home. Alice had cleaned up her beauty station, putting her coat on. “You’re not staying?”

“Oh, no. This is all you, Hells Bells,” Alice said, taking my hand. “Now, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“That doesn’t leave much, Ali-Cat,” I snorted. “Remember Peter?”

“Shut it! One time! Jasper and I were on a break and I have sex ONE TIME with the blabber mouth of Forks,” she grumbled. “However, his blabber mouth got the shit beat out of him. Jasper hated what he said about me.”

“That’s because it wasn’t true,” I countered. “A threesome with Peter and some other chick?”

“Yeah, ewww,” Alice shuddered. “Peter was a momentary lapse in judgment, but a threesome, I would have been brainwashed. Anyhow, have fun. Really, don’t worry about anything.”

“I’ll try,” I sighed, twisting my curls. Alice kissed my cheek and darted out of the door. I paced the length of the house, second-guessing my decision to go on this date. Yes, I liked Edward and seeing him on Sunday had made the butterflies in my belly come back with a vengeance, but was it too soon?

I couldn’t dwell on the topic because there was a quiet knock on my door. I let out a quiet squeak, shocked that he was on time. “Deep cleansing breaths, Bella,” I chanted as I walked slowly to the door. With a harsh breath, I opened the door, my heart taking off when I saw Edward standing on my doorstep.

_Damn, he’s pretty._

He was wearing a pair of dark-wash jeans with a white button-down shirt. He was also wearing a worn, brown leather jacket with a pair of brown leather sneakers. In his hands, Edward held a large bouquet of pink roses, yellow poms and some white baby’s breath in a pink vase. He was blushing slightly before his lips broke into his crooked grin. His eyes appraised me, turning dark with some unknown emotion. “You’re gorgeous,” he whispered. “A vision, Bella.”

Now, it was _my_ turn to blush. “Thank you,” I murmured. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

He chuckled, holding out the bouquet for me. “For you, though they pale in comparison to my lovely date,” he said. I took the flowers, giving him a cheeky grin. “Too cheesy?”

“Just a bit. But it was cute,” I said, leading him into the house. Edward followed me into the kitchen where I put the flowers on the counter. It instantly brightened the room. “Thank you for the flowers, Edward. You didn’t have to get me anything…”

“I know that you haven’t been on a first date in a while, but neither have I. I want to do this right, Bella,” he said, taking my hand in his.

“You’ve not been on dates?” I asked, arching a brow.

“Not since I moved out here,” he shrugged. “My focus was on my job and my mom. Plus, the women who lived here were either married or much too old for me or too young. And the married ones were looking for a plaything to spice up their marriage. Ah, no. I’m not someone’s ‘fuck buddy.’ Excuse my language.”

“Who would suggest such a thing?” I squeaked.

“Lauren Crowley,” he snorted derisively. “I’ve seen too much of her fake body when called over to her place for whatever bullshit reason she gave Sue.”

“And this is the woman who is teaching my impressionable kindergartner?” I snarled. “Not. Cool. She was a skank in high school. You’d figure that once she got married, she’d mellow out. Obviously not.”

“Well, it happened so many times that one time your dad went to check out the call. She was in a shock when she opened the door in nothing but a bra and panty set. Charlie was ready to arrest her for indecent exposure, harassment, and filing a false police report. Suffice it to say, she hasn’t called since,” Edward chuckled.

“Well, that’s good. I’m certain that my dad probably had a heart attack when he saw her in finery,” I deadpanned. “I can only imagine that her boobs were barely contained by her bra. The way she dresses at school is not appropriate and I’m surprised that Alice hasn’t said anything.”

“She probably has her reasons. Picks her battles,” Edward shrugged. “Are you ready?”

“Let me get my coat and purse,” I smiled, walking to the closet to grab my new leather coat. I pulled it off the hanger and Edward took it from my hands, helping me into the jacket. I blushed at his attentiveness. Picking up my clutch, we walked out of my house and I locked the door. Edward held open the passenger side of his Yukon Denali, helping me into his beastly truck. Jogging around the front, he slid into the driver’s seat and started the car. “So, where are we going, Mr. Cullen?”

“Obviously, Seattle,” he quipped, backing out of the driveway.

“No shit, Sherlock,” I giggled. “Specifically where in Seattle?”

“Well, we’re first heading to Starbucks at Pike Place Market. I know you love your coffee,” Edward smiled, his eyes crinkling. “Then, from there, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“For future reference, I’m not a big fan of surprises,” I said, giving him a put-on frown.

“Duly noted, Ms. Black,” he laughed.

On the three hour drive, we never stopped talking. He told me more about his time with Bureau while I told him about my first years of teaching. I kind of avoided talking about Jake. In the back of my mind, I knew it was a faux-pas to discuss a previous relationship while on a date with someone new. Yes, Edward knew I was a widow but if I wanted our relationship to work, I couldn’t keep Jake’s ghost in my mind.

Besides, Jake told me to have fun while I slept last night.

As we were on the ferry, Edward reached over and his fingers threaded with mine. His hand was warm and surprisingly soft for a man. I felt tingles travel up the length of my arm. I couldn’t let them show as Edward was describing his plans on upgrading the computer in the station, applying for grants to take Forks into the twenty-first century. Feeling his hand around mine, I felt safe and secure for the first time in nearly two and half years. I just stared at our hands, kind of drowning out Edward’s velvety voice. My hand was completely engulfed in his. I really liked it.

“Bella?” Edward chuckled, squeezing my hand.

“Huh?” I replied intelligently.

“You were spacing out, sweetness and staring at our hands. Is this okay?” he asked, his brow furrowing. He loosened his hold but caught his hand with my other one.

“I like it,” I murmured, looking up at him through my lashes.

“Good because so do I,” he whispered, raising our hands to his mouth and gently pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “Your hands so small. Dainty. Perfectly feminine.”

“They’re doll hands,” I said, holding up my right hand. “Grace’s hands are almost as big as mine.”

“I think you’re exaggerating, Bella,” Edward said, shooting me a look as we drove off the ferry toward downtown Seattle.

“Probably, but both of my kids will probably dwarf me. You’ve seen how tall John already is. He’s eight!” I snorted.

“All the better for John to scare off potential suitors for Grace,” Edward said.

“True,” I giggled.

A half hour later, Edward parked his car near Pike Place Market. Helping me out, he held my hand as we walked toward the first Starbucks. It was a leisurely stroll, no rush and I was perfectly happy with that. From the way our date had started, I didn’t want it to end. We ordered our coffees and went to sit outside since the weather had warmed up and it was a rare sunny day. Sipping my caramel macchiato, I hummed appreciatively. “This hits the spot, Edward. The imitation caramel macchiato that the town coffee shop makes is nothing like the real McCoy.”

“I know. For me, I feel like they water down their espresso,” Edward said, sipping his café Americano. “I can only get really good coffee from the Starbucks in Port Angeles and I refuse to drive an hour for my cup of joe.”

“You could always drink the toxic sludge they serve at the station,” I said.

“No thanks. Coffee should not be an amorphous solid,” Edward shuddered. “You take away the cup and the coffee would stand on its own.”

“So, how do you survive, Deputy Cullen?” I asked.

“Simple. I make my own,” he shrugged. “It’s no Starbucks, but at least the coffee won’t eat my stomach or jiggle like Jello.”

“You are such a coffee snob, Edward,” I teased.

“I really am. I used to live near this amazing coffee house in Arlington. It put Starbucks and Seattle’s Best to shame! Unfortunately, it was a family owned joint and the only two locations are in Arlington and downtown Washington D.C.”

“What’s it called?”

“Java Jive Café,” Edward answered. “It also served delicious breakfast pastries, waffles and omelets.”

“Sounds delicious,” I hummed. Sipping my coffee, I looked at him. He gave me a crooked grin which made my heart flutter. Seeing him give me such a sweet look made me want to kiss him. _Slow down, Bella._  “Do you miss working in D.C.?”

“At times, yes,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I was a different guy back then. I was young, eager to please my bosses and very focused on my career. Now? I love what I do in Forks. Do I wish for more action and less ‘patrol cop’? Sure. But, Charlie uses my talents and I think that this was the best move for me. I needed to be closer to my family.”

“Will you always stay in Forks?” I asked.

“Forks is my home now. That will not change,” Edward said simply, staring into my eyes. From what I could gather, he was going to stay in Forks as long as I was. Possibly? He finished his coffee, smiling at me tenderly. “You ready for the next part of our date?”

“Yeah,” I answered. He grabbed my cup and tossed it into the garbage. Helping me to my feet, he led me toward Western Avenue. Our fingers were threaded together. “We’re walking?”

“It’s a beautiful day,” he said, putting on a pair of sunglasses. “Besides, it’s about a twenty minute walk.” He tugged on my hand and we easily strolled down the street. We didn’t talk, just people watched and it wasn’t awkward at all. It was a companionable silence. Crossing over Clay Street, Edward pulled me close and wrapped his arm around my waist. His body was warm and he smelled so good, like sandalwood, cologne and fresh air. I wrapped my arm around his torso, snuggling closer to his muscular body. A few minutes later, we arrived at the Seattle Sculpture Park. I’d never been since it had been a recent addition to my home town. I beamed excitedly. “I take it you approve?”

“Very much! I wish I had brought my camera,” I frowned. “All I have is my cell phone and it’s not that great.”

“Good thing I brought this,” Edward smirked, pulling out a tiny Nikon camera. He slid behind me, holding the camera in front of us to take a picture. “Smile, sweetness.”

I blushed, as he snapped several photos. Flipping the camera over, he showed me the fruits of his labor. We looked good together.  We looked like a couple. “I hope you can send me copies?” I whispered, looking up at him shyly.

“Definitely,” he said, slipping the camera into his pocket and threading his fingers with mine. “A memento of the first of hopefully many dates.”

We spent a couple of hours wandering around the sculpture park. Edward and I took goofy photos with the artwork and acted completely silly. We shared a turkey sandwich along with some homemade granola as we walked around the park. Our conversation never lagged and it was so amazing to share this with him. I was comfortable and _happy_. My face literally hurt from smiling so much. Plus, it helped that Edward was hysterically funny, in a dry, sarcastic way.

As we were walking back to the car, Edward stopped me, brushing my hair from my face. “You’re so gorgeous when you laugh, Bella,” he said reverently. “And your laugh is so adorable. Like melodious bells.”

“And you’re full of shit,” I snickered. “My parents and Jake likened my laugh to a donkey braying.”

“I don’t know what they’re talking about. You’ve got a great laugh. I’m so happy that I’m able to hear it,” he replied, grinning crookedly. Edward’s eyes darkened and he stared at me intently. His warm hands had not left my face. His thumbs were gently caressing my cheeks. He leaned closer, his lips a hairsbreadth away from mine.

“ON YOUR LEFT!” screamed a bike messenger.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and moved us out of the way as the messenger sped past us. Edward glared at the retreated messenger, growling lowly. I gripped his arms, kind of pissed off that what would have been our first kiss was interrupted.

“Are you okay, Bella?” Edward asked.

“I’m fine. Though, you look like you wanted to shoot that poor guy in the ass,” I giggled.

“That’s because I did,” he said, giving me a sardonic little smirk. “Perhaps it was fate telling me that it wasn’t the right time for _that._ ”

“And what is _that_ that you’re talking about?” I quipped.

“A kiss, sweetness,” he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek. His mouth lingered on my skin longer than polite before he tugged me to the car. “A busy sidewalk isn’t the most ideal location for our first kiss, Bella. I want to make it special. Just like our date. I was obviously wasn’t thinking.” He blushed. “That’s if you want me to kiss you…”

I smiled secretively, running my hand up his arm before I cupped his neck. Reveling in the softness of his hair, I gently pulled his face to mine, kissing his jaw, fairly close to his mouth. “You’re right about the timing but when the time is right, I do want you to kiss me.”

He pulled back, his green eyes nearly black. With a slow, seductive smile he nodded and we finished walking back to the car but the air was filled with sexual tension. I was so aroused that I had to tug my jacket around my body to prevent my boobs from giving my arousal away. The girls had on their high beams. My nipples were quite apparent through the shimmery fabric of my shirt.

Back in the car, Edward drove us to Alki Beach. He parked the car near Pepperdock. It was a greasy spoon right on the beach. Edward handed me a small basket before we went into the diner. He had obviously called ahead and ordered a meal to go. He just paid the cashier after he took several bags of food. We walked toward the water until we reached an unoccupied fire pit. The sun was reaching the horizon, bathing the beach in a warm, ethereal glow. The day had just _flown_ by and I knew that it was coming to an end.

Well, minus the drive home and good night kiss or two.

 _Or twenty_.

Inside the basket, there was a blanket, a bottle of white wine, some plastic glasses and flame thrower for the fire pit. “Were you a boy scout?” I teased, spinning the lighter.

“No,” he laughed, giving me a playful glower. “I just knew what I wanted to do for our date. I wanted it to be fun, laid-back and relaxed. The sculpture park, Pike’s Place and the beach seemed like the perfect solution.” Edward plucked the lighter from my hand, turning his attention to the fire pit. He tossed some paper into it and lit up the pile of logs that were already inside. “But our next date, I want us to be dressed up…”

“You’re already planning our second date, Cullen?’ I giggled.

“And third, not to mention the fourth,” he smirked, arching a brow. “Bella, I’ve had such a good time with you today and I’m completely enamored with you. I’ve never met a woman so strong but still feminine and delicate at the same time. My mom is probably the closest person I can use as an example, but her strength is different than yours. Not to mention, you’re beautiful, both inside and out. I know that what we have is going to be special and a process between the two of us. Learning to navigate each other’s lives, balancing getting to know each other, bonding with your children and being _us._ But, I want you to know that I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to replace your husband. I know you love him and always will. I’m hoping that you will…” he huffed out a breath, giving me a meaningful look, “that you will let me be a part of your lives in a different way.”

I blinked a few times, tears splashing onto my cheeks. His speech was so heartfelt and sweet. How did I get so lucky to find _two_ amazing men? Jake was my first everything, but Edward, he was working his way into my heart. He frowned when he saw me crying, taking my face into his hands. “Sweetness, please don’t cry. That wasn’t my intention,” he cooed, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs.

I smiled, my emotions silencing my voice. I held up a hand, trying to not turn into a sniveling mess. Edward pressed his lips to my forehead, holding me to his body in a safe embrace. “Do you need a moment, Bella?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Just keep doing this,” I said, snuggling closer.

He didn’t respond, but his arms did tighten around me. After a few moments, we eventually sat down and I busied myself with distributing the food that Edward had bought. Edward opened the bottle of wine and poured us both a glass. I removed my boots and curled up, sipping my wine. He didn’t push me and let me just process what he had said. After about ten minutes, I looked at him. “Obviously, I never expected my life to be like this.”

“No one does,” he said, giving me a sad smile. He handed me a plate filled with a greasy hamburger and French fries. “The fact that you’re here…”

“With you,” I smiled. “The reason I was crying was because you always know what to say to make me feel good…amazing, even. You’re not pushing and you’re so patient. Plus, the fact that you’re not afraid to talk about Jake…it made me realize that I was very lucky. Jake was my first everything. You? You are a sexy, handsome, smart, funny and sweet man that was sent to me. From heaven. I’m not crazy or anything, but I’ve been having dreams. About you.” Edward arched a brow. “Before Jake died, he joked that he was going to send me someone who would help me heal my heart. My dreams have been revolving around you. At first, just Jake encouraging me to talk to you and later, turning more x-rated.”

“You’re having sex dreams about me?” he smirked, his eyes twinkling.

“Shut up, jerk. It’s been two and half…no, three years since I’ve last had sex. So, I’m a little wound up,” I snorted, smacking his arm.

“You’ve got me beat,” he retorted, taking a healthy swig of his wine. “Kate was the last time I was intimate with someone. I was so focused on my mom at first when I moved back home and then, the pickings were slim prior to your arrival.” He wiggled his fingers. “This was my best friend in the intimacy department.”

“I’ve got a battery operated friend that helped me when I got the _urge_ ,” I deadpanned. We stared into each other’s eyes before we both murmured, “It’s not the same.”

“Bella,” he continued, “I know that you’re freaking out and afraid of what would happen. I get that. Whatever happens between you and me, you’re in charge. You’re going to call the shots. I would like you to know what I hope to see between the two of us.” He gently pulled me toward his body and positioned me between his legs. “I want to take you out on dates, holding your hand, kissing you and letting the trust build between us.” I kind of pouted because my most recent dream with Edward was quite raunchy. And messy. Whipped cream was included. “Don’t pout, sweetness. We’ll get to the good stuff where I make you scream for more.”

“Is that a promise?” I quipped.

“It’s a damn vow,” he said, cupping my chin. “But, I don’t think you’re ready for Dirty Edward.”

“Say again?” I snickered.

“When I’m turned on, I tend to get a potty mouth,” he replied, his green eyes darkening. “I’d never disrespect you, but I tend to lose myself when I make love to a woman and I definitely see losing myself in you. I want to know if you’re as sweet as you smell.” I blushed and giggled nervously. “Like I said, you’re in charge. I want this relationship to work, Bella.”

“Relationship?” I squeaked. “Like, you’re my boyfriend?”

“If you want me to be, but I’m a little bit older than a boy,” he laughed. “Man-friend sounds weird.”

“Yeah, ewww, it sounds like you’re a creeper,” I agreed, wrinkling my nose. “Boyfriend…”

“Think about it while we enjoy our greasy hamburgers. All of this heavy talk has made me nervous and subsequently hungry,” he pouted. His stomach emphasized its point by growling loudly.

“Oh my…what do you have in there? Grizzly bears?” I quipped. Scrambling out of his lap, we dug into our meals. Well, Edward dug into it. I just picked at it. It wasn’t that I was hungry, but I was thinking about what he had said. We had yet to share our first kiss and he wants a relationship with me. What if there was no chemistry there?

_Bella, you are overanalyzing. Why can’t you accept him for what he is? An amazing, sexy man who wants you?_

After we both finished our meals, Edward wrapped the leftovers. The sun had dipped lower in the sky and I was starting to shiver. “Come here, sweetness,” he murmured. I crawled back in between his legs and he wrapped his arms around me. Immediately, I felt warmer. “Let’s watch the sunset. It’s so beautiful…” His tone was reverent. I looked back at him, but saw that he wasn’t look at the sky. His green eyes were right on me. I blushed, again, hiding behind my hair. He chuckled, sliding his arms around my waist. With each passing moment, the sun moved closer and closer to the horizon. The sky was aflame with reds, golds, yellows, maroons and soft blues. Edward’s hand moved to my hair, brushing it off my neck. My body was acutely aware of his presence and the simple action of moving my hair caused me to shiver in anticipation.

Tenderly, Edward’s lips found my neck. Languidly, he kissed the length of my throat. I just about melted against his chest. His mouth was so gentle and loving against my skin. When he reached the juncture where my neck met my shoulder, my head lolled to one side. I felt his mouth smile and his nose traveled up my neck, until he peppered the sensitive spot behind my ear with opened mouth kisses. His right hand moved to my chin and he turned my head gently. His eyes were green flames. Caressing my lower lip with his thumb, he leaned forward. I found myself moving toward him as well. Our lips were millimeters apart. His husky voice whispered my name, “Bella,” before his mouth covered mine.

Holy. Shit.

His lips were soft against me. The molded perfectly against my mouth. Unknowingly, I let out a whimper as he gently peppered my lips with his soft, tender kisses. The butterflies in my stomach assaulted me and I felt _alive_. A jolt of electricity shot through me, starting at my mouth and moving through my whole body. Turning my body, I threaded my hand into his hair. He growled lowly, holding me close to his body. Our lips continued to meet. For the first time since Jake’s death, I felt truly alive. Tentatively, Edward’s tongue slid along my lower lip. I moaned and eagerly opened my mouth. Slipping his tongue between my lips, he continued to kiss me. I was loving every moment of it. His strong arms holding me to his body; his lips caressing mine and his tongue claiming me.

Unfortunately, the desperate need to breathe broke us apart. His eyes were closed as his forehead rested on mine. Both of us were panting like we had both run a marathon. My fingers were still tangled in his hair. “Wow,” he breathed, kissing me sweetly again. “I had a feeling that kissing you would be magical, but nothing prepared me for that. I can’t even describe what I’m feeling right now but it feels fucking amazing.”

“Yeah,” I said shakily, moving so I could rest my head on his shoulder. “I haven’t this way in a long time and I forgot what it was like. This was probably one of the most memorable first dates I’ve ever had.”

He chuckled, tightening his hold on me. “Then, I’ve succeeded,” he replied, his lips finding my jaw and kissing down to my neck. “God, I can’t stop wanting to kiss you, Bella.”

“You’re not the only one,” I said, capturing his lips with mine. He groaned, dipping me back until I was nearly on my back as we made out like horny freaking teenagers. Kissing Edward was different than kissing Jake. My husband was very reserved with public displays of affection and kissing. When we did kiss, it was very chaste unless it was in the bedroom. Then, he was quite aggressive. Jacob never hurt me. He loved me very much, but he wanted to keep our relationship between the two of us. When we were with the kids, we’d hold hands but he’d never kiss me on the mouth.

With Edward, he wanted the world to know that we were a couple. His kisses and the way he held me was almost possessive, but protective. Edward kissed me with such passion. His actions were what I usually experienced in the safety of my own bedroom, not on a public beach.

I loved it.

It would take some getting used to, but being so free and open with our affection was liberating.

Kissing down to my neck, Edward nibbled on my earlobe. I giggled, squirming in his arms. “Don’t leave a mark!”

“Give me some credit, sweetness,” he chuckled, blowing a raspberry into my throat. “I’m not without some restraint.” He righted us, but kept me in his lap. I could feel, slightly, his hardness against my hip. “It’s just that we’ve crossed the threshold of kissing and I can’t stop. Plus, you smell so good. Right here.” His nose traced along my neck before he pressed a soft kiss there. “I’ve had such an amazing time, Bella. I hope that this isn’t a one-time deal.”

“I don’t go around kissing random men, Edward,” I giggled, my hands finding his hair. It was so thick and soft. I stared into his eyes, my smile falling. “You meant what you said earlier?”

“What, Bella?”

“That I’m in control of what happens?” I clarified.

“You are. I don’t want to rush you into something that you’re not ready for. If you just want to hang out, I’m okay with that. If you want more, I’m okay with that, too. You call the shots,” he said.

“Then, I want a relationship with you. You can be my man-friend,” I snickered.

“Eww, no,” he laughed, kissing my nose. “I’m not some lecherous creeper. Despite the fact that I’m mid-thirties, I’m your boyfriend. Or better yet, I’m yours.”

“Mine?” I asked.

“I’ve been yours since I’ve first met you, Bella. I knew you were special and I don’t want to give that up. Not without a fight. So, will you be my girlfriend, Isabella Black?” he asked, smiling sweetly.

“Even though I’m not a ‘girl,’ I will,” I said, hugging him tightly. He eagerly returned my hug, burying his nose into my hair. We stayed in each other’s embrace until I shivered. With the sun gone, the air had turned quite chilly. The fire helped, but it was dwindling since we had spent the better part of an hour sucking face.

“I’m so happy, Bella,” he said, removing his jacket and wrapping it around me. “I never thought I could feel this way and so quickly.”

“Me, neither,” I blushed. “Thank you for a wonderful time today. I can’t wait to do this again.”

“Just the two of us or do you want your kids to join us?” he asked.

“One more date with just the two of us. I’m not ready to share you,” I answered honestly. “Besides, I think my daughter has a crush on you.”

“Grace has impeccable taste,” he laughed as he stood up, cleaning up our picnic. Handing me his keys, he kissed me softly. “Go in the car, sweetness. You’re cold and I don’t want you to get sick. I’ll finish cleaning up.”

“Kay,” I replied, carrying the blanket and basket back to his beastly car. I turned on his vehicle, blasting the heat. Wrapping my arms around my body and keeping his coat around me, I smiled while I watched him finish dousing the fire and tossing our trash.

For the first time since the death of my husband, I felt happy. I felt cherished. I felt wanted.

I felt loved.

Looking heavenward, I kissed my fingertips. “Thank you, Jacob, for sending him to me. You did good.”

**A/N: So, what did you think of the date? Casually romantic, yeah? I didn’t want to be over-the-top fancy with their first date. Bella was already apprehensive enough. So, this seemed like a fun day. Now, I need your help. If you have any family friendly dates (including kids), please let me know! I’m wracking my brain trying to plan them, but…it ain’t happening.**

**Also, yes, the story is rated NC-17, but it’s been riding the PG-13 wave for a while. Bella is nowhere ready for sex. Hell, she was freaking out about the possibility of being his girlfriend (woman-friend) in the chapter. It’s going to take time. How long? I don’t know, but they will be doing the deed. Just not any time soon. It needs to be worked up to it.**

**Up next will be their second date along with a double date with Rose and Emmett. The next chapter will probably switch back and forth between POV’s since I want to hear from Edward but not all of it will be from him.**

**Pictures from this chapter will be on my tumblr and blog (links for both of them are on my profile). You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on Twitter: tufano79. I’d appreciate some lovin! Please and thank you! MWAH! XD!**

 


	11. Chapter 10

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Up next will be their second date along with a double date with Rose and Emmett. The next chapter will probably switch back and forth between POV’s since I want to hear from Edward but not all of it will be from him.**

**Chapter Ten**

**BPOV**

“Bella, come on! Give me more than just ‘it was a perfect first date,’” Alice griped. We were working in my backyard, trying to get it ready for the flowers I wanted to plant. She was wearing a pair of overalls, pigtails and a straw hat, channeling her inner-farmer.

“It was. He was a perfect gentleman and it was a perfect first date,” I answered, turning over the earth in the flower beds left behind from the previous owner. With my kids, the weeds had been pulled and now we were loosening up the soil. I missed having a garden in Phoenix. Everything just died unless you had a garden of cacti and rocks.

Too prickly.

“Ugh, you were much more loose-lipped in high school,” Alice said, plopping down on the garden pillow she brought.

“High school? My only relationship in high school was with Mike Newton and it wasn’t even that. We went to junior prom together because you wanted someone to double with you. Jasper convinced Mike to ask me and we spent the night on the dance floor while my date got hammered in the boy’s bathroom,” I deadpanned. “I’m still scarred because he threw up all over me at the end of the night, thank you very much.”

“Whatever,” Alice said, waving her spade at me. “You can at least tell me what you did. It’s not like you went and robbed a bank down in Seattle, right?”

“You’re incorrigible, Ali-Cat,” I snickered. “You want details?”

“I’ve only been nagging you since your date, THREE DAYS AGO! So, yes,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I know you went since I saw you get into the car with him.”

“Ugh, stalker! I should file a restraining order out on you,” I giggled.

“Bella,” she whined. “Spill!”

“Okay, okay. We went to Seattle and there was never a dull moment or a lull in the conversation on the ride there. While we were on the ferry, he took my hand. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest when his fingers threaded through mine,” I smiled softly. “I hadn’t felt like that in a long, long time; safe, secure and protected.”

“So, is Edward affectionate? He comes off as being kind of standoffish,” Alice said, wrinkling her nose.

“Very affectionate. Once he held my hand in the car, when the opportunity presented itself throughout the day, he held my hand, or had his arm around my waist or touching me in some way. It’s different to what I’m used to,” I blushed.

“Why is that?” Alice asked.

“Jake loved me. I knew he did, but he very rarely showed it outwardly. We only held hands and he never kissed me in front of the kids,” I explained. “Behind closed doors, it was different. He was passionate and aggressive.” Alice’s brow furrowed. “He never hurt me, but he knew what he wanted.”

“So, how is Edward different from Jake?”

“Well, he is more willing to show his affections than Jake. Let me get there, though,” I said.

“Can we at least go inside? All of this gardening and nature is making me break out in hives,” Alice grumbled, holding her spade like it had the Ebola virus.

“You are such a priss, Ali,” I sighed, taking the spade from her hand and tossing it into a bucket next to my feet. “Come on. Let’s get something to eat and then we’re right back out here.”

“Do I have to?” she whined.

“If I’m ‘spilling,’ you’re helping me get this garden in order, Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock,” I chided. She pouted and huffed before we went inside, taking off our muddy shoes. “Consider it practice for the Earth Day celebration you have planned for the school.”

“Ugh, I had forgotten,” Alice snipped. “An afternoon of planting. Yay.”

“It’ll make our school look gorgeous,” I smirked.

“I know. Now, quit stalling Isabella Marie. More deets on the elusive Mr. Cullen,” Alice said, swiping two bottles of water from the fridge. I rolled my eyes. “No attitude, missy! You left off at the ferry and holding hands. Next?”

“God, you’re so nosy,” I teased. Alice gave me a look that clearly indicated ‘duh.’ “So, after the ferry, we went to Starbucks, ordering coffee. We chatted and he told me about his life in D.C. During that conversation, I asked if he would ever go back to the Bureau or move to a bigger city to do something more with his life. He said that his home was in Forks and the expression on his face and the intensity in his eyes indicated that he wasn’t going anywhere if I wasn’t.”

“Ooooh!” Alice squealed, clapping her hands.

“Relax, Ali. Don’t go planning a wedding yet,” I deadpanned, putting out the makings for sandwiches. She just smirked. “Anyhow, the afternoon, we spent roaming around the sculpture garden. Edward sent me some amazing photos that he took.”

“Can I see?” Alice asked.

“Let me grab my laptop,” I blushed, darting to the basement to grab the computer from the cocktail table. Unlocking it, I found the photos and I smiled softly, looking at them. We did not look like a couple on their first date, but a strong, unbreakable relationship. Edward’s eyes, whenever they were on me, twinkled and shone just for me. For us. We were lucky to have so many willing passersby to take pictures for us. Shaking my head, I carried the computer up to the kitchen and passed it to my best friend. “Don’t get crumbs on my computer, Whitlock.”

She flipped me off, wiping her hands on a nearby towel. She looked at the photos and she smiled softly. “Wow, you look so happy, Bells,” she murmured. “You’re not quite as giddy as your photos with Jake, but you’re getting there. And Edward? He’s completely head over heels for you. You own him, girl. So, are you two official and shit? Is he your boyfriend?”

“How did he put it?” I mused, tapping my lips. “My man-friend?”

“Ewww, really?” Alice said, making a face.

“Well, he was joking but he did say that he was mine,” I whispered, biting my lip. “And I’m his. Well, kind of. He knows he has to share me with my kids.”

“So, you and Deputy Studly? You’re a couple?” Alice asked, vibrating in her skin.

“Yes, Alice. We’re a couple,” I replied. “Now, have I spilled enough?”

“Not quite…is he a good kisser?”

“What makes you think we kissed?” I smirked. “And if we did, what makes you think that I’m the type to kiss and tell?”

“Isabella Marie Swan Black! No way! You are not doing that to me,” Alice huffed. “You have to tell me! It’s in the best friend code. You have to share all of the details of a first date, especially if that best friend helped get you ready for the date.”

“Did you just stamp your foot?” I laughed.

“You’re holding out, Bella. Was he a good kisser?”

“Oh, Ali, if you only knew,” I responded. And I left it at that.

Suffice it to say, she was not pleased with my response but she let it go after that. Reason being were my kids were coming back from the trip to the airport to say goodbye to Billy. Charlie had them call the house when they got to Forks city limits. I didn’t want them to know, quite yet, about my budding relationship with Edward. They knew him as the guy from the Christmas Festival and Mommy’s friend. We had to ease into the realm of being a couple in front of them. After I had a conversation with them about the possibility of being with someone who wasn’t their daddy.

Ten minutes after the phone call, my kids came bounding in and squealing. I told them to change into their grubbies to help me and Mrs. Whitlock in the garden. We spent the rest of the afternoon, toiling in the dirt. When all was said and done, we were disgusting messes but I had a strange sense of accomplishment. Alice grumbled when she had to clamber into her car, covered head to toe in mud-. I just waved as she drove off, scowl etched on her face.

“Okay, my little dirt mongers, take off your clothes and toss them directly into the washer. Go into my shower and turn it on as hot as you can stand it,” I said, pushing them inside. The stripped down to their underwear. Somehow, John’s underoos were covered with dirt, too. Wrinkling my nose, I knew I just had to pitch those. I bought both of them underwear in bulk.

Running up the stairs, they started the shower and I appraised their clothes. Not even bleach could salvage these. So, I tossed them in the garbage before heading up to check on my kids. If I could have, I would have taken a hose to them, but it was chilly and I didn’t want them to get sick. So, a hot shower was the next best thing. Removing the showerhead, I started with Grace since her hair was matted with mud and grime. John was scrubbing his body with his body wash while I attacked my daughter’s long, knotted hair. “Good lord, girl. It’s like you rolled in it,” I laughed.

“The dirt wouldn’t come up,” she replied. “It just flew when I was trying to make it loose, Mommy.”

“Well, it flew into your hair. You’re a mess,” I said, rinsing her silky locks. I put in some conditioner, rinsing that out as well. “Now, scrub, pretty girl. Your turn, John.”

“Mom,” he groaned, shuffling toward me. “I don’t have mounds of hair like Grace.”

“No, but I still want to help,” I chided, turning him around and running the showerhead over his short hair. “It’s a mother’s right to care for her children. I love you both and I want you to know that I’m here for you.”

“I know, Momma,” John said, giving me a grin. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, close your eyes, bub. I don’t want to get bubbles in your eyes,” I said, massaging John’s scalp. A few moments later, my kids were clean and I sent them to their bedrooms to put on their pajamas since it was the last day of spring break. I would make them dinner and we’d watch some television, read some and I’d tuck them into bed. While they were changing, I scrubbed myself clean and dressed in a pair of capri pajamas.

In John’s bedroom, they were playing a game. I leaned against the door jamb. “What do you guys want for dinner?” I asked.

“Can we have French toast?” John asked. “Grandma said she would make some for us, but she burnt it.”

“Not surprising. Grandma isn’t the best cook,” I snickered. “French toast, bacon and eggs for dinner, then?”

“Yeah,” Grace said, rubbing her tummy. “Can I help, Mommy?”

“You want to dip the toast?” I asked. She nodded and we went downstairs. I started with bacon and grabbed the ingredients for the batter. John was setting the table while Grace was grabbing her step stool so she could reach the counter. Once the bacon is sufficiently crispy and on a plate of paper towels, I worked with Grace to make the batter.

“Can we add some vanilla and cinnamon?” Grace asked.

“John, do you want the leftover eggs?” I questioned my son.

“Yes, please,” he answered, pouring himself a hefty glass of milk.

“We can’t add the vanilla and cinnamon to the batter but we can put some cinnamon sugar our own pieces,” I said, kissing Grace’s forehead. She nodded, dunking her bread into the egg mixture. We made our breakfast/dinner and settled into the table. As we are slathering our toast with butter, syrup and in Grace’s case, cinnamon sugar, we talked about the upcoming week. “Are you guys looking forward to going back to school?”

“Not really,” John mumbled.

“Why, John?” I asked.

“We’re doing that family tree project,” John sighed. “I know that everyone knows that Dad is dead, but having to put that death date on the tree; it makes it real.”

“Oh, sweetie,” I frowned. “Mr. Molina said that he’s willing to work with you, to make it easier.”

“No, I want to do the project. I have to do it. I want to honor my dad,” John said, jutting out his chin.

“Dad would be so proud of you,” I smiled, kissing John’s forehead. He blushed and snuggled into my side. He stayed close to me, sharing my chair as I turned to Grace. “What about you, Gracie?”

“I’m excited to go to the zoo,” she beamed. “We’re going to see all the animals and learn all about them.”

“What’s your favorite animal, Grace?”

“A wolf,” she chirped.

“Of course,” I snickered.

“Mrs. Crowley said that we have to a report on our favorite animal. We have to find pictures and make a poster on it,” Grace explained.

“Did Mrs. Crowley say when it was due?” I asked, knowing that we had until of May to create the posters.

“A month, Mommy,” Grace replied. “Mrs. Crowley wants the posters to decorate her room before we go to the zoo in early May. When can we start?”

“We can go to the library in Port Angeles next weekend, baby. John can start working on his family tree project and you can read all about wolves,” I smiled. “Now, you two go downstairs in the basement and watch some television while I do the dishes.” They both nodded, bouncing down the stairs. I made quick work of the dishes and packing lunches before joining them in the basement. We watched an hour of television before we went upstairs to read. John was quiet and asked to read on his own while I read with Grace. I promised I’d check on him once I was done with his sister.

I read a few chapters of the book that Grace chose. She was still awake and asked if she could listen to her CD player until she went to sleep. I put in one of the quiet CDs, kissing her forehead before giving her time to settle into bed. “When it’s done, lights out and sleepy time, pretty girl,” I said.

“Love you, Mommy,” she said, curling around Wolfie.

“Love you more, baby,” I smiled, shutting the door. I walked to John’s room and saw him in a ball. He was holding his blanket from when he was a baby. “Hey, John. You okay?”

“Just thinking,” he said, sniffling. “I’m just sad today.”

“We all have those days, sweetie,” I murmured, running my fingers through his hair. “But, I know that your father would be so proud of you and he loves you. Always.” John bit his lip, nodding. “Do you want to speak with Miss Jane?” We had tapered the appointments with Jane to every other week after the first of the year. We had gone to our usual appointment on Friday and was not scheduled for another two weeks.

“I don’t know. If I still feel sad tomorrow, can you call her?” John asked.

“You bet, sweet boy,” I smiled, curling up on his bed with him. He put his head on my shoulder and snuggled close to me. I held him tightly until I felt him get heavy and his breathing evened out. “I love you, Johnny.” He hummed and rolled away from me. I kissed his cheek, slipping out of his bedroom. With one last check on Grace, who was conked out on her bed with the music still playing, I decided to go downstairs. I wanted to make sure I had everything for work tomorrow and…

I heard a quiet knock on my door. I checked the time. It was a little after nine. Smoothing my hair, I walked to the door, checking to see who was on my doorstep at nine at night. “Edward?” I whispered as I opened the door.

“Sorry, it’s so late,” he blushed. He was still in his uniform. His eyes were troubled and his hair was disheveled. “I couldn’t go home and I didn’t want to…I’ll leave. I’m sorry.”

“Hold it,” I said, grabbing his utility belt and dragging him inside. “You wouldn’t have come here unless something was wrong or you had this uncontrollable urge to kiss me senseless. Based on the troubled expression I’m seeing, it’s the former. What’s wrong?”

“Car accident,” he whispered. “Really bad car accident on the 101. It was particularly gruesome.”

I led him to the couch, urging him to sit down. “What happened?”

“It was a van. A van with a family,” he said, his eyes downcast. I took his cold hand in mine, rubbing his knuckles. “They were driving too fast and swerved to avoid a deer. They hit a wet patch from the rainfall that happened around six, causing the van to roll over several times before landing in a ditch.”

“Did anyone survive?” I asked.

“One. A baby girl that was thrown, in her car seat, out of the van,” Edward muttered. “Everyone else…there was no chance. By the time we got there, the van was engulfed in flames. It was a family of five.”

“Oh, Edward,” I frowned, tightening my hand around his. “What happened to the baby girl?”

“She was taken to Port Angeles. From what we could tell, she only had scratches on her face, but you never know with an infant,” he said. “Just like that, that baby is an orphan…” I frowned and wrapped my arms around his neck. He smelled like the outdoors, smoke and a hint of his cologne. He crushed me to his body, burying his nose into my neck. “I’m sorry for just showing up. I know that you have work tomorrow, but I just needed to see you. I wanted to…” He pulled back and his lips were mine. The passion behind his kiss was stifling and I found myself moaning loudly as his tongue slid between my lips.

Somehow, I ended up on my back with Edward hovering over me. His lips were on my neck as I tangled my fingers into his thick, soft hair. His hand moved to my cheek and he tenderly kissed my mouth before pulling back. “I’m sorry, sweetness.”

“Don’t apologize,” I laughed breathily.

“I just kind of attacked you,” he said, pulling back and helping me to sit up. He leaned forward, rubbing his face and tugging at his hair. I gently placed my hand on his scruffy cheek, encouraging him to look at me. His eyes were clearly troubled and it was not about the accident. “I shouldn’t have…”

“Shhhh,” I said, pressing my hand to his lips. “If I hadn’t wanted it, you would have known. Don’t say you’re sorry. I know that seeing that made you upset and I want to help you. You’ve helped more times than I can count…And, well, that kiss was hot.”

“Well, my girlfriend is hotter,” he quipped, kissing my fingertips. “I know that you have work tomorrow. I just needed to see you. To make sure you were alright. It’s stupid because…Ugh, I’m so flustered.”

“Edward, I get it. You saw something that no one should _ever_ see. When Jake died, I spent hours just watching my children sleep, making sure that they were still breathing,” I said, threading my fingers with his and leaning my head on his shoulder. “I couldn’t stand the thought of losing one of them, too. I understand.”

“Thank you,” he murmured, pressing his lips to my forehead. “I know it was irrational, but I’m grateful you understand.” He wrapped his arm around me and sighed. “Are you ready to go back to work?”

“Yes and no. We’re in the home stretch, but we’ve got some big things coming up. Field trips, end of the year parties, field day and first grade music program. It’s a lot, but it’ll make the rest of the year go by,” I said, draping my legs over his. His palm caressed my legs and he hummed. “When is your next shift?”

“I’m on tomorrow in the afternoon, then off for two days. Mom is going in for a treatment,” he explained. “I’m staying with her.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s fine. She wants to go out in her garden, but she’s not strong enough anymore. Emmett can help but he kills things. I’m not much better,” he chuckled. “Rose usually helps with her garden. She’ll probably work with Mom when she relieves me on Thursday. Rose will sketch something and take her shopping.”

“If Rose needs help, I’m more than willing. Plus, I have good, _cheap_ labor,” I quipped. “My kids, they get filthy but are pretty damn amazing in the garden. Plus, their payment is cookies and hugs.That was our day. Toiling in the mud.”

“Sounds like fun,” he chuckled. “Perhaps next weekend?”

“We have to go the library at some point, but that works,” I smiled, looking up at him.

“I’d also like to plan our next date, Ms. Black,” he said, tucking a hair behind my ear. “Something where you get to wear a dress and I wear a suit?”

“That sounds really romantic,” I smiled.

“Are you available on Friday evening?” he asked.

“Let me check of my parents can watch the kids, okay?” I replied. He nodded. I tried to stifle a yawn but I couldn’t.

“I think it’s bed time for my favorite teacher,” Edward said, giving me a crooked smirk. I blushed, looking up at him. He stood up, taking my hand in his. He wrapped me in a warm hug. I melted against his chest, rubbing his back. “Thank you for being so understanding, sweetness.”

“Anytime, Edward,” I whispered.

“Let me know about Friday, too. I really want to take you out again,” he said, taking my face in his hands. Edward’s thumbs were gliding over the apples of my cheeks as he intently stared into my eyes. I was falling under his spell. The way his eyes pierced through mine, shimmering and twinkling with some unknown emotion, it made me turn into a puddle of Bella goo. Tenderly, he brushed his lips with mine and the butterflies came roaring to life in my stomach.

_Damn, this man can kiss!_

If his kissing abilities are any indication of his prowess in the bedroom, I’m in for the ride of my life.

_Slow down, Bella. You’ve got a long way to go. Long way._

His tongue traced my lips before sliding between them. His strong arms wrapped around my waist and he held me flush to his muscular body. However, his hold wasn’t forceful, but tender and protective.

Leaning his forehead against mine, he gathered himself. “It’s really hard. I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to, but the time isn’t right,” I murmured.

“I’m going to kiss you once more and then I’m leaving, sweetness. If I stay a moment longer, my resolve will crumble,” he quipped, but his voice sounded strained. He cupped my chin and pressed a soft, but chaste kiss to my lips. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Kay,” I sighed. “I may have to take John to see Jane, if she’s available.”

“If you don’t pick up, I’ll know you’re with him,” he said, kissing my forehead before letting me go. Reluctantly. He walked to the doorway and gave me a dazzling grin before he slipped out of my home. I collapsed on my couch, knowing that I would have to take matters into my own hands tonight since those sweet and passionate kisses have left me a little turned on.

_A little?_

_You need new panties, Bella._

_Niagara Falls down here._

xx PUTP xx

**EPOV**

I walked away from Bella’s door, my heart stammering against my ribs. I was such an idiot, coming over to her place while I was so emotionally raw. I was so upset about the family who was killed in that crash and the baby girl who was now without parents or brothers and sisters. I needed to see Bella. I had to see her because she had so quickly worked her way into my heart. If I had lost her, I’d be heartbroken. On my way to Bella’s, though, I did check on my mom and she knew something had happened with the tone of my voice. I wouldn’t tell her, but she knew.

So did Bella.

The way she took me in her arms and let me just lose it. I didn’t cry, though tears did threaten to fall. She offered me comfort, wrapping her delicate arms around my neck and let me hold her beautifully sexy body.

The body that was wearing pajamas.

And no bra.

_Holy hell._

Seeing her with a tight t-shirt with no bra on, turned me into a damn animal. I wanted to rip that shirt off and suck her nipples just because they were so apparent from the thin material of her clothes.

 _Down boy_. _Bella’s in charge. She is_ NOT _ready for that._

So, I did the next best thing. I made out with her like a horny, rabid teenager. I had her pressed against the couch and we were hungrily pawing at each other while our lips moved fervently together. It didn’t help the problem in my pants and my utility belt was cutting into my erection, but even that brief moment of heat had definitely made my pervy mind imagine what it would be like to have her in my bed.

_Again, she’s nowhere near ready for you to make love to her. Stop going there, Edward._

It took all of my power to walk away from her home. I wanted to hold her in my arms, sleep with her and wake up with her in the morning. And yes, I mean _sleeping_. Not boinking. With a sigh, I drove back to my house and I immediately felt empty and lonely. I’d always loved my house, but now? I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be _there_.

_Ugh, Edward, you are moving too fast._

“I’m going to scare her off,” I muttered to myself as I walked to my fridge and taking out a beer. I slammed it down and immediately felt its effects. I hadn’t eaten much all day and the scene was pretty gross that I had lost my meager lunch along the side of the highway. Thankfully, I had a toothbrush in my cruiser and was able to get the film of vomit off my teeth once I left the scene. I needed something in my stomach because one beer should not make me this loopy. I decided on a pizza, preheating the oven. While I waited for that, I went upstairs to shower. I knew I smelled pretty bad. The scent of smoke and death clung to me. I was shocked that Bella even let me into her house. Tossing my clothes into the hamper, I went into the shower. Inside, I jerked off, imagining Bella riding me and saying that she loved me. I never came so hard or so fast in my life. Plus, I was still imagining her and I was hard almost immediately.

“Down boy,” I said to my cock as I pulled up a pair of sleep pants. I went downstairs and put in my pizza before collapsing onto the couch in my family room. I was surfing the channels when my cell phone beeped from the charger. It was Bella.

_I checked with my parents and they are good with babysitting! Other than a dress, any hints on where we’re going? ~ Bella_

I honestly had no clue where I was taking her. All I knew was that I wanted to see her dressed up. I’d have to do some major homework before our second date on Friday. _Sweetness, that’s for me to know and for you to find out ~ Edward_

_Is that code for you have no idea? :P ~ Bella_

_Ummmmm…I plead the fifth. But, I promise you that it will be spectacular. I’ll call you with more details. Scouts honor ~ Edward_

_Okay. I am very much looking forward to spending more time with you, Edward. And do NOT worry about showing up on my doorstep. Like I said before, you’ve been a rock for me and I want to return the favor ~ Bella_

_Thank you, sweetness. I hope you have a great day at school. Inspire young minds and all that jazz ~ Edward_

_I will try. Sleep well and if you want to talk, call me. If I’m available, I’ll pick up ~ Bella xoxo_

_Hugs and kisses? I love those. I will definitely be thinking about that kiss on the couch ~ Edward xoxoxo_

_I know I have…and I’ve had to take matters into my own hands. Good night, Edward *smirking* ~ Bella_

Did my girlfriend just allude to the fact that she got off? That she was so turned on from our kiss that she had to play with herself? Holy hell, this woman is going to be the death of me.

_Speechless, sweetness. I’m speechless ~ Edward_

_Tee hee. I’ll talk to tomorrow, Edward ~ Bella xoxoxoxo_

I sent her about a hundred little x’s and o’s before I got up to get my dinner. I scarfed it down, inhaling the entire pizza and drinking two more beers before dragging my exhausted ass up to bed.

The next day, I puttered around my house before I went to work. I debated on going to the elementary school to see if Bella wanted to go out for lunch, but I remembered that she only had like a half hour break. Thankfully, my day was fairly low key. I only nailed some tourists for speeding before I got off the clock. Bella had texted me while I was sitting in a speed trap, saying that she was taking John to Jane this afternoon and wouldn’t be available until after nine.

Packing a bag, I drove to my parents’ place so I could take Mom to the cancer center early tomorrow morning. I was barely through the door when she pounced.

“Okay, Edward, I’ve been patient,” Mom snickered, dragging me into the kitchen. “Tell me about your date!”

“Ma,” I groaned.

“Here, eat. You’re getting too thin,” she said, shoving a plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans towards me. “And talk.”

“Can’t I eat and then talk?” I snorted, cutting up the meat. Mom arched a brow, crossing her arms over her chest. “Guess not. It was amazing, Mom.”

“I knew that. I knew that she would be good for you when I met her at Rose’s shop. When are you taking her out again?”

“We have plans for Friday, but I’m at a loss as to what to do. I said I wanted us to be dressed up. But everything around here is so casual,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I don’t want to take her to Seattle since that’s where I took her for our first date…”

“Take her to Port Angeles,” Mom suggested, pouring me some iced tea. “There are some dressier restaurants up there, plus a few art galleries and a jazz club. We can plan it tomorrow while I get pumped full of poison. Bring the iPad.” She walked over to me, kissing my cheek. “I may not get grandbabies before I die, but I at least want to get you married off, Edward.”

“Mom, it will be a long time before that happens,” I deadpanned. “We’re only going on our second date. Who knows if we’ll be married?”

“Edward, you’re a Cullen. You Cullen men fall hard and fast and forever,” she said, brushing my hair from my face. “Emmett was smitten with Rose the moment he saw her. Within a year, they were married. Your father and I? We knew after our second date that we’d be husband and wife. From the swoony look in your eyes when you talk about Bella, I give it a year before you get a ring on her finger.” She smirked knowingly.

“Okay, Ma,” I snorted.

“Listen to your old, decrepit mother. She knows these things,” she said, poking my arm. “Now, tomorrow, you will tell me all about your date with the lovely Ms. Black and we will plan your second date. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, kissing her cheek.

The next day, I took Mom to the cancer center and we chatted about the date I had with Bella. Mom was even more convinced that we were going to be together forever after hearing about our date. I knew that Bella still had some healing to do, but it warmed my heart that my mom already liked my girlfriend and had hopes that we were destined for a future. A few hours later, Mom was in her bed and I finalized my plans for my date with Bella on Friday.

The rest of the week flew by and before I knew it, I was standing in front of my closet, trying to pick a suit to wear. I used to wear these every day to work. I’m not going to lie, either. I’m a suit snob. Armani, Dior, and Gucci lined my closet. I tried to wear cheaper suits, but they never fit right. After waffling for ten minutes, I decided on a navy blue Dior. I didn’t want to wear black. I changed into the suit, wearing a light blue dress shirt with no tie. Bella and I had talked briefly every day since I showed up on her doorstep, but her schedule was picking up with preparations for the end of the school year. We’d also send flirty texts.

Bella was a master at that.

She had a way with words that made me weak in the knees.

Shaking my head, I put on my watch and went out to my car. I had to swing by the florist to pick up a flower. I didn’t want to buy a full bouquet, but I didn’t want to show up empty handed either. Driving to the florist, I wracked my brain for what type of flower I should bring to her. Roses were too _expected_. I wanted something special and beautiful, just like Bella. I was wondering around the floral shop, hoping that something would jump out and say ‘pick me!’

“You look lost, sir,” said an older woman. I recognized her from hospital. She was a volunteer who cuddled babies.

“I suppose I am,” I blushed. “I’m looking for a flower for my girlfriend. I don’t want roses because…”

“I understand,” she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the sides. “What is she like?”

“Strong, beautiful, passionate, perfect,” I murmured, picturing Bella in my mind.

“What about an orchid?” she suggested, gesturing to some potted orchids. “Their meaning is delicate beauty along with love, luxury, beauty and strength.”

“I’ll take it,” I breathed. She giggled, plucking one from the case. I followed her, paying for the gorgeous orchid for my girl. With a goofy grin, I carried my flower out to the car and drove to Bella’s home. Parking on the street, I hopped out of the car and anxiously tugged on my suit jacket. Walking up her steps, I rang the doorbell and waited to see her. I didn’t have to wait long. She pulled open the door. My heart fell to my feet when I saw her.

She was absolutely gorgeous. Her long chestnut hair was curled and pinned away from her face. Her makeup was subtle but elegant, accenting her classically beautiful features. She wore a navy sheath dress that hugged her curves and a pair of heels. Draped over her arm was an orange sweater and she held a purse in her hands. “You’re gorgeous,” I breathed, looking at her.

“So are you,” she blushed, sweeping her gaze over my body. “Is this what you wore when you were an agent?”

“Add a tie and yeah,” I chuckled, handing her the orchid. “For you, sweetness.”

“You don’t have to bring me flowers every time we go out,” she snickered, leading me into her home.

“I know, but I wanted to,” I shrugged. She placed it on the cocktail table in the living room, smiling softly. “Did you know that the orchid represents delicate beauty, luxury and strength?” I wanted to mention love, but I knew she’d clam up. I knew I cared for her deeply, possibly even loved her, but she needed to be in a better place before I put my feelings on the line.

“I didn’t,” she replied, looking at me through her long eyelashes. “Which one describes me?”

“All of them,” I answered, walking over to her and taking her hands in mine. “You are so incredibly beautiful, it floors me. Everything about you screams strength and well, I intend to shower you in presents so you can feel absolutely luxurious.”

“Well, the last statement is not necessary,” Bella said, giving me a warm grin. “Just spending time with me is all I need.”

“I’ll gladly do that, sweetness,” I smiled. “Shall we?”

“Where are we off to, all gussied up?” she asked, taking me arm. I led her out of the house, waiting patiently while she locked up.

“With the help of my mom and Rose, I’ve planned a date for us in Port Angeles. Dinner is first at this new Italian restaurant called Tuscany,” I offered, taking her hand in mine. I kissed her knuckles, walking with her to the car and helping her into the passenger seat. “Emmett suggested Bella Italia, but it was too casual plus I didn’t want you to think I was taking you there because of the name.”

“Either one would have been fine. I’ve heard great things about Tuscany, though,” Bella said. “My parents went there for their anniversary and raved about it.”

“I hope it lives up to the hype,” I said, pulling out onto the highway.

“What about after?”

“Well, there is a jazz club, Red Hot and Jazz, which has a live band there after nine. That’s our destination after dinner,” I answered. “There’s dancing, dessert and obviously music.”

“You think you’re going to get me to dance?” Bella quipped.

“I hope so,” I smirked. “Anything to get you to be in my arms, sweetness.”

“I hope you’re aren’t attached to your feet. I’m a horrific dancer,” she said, giving me a wry little grin.

“It’s all in the leading,” I retorted, kissing her palm.

xx PUTP xx

**BPOV**

Oh. My. Goodness.

Edward in a suit…I can’t breathe.

He’s sweet, caring, smart, is great with my kids and can carry himself in a designer suit? The man is damn near perfection! Where’s his fault?

_Deep breaths, Bella. In through your nose. Out through your mouth._

“You okay over there, sweetness?” Edward asked in his smooth, velvety voice.

_Panties. Officially ruined._

“I’m fine,” I said, trying to keep my voice from squeaking. “I’m just in shock. Seeing you in a suit? Hmmmm.”

“That good, huh?” he chuckled.

“Yeah,” I answered, rubbing my hand on his sleeve. The fabric was so luxurious and the cut? It fit him perfectly, displaying his muscular body. “You wore these every day?”

“Pretty much. It was weird when I moved out here. I had this closet full of suits and no occasion to wear them,” he chuckled. “The only time I did was when I went to court with my badge clipped to my belt. I miss wearing this every day, but having a uniform is beneficial, too.”

“How is that?”

“I don’t have to worry about coordinating ties with socks and the suit, or having to worry about getting my suits all messed up while running down a perp,” he shrugged.

“How many ties do you own, Agent Cullen?” I asked.

“Before the great tie purge of 2011, roughly a hundred,” he laughed. “I’m down to about twenty-five. Most of them went to my brother and father who need them more than me.”

“You go from Armani and Gucci to Levi’s and Wranglers,” I teased. “Talk about culture shock.”

“It was an adjustment. My dry cleaning bill alone was worth it,” he said, giving me a dry smirk. “I didn’t have one. But, the downside, I had to learn how to do laundry.”

“Wow. You didn’t know how to do laundry?” I asked.

“I knew enough to wash my sheets and towels, but not clothes. I kept it simple with my bedding. It was all white so I bleached everything. The first time I did that with my clothes, I ruined an entire load of jeans. Now, I know,” he snorted, rolling his eyes at his ineptitude for all things domestic. “I’m surprised that I lasted as long as I did in D.C.”

“It was a different life, Edward,” I said.

“And I wouldn’t change anything because I’m happy where I’m at and who I’m with,” he said quietly, shooting me his signature dazzling grin. “How was work this week? I know that we’ve been talking, but it’s been fleeting.”

“Fine. I got a new student this week. She’s proving to be a handful,” I grumbled. “Mom and Dad are adamant that there is nothing wrong with their little darling, but she’s crawling up the walls and disrupting the class.”

“What does that mean?” Edward asked.

“The parents are in denial. There is something clearly wrong with Kylie. She’s impulsive, has no self-control and doesn’t understand the word ‘no.’”

“It sounds like she’s just spoiled and that her parents are catering to her every whim,” Edward shrugged.

“That’s part of it but I think the other part is that she’s got ADHD and her parents do _not_ want their daughter to have that ‘label’ or the stigma of having an IEP,” I huffed. “They are doing their child a disservice and ruining it for her. There are medications, therapies, and specialists that can help, but they are too blind to see their daughter crying for help.”

“Is there anything you can do?” Edward asked.

“We could make modifications for her and encourage the parents to allow us to do a case study on her, but our hands are really tied until they give us permission,” I sighed. “We could do it without their consent, but it’s a long legal battle that we don’t have the resources to fight.”

“That’s so sad,” Edward frowned. “I feel for that little girl and her small-minded parents.”

“I understand where they’re coming from. For a while, Grace struggled with reading, but she’s in kindergarten. I was concerned that she was dyslexic, but it took her a long time to grasp her alphabet. Plus, she missed a lot of preschool because of her father’s illness. She didn’t have that extra push in literacy that her classmates had. As a parent though, you’d want the best for your kids, right? Why would you not want them to get the help that they needed?” I pondered as Edward parked the car.

“Because, like you said, they don’t want their child to be labeled,” he replied. “Forever, Kylie would be known as the girl with ADHD and would have to take medication or see a therapist.”

“But she would be successful in school,” I argued. “Now, Kylie is the girl that had to sit in the principal’s office on the first day back from spring break because she pushed another student over a desk because he took back the pencil that she stole from his hand. Which is worse?”

“I don’t know which is worse, but I hope the parents see reason,” Edward frowned, kissing my knuckles.

“Me, too. But, I want to forget about Kylie and her obnoxious antics for the evening,” I said, giving Edward a flirty grin. “It’s the weekend and I went to enjoy our time together.”

“I love the sound of that,” he said, hopping out of the car and helping me to the sidewalk. He wrapped his arm around me while we walked the short distance to the posh-looking restaurant, Tuscany. He approached the hostess station. “Reservation for Cullen.”

“This way, sir,” she said, shaking her head. She led us to a secluded corner that was surrounded by rustic brick and romantic lighting. “Mona will be your server this evening. Can I get you some water?”

“Yes, please,” Edward said as he helped me into the booth. “With lemons.” The hostess nodded ducking into the kitchen. He slid next to me, nuzzling my neck. I shuddered, moving closer to his body. “Ticklish, sweetness?”

“Kind of and I’m not used such public displays of affection,” I breathed.

“Do you want me to stop? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he frowned, scooting away from me.

“I don’t want you to stop. I’m just unaccustomed to it,” I said, moving so I was sidled back up next to him. “I like it. A lot. It’s going to take some time for me to get used to since Jake never really showed his affection outwardly.”

“We’ll find a happy medium, sweetness,” he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “If it becomes too much, please let me know, okay?”

“I will,” I said, gently cupping his chin and kissing his lips softly. He smiled before deepening the kiss and suckling my lower lip into his mouth. I whimpered quietly. He pulled away, giving me his crooked smirk. “You are really good at that.”

“What?”

“Kissing,” I giggled. “Like, really, _really_ good.”

“So, you like it when I kiss you?” he asked, pressing a sweet kiss to my temple.

“Very much,” I answered, my voice sounding breathy.

He brushed his knuckles along my cheek, cupping my chin. His green eyes stared at me and he smiled crookedly. Leaning in closer, he barely kissed me, his lips just touching mine. I moaned quietly, my hands finding his hair so I could pull him closer to me and give me more of a kiss. He growled lowly before angling his head to deepen his sweet kiss. His tongue slid between my lips. Languidly, it toyed with mine until he pulled back and smiled at me, all sexy and confident. “Good, because I like kissing you, Bella. I intend to do it as often as I can.”

I blinked. My mind was scrambled by his hotness. He chuckled lowly, kissing my nose before he handed me the menu. I took it blindly, opening it up and trying to make sense of the words.

“Bella, sweetness, you’d probably have more luck if you turned it the other way,” Edward snickered.

“Shut it,” I giggled. “I was flummoxed by your magical lips.”

“Good to know,” he said, his hand resting on my knee underneath the table. Idly, he traced circles on my skin and I was about to explode from the innocent caresses he was doing. “Do you want to split a bottle of wine?”

“After the week I’ve had? Yes, please,” I said, picking up the wine list. “White or red?”

“Since I’ve got to work tomorrow, white,” Edward replied, wrinkling his nose. “Red wine gives me a hangover.” The server, Mona, arrived and we ordered our bottle of white wine, appetizers and meals.

“You have to work tomorrow?” I frowned, sipping my wine once the server came back with the bottle.

“Yeah. Originally, I was off so I could help Emmett and my dad with Rose and Mom’s vision for the backyard, but Mark has a wedding in Portland that his wife neglected to tell him about. I switched with him so he could go to the wedding. I’m off all next weekend, starting Friday afternoon and going to Monday night.”

“So many opportunities to spend time with you,” I flirted. “Perhaps we should go out with Rose and Emmett or Alice and Jasper?”

“Why not both?” Edward suggested. I beamed, nodding excitedly. “I’ve only ever met Alice in passing. Jasper, Emmett and my dad, they play golf together.”

“Why not you?” I asked.

“I used to enjoy it, but now? Not so much,” he shrugged. “Plus, they usually go while I’m working and I’m okay with that. What about you? Do you enjoy golf?”

“Eh, not really. Most people I’ve talked to mentioned that it’s relaxing but I could only imagine that it’s infuriatingly frustrating, especially if you kind of suck,” I giggled. “And that would be me. I do not have an athletic bone in my body. More like clumsy.”

“Please,” Edward scoffed. “You move with such grace, Bella. I find that you are not athletic to be a lie.”

“Do you remember when you had to come over to my house to carry me from the stairs because I fell?” I asked, arching a brow. “That’s par for the course. I’m shocked I haven’t had to go to the emergency room for a broken bone or something with as slick as it’s been.”

“Well, I promise I won’t let you fall,” Edward said, kissing my neck. I blushed, leaning against him and smiling softly. The server arrived with our appetizers and we split the crostini and calamari.  “Now, do you have any plans for the summer?”

“I’ll probably head to Phoenix. My sister-in-law is pregnant and is due to have the baby in May. I want to see my new niece or nephew. Other than that? Not a whole bunch planned. John is involved with horseback riding lessons from Frank and t-ball. Grace is signed up for peewee soccer, but I doubt she’ll stick with it. She’s as graceful as me.”

“When do those start?” Edward asked.

“After Easter. What about you?” I questioned. “Any big vacation plans?”

“Not really. I have scheduled time off, but very rarely do I go somewhere since my mom is so sick,” Edward replied as he pushed the plate away. “The only thing I have planned is a weekend up in Vancouver. We have a small cabin up there and I just go every so often to just get away. It’s me, the bears and fairly comfy bed. I usually go for an extended weekend, just prior to the Fourth of July.”

“Did you say bears?” I squeaked.

“Yes. But I’ve only ever seen them from a distance,” he smirked. Edward looked up at me, idly tracing the rim of his wine glass. “Perhaps you could join me, Bella? A weekend away?”

“Ummmm, let me think about it,” I blushed, glancing away. “I mean, we’re on our second date, Edward.”

“Of course,” he said, his face falling slightly. I felt badly about not agreeing to his invitation, but it seemed fast. Yes, the scheduled trip was several months away, but I didn’t want to commit to something that I wasn’t sure I was ready to do. Edward was an amazing man, but am I ready to sleep in bed with another man who wasn’t my husband?

_You were the one who said you were ready? Are you? Truly?_

Looking at him, I knew that I was ready for something. I enjoyed spending time with him. I loved the way he made me feel. But parts of our budding relationship scared the crap out of me. Intimacy was the main thing that terrified me. I’d only ever been with Jake. Edward was the third man I’d ever kissed; the first guy was Tyler Crowley in seventh grade in a very scandalous game of spin the bottle.

Life was so much easier in middle school.

xx PUTP xx

**EPOV**

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Why did I ask her to come to Vancouver with me? Moron! She’s going to run away screaming!_ I tried to wipe away the look of disgust off my face so I could enjoy the rest of our date. I would not let my faux pas ruin it.

“I’m going to go to the ladies room,” Bella said, putting her hand on my bicep. I nodded, giving her a smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace. Her tiny palm caressed my cheek and she looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry about Vancouver, but just give me time. I didn’t say no. I just said I needed to think about it.”

“I know, sweetness,” I whispered.

She brushed her thumb on my cheek before kissing me chastely. She glided through the restaurant, toward the restrooms. Leaning forward, I thrust my hands up into my hair. “She’s in control, Cullen. Inviting her to a weekend in Vancouver, in a cabin, where you’d share a bed…that’s not having her in control.”

I chugged my wine and poured myself another glass. While Bella was in the bathroom, our meals were brought out. She had ordered mushroom ravioli with alfredo pesto sauce and I got roasted salmon with some pasta on the side.

A few moments later, Bella came back and she slid into the booth. “This smells delicious,” she said, inhaling deeply. We both tucked into our meals, not really talking. I knew I was brooding and beating myself up over my snafu. Part of me wanted to go back in time and take it back. The other part of me, the part that was a horny bastard, wanted her to come with me so we could have the weekend to ourselves and spend time in various states of undress. Making love. Having sex. Fucking.

_Stop thinking like that, Edward. You’re going to get yourself in trouble._

“Edward, I know that you’re sulking,” Bella chided.

“I’m not sulking,” I argued, sulkily. _Yes, you are._

“You are an awful liar,” she teased, poking me with her elbow. “Don’t be upset over asking me to the cabin, handsome. If I were a normal woman, I’d probably would have said yes. And who knows? Maybe I will say yes, but for now, just let me think about it.”

“I understand, Bella. I’m just kicking my own ass for asking you in the first place. I want you to go, but I also said that you were in charge,” I grumped. “I’m not really instilling that feeling of being in charge by asking you to go with me on a weekend away.”

“It’s in July, Edward,” she said, brushing my hair away from my face. “I have plenty of time to say yes. For now, let’s just enjoy the rest of our meal and then go to the jazz club, which I’m looking forward to.” She cupped her hand under my chin, staring deeply into my eyes. There was no anger or frustration within her espresso depths. Only understanding and concern. “Besides, I still have to prove to you that I can’t dance.”

“Unlikely,” I chuckled, kissing her lips.

The rest of our meal was spent without any further fuck ups on my part. We both had a cup of espresso and split some tiramisu, reveling in its gooey sweetness. Paying the bill, we decided to walk to the jazz club since it was right around the corner from the restaurant. Our fingers were twined together and it felt nice to be with her. My heart was full. Bella wasn’t dwelling on my clear display of male stupidity, so I just went with it.

In the jazz club, we took a seat in one of the booths. Bella ordered a cosmo while I got some scotch. “I’ve never been to a jazz club,” Bella said, looking around the romantically lit room.

“I’ve been to a few. I like piano bars, especially,” I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “I can play but performing in front of an audience? That scares me. So, I have great respect for anybody who can play the piano in public or any instrument, for that matter.”

“You know you have to show me your skills now,” Bella teased, snuggling to my side. “You admit you can play an instrument…”

“For you, anything,” I said, my hand moving up and down her arm. “For these people? I’d sooner walk onto the stage naked than play for them.”

“All of the women would enjoy that,” Bella laughed. “And a few of the gay men.”

“On second thought,” I grumbled, a blush covering my face “I’m not a stripper.” Bella giggled, sipping her drink. The lights lowered and a small jazz combo came on stage. They began playing a quiet jazz piece. I recognized it as ‘S Wonderful.’ It was a cool, but funky instrumental version of the song. Bella closed her eyes, swaying to the music. While she moved, I looked at her unabashedly. Her sensual movements were subtle but very sexy.

_She is so lying when it’s coming to dancing. She has moves._

The band, Smooth Operators, were amazing and had their own takes on most of the jazz standards. Their lead singer was a deep voiced woman who sounded a lot like Diana Krall. It was sultry when there were vocals and it made me want to hold Bella in my arms, swaying on the dance floor.

When the syncopated rhythm of a bossa nova version of ‘The Look of Love’ started, I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted to feel her tiny body pressed against me. “Dance with me, sweetness,” I cooed in her ear.

“I’m warning you. It won’t be pretty,” she snorted as we slid out of the booth. “If you go into work tomorrow with a noticeable limp, my dad will know that you danced with me.”

“Seriously, Bella. I watched you sway to the music. You have rhythm,” I said, taking her in my arms. She put her left hand on my shoulder while I cradled her right against my heart.

“In my upper body,” she muttered, looking up at me with a frown. “My feet are a different story.”

I just tightened my hold around her waist and held her flush to my own body. Bella stumbled slightly but eventually we found a decent groove. She relaxed and her deep chocolate eyes found mine. Something happened where the world fell away. It was just us. No one else. The sound of the song was a distant memory and the only thing that mattered was the gorgeous woman in my arms. Her fingers found the hairs at the nape of my neck and she idly toyed with them while we glided over the dance floor.

I had never felt this way about any woman. I was hesitant to say that I loved her because we had only been dating for a couple of weeks and known each other for less than a year. Whatever it was, I never wanted it to stop. I wanted it all with Isabella Black. But it had to be on her terms.

_Remind yourself of that, idiot. The woman has been through hell and back. The fact that she’s willing to even give you a damn shot is a miracle._

As the song came to an end, I leaned forward, asking with my eyes if I could kiss her. She responded without speaking by pressing her lips to mine. Something ignited in that kiss and my body felt alive for the first time in all of my thirty-five years of being on this earth. I wanted to protect and cherish this strong, beautiful and sexy woman in my arms. I wanted to give her _all_ of me. I hoped, that in time, she would give me _all_ of her. I know that there would be a part that would always love Jacob. I would be remiss if I tried to force her to stop those feelings Most people are lucky to have one great love. I hope that Bella will let me show her that she deserves two.

Breaking a part, Bella was panting and clutching my lapels. “Wow,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” I murmured.

“That was something and I’ve never felt anything like that before,” she said, looking up at me. “Ever.”

“Me, too. I don’t want it to stop,” I said, kissing her lips sweetly. She blushed and yawned. “But, you look exhausted.”

“Sorry,” she said, frowning. “I hate to be a buzzkill, but this week has kicked my ass and it’s catching up with me.”

“Say no more. I don’t mind, Bella. I’m just happy that we had an opportunity to go out,” I smiled, guiding her back to our booth to get her sweater and purse. We walked to the door and it was pouring.

“Crap,” Bella whimpered. “We walked here…”

“Stay here, sweetness. I’ll get the car,” I said, shrugging out of my suit coat. I wrapped it around her slender body. “I’ll be back.”

“Edward, you’ll get soaked,” she said, her eyes filled with concern.

“I’m not made of sugar,” I snickered, kissing her nose. She rolled her eyes. I pulled out my keys and began my sprint to my car, trying to stay as dry as I could. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. I was drenched by the time I reached the car. Sliding into the driver’s seat, I blasted the heat since I was shivering. I drove to the jazz club, swiping the umbrella I had in the backseat. Opening it, I walked to the door and helped Bella to the car. I couldn’t help but notice that she was staring at my shirt, which was damn near transparent because of the rain. I was smirking as I crawled into the driver’s seat. _Yeah, she thinks I’m hot. I can flex my ab muscles for you, sweetness…_

“Wow, it’s really coming down,” Bella said, wrapping my jacket around her body. “Are you okay to drive?”

“I’m fine, but if I have to, I’ll pull over. It’s a torrential downpour,” I grumbled, turning the windshield wipers on high as I began our trek back to Forks. Bella was tense as I drove us home. So was I. I didn’t want to get into an accident. My pervy mind was desperately wanted to make love to Bella before I died and having a car accident, dying in an inferno, was not on my to-do list. I did have to pull over several times since the rain was so bad. I was almost tempted to drive back to Port Angeles and get us two rooms at the Olympic Lodge, but it would have taken even longer to drive back.

What normally took an hour to drive, took over two. Bella eyes were at half-mast by the time I pulled into her driveway. The rain had tapered to a light sprinkle. Hopping out of the car, I jogged to Bella’s side. She leaned heavily against me. “I’m so tired,” she yawned.

“You’re almost home, sweetness,” I said.

“Sorry about crashing all of a sudden,” she frowned, taking out her keys. “I really didn’t want our night to end and that dance was pretty amazing.”

“I told you it was all in the leading,” I snickered, tucking an errant curl behind her ear. “I had a good time even though I made you feel uncomfortable about Vancouver.”

“I had an amazing time and I’m sorry that you feel badly. Don’t, Edward. Let’s learn more about each other and then, if the time is right, we’ll cross the Vancouver bridge,” she said. I nodded. “Now, come inside. You are shivering and I can see how freezing you are.” She poked just above my very apparent nipple. I blushed, crossing my arms over my chest. Bella giggled, pulling me into her foyer. She slipped off my coat and went into her closet. With a sigh, she swiped a worn leather jacket that looked too big to be hers. “This was Jake’s. If you feel too weird wearing it, I understand. But, I don’t want you to get sick,” she murmured, handing me the coat. Her face crumbled slightly. “I don’t want another person in my life to…” She never finished the statement.

“Thank you, sweetness,” I whispered, taking the jacket from her shaking hand. “I’ll bring it back tomorrow after my shift.” She looked at me and my girl looked so vulnerable. Biting her lip, she pointed the coat. I put it on. Jake was a big guy and it dwarfed me. I’m pretty built. However, I did feel warmer than if I was just wearing my shirt or my suit jacket. Bella walked over to me, caressing the leather and letting out a shuddering sigh. She just collapsed against my chest and held me tightly. “If it’s too much, Bella.”

“No, I’m fine. Really, I am,” she sniffled. “I have moments…and seeing you in the jacket…”

“I understand, baby,” I murmured, pressing my cheek against her soft, fragrant hair.

“Are you okay?” she asked, looking up at me.

“I’m more worried about you,” I said, swiping my thumb over her cheek.

“Edward, I’m happy that I’m with you. I’m happy that I’m finally healing. This coat…Jake had since he was in college. He had a sick obsession with it. He loved it more than me, it seemed,” Bella snickered. “In my mind, I’d never let anyone else wear it besides me. Or Jake, but obviously he can’t. Anyhow, seeing you wear it and for it to _not_ hurt as much as I thought it would is proof that I’m getting better. That I want you in my life. Am I making sense?”

“I think so,” I said, running my hand through my drying hair.

“In my head it makes perfect sense, but I’m so exhausted that I don’t even know…” she trailed off.

“Well, I promise to drop this off tomorrow after my shift,” I vowed. “I’ll take extra care of it.” She bit her lip, nodding her head jerkily. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” she breathed. I took her face in my hands and leaned down slowly. Chastely, I brushed my lips against hers. She sighed contentedly, sliding her hands underneath the jacket and pulling me closer. Our kiss grew deeper. Nipping at her lips, I slid my tongue inside of her mouth. Tasting her, I moaned quietly. My fingers tangled in her long, brunette locks and my other hand slid down the curve of her body before stopping just above her ass. Breaking a part briefly, we came back together, kissing each other languidly. This wasn’t about sexual tension, it was about learning and discovery. Her hands stayed on my back before moving lower and cupping my ass.

_Oooh, me likey._

My own hand moved down to rest on her very fine rear end and she whimpered, pressing herself closer to me. “Edward,” she moaned as she moved her lips from mine and kissed my jaw. I buried my nose in her hair and nipped at her earlobe. She giggled, pulling away. “You like nibbling.”

“It’s because you’re so sweet,” I teased. “I can’t get enough of your taste, Ms. Black.”

“You’re part vampire, Deputy Cullen,” she quipped, removing her hands from my ass. “Now, I really do have to get some sleep. I’m taking my kids to the library in Port Angeles to do some research for upcoming projects in the morning. If the weather holds up, we may do some planting. Perhaps, if you want, you can come over for dinner?”

“I’d like that,” I smiled. “Sleep well, my sweet Bella.”

“I will, handsome,” she replied. I kissed her once more before leaving her. Again, driving away from her house, it ripped at my heart. I shouldn’t be this attached so quickly. But, I was. And I loved it.

**A/N: Okay, so I wanted to get a little lime zest in there. An ass-grab. Hold the phone! We’re getting wild and crazy here! *Snorts* I also know that I wanted to get to a double date with Rose and Emmett, but we’re changing gears. That will come _next_ chapter, after Edward has dinner with Bella’s kids. Do you think they will be okay with him? Or will there be drama? We’re also going back to just Bella next chapter. **

**Anyhow, pictures will be on blog and tumblr for the restaurant, jazz club and the orchid. Links for those are on my profile. You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79. Come join the fun.**

**Leave me some!**

 


	12. Chapter 11

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

I didn’t sleep a wink. I stared at the dropped ceiling of my basement.

_Why did I invite him for dinner? I’m not ready to have the conversation with John and Grace that I’m trying to go back to dating._

Smacking my head, I growled lowly. I was an idiot. I was exhausted because this week sucked. It sucked because of my new student, who was definitely going to be a handful until the end of the year. It sucked because Wednesday would have been Jake’s fortieth birthday. It sucked because John was withdrawing into himself as he worked on the family tree project.

I shot up and began pacing the basement. I tried to calm down, but my mind wouldn’t stop racing. Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I went up to the kitchen. I didn’t want to cancel on Edward. The poor guy was probably going nuts with my constantly, whiplash moods. I also didn’t want to cause my children undue stress. Sighing, I began to bake. At three in the morning, I was making rum cake, enjoying the rum a little too much.

I also began the prep for the meal that I was going to make for us. I had a hankering for lasagna since I saw the woman across from us at Tuscany order it. I had almost everything for Italian delicacy, except the ricotta cheese. I could pick some up from the store on the way back from the library. I made the pasta sauce, browning some ground beef, adding sausage and some ribs I had in the freezer. Turning the stove to simmer, I snuggled on the couch in the living room, trying to get some semblance of sleep. As the sun began to rise, I finally drifted off into a light sleep.

My rest didn’t last long. A couple of hours later, John padded downstairs, climbing right on top of me. His knee rammed my bladder and he elbowed my ribs. I tried to just lay with him but my bladder had other ideas. “Up, Johnny,” I said, patting his behind lightly.

“Noooooo,” he said, holding me tighter.

“Johnny, I love you, but your knee is pressing into my bladder and I really don’t want to deal with an accident,” I snickered, tickling his sides. He grumbled, getting off my body and curling up on the opposite side of the couch. I ruffled his hair, taking care of my bathroom needs before going back to the couch. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“Don’t call me buttercup,” Johnny pouted.

“It’s a phrase, John,” I sighed. “You’ve got the sour face on. Talk to me, little man.”

“I don’t know if I can do this family tree. Mr. Molina has been great, but whenever I try to write something about my dad, I get upset and sad. One of the boys almost saw me cry yesterday and I don’t want to be a baby. Then, I hear other kids tell how they do stuff with their dads and I get so angry. I want him back, Mom,” John sniffled, moving close to my body and leaning against my shoulder.

“I know you do, John. We all do. Unfortunately, Dad’s not here anymore, but he’s watching over us and loving us from where he’s at,” I soothed. “And you know that if it’s too much, Mr. Molina arranged for you to hang out in Mrs. Whitlock’s office. No matter what, she’ll be there for you, even if I’m unavailable.”

“Okay,” he said, snuggling closer. We sat there for a few moments. Grace shuffled down, her hair looking like a haystack. She saw the cuddlefest on the couch and eagerly joined, sitting right on my lap.

 _Now is as good a time as any._ “Guys, do you remember Mr. Edward?” I asked.

“The guy with the horses? Yeah, he’s cool,” John replied, sounding a little more chipper.

“Grace?”

“He’s got pretty eyes,” she swooned.

 _Oh, God. My daughter has a crush on my boyfriend._ “I’m certain he does,” I chuckled. He really did have gorgeous eyes, with golden flecks. Stop it, Bella. Behave. “Well, he helped me out a lot, especially around Christmas with the lights and such and I’ve invited him over for dinner, to thank him for all of his help.”

“Is that why it smells like spaghetti sauce so early in the morning?” John asked.

“Yeah. I’m making lasagna. I needed to make the sauce,” I replied, almost nervously. “Is it okay that he comes over? Has dinner with us?”

“Is he your boyfriend, Momma?” asked Grace.

_Oh, crap._

I gulped down some bile. “We’re friends, Grace. I do like him a lot and he’s very kind,” I answered.

“Mom, is he your boyfriend?” Grace pushed. “If not, I want him to be my prince charming. He’s so cute.”

I giggled. My daughter definitely has a crush on my boyfriend. But, do I tell them the truth or give them the run around? John was eyeing me skeptically and Grace was having a swoon attack. “We are dating. Yes.” John’s eyes narrowed slightly. I could feel him tense next to me. “I’m not trying to replace your father. I want you both to know that. I still love daddy, but Mr. Edward, he’s really nice and he’s been a good friend to me.”

John huffed out a breath, stomping up the stairs. Grace shrugged, snuggling against my body and said that I could borrow her prince charming, but she wanted him all to herself. I just prayed that everything would go alright tonight. I didn’t want John to have temper tantrum. I figured I’d let him cool off and hopefully spend some time talking to him before Edward arrived tonight.

Making my kids breakfast, we did our Saturday morning chores. In the afternoon, we drove to Port Angeles to go to the library. The Forks Library was pretty pathetic. It was a small building that held mostly old, dated encyclopedias, computers that still ran on dial-up and no children’s section to speak of. Port Angeles was much better with their library, but it wasn’t perfect. It made me miss the library in Phoenix, that’s for sure.

I set John up at one of the tables in the children’s section. He was working on Charlie and Renee’s parents today. With Grace, we went to the computers to look up books that were appropriate for her age on wolves. We found three books and sat down next to John, reading the books quietly. In a notebook, Grace told me the facts that she found interesting in each of the books. By the time we were done reading the books, we had about twenty facts that Grace wanted to put on her poster. Lauren said that they only needed ten facts and five pictures. Knowing my daughter, being the over achiever she is, she’d want all of them. However, just to be on the safe side, I asked her to pick her ten favorite facts.

An hour later, we cleaned up and drove the Thriftway. I picked up some lasagna noodles, ricotta cheese and some red wine. Back at the house, I set up Grace in the basement to watch a movie. John was putting his assignment away in his room. I went upstairs, leaning against his doorway. “We need to talk, bub.” He turned, giving me a chilly look. “And that right there is the reason why. Kitchen. Now.”

He sighed, walking out of his room and down to the kitchen. He scrambled up onto the stool and scowled at the granite countertop. I took out a large casserole dish and a pot, filling it with water. If I had something to occupy my hands, I’d be in better control. I also grabbed a bowl, beginning to mix the ricotta cheese. “John, what is up with your attitude?”

“You shouldn’t be dating,” he spat. “You should be with dad.”

“John, I can’t be with dad. I love your father and I always will, but if I’m with him, I’d be dead. Do you want me dead?” I asked, my temper starting to flare. John shrugged. “John Jacob Black, you are treading a fine line. I know that you’re hurting. I’m hurting, too.”

“Then why are you dating?” John yelled.

“Because Edward makes the pain stop,” I shouted back. “Look, John. You don’t know how hard this is for me. There are days where I want your father to be alive, but he’s not coming back, Johnny. Daddy loves you and loves all of us and he said, right before he died, that he wanted us to be happy. Have I been happy?”

“No,” John grumped. “Well, not until a couple of weeks ago. Spring break.”

“That’s when I had my first date with Mr. Edward. John, I know that it will take time for you to accept him, but it’s important that you’re respectful to him and to me. The cold stares and stomping up to your room is not respectful. Wishing me dead, that hurts. A lot.”

“I don’t want you dead,” John sniffled.

“You said that I should be with Dad. Dad’s in heaven, John,” I explained. He shook his head, tears falling down his cheeks. He fell off the stool and wrapped his arms around my waist, nearly causing me to stumble against the counter. He whimpered he was sorry. I held him, calmly soothing him as best I could. I knew it would be a challenge if I ever started dating. I never expected to start so soon after Jake’s death, but Edward had been and continues to be a rock for me.

After he calmed down, John helped me with assembling the lasagna. He was in charge of putting the sauce in between the layers. Once the lasagna was done, John went up to shower. He had the lovely boy smell going on. I checked on Grace. She was fine and enamored with _Frozen_. That girl is going to wear out the DVD. I went upstairs, checking my cell phone. Edward had sent me a few texts, asking if he needed to bring anything for dinner. I decided to call him.

“Hey, Sweetness,” Edward said, in his velvety tone.

“Hi,” I breathed, sitting on my bed. “How’s work?”

“Eh. I’m almost done and then I’m having dinner with my favorite teacher,” he quipped. “How was your day?”

“Interesting,” I chuckled nervously.

“Explain, Sweetness,” Edward commanded warily.

“I’ll tell you more after the kids have gone to sleep, but can you not be so affectionate with me? John’s struggling and Grace has a bit of a crush on you. I’m only borrowing you until she is ready for you,” I laughed.

“Of course, Bella. I know that your children are grieving, just as you are. I would never presume to do anything to make them or you uncomfortable,” he said quietly. “Do you still want me to come?”

“I do. I made this huge lasagna, Edward. I can’t eat it myself,” I snorted.

“Lasagna?”

“With garlic bread and a huge salad,” I smiled. “I got a hankering for it last night at Tuscany. A woman who was sitting near us ordered it.”

“Boy am I glad that skipped lunch today,” he laughed. “I can bring dessert, Sweetness.”

“I’ve got that covered, too. I made rum cake,” I explained.

“I’m going to have to order some larger uniforms with all of this good cooking, Bella,” he chided playfully. “I can’t wait. Are you sure I can’t bring anything?”

“Just yourself and a smile, Deputy,” I giggled.

“What time?”

“If it’s possible, six?” I suggested.

“I’ll be there with bells on, Sweetness,” he replied. “See you in a couple of hours.” We said goodbye and I hung up my phone. I took a quick shower before changing into a pair of capris and a graphic t-shirt. It was cute and casual, but still sexy since the shirt was tighter than I was used to. My hair was still curled from last night. I decided to pull it back into a ponytail, fluffing it over my shoulder. I kept my makeup simple, like I usually wore for work but I did add some perfume. Once I was ready, I went downstairs and preheating the oven for the lasagna.

Shortly before six, I called on my kids and they came scurrying up or down the stairs. Grace had changed into one of her dresses. She even put on an obnoxious headband with an enormous bow on it that Renee had bought her from the Disney Store. John kind of huddled off to the side, playing with a game on his iPad. I sat with him, wanting to love up on my son since he was so uncomfortable with this prospect of a guy that I was dating was coming over. I hope that John will eventually see Edward as someone he can talk to. It will take time and patience Edward’s part.

Shortly before six, the doorbell rang. Grace squealed, making all of us jump. “Can I open the door, Momma?” she asked, bouncing on the couch.

“Ask who it is first,” I said. “John, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied, cuddling closer to me. “I’m sorry for before. I’ll be good for Mr. Edward.”

“Good boy,” I smiled, kissing John’s forehead.

“Who is it?” Grace sang, bouncing on her toes.

“It’s Edward,” he sang back, in the same sing-song tone. Grace giggled, looking to me if she could open the door. I nodded and she wrenched it open. He was standing on the doorstep, looking like a model in a pair of dark jeans and a green plaid button-down shirt. He held a Thriftway bag in his right hand and Jake’s jacket in the other. “Hi, Grace!”

“Hi, Mr. Edward,” she smiled, pulling on his hand. He walked in with her. “What’s that?”

“It’s ice cream for dessert. My mom taught me that you should never come over to someone’s house without something to share,” he said. “Do you like vanilla?”

“It’s my favorite!” she squealed.

“Okay, Grace. Turn down the pig,” I chuckled. “No more squealing.”

“Sorry, Momma,” she said, but her grin was permanently screwed onto her face. She swiped the ice cream from Edward’s hand, skipping to the kitchen to put it into the freezer.

John was suctioned to my side. Edward arched a brow but gave him a friendly smile. “How are you doing, John?”

“Okay,” he answered.

“I hear you’re taking horseback riding lessons with Frank. When do you start?” he asked, placing Jake’s jacket on the couch.

“Um, after Easter. I’m excited to try it,” John said quietly. He gave Edward a tiny grin before darting off to find his sister.

“Sorry about that,” I blushed. “I told them that we were dating and John’s a bit uncomfortable with the whole idea.”

“Is that why you asked me to hold off on the affectionate gestures?” he asked.

“Part of it. The other part is that they’re not used to seeing them,” I replied, pointing toward the kitchen. Looking back at him, I gave him a nervous grin. “You look very handsome, Edward.”

“Thank you,” he blushed, picking up my hand and kissing my knuckles. “You look gorgeous, as always.”

“Not really, but thank you,” I chuckled, leading him into the kitchen. The kids had set the table. “Thanks guys! Looks great!”

“I’m hungry,” John shrugged.

“You’re always hungry, John,” Grace giggled, putting glasses by each place setting.

“I’m hungry, too. I didn’t eat much lunch because I know your mom is an amazing cook,” Edward smiled, sitting down at the counter.

“She’s the best, Mr. Edward. She makes all of our favorites,” Grace said, climbing up next to him and fluttering her eyelashes. _Oh, Lord._ “Even better than Grandma. She burns things and Grandpa, all he cooks is fish.”

“You like fish,” I chuckled, taking the lasagna out of the oven and tossing in the garlic bread.

“Fish sticks,” Grace argued. “Grandpa makes it and it still looks like _fish_.” 

“So you think that fish is naturally rectangular and breaded?” Edward chuckled. Grace gave him a smirk, nodding eagerly.

“Grace, you are a goofball,” John laughed from his spot at the table. “But, she’s right about Grandma.”

“How did you survive, Bella?” Edward asked as he was gently guided by my daughter to the kitchen table.

“Sit there, Mr. Edward,” she commanded, pointing the seat next to hers.

“Simple…by the time I was old enough to cook, I did,” I said, placing the lasagna onto the table. “My mom is an amazing teacher and great principal, but cooking is not one of her fortes. I couldn’t stomach some of my mom’s concoctions. I hoped that as she got older, her cooking would improve. Not so much. What did grandma make for Christmas?”

“She tried to deep fry a ham,” John answered, wrinkling his nose.

“Thank goodness I had something as a backup,” I chuckled, grabbing the salad, red wine for the two of us and milk for my kids. “I brought a small turkey with all of the fixings. My dad was never more grateful. Renee was a bit miffed but on their patio, there’s a permanent black spot from where the ham imploded.”

“Dad was a pretty bad cook, too,” John said but he blanched. “Sorry, Mr. Edward.”

“John, I know about your father. You can talk about him,” Edward soothed, giving John a friendly smile.

“Really?” Grace asked, shocked that Edward was so willing to accept Jake.

“Of course. I know you guys miss your dad and that you love him very much. He is an important part of your lives and I don’t want my presence to stop you from remembering him. Now, John, your dad was a bad cook?” Edward asked. I bit back tears, darting out of the kitchen. I snuck into the bathroom and buried my head in my hands. Tears were falling down my cheeks and I tried to keep it together. Edward said the most amazing thing to my children. He acknowledged Jake and said that he wanted my children to remember him. He truly was a godsend.

“Sweetness?” Edward called through the door.

“In a minute,” I sniffled.

“Let me in, Bella,” Edward said quietly. I opened the door and he slipped into the tiny half-bathroom. “John is freaking out, sweet girl. He thinks he did something wrong.”

“No. No, not at all,” I cried, hastily wiping my tears away. “It was you. Oh my God, you are perfect.” I collapsed against his chest, trying hard to not have a breakdown.

He held me tightly, swaying us gently. I gripped his shirt. “Bella, I’m not perfect. I’m just saying what I think is right. Just because you’re dating me doesn’t mean that your children have to edit what they say. I want them to remember and love their father,” he whispered against my hair.

“Well, that’s pretty damn near perfect,” I laughed nervously.

He cupped my chin, looking deep into my eyes. Tenderly, he wiped the residual tears from my face. Leaning down, he kissed my lips. It was sweet and chaste. My stomach erupted with nervous butterflies. Pulling back, he kissed my nose. “I’m learning as I go, my sweet, beautiful girl,” he cooed. “Now, John, despite his minor freak out, was having some pretty loud stomach noises. I think he’s harboring dragons in his tummy. Let’s feed your babies before they start gnawing off their arms.”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his waist. He eagerly responded by hugging me close to his muscular body. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, Sweetness,” he whispered.

“It wasn’t out of sadness, Edward. I’m relieved that you are so attentive to my children’s and honestly my needs,” I murmured.

“Always,” he soothed. “Do you need a moment? I can start serving Thing One and Thing Two.”

“That would be great,” I said. He kissed my forehead and left me in the bathroom. I leaned against the pedestal sink, taking in a few deep breaths. Edward was amazing me at every turn. His kind, gentle nature was too much but just right. The way he acknowledged Jake and encouraged my children to remember him, it made my heart swell. Plus, he was smart, brilliant, handsome and loving. “Get it together, Bella. Enjoy dinner with your children and your boyfriend. Manfriend? Ugh…”

_Admit it, Bella. Your family._

I went back out to the kitchen. Edward had served up the lasagna, salad and a piece of garlic bread for each of my kids. He also made a plate for me. I blushed, sitting down and thanking him quietly. Over dinner, Grace shared all of her interesting facts about wolves with Edward. John was a bit quieter, but chatted about some of the history of Charlie and Renee’s family.

After dinner, because it was still light out, I asked if they wanted to go out in the backyard. Grace eagerly agreed, but I told her to change. Her dress was quite nice and the yard was muddy. She went upstairs while John went into the garage, grabbing two baseball mitts and a softball.  John gave me a sheepish grin, approaching Edward. “Mr. Edward? Can you throw the ball with me? I’m starting t-ball the week after I start my horseback lessons. I love my mom and all, but she throws like a girl. I don’t want to throw like that.”

“Hey, I hate to burst your bubble, but I am a girl,” I giggled.

“Sorry, Mom,” John chuckled, handing Edward Jake’s baseball mitt. “I don’t want to walk onto my team throwing like this.” He lobbed the ball, walking crookedly, doing a pretty amazing job of imitating my clumsy, unathletic nature. He threw it to me and I picked it up, grimacing at the ball

“Your mom does not throw like that. Does she?” Edward asked, rolling up his sleeves.

“That’s pretty spot on. I’m a klutz, Edward. The one time I was on a sports team, I quit after the first game because I got hit in the shoulder with a softball. One of those huge sixteen inch suckers that are like pillows,” I snorted.

“Oh, Sweetness,” Edward chided. “We will have to address that.” He hit the mitt a few times. “Throw me the ball, Bella.”

“Don’t laugh, Edward,” I giggled, lobbing it horribly and completely missing Edward. The ball soared over his head. I made a face, shrugging. “I’ll just sit over here.”

“That’s sad,” Edward chuckled, jogging to pick up the ball. “Now, John, do you know how to catch?” My son bit his lip and shook his head. “Come here.” Edward spent ten minutes going over the finer points of catching the ball. Grace came down wearing a pair of jeans and purple shirt. She still had on the headband.

“I want to play with Mr. Edward,” she pouted.

“Give John some time with him. At seven, you can get your soccer ball, okay?” I suggested.

“What time is it now?” she asked.

“Six-thirty. You want to help me do the dishes?”

“No. Do we have another mitt?” Grace questioned. I wasn’t sure. We went into the garage and found my old mitt from when I was in high school softball. It was a little big for her, but at least she’d be able to participate. I watched them for a few moments before ducking into the kitchen to at least load the dishwasher and clear the table. I finished the dishes, made some coffee and sat down on the patio. The baseball mitts were long forgotten. John and Grace were trying to kick the ball past Edward, in between two trees. With him being so tall and quite agile, it made it quite difficult. However, my kids were laughing and running circles around him. It made me happy to see them interact someone other than my father and Billy. I went inside, grabbed my camera and started taking pictures. I wanted to cherish this moment.

“Mom, stop taking pictures and help us! We need to get ten goals before we can have dessert!” John whined.

“How many do you have?” I smiled.

“Two,” Grace sulked, kicking the ball towards Edward but he caught it easily. “He’s got long arms.”

“What makes you think that I can help you?” I replied, walking onto the grass. “I’m not a soccer player and Edward is taller than me by a foot.”

“Help us, Mommy!” Grace pouted.

“I’ll try,” I shrugged as Edward tossed back the ball.

“Don’t hurt yourself, Sweetness,” Edward smirked. “I don’t want to take you to the ER tonight.”

“You’re so funny, Cullen. Hysterical,” I deadpanned, running with the ball. I kicked it to John who was able to slide it between Edward’s legs and between the trees. “Whoo! Good job, Johnny!”

“It’s still only three goals,” Edward said smugly, bouncing the ball on his knees before kicking it back towards us. “You won’t be able to do it.”

“We will. We’re the Blacks and we’re unstoppable,” John said, putting his hands on his hips. Grace nodded, taking the ball and dribbling it across the lawn. Edward was about to get her when she kicked it to me. I called on my soccer skills from when I was a kid and I managed to slide the ball past my boyfriend. I smirked, rubbing my fingertips on my shoulder. Edward just laughed.

We continued until it became too dark to see. We never did get our ten goals, but we had a great time trying. Inside of the house, I made everyone take off their shoes since we were covered in mud. I even sent the kids upstairs to put on their pajamas. While they were changing, Edward came up behind me as I washed my hands. His arms wrapped around my waist and he kissed just behind my ear. “You’re amazing, Bella. Such an amazing, loving mother,” he cooed. “Those kids are your world and they adore you.”

“I think they love you more because you’re somewhat athletic,” I smiled, melting against his chest. His lips were moving down my neck and he held me closer to his body. “Damn, what you do to me…”

“I know,” he rasped, his hands moving to my hips and he ground into me. I could feel his hardness against my back.

“Behave, Cullen,” I breathed, turning around and creating some distance between our bodies. “It’s a rarity that we have dessert. They will be down in, like, five seconds. I don’t want them to see us making out like teenagers.”

“Sorry,” he said, blushing slightly. “But, later?”

“Oh, yes. Definitely later,” I purred, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his soft lips. “Now, make yourself useful and get that ice cream.”

“Yes ma’am” he said, giving me a salute. He grabbed the ice cream while I put on another layer of glaze on the cake. I kept the rest of it for our ice cream since it had some alcohol in it. John and Grace clambered onto the stools by the counter. Edward was shocked at how quickly they had changed and appeared out of nowhere.

“Can I have an extra big slice, Mommy?” John asked, eyeing the cake hungrily.

“No,” I laughed, cutting it and giving both John and Grace small pieces with a scoop of ice cream. “I do want you to sleep tonight, my little munchkins. Go eat it at the table.” They hopped off the stools, carrying their dessert to the table. I cut Edward and me slightly larger pieces. He put a scoop of ice cream on our plates, drizzling some of the glaze. I kissed his cheek, which earned me a crooked grin. I carried the coffee and he carried the cake to the table. The kids were enamored with their dessert, effectively ignoring Edward and me. Underneath the table, he grasped my hand and threaded his fingers with mine.

I melted.

John asked if he could have another piece, but I said no. He pouted when I told him to put his dish in the sink. “John, I don’t want you to be the size of a house by the time you turn nine. One slice is fine. You can have another slice tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he grumbled. “Can I go downstairs and watch television?”

“Sure. But bedtime’s nine, bub,” I said, pulling him into my arms. “You got an hour.”

“Yes, Mom,” he said, running down the stairs.

“Can I go, too, Mommy?” Grace asked.

“Put your plate in the sink and then you can go,” I smiled. She bounded over to the sink. Carefully, she put her plate inside of it and raced downstairs to join her brother. I heard them tussle briefly over what they wanted to watch, but they worked it out since they didn’t come upstairs crying. “So, you survived…”

“I did. Though, next time, I may have to wear a cup,” he grimaced. “John’s got some legs on him. He should be doing soccer. The ball came in contact with my nuts way too often.”

“Do you want some ice?” I asked.

“I’m fine,” Edward chuckled. “It was fun, playing with them and with you. You got some moves, too. Soccer?”

“My dad wanted me to try it. I actually liked it and was fairly good at it. But, like with softball, I quit after I got hurt in middle school. Another girl from Port Angeles slid into me and sprained my knee. I had to wear the huge knee immobilizer for a week and I hated it. After that, I focused on non-contact sports like miniature golf, bowling and badminton. I sucked at badminton. I just wanted to play with a shuttlecock.” I smiled at him seductively when I said that.

“Not. Fair,” he groaned. “Don’t be all sexy while your children are still awake, Isabella. Saying that naughty word.”

“Ewww, don’t say naughty,” I giggled. I got up, taking our plates and rinsing them off.

I felt Edward behind me again. “Don’t say cock,” he purred against my ear. _Holy Hell._ I caught myself on the ledge of the sink. “Don’t fall, Sweetness. It would be a shame for you to get all… _wet_.”

“Edward,” I moaned, clamping my eyes shut. “You need to behave.”

“Sorry, baby,” he chuckled darkly, kissing my neck, “I’ll stop.” He backed away, walking to the bathroom. I waved my hand in front of my face, trying to cool off. Our play on words had definitely made me quite wet, like I needed new panties. I worked on loading the dishwasher and starting it. I grabbed my coffee mug, along with Edward’s, moving to the living room. I turned on some music, still trying to calm down. Edward came out and he saw where I was sitting. “I am sorry, Sweetness,” he murmured, looking remorseful. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“If my children were not in the basement,” I giggled nervously. “You are so sexy with that voice of yours.”

“I’m glad you think so,” he smirked, pulling my feet into his lap. He examined my pedicure which had flowers on the big toes. “Very cute, Sweetness.”

“Thanks. Grace picked it out,” I said, wriggling my toes. “I’m more of a flourish type of girl, but Grace wanted something springy. Her toes are the same. I don’t know how Leah was able to get her feet to look as good as they did. She would not sit still because she was so ticklish.”

We sat and talked until it was the kid’s bedtime. I checked on them, finding them both asleep. I grimaced, knowing that I either had to wake them up or carry both of them up two flights of stairs. Edward swooped in, though. He gently picked up John first, carrying him to his bedroom. I managed to carry Grace up to the first floor but Edward carried her the rest of the way. I kissed both of them, telling them that I loved them even though they were down for the count. “Do you want to watch a movie?” I asked.

“What do you have?” Edward responded, taking my hand in his. I led him to the basement and showed him my substantial DVD and BluRay collection. He plucked _The Hobbit_ from the shelf and handed it to me. I dimmed the lights, putting it into the player. Skipping through the previews, I cuddled into Edward’s arms.

I don’t know what it was, but I was lulled asleep. When I woke up, I was still in his arms on the couch. Edward was snoring quietly as he held me tightly. The television was off and the lights were still dim. I wriggled slightly, only to have Edward tighten his hold on me. “Stay,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Sleep…”

I chuckled quietly, taking the opportunity to stare at him. He truly was beautiful. And shirtless. _When did that happen?_ I was shocked at how ripped he was. His chest was covered with a light amount of chest hair. He had a perfect six pack and a happy trail that dipped into his jeans. What shocked me the most was a pink ribbon tattoo above his heart that had black script saying ‘hope, faith and love.’ I traced it with my fingertip, knowing he got it for his mom. His hand covered mine and his green eyes cracked open. “Tickles,” he said groggily.

“I did not peg you as a guy who would have a tattoo,” I said quietly.

“All of us have it,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Emmett, my father and I have it on our chests, above our hearts. Rose has it on her ribs. Mom has a more intricate tattoo where she had her double mastectomy. It’s a flower and some frilly script design. Only Rose has seen it. Personally, I’m kind of squicked out that some tattoo artist did it, but it’s what my mom wanted.”

“Did it hurt?” I asked, tracing the words.

“Like getting a continuous paper cut, but I’d do it again to ensure that my mom wouldn’t get sick,” he whispered, covering my hand and threading his fingers with mine. “What time is it?”

“Late,” I answered, picking up his cell phone from the cocktail table. “Just after two.”

“I set the alarm for midnight,” he said, taking his phone from my hand. He frowned and then snickered. “Or noon. I’m sorry, Sweetness. You were just so adorable. You lasted like ten minutes before you crashed, using my shoulder as a pillow. I kept the movie on but watched you more.”

“I bet that was fascinating,” I deadpanned, sitting up. “Where is your shirt?”

“Well, I adjusted you so you wouldn’t get a crick in your neck. You cuddled on my chest and I hate to tell you, but you drooled.”

“Oh, God,” I moaned, covering my face. “I only drool when I’m exhausted. Sleep eluded me last night. I’m shocked I didn’t talk.”

“You did that, too,” Edward said, sitting up and cupping my face. “Bella, I don’t care. I’m happy that you were comfortable enough to fall asleep on me. Yes, the wet shirt was uncomfortable, which is why it’s on the floor. I fully anticipated waking up with the alarm, putting it back on before you would even notice it was gone.”

“Well, I’m glad I did,” I smirked, caressing his tattoo again. He shuddered. “I got a nice peak at your hot bod, Deputy.”

He blushed, reaching for his button-down. “Thank you, Sweetness. It’s not as hard as it used to be, but I’m proud of it,” he shrugged, putting on his shirt. “I should go. As much as I want to stay here and cuddle with you…”

“It wouldn’t be right. Not yet,” I said. He sighed, caressing my cheek before he kissed my lips softly. I sighed contentedly, reveling in his affection. I pulled back abruptly. “I got gipped.”

“How so?” he laughed.

“I was looking forward to making out like teenagers,” I huffed.

“I promise you, my sweet, sexy girl, we’ll make out,” he cooed, kissing me gently and taking my face in his warm hands. He stood up, helping me to my feet. Walking up the stairs, Edward held me at my door. “I really don’t want to go,” he whispered.

I wanted him to stay, too. I looked up at him. His eyes were swirling with emotion and he was holding onto me like I was going to vanish. “As much as I want you to stay, with little ones, you have to go. We’ll have adult sleepovers.” His eyes lit up. “But not tonight, Cullen.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going, my sweet,” he said, kissing my lips once more. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” I nodded, hugging his neck. He picked me up, burying his nose in my hair. “Sleep well, my Bella.”

“You, too,” I murmured. With one last kiss, he turned and left, walking to his car. I watched as he backed out and I really wanted to call him, asking him to stay. _Not yet, Bella. Taking a nap and sharing a bed are two different things…_

So true.

xx PUTP xx

The next week was filled with phone calls and flirty texts from Edward. He was working hard and planning a fun outing for Rose, Alice, Jasper and me with his brother. I was also on the phone every other day with Kylie’s mother about her disruptive behavior. Her mother was in denial and was now yelling at me for singling out her daughter. On Friday, I was meeting with Alice, Robert and the mother, Hannah, about Kylie’s behavior. Alice was also bringing in the psychologist and social worker, who had to talk Kylie down from a dispute with another girl.

Sitting in Alice’s office, I was trying to stay calm. I had to relay my concerns about Kylie without screaming to the mother that her kid was a fucking lunatic and needed professional help. “Bella, stop tapping,” Alice chided. “We’re going to get this girl some help. You’re the best teacher to work with her. The only one with any amount of special education background. Relax.”

“I’m trying,” I said, shuffling my papers on Kylie, including a detailed report from her previous teacher from Portland, whom I had emailed regarding her behavior. She sent me a novel along with anecdotal evidence from her kindergarten teacher as well.

“Mrs. Whitlock, Mrs. Kerr is here,” said the secretary.

“Send her in and get Mr. Banner,” Alice smiled. I shuffled my papers again, crossing my legs. A petite woman with a stylishly cropped hair cut walked in. She glared at both Alice and me. “Hello, Mrs. Kerr. Why don’t you have a seat?”

She plopped down, throwing her purse onto the floor. “I want my daughter removed from Mrs. Black’s classroom. She’s deliberately picking on my daughter.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Kerr. That’s not possible,” Alice said. “Mrs. Cheney, the other first grade teacher, already has twenty-five students. Mrs. Black has less than that and is able to accommodate for your daughter’s needs.”

“She doesn’t have any needs,” Mrs. Kerr spat. “She’s perfectly fine at home.”

“That may be so, but her behavior at school leaves much to be desired,” Alice chided. “In the two weeks that she’s been at this school, she’s been a guest in my office three times for biting, spitting and hitting other children. We’ve also received Kylie’s records from your elementary school in Portland, displaying the same behaviors, only much worse.”

“It’s because she’s under stress,” Mrs. Kerr growled. “She’s in a new school. Wouldn’t you be anxious?”

“Most children deal with anxiety by becoming withdrawn not biting,” I said. “Mrs. Kerr, I am not singling out Kylie. She’s doing that all on her own. Her behaviors are a cry for help but you are so blinded by the idea of her being ‘labeled’ that you are not answering it.”

“This is why I want her out of Mrs. Black’s room,” Mrs. Kerr seethed. “What makes you the expert?”

“A bachelor’s degree in elementary education, with a specialization in Special Education, not to mention my masters in Administration and numerous psychological courses and the support of my coworkers here at Forks Elementary,” I retorted, narrowing my eyes at Mrs. Kerr.

“I also agree with Mrs. Black. Kylie’s behaviors are not normal. She may act like a complete angel at home but here? She’s not. She needs help.” Alice turned to the psychologist and social worker, who had entered the room while we were talking. “I’ve had our school psychologist and social worker observe Kylie and they agree with my assessment.”

The psychologist and social worker went into great detail on their observations, explaining her behaviors and how they were not normal. Kylie didn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘no.’ I told her not to do something, she did it, but making an even bigger deal of it. They showed her pictures of bruises their daughter inflicted on other children from her teeth and fists. She should have been suspended or even expelled with her actions, but Alice wanted to give her a chance to improve her behavior. She hadn’t seen it. Other parents were complaining about Kylie’s behavior and some even threatened to go to the superintendent to get Kylie removed from the school and placed in an alternative school.

Alice leaned forward once the psychologist and social worker were finished. “I’m going to be perfectly honest with you, Mrs. Kerr. I’ve spoken with the superintendent and explained the situation here. We are prepared to go to court to get Kylie tested. We are also prepared to bring up charges against you of child neglect because of your stubbornness and unwillingness to get her tested. You have a choice. Let us help your daughter, get her the services that she needs or deal with a long-drawn out legal battle, in which she still get the services she needs. Mrs. Black is one of the most patient, most qualified and best suited teachers to work with your daughter. What you perceive as ‘picking on’ and ‘singling out,’ she’s parenting and giving her your daughter limits, a concept that she doesn’t understand.”

Mrs. Kerr blinked a few times, shocked at how Alice, little Alice, spoke to her. “I’m not finished either,” Alice said. “Your daughter is suspended for the next week. She shoved another child today on the playground during recess. That child broke her wrist. Kylie has been in Mr. Banner’s office, throwing a temper tantrum because she didn’t see that she did anything wrong. The child was on the swings and all of the other swings were occupied. So, Kylie pushed her. Do you understand what we’re asking you? What we’re telling you?”

“I understand,” Mrs. Kerr growled.

“Now, Mr. Banner, can you get Kylie?” Alice asked. He nodded, leaving the room. The sound of Kylie’s screams filled the front office. Mr. Banner was trying to guide her into Alice’s office, but she was throwing herself on the floor, having a tantrum like a baby would have. “Now, Mrs. Kerr, does this seem normal to you? She’s seven,” Alice said calmly. She got up and stepped over the screaming child to get a drink of water. Mrs. Kerr looked shocked at her daughter’s behavior. Getting up from her seat, she went over to her daughter and picked her up off the floor. I handed Mrs. Kerr Kylie’s backpack. Kylie saw me and she swung at me, connected with my nose. I stumbled, falling onto the ground. Alice ran to my side, grabbing some tissues for my now bleeding nose. Kylie was screaming that she hated me and called me a bitch.

“Kylie!” Mrs. Kerr screamed. “Why would you do that?”

“I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!” Kylie sobbed, kicking her legs.

“Is this how she acts in your class, Mrs. Black?” Mrs. Kerr asked. I nodded, trying not to cry since my nose and face were throbbing. Mrs. Kerr’s eyes widened. “Do whatever you need to do. I’m so sorry.”

“Well, you have to know that there will be further consequences,” Alice snapped. “Her suspension is now two weeks and you have go in front of the board to get her reinstated into the school. There needs to be marked improvement. I will not have my teachers be physically assaulted by students or verbally attacked by parents. Information regarding the board meeting will be sent to your home. We’ll see you at that meeting.” She looked at Mr. Banner who escorted Mrs. Kerr and Kylie out of the office and out of the building. “Do you want to press charges?” Alice asked.

“She’s seven. She doesn’t understand,” I said, getting up from the floor, sitting down at one of secretary’s desks. “Though, I wanted to throttle her mother. I can’t believe it took her daughter to punch me in the face for her to realize that Kylie is not an angel.” I got up, walking to the bathroom. I could already tell that I was going to have two black eyes because of that brat. “Ugh, this is awful.”

“Bells, you’re going home,” Alice said.

“I’m fine,” I said, poking at my already swelling nose. “They still have art for another ten minutes and then gym after that with Angela’s class. I have like an hour of instruction. I’ll survive.” Alice gave me a terse look but I just walked to the nurse, swiping a bag of ice and pressing it to my nose. Walking back to her office, I gathered my papers and went down to my classroom. I took a few ibuprofen and tried to calm down from the attack of the devil spawn.

The rest of the day was uneventful and thankfully quiet. With Kylie out, my class was relieved and grateful. I waved goodbye as they left for the weekend but I was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to crash and sleep for four days. Plus, the nagging headache I had going from my blow from mini-Mike Tyson was not boding well for me. I was working in my room when I heard John talking. Looking up, I saw my dad at my door.

“What the hell happened?” Charlie roared.

“Language, Charlie,” I chided. “A kid punched me in the nose. It’s not a big deal.”

“Bullshit,” Charlie seethed.

“Charles Swan, watch your mouth. There’s still an after school program going on,” I hissed. My dad came over to me, gently pressing on my face. “Ouch! Dad! I’m fine. The kid who did it is in a world of trouble.”

“You look tough, Mom,” John snickered.

“Thanks,” I deadpanned.

“I’m tempted to go over to that parent’s house and give them what for,” Charlie said, sitting on the edge of my desk. I rolled my eyes, turning back to what I was doing.

“What’s up, Dad? Why are you here? I thought Mom was picking up John,” I said, pulling my son into my lap. He snuggled against me. “Did you have a good day, my sweet boy?” He nodded. “Dad?”

“Oh, I’m taking John and Grace fishing this weekend. Harry has his grandkids and wants them to hang out with John and Grace. So, we’re heading to Lake Crescent. Renee has packed their bags and I’m picking up Grace on my way up to LaPush. I figured you’d be okay with it since you have plans with Edward.”

“Yeah, on Saturday. I was looking forward to spending time with my children tonight and Sunday,” I grumbled, still agitated from the confrontation with Mrs. Kerr.

“We’ll be back early on Sunday, baby girl,” Charlie soothed. With a sigh, I nodded. “Okay. We’ll call you once we get to the cabin. Johnny, kiss your mother.”

“Kay, Grandpa,” John said, hugging me closely. “Love you, Momma.” I held him closely, grateful that I didn’t have the spawn of Satan as my children. Kissing his cheeks, I watched as they left. I put my head on my desk, letting the overwhelming feelings of the day wash over me. Tears spilled onto my calendar and my nose throbbed.

“Fucking Kylie,” I hissed.

“I can arrest her,” I heard from a sexy, velvety voice. I looked up, seeing Edward leaning against the door jamb. He was dressed in his uniform. “Take her six year old ass down.”

“Edward,” I breathed. “What are you doing here?”

“Your dad radioed me, told me that you had a rough day,” he replied, walking over to my desk. “Ouch, Sweetness,” he murmured, running his thumbs under my eyes. “That girl got you good.” I nodded, tears spilling over my cheeks. “Baby,” he cooed, pulling me into his arms. I gripped his jacket and just let him comfort me. It had been so long since I’d had this. “Are you done?”

“Yeah,” I answered, wriggling out of his arms. I picked up my lanyard and bag filled with work from the kids. Edward took my bag, wrapping his arm around my waist. I locked up my room. Edward guided me to my car. “Thanks for stopping by, Edward.”

“Oh, I’m coming home with you, my sweet girl,” he said. “You need to have someone wait on you. It’s not every day do you get clocked by bratty first grader. I know that John and Grace are going to Lake Crescent with your dad. I’m off this weekend and I’ve got something planned for tomorrow, but I want to help make this shitty day better for you. Okay?” He cupped my cheek and stared into my eyes. I nodded, giving him a smile. He leaned down, kissing me sweetly and helping me into my beast.

I drove to my house with Edward following me in his car. Inside, he guided me to the basement and set up a nice comfy looking bed. “Take a nap. I’ll try and cook dinner,” he blushed.

“There’s leftover lasagna in the freezer,” I said, as he gently pushed me onto the sofa.

“Don’t worry, my sweet girl,” he said, covering me with a blanket. “Let me take care of it. I promise I won’t burn down your house.”

“Not really comforting, Edward,” I deadpanned.

“Do you trust me, my Bella?” he asked, sitting next to me.

I nodded, but grimacing at the same time. “Not in the kitchen,” I giggled.

“Worse comes to worse, I’ll order pizza or pick up Chinese,” he chuckled. “And you still have some cooking lessons to give me so I can actually be of some help to you on days like this.” Edward tucked me in and caressed my cheek. “Just relax, Bella. Do you want some ice? Pain killers?”

“I’m fine for now,” I said, my eyes drooping. “Thank you, Edward.” He kissed my forehead and I let slumber wash over me. When I woke up a few hours later, Edward gave me some ice for my face and some more ibuprofen. Then, he led me upstairs to eat dinner. He did end up ordering out, getting Chinese. He poured me a glass of wine and completely took care of me. I tried to not cry, but it was an exercise in futility. It had been so long since I’d had this type of pampering. Yes, my family and friends had helped me when Jake first died, but that’s because I was physically incapable of doing it. Edward was doing this because he cared about me. He didn’t ask questions when I sniffled and cried, he just held me and whispered words of comfort. After we ate, we went back downstairs, watching another movie. Or rather, attempting to watch _The Hobbit_ again. Edward snuggled with me, his finger caressing the skin just above my jeans. He had removed his uniform shirt and was in a white v-neck t-shirt. Every muscle was on display.

If I wasn’t feeling so crappy, I definitely would have kissed the shit out of him. Even more. But, my nose was throbbing, I was emotionally spent and cuddling was all I could really handle at the moment. Around eleven, Edward got up to leave and said that he’d be over around noon. I arched a brow.

“Triple date, Bella,” he said. “Remember? Emmett and I have been working on this all week.”

“With everything that happened today, I honestly forgot. I’m sorry,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll find out tomorrow, Sweetness,” Edward chuckled. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Will you be alright?”

I wanted to say no. I wanted him to stay. My kids were at Lake Crescent. They called at eight, excited to be going on the boat tomorrow. “I’ll be fine, Edward,” I blushed. “There are honestly no words of appreciation that I have for you…tonight has been…Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” he said sweetly. “Sleep well, my Bella. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“What should I wear?” I asked.

“Jeans,” he replied.

“Just jeans?” I quipped. “Am I going topless?”

“Oooh, as much as I would love that,” he growled, pulling me close to his body, “no. Wear a t-shirt, but I’ll bring something for you to wear on top of that, baby. Okay?” He kissed me, but kept it very chaste. He was very mindful of my still throbbing nose. Releasing me, he stepped off my patio and walked to his car. I waved as he backed out.

I showered, read a little bit and then went to bed. It seemed as soon as my head it the pillow, my phone was ringing. Looking around, it was morning and my obnoxious ringer would not shut up. Picking up my cell, I barked, “What?”

“Good morning, sunshine,” Alice giggled.

“It’s too early for you,” I grumbled.

“No, it’s not. It’s ten, Bella. Rosalie and I are on our way. She is going to try and cover your shiners,” Alice said. “I have my key. Go shower.”

“I already showered,” I said to a dial tone. “Ugh.” Heaving my body off the couch, I stumbled upstairs to make my coffee so I can at least be coherent for Bella Barbie time with Rose and Alice. While the coffee was being made, I brushed my hair and teeth, grabbing a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. My face looked awful. It appeared like I hadn’t slept in years, plus my nose was swollen.

“Bells! I smell coffee! I know you’re up!” Alice yelled.

Huffing out a breath, I walked downstairs and was greeted by my two friends. “Whoa,” Rose grimaced. “Why didn’t you press charges, Bells?”

“The girl is seven,” I said as she pushed and pressed on my face. “Stop that. It hurts enough with it being prodded, Rose.”

“After you left, we met with Dr. Gardner about Kylie. She will probably be allowed back at school but will be on probation. Any further instances of bodily harm to anyone, child or adult, she’s out,” Alice said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “And Mom has to show proof that she’s getting help for her. I should take a picture of your face, Bella.”

“Don’t. I just want to move forward with my life and forget yesterday happened,” I said, downing my mug of coffee. “Well, part of yesterday.”

“Let me guess. Edward?” Rose snickered. I blushed and smiled. “He called Emmett yesterday in a panic while he was here, trying to figure out what to cook for you. It was like the blind leading the blind. I tried to help, but I told him to just order out. Now, eat some breakfast so I can attempt to make you look like a human.”

“Thanks, Rose. You’re a real giver,” I deadpanned.

She shrugged, pulling out an arsenal of makeup. I groaned inwardly, afraid that I was going to look like a hooker. I ate some eggs and a bagel, feeding my friends as well. Once I was done, Alice pushed me onto the stool and took care of my dishes. Rose worked her magic and finished my face within minutes. She dragged me to the bathroom, explaining what she did to hide the bruising. My nose was still twice its size but at least I didn’t look like I went twenty rounds with Evander Holyfield. Rose did finish my makeup and cleaned up my eyebrows before she sent me to put some shoes on.

Shortly before noon, my doorbell rang. I got up, walking to the door. Edward was standing on the doorstep, wearing a Mariner’s jersey. Thankfully, he wasn’t wearing a baseball cap. His hair was much to pretty to be covered. In his hand, he held a bag. “Hi, Sweetness,” he said, leaning forward to kiss me softly. “You look great.”

“Thank your sister-in-law,” I chuckled, thumbing back at her. I turned and saw her in a very tight Mariner’s jersey and her long blonde hair hidden under a baseball hat. “When did you change?”

“It’s magic,” Rose giggled, wriggling her fingers. “Alice is putting on her jersey in your bathroom.”

“And here’s yours, Bella,” Edward said, handing me the bag. “Emmett managed to get us box seats. One of the specialists from Seattle Grace has season passes in one of the sky boxes. He does some occasional work here in Forks and Port Angeles. Emmett asked if he could buy the tickets for the box for today for the six of us. He practically gave them to us because he was flustered with the Mariner’s this season. Opening pitch is at 3:05.” I took the bag from his hand and went into the recently vacated bathroom. I put the women’s jersey on along with the baseball hat, pulling my ponytail through the hole. Walking out of the bathroom, I grabbed my purse. “Just bring your ID, Bella.”

“But…” I squeaked. Alice took my purse, swiping my driver’s license and credit card from my wallet. She thrust them to Edward who placed them in his wallet. Then, she pushed me toward Edward, who enfolded me in his arms.

“It’s a date, my Bella,” he chided against my ear. “Let me spoil you.” I knew I didn’t have a choice. Well, I did, but I kind of liked Edward’s ‘spoiling.’ He chuckled, threading his fingers with mine and led me out to Emmett’s Hummer. Alice got in first, clambering to the very back and settling next to Jasper. Edward and I had the middle row of seats while Rose sat up in the front with Emmett. The entire ride was a lot of fun. Jasper and Emmett were singing along with every single pop tart song that came on the radio. Edward was trying to pretend that he didn’t know them. Alice gave them different characters to sing the songs. I think the funniest was when Emmett sang ‘Wrecking Ball’ like he was Cookie Monster.

Arriving at Safeco Field, we parked and walked to the ticket gate. Emmett got our passes and we went inside the field, walking to the sky box. “I think that Dr. Feng usually gets all the food and such for the box. We won’t have to worry about dealing with concessions,” Emmett explained.

“What do we owe you for the tickets, Em?” Jasper asked.

“Dr. Feng gave them to me. He’s frustrated with how the Mariners are doing this year and he probably won’t come very often. Plus, I think he had a surgery today and wouldn’t have used them anyway,” Emmett explained. “I offered to pay for the tickets, but Dr. Feng, who’s been a consultant on several pediatric cases of mine, was more than willing to gift them to me. Personally, I think he’s trying to get me join Seattle Grace’s pediatric team, but who knows.”

“Thank him for us,” I said. “This is awesome. I haven’t been to a game in forever.”

“You like baseball?” Rose asked.

“My dad and I came every year until I was ten for opening day. I’m a diehard Mariners fan but I haven’t been to a game since I was in college,” I smiled. Edward’s arm tightened around my waist and he kissed my temple. We got to the box and were amazed at the spread that Emmett’s friend, Dr. Feng had ordered. There were hotdogs, brats, hamburgers, fries, pretzels, chips…you name it, we had it. There was also a fully stocked fridge with beers ranging from Miller Lite to local IPAs.

“Alright kids, get together,” Emmett said as he set up his camera on the counter. He ran back to us once we were situated. “Say memories!”

“Memories!” we laughed as the flash went off. Emmett checked the picture, nodding eagerly.

Then, he coupled us off, taking goofy pictures with each couple, starting with Alice and Jasper. Edward and I made a plate, settling at one of the tall tables in the box. “Is this okay? I mean, I don’t want…”

“Edward, this is amazing. I really enjoy baseball even though I throw like a girl,” I giggled.

“How’s your face? Your nose?”

“It hurts. Rose did an amazing job covering up my eyes,” I said. “She gave me some heavy-duty make up to wear until the bruising fades.”

“How bad is it?” he asked.

“I’ll show you when we get back to Forks. It’s not pretty,” I grumbled. “I hope that Emmett can slim down my fat schnoz.”

“You’re beautiful, Bella. Your schnoz is not fat. Only slightly swollen,” he said, taking a bite out of his foot-long hotdog. We ate our lunch, enjoying the fattening but delicious ball park food.

“Okay, lovebirds,” Emmett said as he danced over to us. He waggled his brows. “Get close and pretend like you like each other.”

“Couldn’t you wait until after I stuffed my face?” Edward laughed, kicking at his brother.

“Nah. I wanted get you with a wiener in your mouth,” Emmett snorted, snapping a photo of Edward as he took another bite.

“You’re a douchebag, Emmett. Erase that,” Edward growled, but he was smiling.

“Nope. That’s your new Facebook profile pic,” Emmett smirked. “I bet Bella would love it. Her boyfriend is swallowing a nice schlong.”

“Seriously, Em. I’m going to kick your ass,” Edward deadpanned. He arched a brow at his brother who was challenging him by taking more obnoxious photos in his face. “Bella, would you bail me out if I beat the tar out of my brother?”

“Only if you win, Edward,” I giggled.

“I’m going to win,” Edward growled, hopping off the chair and pulling his much larger brother into a sleeper hold. Emmett wriggled and laughed. “Will you quit being an obnoxious jackass?”

“Never! It’s my job as your older brother to make you nuts!” Emmett laughed, trying to get out of Edward’s hold.

“Seriously, you two are worse than children,” Rose snickered, poking at Edward’s sides. He barked out a laugh and let go of Emmett, who fell to the ground in a heap. “Give me the camera, Emmett. You clearly have lost the privilege of taking pictures.” Her giggling husband held up the camera and Rose quickly deleted all of the crappy photos of Edward’s nose and eyebrows. “Bella, is this a bad photo?” She showed me the picture of Edward holding the hotdog, giving Emmett the bitchbrow.

“Keep that one,” I chuckled. “It’s like he’s trying to figure out the philosophical importance of hotdogs.”

“You’re hysterical, Bella. Funny. I’m laughing my ass off,” Edward said flatly, shoving his face between Rose and me. “Actually, take out the hotdog and that is a decent picture. Emmett got my good side.”

“You’re so full of shit, Edward. Go take a dump,” Rose guffawed, pushing him away. “You’re such a girl sometimes. You have a ‘good side’?”

“Quit making fun of me and take some pictures of me and my better half,” Edward said, pulling me into his arms and nuzzling my neck. “Alice and Jasper didn’t get this kind of abuse.”

“That’s because Alice and Jasper aren’t blood related,” Emmett explained, taking a pull from his beer. Rose rolled her eyes and she took our photos, positioning us and giving us directions as she clicked away. Ten minutes later, we were all outside, watching the singing of the National Anthem and the throwing of the first pitch. Edward quickly learned that I was quite the animated fan and very vocal when it came to the Mariner’s actions. He held back a lot of laughter as I cussed them out when they made stupid mistakes and screamed like a damn banshee when they got on base or hit homeruns.

After the fourth inning, Edward asked if I wanted to go to the gift shop. Considering the Mariners had a sizable lead, I nodded, taking his hand and walking to the main concourse. Inside, we stayed together and perused the overabundance of Mariner’s memorabilia. “Bella? Would it be alright if I got John and Grace a few things?” Edward asked. His face was red and he was very nervous.

“You don’t have to buy my children stuff, Edward. They like you already,” I chuckled, running my hand on a throw blanket.

“I want to get them something because I want to. I don’t want to buy their affections,” Edward said, hurt showing on his handsome face.

“I’m sorry, Edward. I never meant to insinuate,” I said. “Crap.” I felt nervous butterflies in my stomach and I was afraid that Edward was going to leave.

“Bella, Sweetness, breathe,” he gently commanded, pulling me into a comforting hug. “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I just would like to get them a memento of our day here. Perhaps the four of us could come to a game?” I nodded, trying to will my anxious body to calm down.

“Keep it under fifty dollars,” I said. “My kids are spoiled enough as it is.”

“Fifty for both or fifty for each?” Edward asked.

“Fifty for both,” I said. “Twenty-five bucks or so for each of them.” Edward smiled crookedly, kissing my lips softly before beginning his search for the perfect gift for both of my children. I wandered around, idly looking at different things. There were a few Christmas ornaments that I’d consider getting for our tree, but I wanted to wait before I made that decision. If Grace and John were coming with us at some point, I would want them to help choose the ornaments. Edward found me a few moments later, laden with an armful of stuff. “That’s more than fifty bucks worth of stuff, Edward.”

“That’s why I need your help, Bella. For Grace, the Hello Kitty ‘Mariner’ or the pink bat and pink hat?” he asked.

Selfishly, I didn’t want him to choose the stuffed animal. I was afraid it would replace ‘Wolfie,’ but she would adore it. “The cat,” I answered. _Sorry, Jacob._

“And for John?” Edward asked, holding up a replica baseball bat and a throw blanket, the same one I was touching earlier.

“The baseball bat,” I replied. “Though, this might be nice for the basement.” I reached for the blanket. It was big, warm and fluffy. “Can I have my credit card?”

He tugged it from my hand, giving me an impish grin. “Nope. It’s my gift to you,” he snickered, carrying his armload of stuff to the cash register. I rolled my eyes, following him. He was signing the credit slip and handing it back to the cashier.

“You are way too generous, Edward,” I chided.

“I want to give you the world, Bella,” he said sweetly, taking the bag filled with the kid’s presents and my new blanket. He wrapped his arm around me, guiding me out of the shop and pulling me into a quiet alcove nearby. He put the bag between his legs, taking my face in his hands. “I mean it, Bella. I do want to give you the world, make you happy, see you love your children…I want it all for you.”

“Don’t make me cry, Cullen,” I said, tears threatening to fall.

“I promise, I won’t,” he laughed, leaning down to kiss me. It started off sweet and innocent but grew into something that you’d see in a porno. He reluctantly pulled himself away, panting heavily. “I can’t get enough of you, Bella. Your lips…”

“Trust me. I know,” I whimpered breathily. He kissed my mouth once more before begrudgingly walking back to the sky box. The rest of the game was spent eating desserts, drinking more beers and just laughing at Emmett and Jasper’s antics. Edward kept me on his lap, his fingers sliding underneath my t-shirt and tracing circles on my back, just above my jeans. Before we knew it, the game ended with the Mariner’s losing thanks to a grand slam in the top of the ninth. Emmett wanted to drown his sorrows at some club, but I didn’t want to go. Ever since that moment outside of the gift shop, I wanted Edward’s mouth on me. Rose mentioned that she had something at the shop early the next morning and that we probably should head back. Emmett grumbled but went along with the suggestion of his wife.

In the Hummer, Edward and I sat in the back, cuddled on the bench seat. The drive home was quieter than the drive down. Rose dozed off in the front seat and Alice was playing with Jasper’s hair. I looked up at Edward and saw that he was just staring at me with a goofy grin on his face. I smiled, feeling something shimmer through my body. He leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss to my forehead, humming contentedly. I weaved my fingers with his, letting the sense of protection and happiness wash over me. We stayed that way until we got to my house.

We clambered out of the Hummer and Edward walked me to the door. Opening it up, I smiled at him. “I had an amazing time today, Edward. This was so much fun,” I murmured.

“It was, Sweetness,” he said, tucking a hair behind my ear. “I don’t want the day to end. I loved spending time with Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett, but I love spending time with you even more.”

I looked into his evergreen eyes. “Who says the day has to end?” I asked. “Stay…” His eyes darkened and he nodded, waving behind his body. Emmett honked his horn and I heard them leave, but my eyes were trained on his.

“Do you mean that?”

“Let’s play it by ear,” I said nervously, “but for now, I need you.” Tugging on his jersey, I pulled him inside and his lips crashed against mine.

**A/N: Oh, no, she didn’t…**

**Yes, she did. I left you with a cliffie. Reason being is that this chapter is downright beastly. Nearly 12K words. What do you think will happen? Will Edward spend the night? Will they ‘get it on?’ I’m curious, kids!**

**Anyhow, pic teasers are on my blog and tumblr. Links for both of those are on my profile. You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation and on Twitter: Tufano79.**

**Up next, continuation of this chapter and Mother’s Day, perhaps introducing the kids to Esme. The next chapter will probably be a bit sad, but we’ll see. Leave me some lovin…Please?**

 


	13. Chapter 12

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Up next, continuation of this chapter and Mother’s Day, perhaps introducing the kids to Esme. The next chapter will probably be a bit sad, but we’ll see. Leave me some lovin…Please?**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Twelve**

_In the Hummer, Edward and I sat in the back, cuddled on the bench seat. The drive home was quieter than the drive down. Rose dozed off in the front seat and Alice was playing with Jasper’s hair. I looked up at Edward and saw that he was just staring at me with a goofy grin on his face. I smiled, feeling something shimmer through my body. He leaned forward and pressed a sweet kiss to my forehead, humming contentedly. I weaved my fingers with his, letting the sense of protection and happiness wash over me. We stayed that way until we got to my house._

_We clambered out of the Hummer and Edward walked me to the door. Opening it up, I smiled at him. “I had an amazing time today, Edward. This was so much fun,” I murmured._

_“It was, Sweetness,” he said, tucking a hair behind my ear. “I don’t want the day to end. I loved spending time with Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett, but I love spending time with you even more.”_

_I looked into his evergreen eyes. “Who says the day has to end?” I asked. “Stay…” His eyes darkened and he nodded, waving behind his body. Emmett honked his horn and I heard them leave, but my eyes were trained on his._

_“Do you mean that?”_

_“Let’s play it by ear,” I said nervously, “but for now, I need you.” Tugging on his jersey, I pulled him inside and his lips crashed against mine._

His hands moved to my ass once we were inside. He picked me up, spinning me so I was pinned between the doorway and his body. My legs latched around his waist as he hungrily kissed my mouth. Threading my fingers into his thick hair, I wanted him closer to me. Our kisses were wet and sloppy, but I loved every moment of it.

Edward pulled back, his breathing heavy. His lips stayed on my skin as he dragged his mouth down my jaw. He nipped and sucked along my neck. I was whimpering, angling my head so he could have access to my body. His hands were firmly clamped on my ass, massaging lightly. “Bella,” he panted, sucking my ear between his teeth. His tongue flicked my earlobe. I squirmed against him, rocking along his hardened length. “Fuck, baby, you feel so good.”

Moving us away from the door, he carried me to the couch and sat down. I was perched on his lap, allowing my hands to caress his skin, pull on his hair and kiss his lips. Edward pulled me flush against his body. I could feel his arousal pressed between my legs. “Yes,” I breathed, rolling my hips. My panties were drenched, seeping through to my jeans. My breasts yearned for his hands, his mouth, anything. Gliding my hand down his arm, I guided it up my body. He caught on quickly, palming my breast with his hand. His other hand tossed my baseball cap onto the ground and twisted it into my hair. I was losing myself in his passion. I was not ready to make love to him.

_Move further? You went to a baseball game…round second base._

“Edward,” I panted, pulling back. We were breathing heavily, like we had run a marathon. “As much as I’m enjoying this, I want you to know that I’m not ready for…”

“Making love?” he asked, his lips swollen and glistening. “Me neither, baby. Kind of _not prepared_. I mean…”

“No condoms,” I chuckled. He blushed and nodded. “Edward, if and when we make love, I don’t want you to worry about that. I’m covered. I’m on birth control, if nothing other than regulating my period. I trust you, too. But, not tonight.”

“Not tonight,” he frowned.

“Just because I don’t want to make love, doesn’t mean I want to stop,” I smiled. I got up off his lap, taking his hand. “Come with me.” I flipped off the lights and led him up to my bedroom. Making out on a couch reminded me too much of the early days when Jake and I were together and I was in college. I was an adult. I wanted to kiss the shit out of my boyfriend on my damn bed.

In the bedroom, I turned on the light next to the bed. I had a couple of candles in there, thanks to my mother. _You never know, Isabella._ You’re right, Mom. Where’s my flamethrower? I found it, lighting the candles all around the room and flipping the light back off. I was leaning against the small mantel I had in my bedroom, trying to calm my breathing. I felt Edward behind me. He tenderly moved my hair over my neck and languidly began kissing behind my ear. What was frenzied and passion-filled downstairs had morphed into something different. Edward was loving me. “Beautiful,” he whispered against my ear.

“That would be you,” I said, my voice raspy and husky.

“Hmmm, I beg to differ,” Edward argued, turning me around. His warm hands cupped my face, staring into my eyes. “I see an incredibly strong woman, with soulful, piercing eyes, alabaster skin, pink lips that taste like cherries…” he leaned forward, kissing me softly. I giggled. “A laugh that sounds like tinkling bells, hair that is as smooth as silk and a heart that beats for her children. Bella, it’s the whole package that makes you beautiful.” His one hand moved to cup my neck. His other hand slid down my body, pulling me closer to him.

“Are you sure you’re a cop?” I quipped, trying not to cry. “That sounded awfully poetic.”

“It’s all those romance novels my mom made me read her when she could barely keep her head up,” Edward said. I smiled sadly, moving my hands to his hair. I massaged his scalp, earning me a low growl. His head dipped, brushing his lips lightly along mine. Gently, I pushed him toward my bed. Once his legs hit the back of it, he gracefully sat down. I stood up, unbuttoning the Mariner’s jersey. Shrugging out of it, I gave him a nervous grin. His response was an appraising stare and beautiful smile. His own hands were moving up to his jersey, working the buttons.

“I want to do that,” I said, moving his hands out of the way.

“You’ve already seen me topless,” he chuckled.

“But, you did the work,” I smirked, unbuttoning his jersey. When it was open, I parted the white jersey. Pushing it over his bare shoulders, I tossed it behind me. I stared at him. He was strong, muscular and looking at me like I was a steak. I ran my hands down his collarbones. His eyes fluttered shut as I traced the planes of his chest. Leaning forward, I kissed his neck and continued my path down his shoulder. His skin was warm. I inhaled deeply, allowing his scent to permeate my senses. It was clean, spicy, and all male. Edward stopped my descent down his body. He kicked off his shoes, pulling me onto the bed and over his legs. “Bossy, aren’t you?”

“I don’t want you on your knees, Sweetness,” he said. I gestured to how I was sitting. On my knees. “You know what I mean.” His hands were moving along my back and over my t-shirt. I stared at him, biting my lip. “I’m topless. Somehow this sexy woman thought I was wearing too many clothes and she took it off. That _hardly_ seems fair.”

“Do you want to see me topless?” I asked, threading my fingers with his. I swiveled my hips. Edward was still hard.

“It’s only fair, love,” he purred, his lips finding my neck and his strong arms wrapping around my waist. I moaned, my head dropping back as he slid my t-shirt further up my body. He pulled it over my head, leaving it on the bed and his nose traced the curve of my breasts. “You are fucking perfect, baby. Gorgeous.” He kissed my skin, tasting my flesh as his hands slid across my back and ribs. His hand move closer and closer to my clasp to my bra. Just as he reached it, Edward’s eyes snapped to mine. I bit my lip, arching my back. Edward took that as a go ahead, releasing my breasts from their lacy prison. With a feather-light touch, he slid the straps down my arms, but his eyes never left mine. The bra was placed on the floor and we were both equally topless.

His eyes slowly moved from mine and he bit back a groan when he saw my bare breasts. My nipples were diamond points, yearning for his caress. “Edward…” I breathed. “Please, touch me.” He growled again, moving his hands along my skin. With a single finger, he traced my collarbones. I was whimpering, arching my back so his hands would touch me. He teased me, skimming underneath my breasts. Using his palm, he cupped my cheek and slid it down my midline. “Oh, God…”

“Baby, I want to make you feel so good,” he whispered, his fingers moving up my ribs. Using his other hand, he repeated the action but gently palmed my breast. I shuddered, my head falling back at the warmth surround me. His thumb circled my nipple. “So responsive, love.” Leaning forward, he captured it with his mouth and flicked it with his tongue. I gasped, my hands flying to his hair. His other hand, grabbed my other breast and pinched my nipple with his fingers, causing me to moan loudly. My hips were rocking over him, his arousal hitting that _perfect_ spot. He rolled us and he was hovering over me. “I want to see you come, Bella.”

“I was so close,” I whispered.

“Are you wet?” he purred.

“My panties are ruined,” I replied. I searched his eyes and I knew I wanted more. “Touch me, Edward.” _Okay, so you’re rounding third. When was the last time you had an orgasm that wasn’t by your own hand?_

“Can I take off your jeans? Panties will stay on,” he vowed. I licked my lips and nodded. Edward kissed me deeply, pulling my leg far up his hip. He thrust against me. I could only imagine how painful this was for him. His hands moved to the button of my jeans. Together, we got them off and I was nearly naked. I should have been embarrassed, but Edward was looking at me like I was the most precious thing. He held me close to his body. My chest was crushed to his. He kissed me, his lips soft and gentle against mine. Edward’s hands were exploring my body, every inch of new skin. He apparently loved my ass. He slipped his fingers underneath my lacy panties, cupping my butt quite often. He also pressed my hips against his. Maneuvering us so I was still in his arms, Edward had me on my back. He had thrown my left leg over his. His fingers were gliding over my belly. His lips were licking and nipping at mine.

Slowly, Edward moved his hand and he cupped my sex over my panties. “Fuck me,” he groaned, pulling back. “You are soaked, love.”

“It’s been slowly building since that moment at the gift shop,” I breathed.

“These panties are undoubtedly ruined,” Edward smirked, massaging me over my panties. He slid his tongue inside of my mouth, tasting me. I just melted, widening my legs. “I can’t wait until I can do that to your sweet, wet pussy,” he purred against my mouth.

“Oh fuck,” I whispered.

“Not tonight, baby,” Edward chuckled, kissing my neck. His hand had slipped inside of my panties. I could feel his fingers rubbing outside of my folds. He looked down at me, watching me intently as he ran his fingers over my dripping sex. He was the first man other than my husband to touch me. I should have been a nervous wreck, but all I wanted was _more_. He must have seen my desperation. With a gentle touch, he circled my clit. Letting out a whimpering moan, I angled my hips toward his body. “Fuck, Bella. So wet…You are so fucking wet.”

“Yes,” I breathed, kissing his lips. His mouth covered mine and he slid two fingers inside of me. I sighed against his mouth, rocking against his hand. His thumb was pressed against my clit, making slow, torturous circles. I knew I wasn’t going to last long. I was already aroused when we had started our explorations. His tender, loving touch was just driving me wild. “Hmmmm, Edward…”

“I want you to come for me, Sweetness,” he purred. “I want to see you fall apart, shatter around my fingers. I know you’re close.” I nodded, my hips moving in concert with his fingers. “That’s it, love. You’re so fucking beautiful, fucking my hand.”

“God damn, you do have a dirty mouth,” I laughed.

“You ain’t heard nothing yet, baby,” he snarled lowly, sucking on my earlobe. “I can’t wait to kiss your sweet pussy and taste your sex. I was fuck you with my tongue, lapping up everything, baby. And when you can’t handle anymore, I want to take my cock and love you from the inside, making you quake with each stroke.”

“Oh, God…Oh, God,” I chanted, gripping bedspread.

“After I’m done, filling you with everything, I’ll go back between your thighs, tasting us, together. I can’t fucking wait.” As he finished his dirty diatribe, I shattered, jackknifing off the bed. His fingers were curling inside of me and his mouth moved to my breast, sucking my skin as I lost all control. After what seemed a lifetime, I collapsed on the bed, completely boneless. Edward slid his hand out of my panties and he smirked as he tasted me. “Hmmmm, just as I suspected. The sweetest nectar…”

“You…are lethal…” I chuckled nervously.

“You weren’t complaining five minutes ago,” he said, enfolding me into his arms and kissing my nose. “In fact, you were begging for more.”

“It wasn’t a bad thing,” I blushed, kissing his jaw. My hand moved down his leg and I went to cup his still prominent arousal.

“Oh, no. Tonight, I wanted to make you feel good,” he said, stopping my hand and bringing it back up to his mouth.

“But…”

“Bella, I was just as turned on as you,” he said, arching a brow.

“Oh…OH,” I breathed. “You came?”

“Yep. Just as you were coming, love. Your leg was rubbing at just the right angle,” he quipped, nuzzling my hair. “It’ll make the walk home a bit interesting…”

“Stay,” I said, smiling shyly. “I don’t want you to go. Not yet.”

“Your kids?” Edward asked, his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously.

“Will be home later on tomorrow afternoon,” I said. “I can wash your jeans and whatever you have on underneath. Boxers, briefs or boxer briefs?”

“Who says I’m wearing anything?” he snickered, tickling my sides.

“Edward!” I squealed. “Stop or I’m going to pee on you.” He stopped, holding my head to his chest. I stayed curled on his body until he shifted. “Okay. I’ve got some basketball shorts. I could give you some boxers, but…”

“That would be weird,” Edward snorted.

“If it’s any consolation, the boxers are mine,” I said, getting up and swiping his jersey from the floor. “They are comfy to sleep in. So, shut it.” I buttoned his jersey, shimmying out of my ruined panties and grabbing another pair from the dresser.

“God, you’re killing me, Bella,” Edward moaned as he watched my every move. “First you put on my jersey and then you take off your panties? Seriously, you’re making my dick twitch.” I turned around, flashing him my ass before I pulled up the panties. He flopped back on the bed, muttering something about ‘dangerous creature, damn sexy ass.’ I giggled, crawling up his body and putting a pair of shorts on his chest. “You are entirely too fucking adorable for your own good, Ms. Black.”

“So are you, Mr. Cullen,” I said, kissing his nose. “Now. Get naked so I can deal with the situation in your pants.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said, patting my ass. I got up and he walked to the bathroom, closing the door.

“No fair! You saw my ass!” I laughed.

“If I took off my pants, all self-control would fly out the window, you vixen,” Edward called from the bathroom. He stepped out, holding his jeans and a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs. “I don’t want to rush our first time and I certainly don’t want it to be on our third date. You have no idea how badly I want to make love to you, baby, but it’s not the right time.”

“I know. I’m sorry for teasing,” I frowned.

“Don’t be. I like this goofy, sexy, saucy Bella,” he said. “When the time is right, there will be fireworks and I’ll be able to show you how much I do care about you.”

“You’re right. Apparently, you’re pretty smart when all of the blood’s flowing to your brain,” I snickered, picking up his jeans along with mine and enough to make a load of darks.

“I try,” he said.

“Are you hungry?” I asked. “I don’t know about you but I’m famished.”

“My little snack was not enough to keep me satisfied,” he said, licking his fingers. I smacked him. “What?”

“You are a pervert,” I said, turning on my heel and walking down the stairs to do the laundry.

“Says the woman wearing nothing but my jersey and a pair of sexy panties,” he quipped, following me. I rolled my eyes, tossing the clothes into the machine. “Do you still have that cake?”

“Nope. John is going through a growth spurt. It was gone by Wednesday,” I answered.

“Damn. That was some good fucking cake,” he said.

“I have leftover Chinese food, thanks to my sexy boyfriend,” I retorted, walking into the kitchen. “Fried rice, orange chicken and a couple of egg rolls.”

“Ooooh, hit me up,” he smiled. I made us a plate, deciding to share since I was being lazy. Heating up the food, we ate the leftovers, practically licking the plate we were both so hungry. When we were finished, we found two fortune cookies. We cracked them open. Edward read his first, “’Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.’ That’s so totally true. What’s yours?”

“’The one you love is closer than you think,’” I whispered, looking up at him. He didn’t say anything, just smiled softly before kissing me tenderly. We were only on our third date. It was too soon to think about being in love with him. _Is it?_ I shook it off and popped a piece of the cookie into my mouth. Edward rinsed off the dishes and he put them into the dishwasher. “Are you ready to go to bed?” I asked.

“Which couch?” he asked. “Basement or living room?”

“Um, neither,” I blushed. “I was thinking the bed.”

“Really? That won’t be weird for you?” Edward asked.

“I haven’t slept in a bed since Jake got sick. When we were upstairs, I knew that I wanted to cuddle with you. In bed,” I murmured, walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. “And doing that on a couch is not fair to you. You are too tall.”

“This is true,” he chuckled.

“Edward, I wouldn’t have asked you to stay if I didn’t want to sleep with you. Not have sex, but sleep. Snoring? Cuddling? Drooling?” I quipped. “I want to try sleeping in my bed. I want you to be there with me…AND, to put your mind at ease, it’s a brand new mattress. We christened it earlier tonight.”

“Okay,” he smiled, kissing my forehead. “In that case, I need to tuck my sweetness into bed.” He scooped me up, flinging me over his shoulder. I laughed, kicking my legs as he carried me up the stairs. He tossed me onto the mattress and blew a raspberry into my neck as he flung the pillows onto the ground. I was squealing, happiest I’d been in a long time. Tugging down the blankets, he placed me underneath, tucking me under the covers.

“Edward?” I chortled.

“Yes, love?” he replied, crawling into the bed and curling around me.

“I still need to take off my makeup, brush my teeth, take out my contacts…”I prattled off.

“Jeesh, you’re high maintenance,” he snorted against my neck. “I should probably do the same. Well, brush my teeth. I’d be worried if I had to take off my makeup and I can’t exactly pop out my eyeballs.”

“That’s gross, Edward,” I almost whined. I got out of bed, walking to the linen closet inside of my bathroom. “Here’s a toothbrush.” He took it, walking into the bathroom. I pinned my hair up, taking out my contacts. Edward moved slowly, as if he was encroaching on my routine. “Edward, it’s not like I’m peeing. I’ve got two sinks…” I pushed my toothpaste towards him before I soaped my hands. I scrubbed my face clean, only to remember that I had two black eyes. _Attractive, Bella. Edward’s going to run screaming…_ Patting my face dry, I looked in the mirror. “Ugh, that’s not a pretty sight.”

Edward looked over, rinsing out his brush, placing it next to his sink. _Heh, he’s got a sink…Shut up, Bella. You’re like twelve._ “Wow, Rose’s makeup really covered you up,” he said, tilting my chin up. “Does it hurt?”

“A minor headache, but I’m fine,” I said, grimacing.

“Let me get you some ice, love. You finish up,” he said, kissing my forehead and darting out of the bathroom. I looked at my face. It was not pretty at all. With a sigh, I finished my routine of applying moisturizer to my face and brushing my teeth. When I was finished, I put on my glasses, padding into the bedroom. Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a towel-wrapped icepack. “I still would have pressed charges, Bella. The kid may not be held culpable, but the parent could be.”

“It’s not worth it. That little girl needs help and boundaries,” I said as I sat down. Edward took off my glasses, pressing the icepack to my face.

“It just hurts me to see you in pain,” he whispered, pulling the icepack away. He looked so worried, but his eyes betrayed him. I could see more than just concern swirling behind them. I straddled his waist, hugging him close. His arms held me tightly to his body. “If she hurts you again, you are filing charges, Bella. Okay?”

“I’ll consider it,” I murmured against his ear. I kissed his neck and languidly moved up to his mouth. I brushed my lips with his, nipping at his lower lip. Slowly, his tongue slid inside of my mouth, claiming me. I moaned and I knew that another pair of panties were going to be ruined. “You are really good at that,” I breathed as I leaned my forehead against his.

“You’re better,” he chuckled. “Come on, Ms. Black. You’ve got this big fluffy bed and I want nothing more than to cuddle with sexy, beautiful girlfriend.”

“Which side?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter. As long as I get to hold you, I’m happy,” he smiled. I nodded, crawling to the usual side that I slept on with Jake, closest to the clock. Edward blew out the candles and turned off the lights before slipping between the sheets. His arms wrapped around me. With a tender kiss, he curled around my body, holding me close. “Do you mind?”

“No,” I murmured. “I love it.” I snuggled back into his arms, burying my nose into his shoulder. He hummed contentedly. My eyes drooped almost immediately. Threading my fingers with his, I slipped into a deep slumber. In my bed. With my boyfriend.

I don’t know what was more comfortable. Sleeping on a mattress or in Edward’s arms?

_Sigh._

xx PUTP xx

I woke up before Edward. I had some amazing dreams. One even included Jacob. He was smiling and happy, encouraging this budding relationship with Edward. I didn’t feel as guilty, sharing a bed with him. With my subconscious giving me the go ahead, I just relished in his embrace.

It truly was amazing. I was on my side. Edward had his arm around my waist, holding my back to his front. His leg had somehow sandwiched itself between mine and his lips were on my neck, buried in my hair. I could feel him pressed against me, just between my ass cheeks. Looking over my shoulder, I saw that he was still asleep. His hair was a riotous mess and his face marred with some pillow lines and scruff, but he was so gorgeous. I turned around in his arms. He hummed, moving so his face was now on the pillow. I brushed his hair back from his forehead, enjoying the softness of it.

Gently pushing him on his back, I pressed several warm kisses to his chest. He was still down for the count, holding me to his body. His hand had moved up my back, bringing his jersey that I was still wearing with it. I lay my head on his chest, running my fingers along the waistband of his shorts. He had brought me untold pleasure last night. I felt like I could float away, I was so high from my orgasm. I wanted to do the same to him. I wasn’t ready to give him a blow job, but to touch his skin? I could handle that.

Using my palm, I caressed the outline of his erection over the shorts. He shifted, moaning quietly. I smiled, lightly tracing his arousal. My lips found the hollow behind his ear and I kissed him lightly, continuing to caress him. “Bella,” he whispered, his nose move to my hair. “My Bella…”

“Yours,” I murmured, pulling his earlobe between my lips. Flicking the lobe, I slid my fingers into the shorts. “I want to see you come, Edward.”

His arm tightened around me as he looked down at me. His eyes were dilated and sleepy, but filled with lust. “You really are a vixen, Isabella,” he chided.

“Says the man who’s about to get a hand job,” I quipped, wrapping my hand around his cock. _Holy hell, he’s huge!_ I tugged on the shorts. Edward shimmied them so they were down around his knees. I kissed him softly as I began stroking his twitching arousal. I could barely wrap my hand around the base and he was long. Using my fingers, I traced the length, focusing mainly on the head.

“Fuck,” he whimpered. “Those soft caresses, they’re making me crazy, love.”

“What do you like?” I asked, staring into his beautifully green eyes. I sat up, grabbed some lotion from the nightstand. I pumped it into my palm, rubbing it together to warm it up.

“Everything,” he said in a husky tone. I lay back down, wrapping my now lubed up hand around his cock. Slowly, I pumped my hand up and down. “Oh, fuck, yes…” His eyes were trained on my hand. I was almost afraid to look. He kissed me deeply and I pulled away, looking down at my slicked palm. He was bigger than anything I’d ever seen. Not that I’m a penis aficionado. Jake was a big guy, but he was tiny compared to Edward.

I focused my movements to the head of his cock. Despite its size, Edward’s… _gah, what do I call it? Schlong? Dick? Penis? Cock? Baloney Pony?_ I turned and kissed him, trying to calm my mild panic attack. Edward’s mouth was the cure all. I twisted my hand, spreading the bead of pre-cum on the tip. “Bella,” he groaned, sucking on my neck. “So good. So fucking good.” His hips were rolling, obviously needing more friction. I sped up my hand, running it along the length of his arousal. With my other hand, I gently fondled and rolled his balls. He was holding me tightly, chanting my name.

“Come, Edward. Let go,” I whispered before kissing his mouth. He moaned as his entire body tensed. Spurting all over my hand and on his stomach, his release covered us both. Kissing his temple, I hopped off the bed. I picked up a washcloth after I washed my hands and gently washed off his belly. He was still panting, smiling goofily. “I take it you liked my wakeup call?” I giggled.

“Very much,” he said as he pulled up the shorts and dragged me back into bed. I kissed every inch of my face before caressing my cheek. “Thank you for letting me stay. I could get used to this. Waking up with you in my arms…”

“Hmmm, it does have its benefits,” I said, pressing my mouth to his. We languidly made out until Edward’s stomach started making snarling noises befitting a grizzly bear. “Jesus!”

“Sorry,” he blushed, pressing his hand to his belly. “I guess I’m hungry.”

“Apparently so,” I snickered. “Let me check the clothes and then make some breakfast for you.” I kissed his nose before slipping out of the bed. I pulled up a pair of yoga pants. With my kids possibly coming back, I did not want them to get the idea that their mother was a skank.

“Am I going to get my shirt back?” Edward asked, staring at my jersey.

“Nope,” I smirked, walking into the closet and tossing him one of the many Fork’s Elementary school t-shirts I had acquired. Alice knew that I liked the extra larges to sleep in. Edward chuckled, pulling on my t-shirt and went into the bathroom. I went downstairs, drying the clothes again to get them warm before I gave Edward back his jeans and now clean boxer briefs. While the clothes were getting fluffed, I made us breakfast. I started with sausage, frying it up and then adding the eggs to remaining sausage fat. Edward came down, kissing my neck before he poured us both a cup of coffee. I was shocked but happy at how comfortable it was to share this moment with him. It didn’t feel like we were just dating. The intimacy between us was much deeper than that. He seemed to know my needs even before I did.

“So, what’s your schedule like this week?” Edward asked, sitting down at the counter.

“Nothing really. I have to take the kids shopping for their uniforms for soccer and t-ball, respectively. The week after next, we have our first practices,” I replied. “Planning on spending Easter with my parents. Work is winding down, kind of. Each grade has one more field trip. Grace is going to the zoo. John is going to the nature center near Lake Crescent and my class is visiting a nearby farm.”

“When are you all going?” Edward asked.

“All of the trips are in May, but the permission forms have already been sent out since parents are worse than their kids when it comes to turning things in on time,” I shrugged. “What about you?”

“Working the nightshift all week,” he grumbled, wrinkling his nose. “Mom has a treatment on Good Friday, so our Easter will be probably be pretty quiet. Rose will cook since all of us Cullen men are hopeless in the kitchen.”

“I did promise you cooking lessons,” I said, dishing up some breakfast for him.

“Yeah. You’ve been slacking,” Edward laughed.

“How about, the week after Easter, you come over and we’ll have a cooking lesson?” I suggested.

“Done!” he beamed. We ate breakfast and cleaned up together. However, I looked at the time. I knew that I probably had to drive him home. John and Grace were on their way back. Edward saw me frown, walking to the dryer and emptying it out. He changed in the laundry room, carrying the basket of neatly folded laundry into the kitchen. I had slipped upstairs, putting on a bra and my glasses. I was definitely sad at him leaving. Climbing into the car, I drove him back to his place. His hand was holding mine over the console. “I don’t know if it’s feasible, but if you want to have lunch sometime during the week? With me working nights and my mom…”

“I’d like that,” I smiled, parking in his driveway. “Thank you for everything this weekend, Edward. I had so much fun at the game and last night…”

“There aren’t words,” he whispered, cupping my chin. “I can’t wait until I’m with you like that again, Sweetness.”

 _You’re telling me…My pussy has been quivering for the past eighteen hours._ “Me neither,” I said quietly. “I hope your mom’s treatment goes well. I’ll be thinking about her.”

“Thank you,” Edward said, leaning forward. I did the same and we met in the middle for a soft, sweet kiss. Pulling back, Edward tucked a hair behind my ear. “I’ll call you tonight, Sweetness.”

“Be safe, Edward,” I murmured.

“Always am, Bella,” he smiled, getting out of the car. He kissed his hand and held it out as while I backed up. I honked as I pulled away. Immediately, I felt lonely and lost. I wanted him back with me, but it wasn’t feasible. Not yet.

Back at the house, I cleaned up, made my bed and did some light housework. An hour after I dropped Edward off, my children came home. With a cooler filled with fish. _Where am I going to put that?_ I glowered at my father, trying to find space in my freezer. Once my dad left, I gave my kids the gifts that Edward purchased for them. Grace wanted to call him, thank him right away, but I knew he was probably sleeping since we were up fairly early with our morning ‘workout’ and he had to work overnight. I told her that she could call him tomorrow when we got home from school. John was quiet, holding the baseball bat reverently. I figured I’d let him process his feelings. He was so much like Jake that way.

Working on their projects for the rest of the afternoon, the day slipped by. I decided to just order a pizza for dinner. Once it was cleaned up, I helped the kids as they showered for school tomorrow. I read a little bit with them both, curled up on John’s bed. Kissing them both sweetly, I tucked them in and prepared for my own day tomorrow. I made lunches. Pizza for the kids and the remaining Chinese for me. I picked up the fortune that I got from my cookie. _The one you love is closer than you think._ It rattled me, but in a good way. Edward made me feel like a woman. His actions and his caring nature showed that he did have feelings for me. Did he love me? Did I love him?

I was distracted by my ruminations with a phone call. It was Alice, using the phone system to announce an early-morning staff meeting. I groaned, hating them. My parents were going to have to take John and Grace to school since I had to be there nearly two hours before the kids. I called them up, letting them know about the change. My mom said she’d get the kids ready for school so I could go to the meeting.

After a brief phone call with Edward, I went upstairs to shower. Once I was done, I eyed my bed. _You did it last night, Isabella Marie Black. You can do it tonight._ Keeping on Edward’s jersey, I crawled in the bed. I could smell Edward’s cologne on the sheets. Hugging his pillow, I somehow managed to get to sleep. In my bed. Alone.

I really wanted Edward next to me.

But, I was proud of the small victory that I slept in my bed.

The next morning, I got to school and waited in the media center for the staff meeting. Angela was talking to me about our upcoming field trip and the gripes she was already getting regarding the ten dollar cost of the trip. We have to pay the bus company and the farm wasn’t about to let us invade their place of business out of the kindness of their own hearts. Some of the kids were on free and reduced lunch. The school would pay for them, but the rest of our classes needed to pay the fee or not go.

Alice walked in and she looked very upset. We all quieted down, waiting for her announcements. “First off, I want to start the staff meeting with a good note. We have less than thirty school days left.” The staff erupted into cheers. “However, I have to tell you some bad news. Robert Banner had a massive heart attack last night.” The cheers turned to gasps.

“Is he alright?” asked one of the fifth grade teachers, Mrs. Drozd.

“He’s in intensive care at Port Angeles General,” Alice replied. “From what his longtime companion, Shelly Cope, told me, if he makes it, he will not be coming back. Obviously, we need to keep Mr. Banner in our thoughts and prayer so that he can recover to enjoy his time with his grandchildren and Shelly.”

“Who’s going to take over for Robert?” Lauren asked, arching her back and trying to make herself look even sluttier.

“I’ve got several staff members who have received their administrative degree,” Alice answered. “And yes, I know you’re one of them.” Lauren smiled. “I’ll be discussing it with Dr. Gardner, preparing a list of prospects within the staff. If you are interested in stepping in for Mr. Banner, let me know or any of the ladies in the front office. Any questions? No? Good. We need to work together as a team, Puddle Jumpers.” She nodded, turning brusquely and leaving the media center.

Angela and I left, both shocked at the news. I walked into my room, going to write up my agenda. The door closed. “You have to be my AP,” Alice begged.

“Holy crap!” I screeched. “Alice, what the hell?!”

“Bells, out of everyone in the staff, you’re the only one who actually received a quality masters degree in Educational Administration,” Alice wheedled. “I’ve talked to Dr. Gardner and you’re hired. It’s all political bullshit with the hiring committee.”

“What about my class?” I asked, gesturing to my room.

“Long term sub. Bella, please! I do not want Lauren Crowley as the assistant principal. She’d sleep with all of the fathers,” Alice deadpanned. “If she hasn’t already.”

“Why don’t you fire her?” I questioned.

“Daddy’s on the school board,” Alice grumbled. “Hank Mallory provides a lot of money to the school and is an advocate for the art’s program, but that would all go away if his precious little Lauren loses her job. Skank. She’s a decent teacher and does well when she’s observed, but her grades for her master’s program were awful. She barely passed. You, on the other hand, top of your class?”

“Let me consider it,” I sighed. “Put my name down, but I do not want to be handed this job. I want to be treated like everyone else. Interview me. Read my resume.”

“Okay, okay,” Alice said. “Though, I know you’re going to be my adorable sidekick.”

“Don’t hold your breath!” I yelled as she darted out of my room.

xx PUTP xx

Good news was that Robert Banner made it. He had a long recovery, but he was out of the woods. The even better news was that I was now his replacement. Permanently. I went through the interview process and I was, by far, the stand out candidate. It took a lot of conversations with my parents, Billy, my kids and of course, Edward, for me to finally say yes to the position. However, I was staying in my classroom until they hired a suitable replacement. That was my only stipulation. I wasn’t about to hand off my kids to some schmoe off the street, like that one sub who said that I had no classroom management.

Within two weeks of my hiring, I had a replacement for my class and I was now headlong in my new position as assistant principal of Forks Elementary School. I missed being in front of my sponges, but the new challenge of my leadership position was exciting. It was what I interviewed for when Jake got sick and was offered the position, but I didn’t take it for obvious reasons.

Edward took me out to The Pink Door in Seattle to celebrate my promotion. He was so proud of me. We got a little blitzed and ended up having to spend the night in a hotel. Okay, or the Fairmount Olympic, a freaking five-star resort. My parents had my children since I had had a date. We had some more semi-naked fun time. I was screaming like a banshee with Edward’s magical fingers and his sexy-as-hell voice.

Before I knew it, Mother’s Day was right around the corner. Last year, it hit me hard that Jake was gone. I spent most of the day in bed, sobbing. Billy tried to make it special but it wasn’t the same. My depression was coming back. Shelly had taken a medical leave of absence to care for Robert. I tried to work with her colleague, Maureen, but I didn’t connect with her. I stopped going, but kept up with my journaling.

Mother’s Day weekend, I was determined to just ignore it. I went out with Edward on Friday with the kids. We took them to a nearby miniature golf course. There was also a go-cart track. Edward took both of my kids around the track, laughing and having fun with them. I also think that they were planning something. John and Grace just smiled whenever I asked them what was up. Edward had the same impish grin, kissing my cheek and replying ‘nothing.’ On Saturday, Edward had to work. My kids put their finishing touches on their projects and we spent the day gardening.

I could feel the black cloud of anger descend on me after I put the kids to bed. For the most part, I was happy but days like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, they hit me hard. Jake’s birthday should have bothered me, but I was so bogged down with work. I didn’t have time to be upset or grieve. Christmas would forever be a challenge since he died just prior to the holiday.

I struggled to sleep. I tossed and turned. Nightmares of Jake’s last month assaulted my mind. Seeing him take his last breath and cruel memories of his wake and funeral. I jolted awake, trying to calm down. Pressing my hands to my eyes, I walked to the bathroom and washed my face. “Breathe, Bella,” I admonished my reflection. I picked up my tranquilizers. I popped one and went back to bed. Curling around the pillow that Edward slept on when he stayed at the house, I slipped back into slumber and thankfully, it was not fitful like before.

“Shhh! You’ll wake her up,” Grace hissed.

“We want to wake her up, you nerd. You can’t eat breakfast in bed while you’re asleep,” John snapped back.

My mind stirred. I smelled bacon and eggs. _My children are not allowed to use the stove._ Cracking my eyes open, I saw Grace hovering over my face and John standing at the edge of the bed. “Good morning,” I croaked.

“Surprise, Mommy!” Grace squealed throwing her arms around me. John clambered onto the mattress, doing the same. I hugged them closely, kissing their foreheads. My panic about the stove abated as I held my babies. Looking up, I saw Edward, looking exhausted and still wearing his uniform, holding a tray. “Mr. Edward came over and we cooked you breakfast!”

_Oh, thank God…but, wait? Edward’s no better than the kids._

“I see what you’re thinking, Sweetness,” Edward chuckled, placing the tray over my legs. “I’m going down to clean the disaster area that we made. It’s sad. Your children know more about the chemistry of cooking than I do.” He kissed my forehead, leaving me with my kids.

“When did Mr. Edward come over?” I asked, digging into my breakfast.

“At seven, when he got off work. We planned it on Friday,” John said, eyeing the bacon. I handed him a piece, which he gobbled up immediately. “Grace said she wanted to do something for Mother’s Day, but I wasn’t sure how.”

“We were talking in line at the go-cart thingy,” Grace said. “Mr. Edward suggested that he come over to help us cook. I scrambled the eggs, Mommy.”

“I can tell. They’re so fluffy,” I smiled, kissing my baby girl. “Did you add some cheese?”

“Yep,” she chirped. “I love your cheesy eggs, Mommy. I wanted you to have them for Mother’s Day!”

“Thank you, Grace,” I said, hugging her tightly.

“It was my idea,” John huffed.

“Thank you, Sir John,” I giggled, hugging him close, too. “I’m so lucky to have such wonderful children. I love you both so much.”

“We got you a present, too,” Grace said, wriggling out of my arms. She pounded out of the bedroom and dragged Edward up to the room. He was holding a large bouquet of purple flowers and a purple gift bag. “Put the flowers on the dresser, Mr. Edward.”

“Of course, Miss Grace,” he laughed.

“Grace, quit being so bossy. Mr. Edward looks like he’s going to collapse,” I chided.

“Sorry,” she frowned. She hugged his legs. “You can take a nap in my room.”

“Tempting, Grace, but I think I’m a little too big for your twin sized bed,” he chuckled, scooping her into his arms. He hugged her before putting her on the bed with the purple bag. She scrambled close to me, handing me the bag and smiled brightly. I pulled out a handmade card from both of my kids. I cried as I read their words saying that they loved me and wanted our family to be happy. Grace even drew a picture of our happy family. It was me, John, Grace and Edward. I noticed that Edward was next to Grace, holding her hand. In the clouds, there was an angel version of Jacob, sending rays of sunshine and little purple hearts toward us all.

“There’s more, Mommy,” John said.

“Well, this is pretty awesome,” I sniffled, gesturing to the picture and the card. I kissed them before reaching into the bag again and caressing a small velvet box. I looked up at Edward, arching a brow. He just grinned. Opening the box, I saw a set of rings that were the birthstones of my children. It was a combination of eternity bands and solitaires. “Oh my word…these are beautiful…”

“These two are for me, Mommy,” Grace said, pointing to the emerald rings. Her birthday was coming up Memorial Day weekend. “These is for Johnny.” Her fingers lightly caressed the amethyst rings. His birthday was in February but we usually celebrated over spring break since my son was an outdoorsy kid. “And Mr. Edward suggested one for Daddy and that’s this one.” Her finger pointed to a diamond band, representing Jake’s birthday in April. “Put them on!”

I blushed as I arranged the clearly interchangeable rings, slipping them on my ring finger on my right hand. They were too big, so I moved it to my middle finger, wiggling it as it sparkled in the morning sun that filled my bedroom. “They’re beautiful, babies. Thank you,” I breathed. “Can you do me a favor and bring down the tray? I want to talk to Mr. Edward.”

“Kay,” they both chirped, kissing my cheeks and leaving me with Edward.

“Before you assume the worst, I was merely the means of getting that. The kids knew what they wanted and they gave me money from their piggy banks to pay for it,” Edward said, smirking.

“This is more than the forty bucks I know they had in their banks, Edward,” I chided. “It’s too much.”

“How do you know much they have in there?” Edward chuckled, climbing next to me.

“Call me paranoid, but I usually deposit the money at a certain point. I keep their banks at forty, but their savings accounts are much more _padded_ ,” I said.

“So, I covered the balance, Bella,” he murmured, wrapping his arm around me. “They were begging to get something for you, but didn’t know how. Grace showed me on my phone what she wanted for you and I knew the jeweler who could make it happen. It’s not like they can hop in a car and go to Port Angeles to make this happen. I wanted them to come with me, but with Jared sick and your dad out of town, I couldn’t really take the time off. I went during my lunch hour yesterday, picked it up on my way home. I slept for an hour and was called into work due to a drug bust outside of town. I barely made it here before the arranged time.”

“It’s still too much,” I said, looking at the ring. The metal was white gold and from what I could tell, the stones were genuine. I wasn’t a jewelry expert, but this was a significant piece of jewelry.

“No, it’s not. I wanted to treat you to something special. The kids gave me an opportunity,” he said, caressing the ring.

“You suggested the ring to represent Jacob?”

“Yeah. Bella, I mean it when I say that I don’t want your kids or you to forget Jacob. He loved all of you and for some reason, is allowing me to share in that,” Edward smiled, caressing my cheek. “I hate that he’s gone and that Grace and John will never know their father. I hate that Jacob will never see them grow up. When I suggested it, the kids were so excited. John told me Jacob’s birthday and I found out what the birthstone was.” My eyes watered and before I knew it, I was biting back sobs. “Oh, no…Sweetness, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He gathered me in his arms, apologizing for making me upset on Mother’s Day.

“No, I’m not upset. I’m just _shocked_ that you…most guys wouldn’t be this accepting of a previous relationship,” I sniffled, caressing my new ring.

“I’d be an idiot of I didn’t accept it. Bella, Jacob was the father of your children and he shared his life with you. I’m not going to deny that. I also know that you care for me,” Edward murmured.

“I more than just _care_ for you,” I said, looking into his eyes.

“Okay, you like me a lot,” he snickered, kissing my lips.

“Edward, you’re an amazing, gentle, and sexy man. You’ve made me feel alive for the first time since Jacob. Most people are lucky to have one great love. I’m blessed. I have two,” I whispered, staring into his eyes. His evergreen eyes widened as the brevity of what I said sank in.

“Bella?” he murmured. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying? I know I’m running on fumes, but…did you just say…?”

“I love you, Edward. I never expected it to happen so fast, but I can’t deny my feelings,” I said, tears falling from my eyes. “I don’t expect you to say it back, but seeing you with my kids…”

“Bella, I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you,” he admitted, his own eyes filled with tears. “I wanted to say it that night when I stayed over. The fortune cookies?”

I blushed, reaching into the nightstand. I handed him the fortunes. “I kept them. I think yours was Jacob’s way of telling me to get my head out of my ass. Mine was the push to actually say it. It only took me a month.”

“Well, I’m over-the-moon thrilled that you did say it because now I don’t have to hold back in telling you how much I love you,” he murmured, holding me in his arms.

“I love you, too,” I smiled, snuggling in his embrace. “Thank you for making today magical.”

“And it’s only ten,” he chuckled.

“It took you three hours to cook eggs?” I teased.

“Nope. That took like ten minutes. The kids were working on their cards and drawings while I arranged the flowers in a vase. I also fed them, giving you the morning off,” Edward said, yawning widely.

“If anyone needs a morning off, it’s you,” I chided. “When was the last time you slept?”

“Um, Friday?” he retorted. “I got like an hour last night before I was called in for the drug bust. Being the acting chief isn’t fun.”

“Sorry,” I frowned. “Charlie surprised my mom with a trip to Vancouver for the weekend to celebrate Mother’s Day. He invited me, but I didn’t want intrude on their romantic getaway.”

“Well, I’m glad you stayed,” he grinned crookedly, threading our fingers together. “In fact, it gives me the opportunity to invite you to my parent’s house for Mother’s Day. Esme has been begging me to bring you over with the kids. She’s feeling really good and wants to meet them. PLUS, she wants to officially meet you as my girlfriend whom I love very much.”

“You’re going to say that a lot, right?” I teased.

“Yep. You’ve broken the seal. There’s no going back, my love for you knows no limits, Bella,” he snorted. “I love you. I love your kids. Grace, my goodness, she is the sweetest thing ever. And John, he’s quite the athlete. He wanted to work on his throwing as soon as I got here. Trying to tell him that I was exhausted damn near broke my heart.”

“Did he jut out the lip and give you the puppy dog eyes?” I snickered.

“Most pathetic thing I’d ever seen,” Edward laughed. “I’ll have to catch a nap before we go over to my parent’s place, if you’re interested.”

“I’m interested,” I said. “Why don’t you sleep here?” I was secretly hoping he’d say yes. I missed his smell since I’d washed the sheets from the night he stayed over.

“I can’t, love. I have to go home, shower, wrap my own mother’s gift and change,” he said, his eyes drooping.

“Edward, you’re asleep with your eyes open. I’ll set the alarm, baby,” I said, urging him on his back. He wasn’t fighting me. His eyes were already closed. Kissing his cheek, I hopped out of bed and removed his boots, tucking him under the covers. I brushed his hair back as he snored quietly. “Love you, Edward.”

“Hmmmm, I love you more, Bella,” he mumbled sleepily before curling around my pillow. He smiled. “My Bella…”

I chuckled, setting the alarm for one. I went downstairs, checking on the kids. The kitchen wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. Grace was working on cleaning the counter while John was taking out the garbage. “Thank you for such a delicious breakfast, my sweet babies.”

“You’re welcome, Mom,” John smiled.

“Now, Mr. Edward invited us to visit his mom later today. He’s upstairs sleeping,” I explained.

“He was really tired, Mom. Is he tucked in my bed?” Grace asked, a blush covering her cheeks.

“No, sweetie. He really is too big for your bed,” I chuckled, kissing her hair. “He’s asleep in my room. Now, I don’t know what time we’re going, but I want you both be on your best behavior. Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Edward’s mom, is sick.”

“Sick like Daddy?” John asked.

“Kind of. She has cancer but not in the belly like Dad,” I said. “She’s a bit healthier than your father, but she doesn’t have any hair and will probably be pretty weak. Please be respectful.”

“We will,” they said, hugging me close.

“Go upstairs, stay quiet, though and take showers. Grace, I want to curl your hair,” I said. They both nodded, going upstairs to get cleaned up. I was grateful that they were quiet as I finished scouring the kitchen. After they were clean, I told them to go in the basement to watch some television. I went upstairs, checking on Edward. He was still down for the count. I kissed his forehead before darting into the bathroom. Secretly, I was hoping that he’d wake up and join me, but the logical mother knew that he wouldn’t while the kids were around.

I finished getting ready and saw that it was close to the alarm going off. I sat next to Edward, brushing his hair off his face. I kissed his cheeks, his nose and ended up with his mouth. He hummed, wrapping his arms around me. “Seriously,” he croaked. “I love being woken up by you.”

“Better than an alarm?” I quipped, turning it off.

“Infinitely,” he smiled, picking up a curl. “You look beautiful.”

“I still need to put on my face, but I’d figure I’d wake you up. You were dead asleep as I showered,” I giggled.

“You were naked. In the bathroom. And I slept through it?” he groaned.

“Sorry, bub. Missed opportunity,” I snickered. “What time are we supposed to be at your parents’?”

“Um, three. I probably should go and shower,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “I smell like ass. I’m surprised you let me sleep in your bed.”

“Edward, you still smell like a proverbial rose,” I said, kissing his lips. “Now, you shower. I’ll swing by around two-thirty and we’ll drive to your parents?”

“Deal,” he said, sliding out of the bed. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “Love you, Sweetness.”

“Love you, too,” I murmured, kissing his jaw. He pulled away, stuffed his feet into his boots and went downstairs. He yelled his goodbyes to the kids. They shouted back, apparently enthralled with whatever they were watching on television. He kissed me chastely before darting out to his car. I got dressed and got the kids ready. It took nearly an hour to curl Grace’s hair. I was running late but managed to get Edward’s by two-thirty. He came out, wearing a pair of black dress pants and a white shirt. He held a tie in his hands, along with a large bouquet of pink roses and a small bag. He climbed into the passenger seat, smiling at John and Grace.

Edward gave me directions to his parents’ home, located a little outside of Forks. It was tucked back off the road and absolutely gorgeous. The house was large, but elegant. The kids were silent as I parked behind Emmett’s Hummer. “Your family knows we’re coming, right?” I asked.

“Yeah. I called my dad once I got home,” Edward replied. “They’re going to love you. Love all of you.”

“I should have brought something,” I squeaked. “Oh, God…”

“Here,” he said, handing the bouquet of roses. “Problem solved.” He plucked two stems, handing them to Grace and John. “You’re all covered.”

“You are too much, Deputy,” I snorted.

“You being here is present enough, Sweetness,” Edward smiled, hopping out of the car. He helped Grace and she held his hand while I gathered myself to meet or remeet or whatever with Esme as Edward’s official girlfriend. John slipped his hand in mine, smiling sweetly. I walked with him up to the front door. Grace was smelling the rose in her hand, snuggled to Edward’s side.

“Edward,” Emmett beamed as he opened the door. “About time you got here.”

“I worked for forty-eight hours straight. I needed to sleep,” Edward snorted.

“Hey, Bella!” Emmett greeted, kissing my cheek. “And who are these guys?”

“This is Grace and John,” I introduced to Emmett. “Guys, this is Mr. Emmett. He’s Mr. Edward’s brother.”

“You’re huge,” John sputtered. “Bigger than Dad! Are you a football player?”

“In college, little man,” Emmett said, holding out a fist. John pounded it. “But, I’m actually a doctor. Pediatrician.”

“He’s like Dr. Snow,” I explained to John, who didn’t understand the word. “He takes care of little kids, like you.”

“Why isn’t he our doctor?” Grace asked shyly, hiding behind Edward’s legs.

“Because when I made the appointment for you guys, Mr. Emmett’s schedule was full. I had to get you into the doctor to get checked out for school,” I explained.

“Dr. Snow and I, we’re in the same practice. You’ll see me around, pretty one,” Emmett said, kneeling to her level. She blushed, clutching Edward’s hand. He held out a palm. Grace bit her lip, giving Emmett a high five. “There we go! I may be the size of a giant, but I love kids. Heck, my wife thinks I am a big kid!”

“That’s because you are, Em,” Edward chuckled. “How’s mom doing?”

“Barely able to contain herself,” Emmett bellowed. “She can’t wait to meet John and Grace.” He gestured for us to follow and we entered a large solarium. It was filled with greenery, flowers and beautiful wicker furniture. Rosalie was sitting next to a tall blonde man and on a chair by herself was Esme. “Mom, Edward and Bella are here.”

“Oh yay,” she smiled, getting up. She was pale but looked happy. She shuffled over to where Edward and I were standing.

“Grace, John, this is my mother, Miss Esme and my dad, Mr. Carlisle,” Edward said, crouching down next to Grace. She hugged him. Edward melted, holding her close. John, however, was now clinging to my hand. Seeing Esme was a bit of a reminder of what Jacob had to deal with. It would probably take time for him to warm up to her.

Grace was brave and smiled sweetly at Edward’s mother. Esme wrapped her in a hug. “You such a pretty girl. You must be Grace. Your mom showed me a picture a few months ago.”

“You know my mommy?” Grace asked.

“We’re good friends,” Esme said, giving me a warm smile. “We get our toes done every so often at Rose’s salon.”

“Blow Out! I love that place. Mommy, can we get our piggies done soon?” Grace asked.

“It’s a date, Gracie-girl,” I said.

“Why don’t you join me on Saturday? We’ll go out for lunch afterward?” Esme suggested. Grace nodded, hugging Esme again. “And who’s this handsome boy?”

“This is John,” I said. He straightened his shoulders and walked over to Esme. He stiffly hugged her, murmuring happy Mother’s Day. Esme must have noticed his discomfort. She stepped back.

“Thank you, John. It means a lot that you’re here,” she smiled. John handed her the rose that Edward plucked from the bouquet that I was still holding. “Why, thank you, kind sir. Such a pretty flower.”

“Here’s one from me,” Grace said, holding up her rose. Esme blushed, kissing Grace on the forehead. “Thank you, sweet girl.”

Standing up, Esme wrapped me in a hug. “I’m really glad you’re here, Bella,” she whispered. “I’ve never seen Edward this giddy before.”

“Standing right here, Ma,” Edward chuckled as he walked to get something to drink.

“It’s the truth,” Esme giggled. I handed her the rest of the bouquet. “Thank you, sweetheart. Come, sit with us girls. The guys are in charge of dinner.”

“Should we alert the hospital?” I quipped.

“Emmett and Edward are awful at cooking, but Carlisle is really good,” Rose said. “Besides, I’m going to help, too.”

“Thank you for letting us invade your Mother’s Day celebration,” I said. “Your home is beautiful.”

“You’re a mother, too. I asked Edward to invite you earlier, but he’s been so busy with work,” Esme frowned.

“You can blame my father for that. He’s on a mini vacation with my mother in Vancouver,” I blushed. “Plus, my kids commandeered him to buy a present for me for mother’s day.”

“What did they get you?” Rose asked.

“It was their idea and Edward said that they paid for it, but he also said he covered the difference,” I said, holding out my hand. “Emerald is Grace, amethyst is John and diamonds represent my dead husband.”

“It’s such a pretty ring,” Rose smiled. “Your kids picked it out?”

“That’s what Edward said. He was just the means and money,” I shrugged. “It’s a lot…”

“He bought it because he loves you. He loves them,” Esme said, threading her arm with mine.

“I love him, too,” I blushed.

“Holy shit! You’ve dropped the L-bombs?” Rose squealed.

“Rosalie Lillian Cullen, watch your language. We’ve got kids in the house,” Esme snorted.

“Sorry, Esme,” Rose said, waving her hand. “I can’t believe it. Who said it first?”

“I did. I told him that I was blessed because I had two great loves. My dead husband and now, Edward,” I smiled, looking at my boyfriend as he worked with John to cut up some veggies.  He turned, smiling crookedly as he waved. John was snuggled up to Edward’s side while Carlisle worked with Grace. Esme squealed, reminding me of Alice as she clapped her hands. “What?”

“I think Esme is trying to tell you that she’s excited,” Rose deadpanned.

“I’m beyond excited. Edward’s been single for too long,” Esme chuckled, smacking Rose’s arm. “I can just imagine wedding bells!”

“Mom, really?” Edward snorted, bringing a tray of lemonade to us. “We’ve been together for less than two months. Don’t go planning a wedding.” Esme just smiled secretively. He kissed her head. “You are a meddlesome woman.”

“But you love me,” Esme laughed.

“I guess,” he huffed, brushing my hair over my shoulder and kissing my cheek. His lips brushed my ear. “I love you more.” I melted against him.

“Are you whispering sweet nothings in her ear?” Rose cackled.

Edward did whisper sweet nothings. Literally, he said ‘sweet nothings’ ten times before smirking. “Yep.” I was in a fit of hysterics. He turned on his heel and went back into the kitchen, working with my kids, Emmett and his father. We talked about Blow Out after Edward left and about my promotion. Esme was giddy with pride. Rose said that my pedicure on Saturday would be on the house, celebrating my new job.

A couple hours later, we were sitting at this beautifully set table. Grace was next to Edward, who was next to me. John was sitting across from me, next to Emmett. My son had a bit of hero-worship for Emmett. The fact that he played football in college made him the bees-knees. Dinner was delicious. We had beef tenderloin with asparagus and some potato casserole. John refused to eat the asparagus. They looked too much like trees. Grace inhaled them.

After dinner, the guys did the dishes. I decided to help since I felt like a total slacker. Carlisle wouldn’t let me do dishes, but he put me in charge of the coffee and dessert. We ate some delicious homemade pecan pie, made by Rose and Esme opened her presents. Rose and Emmett got her a beautiful charm bracelet. Carlisle got her a weekend away to a spa in Napa Valley. Edward bought her several new head scarves, all varying shades of pink. He also got her a pink sapphire ring.

We left shortly after Esme opened her presents. As predicted, John did warm up to her. They were the best of friends by the time we left. Grace was zonked out in Edward’s arms. I was close behind her since I had taken a tranquilizer the night before. I hugged Esme and she caressed my cheeks. She also kissed Edward on the cheek, whispering in his ear. He blushed, nodding shyly. Esme gently ran her fingers through Grace’s hair before she sent us on our way.

Driving to Edward’s home, I looked at him. He held my hand, smiling softly. Both of my children were down for the count in the backseat. “What did your mom say before we left?”

“Welcome to the family,” he said, gazing over to me. “She adores you, Bella.”

“Esme is an amazing woman,” I breathed. “I love her, too. But that’s not what she said.”

“No. I’m going to keep a hold of her whispers to me,” Edward smirked. “It’ll come to fruition when the time is right, my dear Ms. Black.” I pulled into his driveway, saddened that our time together had come to an end. “Don’t pout, Bella.”

“I just…never mind,” I sighed.

“What?”

“It feels weird dropping you off. I want you to come home with us,” I murmured. Looking back at my sleeping children, I knew it wasn’t right.

“Believe, Sweetness, I know,” he agreed. “For now, our adult sleepovers will be on nights that you don’t have your children. I don’t want you or them to feel uncomfortable. We’ve crossed a major line today with the magical ‘I love you’s.’ There’s no rush, Bella.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Come here,” he commanded quietly. I leaned over the console and stared into his eyes. His hand cupped my cheek before threading into my hair. “Even though we’re sleeping separately, my dreams are of you. I love you, my Bella.”

“I love you, too,” I smiled, kissing his mouth. Tentatively, he slipped his tongue inside of my mouth and I held back a moan. Before things got too heated, he pulled away. “You better go before I drive away with you still in the car.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, kissing my lips once more. “Tell the kids that I love them.” I smiled, tears falling from my eyes. “Bella, you and them, you’re a unit. I love you. I love them. No questions asked.”

“You really are perfect,” I snickered.

“No, I’m not,” Edward smiled. “I’m only a man. My main goal is to keep you and your children happy.”

“You’ve succeeded,” I said. “Now, really go before I kidnap you and handcuff you to my bed.”

“I’d gladly go,” he laughed, slipping out of the car. “Sleep well, Bella. I love you and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I love you, too,” I beamed. He picked up my hand, kissing my palm before closing the door. Walking up to his house, I waited for him to get inside before I left. Parking in the garage, I woke up my kids, guiding them to their rooms. I helped them into the pajamas and kissed their cheeks before closing the lights. Going up to my room, I smiled wistfully at the flowers on the dresser. I took off my clothes, dressing in a pair of shorts and Edward’s jersey. _Yes, I washed it._ I picked up my journal, scribbling in it about the happenings of the day. I was thrilled that Edward loved me back. I was happy, very happy. Part of me, though, felt empty. Like I was missing something. It wasn’t the emptiness I felt when Jake died. That was hollow. This was more like I forgot something.

Thinking about it, I realized that Edward was destined to be a part of our family. He loved me. He loved my children. I loved him. I loved his family. For the first time since I moved into my home in Forks, it didn’t feel like a home. Just a house. A residence. Edward made my house a home. He had healed my heart and he was my _home._

As if he knew, my phone chirped with a text message from Edward. _Take care of my heart…I’ve left it with you. I love you, always ~ E_

**A/N: Another beastly chapter and we got a couple of lemons…WOO HOO! I do have a couple of pictures with this chapter. They will be on my blog and tumblr. Links for those are on my profile. I’m also on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation and twitter: tufano79. What do you think Esme said to Edward before he left with Bella and the kids?**

**Up next will be the end of the school year, Fourth of July and a trip to a cabin in the woods. It also maybe in Edward’s POV. I haven’t decided yet. There will be (I promise) a lemon warning, though. _Impish grin_. Leave me some. **

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 13

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**Up next will be the end of the school year, Edward’s birthday and leading up to the trip to Vancouver. So, I’ve decided to split the chapter…half Bella and half Edward. The lemon will happen the next chapter. This chapter kind of ran away from me. BUT, the lemon will be HOTT!**

**Oh, and the irony that I’m writing about Bella’s end of the school year while I’m getting to start my new school year. Makes me yearn for another summer vacay. For Bella, ‘School’s out for Summer.’ For me, ‘School days, school days…dear old golden rule days.’**

**Not mine…Just sayin…**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**BPOV**

“On your marks…get set…GO!” I yelled as a waved my flag. The third graders who were running the hundred yard dash for our field day took off in a dead sprint. There was squealing, laughter and joy. Field day was an annual event at the elementary school. The morning was spent with various races and games. In the afternoon, the fire department and several deputies helped with lunch, grilling hamburgers, hot dogs and veggie burgers while we finished setting up the carnival in the gym and outside. This year had several new attractions with pony rides, a petting zoo and inflatables. At the opposite end of the field, Alice blew the whistle, bouncing up and down, congratulating the fastest boy and fastest girl in the race.

After all of the races, we were going to determine the fastest boy and girl for the primary grades, kindergarten through second grade and another set for the more intermediate grades, third through fifth grade. There also other various competitions, games and such going on during this bright, warm day on the field of Forks Elementary School. Inside, arts and crafts were being made in the classrooms, along with face painting and a book walk, similar to a cake walk but the prizes were pulled books from the library. The kids loved it. So did the parents. The staff, we hated it because it was a lot of work. The field day was structured but not. Having twenty-four kids in self-contained classroom. Having nearly three hundred children running around, trying to keep them with their teacher was like herding cats.

Thank goodness today was the last day of school. For the kids, it was the last day of school. For the teachers, they had an institute day tomorrow to clean up their rooms so the desks could get replaced, the carpets cleaned and a fresh coat of paint on the walls. For Alice and me, it was the beginning of scheduling and all of that craziness with the secretaries, registering new students and reassigning any staff that needed to be shuffled around. In July, the school shut down completely so the main office could get scoured, so I got the month of July off. But, June and August, were going to be jam packed with a lot of work.

“Is everyone ready?” I asked the next group of kids. They eagerly nodded, bouncing on their toes. “On your marks…get set…GO!!”

During lunch, I’m sitting on one of the lunch tables, munching on a hot dog. I’m sweaty, tired and ready for a long nap. Walking toward me was one of the grill masters, Edward. He was carrying another plate and two water bottles. He plopped down next to me, handing me one of the bottles. “You should be in the shade, Ms. Black. You’re awfully pink.”

“I’m just hot,” I said. “I can handle the heat but coupled with humidity, my face gets red.” I chugged the water. “Are you freed from the grill?”

“More like banned. Mr. Schwartz yelled at me because the hamburgers I cooked were apparently raw. Stick to being a police officer, he said,” Edward snorted, nibbling on his hot dog. “I decided to take a break and join my favorite girl eat her lunch.”

“Well, Grace is over there,” I teased, pointing to a gaggle of little girls, squealing happily.

“You wound me, Bella. I thought you loved me,” he pouted.

“You know I do,” I giggled, popping a chip in my mouth. “Very much.” I leaned my cheek on his shoulder, wishing I could kiss him, but it wouldn’t be proper. I was working and technically, so was he. “I can’t wait to get home to shower.”

“I hear you. I smell like hot dogs and pony poop,” he snickered. “Whose brilliant idea was to put the pony rides next to the grill?”

“Lauren Crowley. She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. There’s a reason why she teaches kindergarten. It’s all she understands,” I whispered. “How’s Esme?”

“Better. She all but pushed me out of the house this morning,” Edward said, his eyes dimming. Esme had gotten sick with an opportunistic infection. She was admitted two weeks after Mother’s Day and stayed there for a week. I immediately felt guilty, thinking it was something that I or the kids brought into the house. Carlisle said that it was just a cold that turned into a nasty upper respiratory infection. Because of that, she couldn’t get chemo or get high on her medicinal marijuana. Once her oncologist gave her the go-ahead, she had another round of chemo on Friday of last week. She was admitted into the hospital again. This time for dehydration. She was released the day before yesterday and Edward had stayed over with his mom, helping her and taking care of her.

“Who’s with her?” I asked.

“Emmett. He’s taking her to the oncologist. They should be there now,” Edward said. “Our fear is that the cancer is growing again. That’s why the opportunistic infection attacked.”

“I’ll keep praying that it has spread and that she’s with us for a long time,” I murmured, taking Edward’s hand. He pursed his lips, tears building in his eyes. A few tears slid down his cheeks. I wiped them away, kissing his cheek. “You want to fall apart, don’t you?”

“I can’t,” he said, putting on a pair of sunglasses. “Not here. Not in front of my family.” A few more tears slid down his cheeks. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I said. “Are you going back to your parent’s place tonight?”

“No. Mom is insisting that I go home. She said she’s fine,” he mumbled, his voice cracking.

“Why don’t I come over after I’m done here and make you dinner? Spoil you a bit?” I suggested, rubbing his arm.

“What about John and Grace?” he asked.

“Since I have an institute day tomorrow, my parents are going to watch the kids. I can have my dad pick them up at the end of the school day,” I said, picking up my cell phone. Edward’s brows furrowed. “Or I can just leave you be…” I got up from the table, carrying my trash and tossed it in the garbage. I saw two boys fighting over a basketball and I waded in between them, diving into work and trying to ignore the pain I felt. When one of the boys swatted at the other, I waved down Alice and we went into the office to deal with them. Both boys apologized to each other. We kept them inside for the remainder of the day, working on some busy work. I stayed with them, avoiding my own troubles.

At the end of the day, the entire staff waved as the buses pulled away and parents left the car lane. We wished the fifth graders best of luck at middle school and told the rest that we’d see them next year. As I was waving to the kids on the buses, Kylie and Mrs. Kerr came over to me. After her suspension, Kylie came back a changed girl. She was diagnosed with ADHD with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. She was medicated for the ADHD and was seeing a therapist, Jane, for her outbursts. “Ms. Black?” came the contrite voice of Mrs. Kerr.

“Yes?” I replied, giving her a smile.

“First off, I want to apologize for how I acted during that meeting. I thought that Kylie’s tantrums were due to the fact that we had moved and not anything else. When I saw the emails from her teacher in Portland, I knew there was something more going on but wanted to sweep it under the rug,” she said quietly. “I also didn’t want her to have a label and a special plan.”

“Those plans are not there to ostracize your child, but to help them,” I said.

“I see that now,” she chuckled sadly. “Kylie is doing well in school and we have you and Mrs. Whitlock to thank for that.” Mrs. Kerr crouched down to Kylie, who had been quiet the entire time we were talking. “Do you have something to say to Ms. Black?”

Kylie bit her lip, walking closer to me. I didn’t have in my class since I had become the assistant principal by the time she was allowed back to school. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Black. I shouldn’t have hit you,” she mumbled. “Mommy said that I could have been in real big trouble but you didn’t do that.”

“Kylie, you were having a hard time. We all go through times like that,” I explained. “But it takes character to admit that you made a mistake and that you’re sorry for it. You’re a smart girl, Kylie. Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll rock out in second grade.”

She nodded, handing me a large gift bag. I thanked her, looking back at her mom. “Thank you again, Ms. Black. You are a great teacher and I’m glad that you had the courage to stand up to me and Kylie. Without you, she would have never gotten the help she needed.”

“Have a great summer, Mrs. Kerr. Don’t sleep in too late, Kylie,” I teased. The girl giggled, shaking her head. Mrs. Kerr guided Kylie to a large SUV and they drove off. They were the last family on the premises. The only people left on school grounds were the inflatable company and the exhausted staff of the Forks Puddle Jumpers.

Walking inside, Alice flopped down at the desk of one of the secretaries. She picked up the phone and made an all-call. “Attention all Forks Elementary Staff. Lock up your rooms. Go home. Have a beer. See you tomorrow at nine for check out and then…” she pressed play on the CD player on the desk and Alice Cooper’s voice filled the halls. Cheers erupted in the classrooms and everyone scurried out. The song ended and Alice turned to me. “You have a visitor, Bella.”

I nodded, looking at my office, which was still Mr. Banner’s office. I just moved in a photo of my kids and a picture of my family. The rest of the décor was Mr. Banner’s. He was going to remove it over the summer with the help of his kids and Shelly Cope. Alice hugged me before ducking into her own office. She shut the door and I padded to my own. Sitting at the round table in my office was Edward. His nose was sunburnt and he was twisting his keys in his hand. I closed the door and sat down across from him. “I’m sorry for overstepping my bounds earlier,” I said, trying to keep the waver out of my voice. “I’m also sorry for just walking away…I had a kid issue I needed to deal with.”

“I know. I saw,” Edward murmured. “I’m sorry for…pushing you away, I guess. Whenever Mom has these bouts of badness, I’m the pillar of strength. I’m pulled together for my mom, my dad, my brother and my sister-in-law. It threw me for a loop when you offered to be my strength. I’m so used to crying in the bathroom, beating the hell out of my punching bag or just drinking myself stupid. No one has ever offered to ‘spoil me’ during this whole thing. I didn’t know what to expect and so I just shut down. The autopilot engaged and I managed to get through the day, but I knew that I hurt you. I vowed that I never would. Hurt you, that is.”

“Edward, everyone deals with grief and overbearing situations in their own way. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you want to be alone, I’ll respect that. I just see that you’re exhausted, you’re thinner and…I’m worried,” I whispered. He sighed, taking my hands in his. He looked at me and his green eyes were dull, sad and empty. “What do you want, Edward?”

“I don’t know,” he said, blinking a few times and a single tear falling down his cheek. “I want to be near you, but I’m afraid my temper will scare you away. I’m so angry, Bella. Every time she has a set back like this, I’m afraid it’s going to be her last.”

“That, I do understand,” I said, reaching across the table and wiping his face. “Why don’t you come back to my place and I’ll make you some dinner? We can talk. You can cry, scream…whatever you need to do. You were there for me, Edward. You’ve continuously been there for me and for my children. It’s my turn to be there for you, baby.”

“What happens if she doesn’t make it?” Edward asked, his face heartbreakingly sad. “I’m not ready for her to go, Bella.”

“I know, Edward,” I said as I got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I know…” He gripped me, pulling me into his lap and his sobs tore at my heart. I was all too familiar with what he was feeling. It was too close to home. I felt it two years ago when Jacob was battling for his life. Pulling back, I took his face in my hands. “You’re not alone anymore, Edward.”

“Can I spend the night? I don’t want to be by myself,” he said, his eyes red and puffy. I nodded, kissing his lips softly. I got up, grabbing my laptop and keys. I grabbed his keys and held out my hand. He threaded his fingers with mine, following me like a lost puppy. I sent a text to my dad, informing him that Edward’s SUV was staying on the campus of Forks Elementary. He replied, saying that the kids were playing some of the neighbor kids on the street and would be staying until Saturday. I was grateful for that since I wanted to make sure that Edward was okay.

Driving back home, I parked my car in the garage after a brief trip to Edward’s house to pick up a few changes of clothes. I urged Edward to just relax in the basement. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He went downstairs and I found something that I could easily defrost for dinner. Keeping it simple, I tossed some of my frozen chili into a pot, setting the flame to warm and I went downstairs with Edward. I carried a bottle of water and some ibuprofen. I knew I was sore. Edward probably felt the same. “Here, baby,” I said as I sat down next to him.

“Thanks,” he said, pouring out two pills and using the water to choke them down. “I really am sorry for inadvertently pushing you away. It wasn’t my intention, Sweetness.”

“You’re hurting and sometimes you want everyone around you to feel the same,” I said. “I get it. I do.”

“I should be fine by tomorrow. I have a shift during the day with your dad and then I’m off for a couple of days before I switch to nights,” he explained. “My schedule is hectic until my birthday…”

“Wait, what?” I asked. “When’s your birthday? Why haven’t I heard about this before?” I poked him, trying to get him to smile.

“Because I’m old and thirty-six is not a good number,” he snorted.

“Birthday…when is it, Cullen?” I asked.

“June 20th,” he answered. “A week later, I’m going to the cabin in Vancouver for my vacation.”

“Right,” I blushed. “Do you still want company?”

“You want to go?” he replied, the first genuine smile creeping across his face.

“I do, but I don’t want to be away from my kids for Fourth of July,” I said. “They love the fireworks because my husband used to shoot off these amazing displays from our backyard.”

“We could…drive up together when I head up there and then, come back to Forks for the Independence Day holiday?” Edward suggested. “I know that the school is closed for the month of July, but you could take some time off, right?”

“I’d have to ask Alice, but it does seem doable. I don’t know the schedule leading up to the holiday,” I shrugged. “Let me ask tomorrow. I want to focus on this birthday, Edward. What do you want?”

“You. In a bow,” he quipped, wrapping his arms around me. He sighed heavily, leaning his cheek against my hair. “What this is my last birthday my mom is here for? She wanted to see so much for me. She wanted to see me get married, have kids, grow old…”

“I tell John and Grace that just because their father isn’t with them in body, he’s watching over them in spirit. Jacob will still get to see those things but from heaven,” I said, rubbing my hand along his chest.

“Does heaven really exist or is it something to calm our fear of death?” Edward asked, his voice taking a hard tone.

“That’s up to you. I believe that it exists. My husband suffered with pancreatic and now he’s with his mother, watching over me and his children. He sent me you, someone who has brought me back to life,” I murmured. “It’s one of those philosophical questions that no one has the answers for, but I believe heaven exists, if only for my own well-being. I have to know that Jacob is happy. That he’s healthy. That he’s safe. Who knows, it may be a crock of shit, but it’s what I believe.” Looking up at Edward, his lips were pursed and his eyes were brimming with tears. “You can believe what you want to believe, but Esme, when she passes, which won’t be any time soon since she’s too stubborn to die.” Edward chuckled, nodding. “When she does, she will watch over you. She will see you get married, if you hadn’t. She will see you have babies. She will always be with you because you will carry her in here.” I pressed my hand to his heart and massaging his chest lightly.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Edward asked, the tears spilling over onto his cheeks.

“The same thing I did to deserve you,” I replied, kissing his tears away.

“I love you, Bella,” he breathed, leaning forward to press his forehead to mine. “I never thought I’d find someone who would be as understanding and patient…about all of this.”

“It’s because, sadly, I’ve been through it,” I shrugged. “There are days where I’m upset and pissed off, but then I remember that I have John, Grace and you. It’s with the help and love of all of you that I get up in the morning. I love you so much, Edward. We’re a family.” His arms shot around me and he pulled me across his lap. He was trembling as he held me tightly, repeating that he loved me with his whole heart. He loved our family.

And we loved him.

xx PUTP xx

The next day, Edward was better.

And cuddly.

I didn’t mind. I loved it really. He was suctioned to my side, constantly touching me as we ate breakfast. He thanked me profusely for ‘spoiling’ him and I said I’d do again, as often as possible. It wasn’t much, though. I made him dinner, talked with him, held his hand and hugged him when he needed it. When we slept, I cradled him in my arms as he nuzzled my chest, listening to my heartbeat. Heaven knows I’ve done the same with him when I was upset.

In the car, before he went to his own truck, he kissed the shit out of me. I nearly melted in my seat from the heat of our embrace. With a quiet whisper, Edward said that he loved me and thanked me for taking care of him last night. I nodded dumbly, all cognitive brain functions temporarily disabled. He told me that he’d be over after his shift and that he wanted to take me out. Again, I nodded. He chuckled, kissing my forehead.

I sat in my car for nearly ten minutes, trying to calm my horny self down. That kiss definitely caused some issues with my sex drive. It was commanding, dominating and fucking sexy. Plus, Alice started pounding on my window. “Jesus!” She giggled maniacally as I scrambled out of the car. “”You are the devil incarnate, Alice.”

“Nah. Just wanting to know if you and Deputy Sexy have done the deed? Things looked icy there for a while but based off that kiss, you must have made up. Make up sex is the best,” she snorted.

“No, Ali. We haven’t had sex. We’ve shared a bed, slept together, but not have ‘done the deed,’” I said as I allowed myself to be pulled into the office. Alice pouted. “Stop with the puppy dog pout. Even when we do ‘do the deed,’ I’m not going to tell you.”

“Fine,” she grumbled.

“Oh, I do have a question for you.”

“Shoot, Hells Bells.”

“Edward invited me to go up to Vancouver the weekend before July Fourth. I know that the school is closed during July, but those last couple of days in June, do I need to use sick days or what?” I asked.

“Here’s the building schedule,” she said, handing me a sheet. “We’re closed from June twenty-fifth to July twenty-seventh. I’m going to an administrator’s conference in New York that same week, coming back on July second. You don’t have to worry about using your days. You’re on vacation.” Alice gave me an impish grin. “Do you think you’ll do it then?”

“Ali-cat,” I groaned.

“Okay, okay,” she said, waving her hand. She made an announcement that we were having a brief staff meeting in the library, then a catered brunch around ten. After the brunch, teachers could begin checking out and enjoying their summer vacation. The office staff began assembling registration packets for our students and I went down to my old classroom, pulling down my posters and packing up my belongings. The long-term sub we hired for me was asked to return as a permanent addition to the staff. She offered to clean up my room for me, but I had to make sure nothing was taken during my time in the office.

I worked until brunch and then steadily until four in the afternoon. With the help of one of the custodians, Waylon, I loaded up the back of my car with my classroom decorations. Alice checked me out and I was done. Until Monday.

Edward and I have a date, a picnic on LaPush Beach. We lit a driftwood fire and lay on the blanket until the stars came out. We just talked, occasionally kissed and just cuddled. Esme was on the upswing, able to keep food down and had some color. I smiled. Edward wasn’t ready to let her go. Honestly, neither was I. Esme had become a friend and confidante. Cancer was a cruel and vindictive bitch, taking good people from this world.

That night, we spent the night at Edward’s. His house was different, bigger. I liked it. My little cottage that I shared with my children was amazing. It was a place for me to heal, but Edward’s home felt like a new beginning or something. I was definitely a little more uninhibited with our sexual exploration. We still hadn’t gone much further than the night of the baseball game, but I was much more vocal and we fell asleep in our various stages of undress. Edward was completely naked and I was in my panties.

The next couple of weeks, I worked diligently at school. The kids were confused as to why I couldn’t hang out with them. Normally Mommy had the same time off as they did, but I explained that since I got a promotion, I needed to work more. Office hours were shorter, eight until two and we were closed on Friday, as were all of the district buildings. I jam packed the weekends with my kids, taking them to various outings, field trips and spending time with Edward and his family.

One Saturday morning, I was getting a pedicure with Grace. Esme was back, seated next to me. She looked thinner but her face still held its warm smile and her eyes twinkled. “What are you doing next Saturday, Bella?” she asked as Leah massaged her feet.

“I was hoping to do something for Edward’s birthday,” I giggled.

“It’s Mr. Edward’s birthday?” Grace squealed, nearly kicking Nia, the new girl working on my daughter’s feet.

“Calm down, Grace. I’m certain that Nia doesn’t want a black eye,” I chided.

“Sorry, Miss Nia,” Grace apologized. Nia chuckled. “Mommy, we have to get Mr. Edward a special present. One from me and John!”

“We will. We can go shopping after our pedicures. Would you like to join us, Esme?” I asked politely.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a day with the girls. Sounds like fun,” she smirked, pulling out her phone. “Let me call Emmett. He’s supposed to pick me up when I’m done. Instead, we can go shopping at Port Angeles for Edward’s birthday present!” She dialed her phone and we spent forty-five minutes strategizing gifts for Edward. He was a difficult man to shop for, according to Esme. He was picky and didn’t like to have people fawn over him.

“I have an idea,” Grace said as she danced in front of our seats in the salon. “Mommy, do you remember that scrapbook that Aunt Rachel made for you about Daddy?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “You want to make Mr. Edward a scrapbook?”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea!” Esme squealed. She took my hand and stared at me. “He needs to be reminded of all of the good. My son tends to dwell on the negative and I know that I won’t be here forever. We can use pictures that I have at the house, moving to today. All we need is an album and all of those scrabooking supplies. We have to make it masculine looking, Grace.”

“No pink?” Grace frowned.

“Maybe for your page,” Esme giggled. “I think he’ll be okay with that.” Grace seemed appeased by that. We finished our pedicures and I helped Esme into the front seat. She was giddy with anticipation. Grace was chattering excitedly about what we could do and get. It was going to be a time crunch since we only had a week to get it done. Esme said she’d help with memories, but the scrapbook would be a gift from all of us. At the craft store, Grace skipped off in search of a perfect album while Esme walked with me. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. For all of my children, really. This last bout of illness took a lot out of me.”

“You’re going to be with us for a long time, Esme,” I said, hugging her gently. She smiled distantly. “Aren’t you?”

“The cancer isn’t spreading. The chemo is keeping what I have in me from getting worse, but it’s the infections that are going to get me, really. If I can’t get my chemo…” she trailed off. “It will be swift, that’s all I’m going to say.”

“There are miracles every day, Esme. I pray that you are the recipient of a miracle,” I murmured hopefully. She gave me a look but didn’t say anything else. We spent an hour or so looking for papers, embellishments and such for this scrapbook. When all was said and done, we did fairly well. Grace chose an emerald green album that had a window in the front cover. Esme was tired and we drove her back to her house. Esme found all of her picture albums, going through them with Grace and me, despite her exhaustion. Choosing fifty photos, we divide them up to work on our pages. I was shocked to see photos from Mother’s Day. There was a gorgeous photo of Edward and me, my children cuddled to our sides. Edward was cradling Grace, who was sleeping on his chest while John was snuggled to his side. Edward had his arm around me, his lips pressed to my temple and I was smiling softly with my eyes shut.

“You keep that one,” Esme said. “I’ve got a copy and it’s going in the scrapbook.”

“Who took this?” I asked. “Who had a camera?”

“Rose. She saw that and went a little shutter happy,” Esme chortled. “I’ve never seen my son look at anyone like he looks at you and your beautiful children, Bella. Now, we have a lot of work to do to get this done before next Saturday. Do you want to come over to start on this tomorrow?”

“Can I help, Miss Esme?” Grace chirped.

“I certainly hope so,” Esme beamed, hugging my little girl. “We need to have a page just for you and John.” Grace squealed, happily giggling. “Come over around eleven, Bella?”

“We’ll be here with bells on,” I promised. “Come on, pretty girl. Miss Esme looks really tired and we should let her rest.”

“Kay,” Grace nodded. “Love you, Miss Esme. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Esme said, cupping Grace’s face. My daughter smile, kissing Esme’s cheek before she skipped out of the kitchen to get her shoes on. Once Grace is out of sight, Esme hugs me. She didn’t say anything but I could feel her tears on my shoulder. Pulling back, Esme smiled warmly. “See you tomorrow, Bella.”

“Call if you don’t feel up to it,” I shrugged. Esme nodded and I turned to go, my need to finish this scrapbook weighing heavily on me. My boyfriend needed this. So did his mother. I wanted to give them both something they would cherish, for however long they may be on this earth.

xx PUTP xx

**EPOV**

I was nervous. Very nervous. Tonight, the eve of my birthday, was the first night I was staying over while John and Grace were going to be home. Bella didn’t want them to go to her parent’s place because next Thursday, I was driving us up to Vancouver to spend an extended weekend up in my cabin. She felt very guilty about leaving the kids for more than a few days, but she hadn’t had a true vacation since Jake’s diagnosis. The woman needed a break.

So did I, really. I was working nonstop. Charlie was talking more and more about retiring and pushing me to run for police chief. Everyone knew I was his second in command, but being the boss? It wasn’t like I could apply for the job. I had run, _campaign_ for it. As far as I knew, no one else wanted it, but it was an added pressure.

I was packing a small duffel bag after I got off my shift. I had showered and changed into a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Bella wanted to do something special for me tonight since my actual birthday was being spent with my family at Emmett’s house. I knew my mom, my girlfriend and my girlfriend’s daughter were up to no good. I always insisted that I never wanted presents for my birthday. I adore spoiling the ones I love, but getting gifts? Not so much.

Locking up my house, I darted to my car and drove the short distance to Bella’s. Grace and John were outside, playing in the front yard. As soon as my car was turned off, they were at my door, dragging me to play soccer with them. They loved the goal game I came up with on the fly. I loved them both and seeing their smiling faces warmed my heart. In the backyard, Bella was working a large grill. Her hair was piled on her head in a loose bun. I barely got time to kiss her hello before I was inundated with soccer balls and giggling children.

“Mr. Edward, Mom says that tomorrow’s your birthday,” John chirped as he dribbled the soccer ball toward me. “What do you want?” He kicked the ball. I blocked it, kicking it back to Grace.

“Well, I’ve talked to your mom about this and my one wish is that you both call me Edward. Not Mr. Edward,” I said, leaning forward, placing my hands on my knees.

“Mom, is that okay?” Grace asked. “You said that all adults should be called mister or miss…”

“It’s fine with me,” Bella snickered, flipping a steak on the grill. “Edward has his reasons.”

John furrowed his brows. “Are you mad at us?”

“Gosh, no! John, quite the opposite,” I said, walking toward the table set up on the patio. “I know that you call adults, using mister or miss as a sign of respect. That’s awesome. I was taught the same thing. In fact, I have a hard time calling someone older than me by their first name because it’s so much a part of how I was taught. Your grandpa, Charlie? It took me over a year and a half to call him that as opposed to Chief Swan.”

“Why do you want us to call you by your first name?” Grace asked, clambering onto my lap.

“Because, you guys are important to me. I want us to be friends. I appreciate that you are so respectful, but I love you both and it feels weird for you to call me ‘Mr. Edward,’” I said.

“You love us?” Grace gasped, her little hands flying to her mouth.

“Of course I do, Grace,” I said, smiling softly at her, brushing her hair from her face. “Both of you.”

“Are you trying to take the place of our dad?” John asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Never, John. Your dad was an amazing man. I don’t want to replace him. He’s, honestly, irreplaceable. I do want to be your friend and someone you can turn to if you can’t talk to your mom or grandparents,” I explained. John kept staring at me, his eyes clapped on me. “Just consider calling me Edward. That would make my birthday special and all I really want.”

“Grace, John, go inside and grab the potato salad, pasta salad and something to drink for yourselves,” Bella said. Grace hugged me, nuzzling my cheek before bouncing off my lap. John followed his sister sullenly. Bella walked over to me, handing me a beer, sitting down across from me. “John will be okay. He’s a thinker. He needs to analyze this request before he makes a decision.”

“It’s like he hates me,” I frowned.

“He doesn’t. John prattles on about you all of the time. He’s proud to be associated with you. You’re all he talks about at t-ball and soccer,” Bella smiled. “Both of my children adore you.” She kissed me on the cheek, walking back to the grill to take off the steaks for us and cheeseburgers for John and Grace. The kids came back out, carrying two bowls. John also had two juices pouches. “Can you guys also get ketchup and mustard?”

“I’ll get it, Mommy,” Grace sang, skipping back into the house.

Bella carried back a large tray, filled with two steaks and two hamburgers, along with grilled veggies and grilled corn. My mouth was watering as she laid the tray on the table.

“Why couldn’t I have a steak?” John asked, his nose wrinkled.

“Because, it’s not your birthday,” Bella snickered. “You and Grace have sirloin hamburgers. They’re like steak, but covered in cheese.” She put the hamburgers onto buns, placing them onto their plates. Bella hands me the larger of the two steaks, some veggies and an ear of corn. “Even ours are covered in cheese. They’re Greek steaks with feta and oregano.”

“Smells delicious, Bella. Thank you,” I said as I dished some pasta salad onto my plate. Dinner was delicious. But then again, everything that Bella makes is wonderful. When we were finished, I wanted to do the dishes since Bella cooked, but she told me to occupy John and Grace while she did the dishes. Grace asked to go to the park. After checking with Bella, John, Grace and I walked to the park around the corner from Bella’s house. John was distant but Grace was chattering, constantly saying my name. Her tiny hand was clasped in mine, skipping happily. At the park, the kids saw a few of their friends from school and an epic game of tag ensued. I leaned casually against a tree, watching them.

One boy was being pretty rough with John. I recognized him as the son of one of our frequent fliers at the station. The father was a drunk and he was arrested for driving drunk, domestic violence and a slew of other things. However, the charges never stick because the wife would always recant. The only thing we could ding him on was DUI. He has a suspended license. The son, it seemed, had obviously got his father’s penchant for being violent. I walked closer to John, who was huddling as the boy, Jason, was pushing him.

“Your mommy can’t save you now, Black. You’re such a pussy. Always crying! Is it because your daddy abandoned you?” Jason sneered, shoving John.

“Shut up,” John growled, his hands clenched in fists. “Just because I don’t want to play with you doesn’t mean you get to be a jerk!”

“Why would I want to play with you? You’re a baby! John’s a baby! John’s a baby!” Jason shoved him toward another boy. “Come on, you baby. Hit me! Show me that you’re not a pussy!”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” John yelled, glaring at Jason. The kid just laughed, pushing John again. I saw the boy’s father flirting with another woman, ignoring his son.

“NO! You’re a fucking pussy!” Jason laughed, pushing John really hard into the playground equipment. I darted towards him, putting myself in between John and Jason. “Back off, man!”

“Do you want to be arrested for assault?” I asked, flashing my badge. “Just because you’re a kid doesn’t mean that you can’t be arrested, Jason.” His eyes widened. “Apologize. Now!”

“Jason, let’s go!” slurred his father. “I don’t want Deputy Cullen to take me in.”

“Apologize!” I growled, narrowing my eyes at the boy.

“I’m sorry, John,” Jason whimpered before he ran off to his dad. I glared at both of them. Jason’s father grabbed his son’s arm harshly, hissing in his face.

Behind me, I heard sniffles. Turning around, I crouched down in front of John. He was holding his head, crying quietly. “Come here, little man,” I said as I held out my hand. He took it, allowing me to take him to a picnic table. His cheeks were red and his eyes were puffy. I sat down, holding him in my lap. “What hurts, John?”

“My head,” he said, his voice thick with his tears. I gently pressed his head, feeling a small bump. “Jason pushed me hard. And…and…and…my dad didn’t abandon me!”

“I know, John,” I said, wiping his tears. “Does Jason always bully you?”

“It got bad at the end of the year, during that family tree project,” John whispered, cuddling to my side. “I couldn’t give my presentation because I started crying when I talked about my dad. Jason called me that word ever since and he pushed me around when no one was looking.”

“Did you tell anyone?” I questioned, rubbing his back, my heart breaking for this little boy. He shook his head, his face screwing up into a grimace. More tears leaked out of his eyes and he flung his arms around me. “Johnny…it’s okay.” I held him close, rubbing his back and feeling his tears soaking my shirt. Over John’s shoulder, I saw Grace with Bella. Both of my girls looked concerned and understandably so. John was such a thinker and introverted. For him to show his emotions like this, he was obviously hurting.

“John?” murmured Bella, sitting next to me. “What’s wrong, baby?”

He didn’t respond, only clung to me tighter. I balanced him on my lap, just holding him and loving him as best as I could.

“Jason Rutherford was being mean to him,” Grace answered. “He pushed Johnny. Edward stopped it though.”

“Why don’t we go back to the house and I’ll tell you everything,” I said. “John needs some ice because he has a bump on his head.” Bella looked at John grimly, her lips in a flat line. She nodded jerkily, offering her hand to Grace. “Let’s go home, Johnny.” He nodded, tightening his hold around my neck. Scooping him up, I carried him off the playground as he cried quietly in my arms. By the time we got to the house, my arms were sore but John wouldn’t let go. His face was still buried in my neck. Inside the house, Bella got an icepack. I took it, gently holding it to the bump.

“John, how long has Jason been teasing you?” Bella asked. John wouldn’t answer. He whimpered, crawling closer to my body. Bella looked at me, her chocolate brown eyes beseeching me.

“During the family tree project. John never told anyone,” I answered.

“Why, baby?” she asked.

“Because it would just make it worse!” John yelled, his face pale and angry. “I hate him, Mom. Jason is mean and he said that Dad abandoned us.”

Bella shot up, storming to the phone. She searched through the school directory. I put John on the couch, kissing his forehead and telling him to keep the icepack on his head. “Bella, don’t.”

“That asshole is telling lies,” she seethed.

“He is, but calling up the family will only make it worse. Jason’s father is quite violent. I’ve seen bruises on his wife on the numerous domestic violence calls. If he can do that to his wife, imagine what he’d do to a stranger. He touches you, or John, or Grace, he’s dead. No jury would ever convict,” I snarled. “It’s not right, but you can’t confront this family. The boy is dangerous, as is the father.”

“Can’t you arrest him?” Bella asked.

“I threatened the punk kid, flashing my badge,” I answered. “In fact, once we get John calmed down, I’m calling Child Protective Services. Have them do a random check on Jason and the family. It’ll be anonymous.”

“How will that stop Jason from bullying my son?”

“If it’s bad enough, he’ll be placed in foster care. Away from the man who is setting the example of cruelty and lies. But, if it continues, we can bring him in under the bullying and harassment statute. I can’t be involved since I’m close to you and to your family, but charges could be filed, Bella. I would suggest, though, making sure that Jason and John are not in the same class.”

“Kay,” Bella sniffled, her tough exterior crumbling. I held her as she cried on my shoulder. John’s quiet call broke us from our embrace. “I’m going to wash my face. I’ll be right back.”

I walked back to the couch. Grace pushed me onto the cushions, curling up to my side. John nestled to my other side, taking my hand. “I’m hungry,” he grumbled.

“You must be feeling better,” I teased. “You’re wanting food.”

John smirked. “I’m sorry I cried on you, Mr. Edward…” He closed his eyes and looked up at me. “Um, Edward. Jason has been mean to me for a while. You stood up for me. Thank you.”

“I’d do it again, John,” I said, kissing his head. “No one has the right to make you feel like that. You are not a baby or anything else. You’re strong and brave. I’m proud of you.”

“Even though I cried?” he asked, his eyes shimmering with tears.

“It’s okay to cry,” I soothed, wiping his tears away. Bella called Grace and she bounced away, kissing her brother after she disappeared into the kitchen.

“Edward?” John choked out.

“What, John?” I replied.

He crawled into my lap, hugging me tightly. “I love you,” he whispered. “Thank you for protecting me like a dad.”

And cue my tears. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat, John,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. “I love you, too, bud.”

We broke apart when Bella and Grace walked in, carrying a cake with candles atop it. They both were singing ‘Happy Birthday’ putting the cake on the table. I smiled crookedly. “Make a wish!” Grace squealed. I closed my eyes, wishing with my whole heart. _I want my mom to see me marry Bella and make her and the kids my family._ Blowing out the candles, I beamed happily. “What did you wish for, Edward?” Grace asked.

“You’re not supposed to tell or the wish won’t come true,” Bella chided. Grace pouted, saddened that she couldn’t know the secret.

“Can I have an extra big slice?” John asked, his tears forgotten as he gazed at the cake like it was porn. “I’ve got a concussion and all.”

“Concussion my ass,” Bella snorted. “But, yes, you can have an extra big slice.” Bella handed me the knife and I cut up the cake, divvying it up among the four of us.

After we ate the cake, we all went downstairs to watch a movie. I was covered with kids and Bella was pouting. She hated sharing me with them. I missed cuddling with my girl, but John was suctioned to my side and Grace was a little jealous. Both kids ended up crashing and it took some wrangling to get the upstairs. Tucking them into their beds, Bella dragged me back downstairs. Pushing me on the couch, she straddled my legs. Taking my face in her hands, she kissed me deeply, her tongue massaging mine. My hands moved to her ass, pulling her closer to my growing arousal. Bella stopped, pressing her forehead to mine. “Do you know how much I love you?” she panted, her fingers toying with my hair. “Most men would have run away…but…”

“Bella, I love both Grace and John. Why would I run away?” I asked, caressing her cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I heard what he said. John needed that. I tried loving him enough for both parents, but it’s not the same,” she said, her voice wistful. “I think that deserves a special treat.”

“What would that be, Ms. Black?” I asked.

“It involves you and me, upstairs, in my bed with my lips around your cock,” she giggled. Hopping off my lap, she tugged on my hand and lured me upstairs.

“Who am I to refuse such a tempting offer?” I growled, nibbling on her neck.

xx PUTP xx

The next morning, I was dead to the world. I was clinging to a pillow since my bed buddy was noticeably absent. She had sucked me dry. Her mouth was pure fucking magic. All coherent thought had gone. Bella’s lilting, sexy voice had to remind me to get dressed since we weren’t alone. I pulled on a pair of shorts before using her breasts as my pillows. The sounds of giggles woke me up, but I feigned sleep. Two thumps indicated I had some guests in bed.

“His hair is a mess,” Grace whispered, tugging on my undoubtedly riotous and sexed up locks.

“He’s sleeping, Grace,” John deadpanned. “It’s not going to be perfect all of the time. Your hair is a mess, too.”

“Is not!” Grace hissed. “I brushed it this morning.”

“With what? A fork?” John giggled. Grace growled, crawling over me but I caught her. John’s giggles turned into guffaws as I tickled his sister.

“Edward!” she shrieked, kicking her feet in the air.

“I was sleeping, Yappy McYapperson,” I chuckled. “Quite comfortably, mind you. And my hair is wonderful.”

“Half of it is smushed, Edward,” John snorted, pointing to my head.

“So? It’s the new look,” I replied, running my fingers through my flattened hair. “All of your friends will want hair like this.”

“That is sooooo doubtful,” Bella retorted, carrying a tray. “Deputy, I love you, but that is not your best look, bub.” She placed the tray over my legs. “The kids wanted to make you breakfast in bed in honor of your birthday. Blueberry pancakes with homemade whipped cream, bacon and fresh, homemade coffee.” I sat up, the covers dropping to my waist. I wasn’t wearing a shirt and Grace traced my tattoo.

“It’s pink!” she said. “I thought boys don’t like pink.”

“Most don’t, but I got this for my mom. She has breast cancer and it’s signified with a pink ribbon,” I answered, munching on my bacon. “My brother, my dad and Miss Rose all have this same tattoo.”

“Did it hurt?” John asked.

“Like getting a bunch of paper cuts, but I’d do again for my mom,” I smiled.

“Did Daddy’s cancer have a color?” Grace questioned.

“Yep, purple,” Bella replied. She went into her closet, grabbing a jacket with a purple ribbon pinned to it.

“Can I get a tattoo?” John asked, his eyes wide.

“When you can pay for your own bills and support yourself, yes,” Bella responded blandly. “While you live in my house, sleep in my bed and eat my food, no tattoos for you. Got it?” John harrumphed. “You’re eight, Johnny. You have to be eighteen to get a tattoo. You’re a little young.”

“As soon as I’m eighteen, I’m getting a tattoo,” John said adamantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Don’t make any decisions now, John. My family and I, we got this tattoo for a fundraiser and to support my mom. If she hadn’t gotten sick, I probably wouldn’t have gotten it,” I answered. John nodded. They all watched me eat, which was a little disconcerting, but Grace wanted to know if her pancakes were nummy and John was begging for some bacon. Bella also sipped some of my coffee. I felt like I was surrounded by three very cute but impatient puppies, wanting table scraps from my breakfast. I finished my breakfast and Bella pushed her children out of the bedroom. Gently, mind you. She said that I had an hour to be ready to go to my parent’s house for the barbeque birthday party my mom had planned.

I took a shower, washing my body and hair using Bella’s body wash and shampoo. I felt like I was covered in her, surrounded by my girl. I wanted to repay the favor for Bella’s wonderful birthday blowjob, but she wouldn’t allow me. She said that it was all about me since I was the birthday boy. Shaving my face and attempting to style my hair, I finished in the bathroom. I dressed in a pair of dark wash jeans with a green button down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up. I added some cologne before packing my belongings into my duffel.

Downstairs, Bella had Grace sitting on the stool in the kitchen. She was curling the ends of her hair. John was playing on his iPad, his ear buds in. “You look handsome, Edward,” Grace cooed.

“Thank you, Miss Grace. You look very pretty. I like your dress,” I said, tickling her knee. She was wearing a pink and purple dress with matching sandals. Her hair was half braided, flowing over her shoulders. Bella was in a jean skirt and tight t-shirt with a blouse over it. She looked gorgeous, casual and fun. Her hair was clipped back and wild, waves cascading down her back. I kissed Bella’s neck. “You’re gorgeous, love.” Bella blushed, giving me a coy look.

“Okay, munchkins, we’re taking Edward’s car since I’m kind of blocked in the garage. Go with him out to the car while I grab my purse and camera,” Bella said. She turned to me, kissing my lips. “I have to get Grace’s booster from the Pilot. I’ll meet you outside.”

“Kay,” I answered, swiping my keys. Both kids followed me to the car. John clambered in first, buckling his seatbelt while Grace waited for her booster. Bella came out with the booster seat, settling it on the chair in the back. Grace got in and Bella helped her buckle. I started the car and once Bella was inside, backed out of her driveway. John was still playing on his iPad. Grace was singing along with the radio. Bella and I held hands while I drove to my parent’s house.

Parking in the driveway, we go directly to the backyard. We could hear the sounds of laughter and the smell of grilled goodness. On the expansive patio, I saw my entire family, along with Charlie, Renee, Alice and Jasper. I blushed, hating being the center of attention but I accepted the birthday wishes and hugs all the same. The party is in full swing. Everyone is drinking and having fun. Harry Clearwater and his wife, our dispatcher, Sue come over with their grandchildren. Grace and John were running around, having fun with Seth and Emily. I was grabbing a refill for my beer when Charlie nodded to me. I followed him to the edge of my parent’s property, just overlooking the Sol Duc River.

“What’s up, Charlie?” I asked.

“You’re good for her. For them,” he said, giving me a smile. His mustache twitching lightly. “I haven’t seen those smiles or those squeals in nearly two years.”

“I love them all, Charlie. John and Grace are amazing kids and Bella, she owns me,” I murmured, looking back at my girl, who was laughing with her mom and mine. Turning back to him, I looked at him in the eyes. “I know that we’re nowhere near ready for this, but I want it all with her.”

“Marriage?” Charlie smirked. “Two kids and a mortgage?”

“Yep,” I chuckled. “Maybe even more kids?”

“She wanted more. She and Jake were talking about trying for another one when he got sick,” Charlie sighed. “Obviously that didn’t happen.”

“She’s a great mom,” I breathed. “I know it’s only been a few months, but I’d like to ask for your blessing, Charlie. I want to marry Bella. I want to be a father figure to John and Grace.”

“You have my blessing, Cullen. Do you have any idea when you’re going to propose?”

“No clue, Charlie. I’d like to be married before my mom dies, but I don’t want to push Bella. She’s in charge. It’s her heart that needed healing,” I explained.

“All of them needed healing, Edward. I’m just glad that you two found each other. All I ever wanted was the best for my baby girl. She’s getting it twice,” Charlie said, slapping my shoulder.

“Grandpa! We’re getting ready to eat!” yelled Grace. “Bring Edward!”

“Soup’s on,” Charlie said.

I nodded, following him to the solarium, which had been set up like a buffet. I got to get in line first, loading up my plate with grilled salmon, a filet and a lot of various sides. We ate outside since the weather was cooperating. After dinner, all able bodied people played in the yard. Bella and Renee, with my mom supervising since she was tired, did the dishes. The sun dipped lower in the sky and another cake was brought out. I reiterated my wish from last night as I blew out the candles. Sue and Renee were going to dish out the cake while I opened my present. “You didn’t have to get me anything. The party was enough. This was amazing,” I smiled, sitting on a chaise lounge with my girl curled next to me.

My mom came out with Grace helping her, carrying a large box with a bright green bow on top. Handing me the present, Grace smiled. “It’s from all of us, really. Miss Esme, me and Mommy worked on it, though. Miss Rose helped, too.”

I furrowed my brow in confusion. Untying the bow, I lifted the lid and saw a large green album nestled inside. Picking it up, I opened it and saw my mom holding me as I was a baby. In my mom’s elegant script, she wrote how she was so lucky to have me and that I would do great things. As I flipped through the album, or rather scrapbook, it went through my life, highlighting my most important moments, losing my first tooth, Christmases, dances, high school graduation, college graduation, my first day at Quantico, mom’s first bout with breast cancer, my life in D.C., moving to Forks, Bella, the kids and two blank pages. The first blank page looked like a wedding invitation and the last one, more somber. _Mom’s funeral…_ On each page, there were notes and stories written on there, describing what my mom or Bella felt.

“Don’t cry, Edward,” John said quietly, his fingers wiping my tears away. “Today’s your birthday. You should be happy.”

“I am,” I choked out, looking at my mom and then at my girlfriend. “This is the best gift ever. I…I…I have no words…” I looked down at the picture of Bella, me and the kids. We looked like a family. “I will treasure this always.” Putting the book down, I walked to my mom and hugged her tightly. “Love you, Momma.”

“I love you, more, my sweet boy,” she whispered. “Happy birthday.” I blushed, kissing her cheek. Walking to Rose, I hugged her, too. A lot of the photos from when Bella came into our lives were taken by her. She beamed happily.

The last person I wanted to thank was Bella, so I hugged John and Grace, whispering that I loved them. Grace blushed and John looked shyly at his shoes. With another hug, I told them that I was going to borrow their mom for a few moments. Placing the album back into the box carefully, I offered my hand to Bella. She took it, going with me to the same place where I asked for Charlie’s blessing.

“I hope you aren’t mad,” Bella mumbled nervously. “Your mom and I struggled with what we wanted to get you. She was the one who suggested the scrapbook.”

“Sweetness, that was the best present anyone could have ever gotten me. Seriously,” I whispered. “I loved it. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Edward,” she said, wrapping her arms around my neck. As I held her in the cooling night, surrounded by fireflies and the sounds of summer, I realized three things. The first was that I was dating the most wonderful, loving and amazing woman on the planet. The second thing was that I wanted to be with her. All of her. I loved her with my mind, my heart, my soul and I wanted to show her how much I loved her with my body. The third? I wanted to make her my wife.

And soon.

**A/N: Soooooooo…slight change of plans. No lemony goodness. I do apologize for that. I wanted to put it in here, but I’m at 10K words and I do not want to scrimp on the citrusy action. This chapter just ran away from me, but I think I like this better. You know? Now, there are no pictures with this one, but there will be in the next chapter. If you want to see the old pictures, check out my blog or tumblr. Links for those are on my profile. Type in ‘Picking up the Pieces’ in the search bar and any post with that tag will pop up. You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79.**

**Up next will be Vancouver, lemony action, Independence Day and possibly a trip to Phoenix. Leave me some!**

 


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**This story is dedicated to my friend, Pam, who recently lost her husband to cancer. She’s a wonderful friend with a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve losing her best friend to such a devastating and deadly disease. I love you, girl.**

**I do apologize for the lack of updates, but my RL has imploded. There are not enough hours in the day to get everything I need to get done, from work, spending time with my family and writing these updates. Thank you for your patience.**

**Up next will be Vancouver, lemony action, Independence Day and possibly a trip to Phoenix.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**BPOV**

“Do I need a passport to drive to Canada?” I asked Alice. I was packing for my trip with Edward. My kids were spending time with my parents so I could get ready for my trip. Alice was sitting on my bed, folding my clothes and placing them into my suitcase.

“I would assume yes,” Alice replied, holding up an oversized t-shirt. “Bella, I realize that you and Edward are fairly comfortable with each other, but that is not appropriate wear for you to put on while you’re spending a couple of days with your sexy new boyfriend. Don’t you have any lingerie?”

“No,” I answered, squeaking slightly. “Not anymore. I tossed it all when I moved. I have some cute bra and panty sets, but no lingerie. At the time, who was going to see it?”

She gave me a stern glare. “When are you leaving with Edward?” Alice asked, her brow shooting to her hairline.

“Tomorrow morning,” I said, slightly afraid of my best friend.

“Thank goodness your kiddos are with your parents. We’ve got some shopping to do,” Alice said, tugging on my hand. Dragging me to her Lexus, we drove to Port Angeles to some specialty lingerie shop.

“Ali-cat, I cannot buy all new lingerie,” I whined, looking at the stuff in the window. “Yes, the promotion is great and I’m making good money, but…”

“But nothing. I’m not talking about a complete lingerie overhaul. As a woman, you need to have those granny panties and holey bras. Whenever I have my Aunt Flo, I wear that stuff so I don’t ruin my fancy underwear,” she explained, leading me into the shop. “Besides, Jasper knows that if _he_ ruins them, he has to replace them. My man has a tendency to shred my panties when he’s horny.”

“I am not going to make Edward buy me panties, Alice,” I deadpanned. “Neither one of us is made of money.”

“Who said that this place is expensive?” Alice snickered, opening the door. “Just because you’re buying new lingerie, doesn’t mean that it’s expensive.” She handed me a light blue teddy. Looking at the price tag, I was expecting it to be over a hundred bucks. Instead, it was just under thirty. “Yes, you can buy stuff from La Perla and Agent Provocateur, but I’d be paranoid to wear that shit. This place offers decent knock-offs for a mere fraction of the cost. Though, when you get married, I am treating you to some saucy goodies from La Perla. You are not going to wear imitation underwear on your wedding day.”

“Who says I’m getting married?” I asked, thumbing through the racks of panties and push-up bras.

“Um, anyone who has seen you with your boyfriend? Hells Bells, even a blind man can see how in love you two are,” Alice chided.

“But, we’re not getting married,” I argued. “I haven’t even had sex with him. I’m terrified.”

“Why? It’s not like you’re a virgin,” Alice retorted.

“Alice, the only man I’d been with, made love to, was my husband,” I said. “Edward and I, we’ve fooled around, but we’ve not crossed that bridge yet. It will probably, more than likely, happen while we’re in Vancouver, but what happens if we have sex and then he realizes that we’re not compatible in that way. I’m too stiff or I can’t get the idea of Jake out of my head?” Alice looked at me like I was certifiable. “What? It could happen.”

“Sure. When pigs fly and Jasper decides that he’s not allergic to cats,” Alice snorted. “Are you nuts? You and Edward are going to experience fireworks between the sheets and you will make the most beautiful babies.”

_What?_

“Babies?” I squeaked. I blanched and Alice must have noticed how pale I had turned. She led me to a squishy chair, encouraging me to breathe deeply.

“Sorry, Bells,” she whispered, rubbing my back. “I thought you wanted more children.”

_With Jake._

_I wanted more children with Jake._

_I don’t know if I could…_

“Shit, Bella, you’ve got to calm down.” I closed my eyes and took a shuddering breath. After a few more deep breaths, my heart had settled and I didn’t feel like puking up over Alice. “Better?”

“Kind of,” I answered, my voice still trembling.

“Let’s get some coffee and then we can come back here, if you’re still interested?” Alice muttered. I nodded, following her out of the shop and to a nearby Starbucks. She ordered me some tea while she got a venti mocha choca something or other. Sitting down in one of the booths, I held my tea and inhaled it, allowing the scent to calm me. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out, Bells.”

“I freaked myself out. Children? I don’t know,” I whispered.

“Are you covered? Birth control?” Alice asked.

“I get the shot, so yeah, I’m covered,” I answered. “But, I never even broached the subject of having kids with someone who _wasn’t_ Jake. I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m with Edward and that I opened my heart up to him, allowing me to love him and for him to love me.”

“Don’t you think that Edward, if you got to that point, would want children with you?” Alice pressed.

“I don’t know. We hadn’t really talked about it,” I blushed. “He’s stepped into this father-like position with Grace and John, but never mentioned having his own children. He would be a great dad, though.”

“He already is,” Alice smiled, laying her hand over mine. My eyes shot to hers, giving her a withering glare. “Not that I’m saying that he’s _trying_ to replace Jake. He’s stepped into a role where he’s becoming like a dad to John and Grace. Will they ever call him ‘Dad’? Who knows? But, Bella, you have to see what’s happening. You, Edward and your children, you’re becoming a family. Is that so bad?”

My mind said no, but my heart was going a mile a minute, wanting to say yes. I had opened my heart to Edward, said that I loved him and I did. It was different from what I felt for Jake. Jake was a constant, steady, warm and reliable. Edward was passionate, hot, quick-tempered but so affectionate. Edward had been there for me when I needed him and in return, I was there for him when Esme got sick. I would be there for him when Esme passed. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be for many, many years.

“Bells! I asked you a question,” Alice said, waving her hand in my face. “You spaced out on me.”

“What did you say?” I mumbled, shaking out the cobwebs.

“You. Edward. Family. GO!” Alice chirped, giving me an impish grin. I furrowed my brows. Still confused. “Is it so bad that you and Edward are acting like a family with your children?”

“No. John loves having a guy, other than my dad, to talk to. Grace adores Edward, relishing in the story times they share. I’m glad to have the intimacy of sharing my life with someone,” I shrugged. “But does that mean I’m ready for more kids? I’m thirty-five, Ali-cat. Soon to be thirty-six. My body is not getting any younger.”

“Don’t shut the door on it, Bells. If you and Edward decide to take that step, you will have _gorgeous_ babies,” Alice sang. “And I would love to be the godmother.” She took my hand. “Just let it happen. Everything with you and Edward has been organic. The next step with him will be just as fluid. You do need a lingerie overhaul, though. I’m not bending on that. Even if you spend the weekend in bed, _not_ having sex, I want my best friend looking good. Please, let me help you with the panties! $200! It’ll get you a ton of sexy, saucy goodies.”

“One stipulation…no thongs,” I grumbled.

“Done!” Alice sang, dragging me back to the lingerie store. An hour later, I had a brand new lingerie wardrobe, complete with nighties, bras, panties and some bustier thing with garter belts. Alice insisted that Jasper loved unbuckling her from it. I wasn’t so keen on it, but it was on clearance and did amazing things to waist and my boobs. I actually had a cleavage with the bustier, corset-thing.

Alice also convinced me to get a wax, _down there_. We went to a nearby salon where she trusted the aestheticians. I didn’t want Edward’s sister-in-law looking at my hoo-ha, waxing my girly bits. And let’s say that the bikini wax not an experience that I will repeat. I felt like the top layer of skin was torn off along with my pubic hair. The curse words that flew out of my mouth was reminiscent of Steve Carrell in _40-Year-Old Virgin_ , random nonsense, spat out like expletives. When I walked out of the salon, I had a distinct waddle and Alice got the stink eye. Any further grooming will be done with my own razor.

Back at the house, we carefully chose the lingerie for my trip and packed it in my suitcase. Shortly before midnight, Alice left and told me to have fun. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she giggled, wiggling her fingers as she skipped out of my house.

“That doesn’t leave much, Ali,” I quipped back. She shot me a look before climbing into her car. I went back inside, double checking my bags before lugging them downstairs. While I was munching on a snack of yogurt, my cell phone beeped from the kitchen counter.

_You awake? – E_

I smiled, dialing his number and holding the phone up to my ear. “I thought you were on until two,” I teased.

“Charlie kicked me out,” he laughed. “He said that I was driving precious cargo tomorrow.”

“He is too much,” I groaned.

“Well, I’m glad he gave me the rest of the night off. It gave me the opportunity to go grocery shopping, pack my clothes and make sure my car was good to go for a long trip,” Edward replied.

“And is everything in order?” I asked.

“It is. I even picked up vegetables, Bella. You’d be proud,” he chuckled. “We’ll pick up more once we get closer to the cabin, but I got munchies for the drive and dinner for when we arrive.”

“What are we going to do while we’re in Vancouver?” I asked, sitting down on the couch.

“Whatever you want to do, Sweetness,” Edward replied. “The cabin is on a lake and we can go fishing, swimming, hiking…”

“Perfect for a woman who can barely walk on a straight, flat surface,” I deadpanned.

“Good point,” Edward retorted. “We can also spend time in Vancouver itself. We’ve got five days together before we come back for Independence Day, Bella.”

“A hike does sound pretty awesome, though,” I breathed.

“There’s a nearby meadow. It’s gorgeous and at night, you can see the edge of the Milky Way,” Edward described. “I would love to take you there and camp under the stars.”

“That sounds unbelievably romantic,” I said, laying down on the couch. “I can’t wait to spend five uninterrupted days and nights with you. Though, I feel guilty about leaving my kids with my parents.”

“Next time, we can bring them?” Edward asked, his voice sounding enthusiastic. “I think they’d love the cabin.”

“Definitely. Perhaps, if you get some time off before the school year, we could go back for an extended weekend?” I suggested. “I know that the kids would love to go fishing.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Edward replied, the smile evident in his voice. “I really can’t wait to spend time with you. Just you. I want to thank you for my birthday present.” His voice took on a husky, raspy tone.

“It was nothing,” I replied breathily. “In fact, it was more a Grace and Esme thing.”

“Well, it means more to me than you could possibly ever know,” he whispered, the implications clear in his thick tone. “I’ve poured every page before I go to bed, remembering every moment. I adored the picture of the four of us. It felt… _right_.”

“It did,” I said, picking up the same photo he mentioned from my coffee table. We did look like a family, happy and in love with each other. I also knew for a fact that Esme was working on a similar scrapbook for Emmett and a supplemental scrapbook for her sons for their futures. Stories of Edward and Emmett as they grew up along with pictures as they grew from knobby kneed, toothless boys to the grown handsome men they are today. Wishes and dreams for her family when she would ultimately lose her long, drawn-out battle with cancer.

_Cruel, vindictive bitch…taking away loved ones for no fucking reason._

_I hate cancer._

_Fuck cancer._

“Bella? Bella? Sweetness, are you alright?” Edward asked. I shook my head, bringing me back to the present.

“Sorry. I was just spacing out,” I chuckled nervously. “Looking at our photo.” I traced his handsome features over the glass. “Thank you for loving my children.”

“They’re easy to love,” he murmured. “Just like their mother.”

“No. I’m a pain in the ass,” I snorted.

“My pain in the ass,” he laughed. I giggled with him. “Just like I’m yours.” I smiled softly, hugging my photo to my chest. “I’m glad you called. I’ve missed your voice. I’ve missed _you_. It’s been hell not seeing you or the kids for the past week.”

“Well, you’ll see me tomorrow and the kids when we get back from our vacation,” I quipped. “What time are you coming?”

“That was why I was texting you,” he answered. “What time do you want to go? Do you want to sleep in or do you want get an early start?”

“Split the difference?” I suggested. “Leave at like nine or ten? It’s just after one now. I want you to get at least eight hours of sleep, Deputy.”

“That works for me,” he said, yawning.

“And that sleep should start now,” I admonished lightly.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed. “I love you, Bella. I’ll see you tomorrow around ten-ish?”

“I’ll brew the coffee,” I said. “I love you, too, Edward. I really can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” he growled deeply, his voice filled with promise. A promise of so much more than just hiking and cooking.

And I wanted it.

If you catch my drift…

xx PUTP xx

Early the next morning, I double checked my bags and made some fresh coffee, pouring it into two travel mugs. I also made a quick breakfast of scrambled cheesy eggs, toast and some microwave sausage. As I was plating up breakfast, Edward let himself into my house. He was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. His hair was damp, sticking up every which way. “Food,” he grunted, stumbling into the kitchen.

“You sound like John,” I teased, pushing the plate toward him. “That boy is going to eat me out of house and home.”

“He’ll be tall and strong like his dad,” Edward said, looking at a photo of John and Jacob on the fridge.

“You’re no slouch either, Edward,” I said. Your muscles have muscles.” He arched a brow. “Seriously!”

“Okay, Bella,” he snorted, digging into our breakfast. “Your husband makes me look like a tinker toy.”

“Whatever, Edward. You’re still all muscly and studly-like,” I snickered, sipping my coffee. “But, not lumpy like a body builder.”

“Ewww, no. I had a friend of mine in college who took anabolic steroids. His nuts shrunk, he got disgusting acne and he looked like he swallowed a million beach balls. All of this comes from hard work and eating right. Sort of,” he said, giving me a sheepish grin. “Baked potatoes are my new favorite food.”

I rolled my eyes, cleaning up the dishes and putting them back into the cupboards. Once the dishes were done, Edward carried out my bags out to his car, loading them up to the back of his Yukon Denali. I climbed into the passenger seat, settling into the smooth tan leather captain’s chair. Edward got into the driver’s seat, buckling his seat belt. “Do you want to say goodbye to your kids? I know that they are at your parent’s place.”

“I think that they are already at the local YMCA for their swim lessons,” I said.

“We can go there,” Edward smiled, backing out of the driveway and driving toward the elementary school, which was right next door to the YMCA. By the time we got there, it was at the end of their swim lessons. Edward parked the car and we walked into the building, making our way to the back of the Y towards the pool. Grace was sitting on my mom’s lap, letting her comb her tangled tresses. John was finishing up his lesson on how to do the freestyle stroke.

“Mommy!” squealed my daughter, hopping out of my mom’s lap and scrambling toward me. She threw her wet arms around my waist, nuzzling my belly. “I thought you were going to Vancouver?”

“We are, but not without saying goodbye to my babies,” I said, crouching down and wrapping her into a proffered towel. “I thought that Edward and I were heading out early in the morning, but we decided to leave a little later. He drove us over here so that I could give you one last snuggle before we come back for Fourth of July.”

“Yay!” Grace yelled, hugging me closely.

“You be good for Nana and Grandpa,” I whispered against her shoulder.

“I will, Mommy,” she whispered back. “We’re going to Portland to see the rose gardens while you’re gone. And then, to Space Needle! It’s going to be so much fun!”

“Mom!” bellowed John, running to me and joining our hug-fest. I laughed as he dripped all over me. “Edward! Did you see me? I swam the entire length of the pool!”

“I did, John. Perhaps, when we get back, we can race. You’re pretty fast,” Edward beamed, walking towards us.

“I’m totally going to win,” John replied, puffing out his chest. “Miss Sidney said that I’m the fastest in the class. She wants me to try out for swim team!”

“We’ll discuss that when we get back,” I admonished. I wasn’t made of money. Horseback riding lessons, soccer, and t-ball, they were not cheap.

“Mom, please?” John wheedled.

“When we get back, John,” I reiterated, kissing his wet hair. I hugged them both tightly, knowing that this was the first time that I was leaving and staying somewhere else since Jake’s death. The brevity of the moment hit me like a ton of bricks. “I’m going to miss you both. Call me any time, okay?”

“Okay, Mom,” they replied in unison.

“I love you,” I choked out, closing my eyes tightly and my heart stammering. I felt Edward’s arms around all of us. He gently rubbed my back. John, who was closest to Edward, snuggled to his side and smiled at my perfect boyfriend.

“You best get going,” Charlie said quietly. “It’s nearly a six hour trip to Vancouver from here. Not to mention, there’s a threat of rain.”

“Thanks, Charlie,” Edward replied, standing up. He scooped Grace in his arms, kissing her cheek. He whispered in her ear and she nodded, hugging him tightly. “John, one more hug, bud.” He placed Grace on her feet and she scampered to my arms once more before skipping to Nana Renee to change into her street clothes in the locker room. John and Edward were speaking quietly. John smiled, looking so much like Jake before he laughed, hugging Edward. With another hug to me, John went into the locker room with my dad. I looked at Edward, confused about his conversations with my children. “Don’t be jumping to any conclusions, Bella. I just told them to have fun and to call you or me any time. I gave Charlie my cell phone number to post on his fridge. Plus, I told them that at some point we’ll go up together before the summer’s out. Charlie told me I can have the weekend before school off to take you three up there.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist. I stared at his shirt, enthralled with the waffle pattern of the fabric. “And I know you’re panicking. I can see it in your eyes, Bella.” He cupped my chin, staring into my obviously anxious gaze. “Grace told me that you deserve a vacation. You hadn’t any time to breathe since Jake’s death. Not to mention, John told me everything that relaxed you when you were with Jake. They see this trip for the two of us as a good thing.” I bit my lip, pondering his words. “Now, let’s get the show on the road before we get caught in the rain.”

Tipping my head back, Edward captured my lips and guided me out of the YMCA. I clung to him, still uncertain about leaving my kids. He helped me into the car and told me to set up my iPod. I nodded, connecting my iPod to the car. Edward turned it over and we backed out the spot, heading toward the 101. Edward let me sit in quiet, listening to the random songs that were on my driving playlist. Once we got to the ferry, Edward parked the car and led me to the top deck to get some coffee. We had an hour trip on the ferry boat.

“Do you want to call Grace and John?” Edward asked.

“I do, but they need time with their grandparents,” I blushed. “I’ve been away from them for a few days, but it’s because Billy or my folks took care of them because I was inconsolable. I feel guilty at taking this vacation. Granted, I’m excited to get away, but I kept help but feel badly.”

“Both Grace and John recognize your need to relax. For Mother’s Day, they wanted to get you some huge spa package in Portland. I think Alice gave them the link. John showed me this crazy, Zen spa located just outside of Portland. It looked amazing, but it was far above their price range,” Edward quipped.

“Your price range,” I teased.

“It was something like four grand a night. I have a decent amount of money thanks to my trust fund and my frugal lifestyle, but I’m not Bill Gates,” Edward snickered. “I’m comfortable and I can afford to do what I want, when I want. It allowed me to buy my house, my car and rehab this cabin that we’re going to stay at in Vancouver.”

“I’m glad you said no. That is an exorbitant amount of money. Do they have a fountain of youth? Gold dipped fixtures?” I asked.

“Seemingly so,” Edward said with a rueful grin. “I know you feel guilty about being away from John and Grace. Don’t be. They want this for you. You’ve been going nonstop since Jake’s diagnosis. You do little things for yourself, but nothing to the scale of taking a few days for yourself. Truly, for yourself.” He had wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his hands just above my ass.

“Well, technically, it’s not just for me. I happen to have this gorgeous traveling companion,” I said, kissing his chin.

“You think I’m gorgeous?” he asked, his eyes dancing.

“You know you’re hot,” I laughed.

“Hot for you,” he growled, dipping his head to capture my lips. He nipped at my mouth before gathering me in his arms. I snuggled in the safety of his embrace, happy and content. “Bella, I understand why you are feeling guilt-ridden about leaving John and Grace. In a way, I feel the same with leaving my mom. The time we spend with them is precious. You never know when it’s going to disappear. You do, however, have a right to be selfish. They are just a phone call away. If it’s too much, I’m more than willing to drive us back.”

“No!” I said, too loudly. We got a few scowls from nearby passengers. “You’re right. The kids are right. They’re shockingly wise for elementary school students.” I finished my coffee and burrowed closer to Edward’s body. “I’m going to enjoy myself, not cause physical bodily harm with all of the scary outdoorsy things you have planned and…”

“One hike, Bella. We’ll leave in the early afternoon so we have enough time to set up the tent,” he chuckled.

“A hike and camping,” I countered.

“Okay, two things,” he laughed as we saw the shore rapidly approach. “And I promise that I will make sure that the path to the meadow is clear so you don’t you hurt yourself. I don’t want my exquisitely beautiful house guest to be in pain while she’s staying with me. What kind of host would I be?” He tossed his coffee, his nose wrinkled, into the garbage. “Let’s head back to the car. We’ve got another five hours of our journey to my cabin, Sweetness.”

xx PUTP xx

We arrived at a small town outside of Vancouver, just north and east of the large city, just outside of Abbotsford, British Columbia. Chiliwack, the town we were staying near, was a suburban town that reminded me a little bit of Forks, but more scenic. We ate at a diner before going to a small grocery store, picking up necessities like charcoal briquettes, batteries and a new flame thrower. I’d called my kids, telling them that we had arrived. John asked for me to take pictures while Grace reminded me to have fun.

Another fifteen minutes and we were in a small forest, driving up a long, bumpy road. Nestled next to a small lake, was a beautiful but rustic cabin. Edward parked his truck along the side of the cabin, blushing slightly. “So this is it,” he smiled crookedly. “It’s not a lot, but I’m proud of it.”

“It’s lovely, Edward. It’s a shame you don’t get up here more often,” I said, looking at his home away from home.

“I do rent it out to passing hunters and vacationing couples. It’s a nice extra income. There’s a care taker that lives in the town who makes sure that the place is clean and stocked with food. I asked her to do an once-over earlier this week,” he explained.

“How often do you rent it out?” I asked as we got out of the truck, walking toward the door. Edward unlocked it, pushing it open. The cabin was on the shore of a tranquil lake, surrounded by pine trees. The exterior was a warm stained wood with a grey roof. The wrap around porch had white-wash detailing. The porch looked over the lake and it was extremely tranquil with comfy looking furniture. I could imagine curling up on the couch, reading a book at sunrise, sipping a steaming cup of coffee.

Edward’s smooth, velvety voice broke my reverie. “It’s mainly rented out in late spring, early summer and throughout the fall. Rarely do I get requests during the winter. The winter seasons are brutal, honestly,” Edward explained. “One time, my father had to come up here since I was working. There was a leak in the roof or something. He got trapped up here for nearly two weeks because of a blizzard. I had to drive up here, in my SUV to rescue him. His Mercedes couldn’t get past all of the snow drifts.”

Walking into the house, I gasped at how lovely it was on the inside. The walls were exposed wood. Along the back wall, there was a large stone fireplace. The kitchen had rustic wooden accents with granite countertops and bronze fixtures. In the living room, attached to the beautiful fireplace, there were red leather couches with matching leather chairs. To the left, there was doorway that led out to another enclosed porch. I walked through the house, looking out to the porch. There was black fluffy couch with numerous beige, crème and faux animal fur pillows. The cocktail table was weather-beaten wood with a silver tray with candles.

“This place is very romantic,” I murmured, looking back at my boyfriend.

“I think the last people who rented this were a pair of honeymooning newlyweds,” Edward said. “Hence the romantic, girly touches.”

“And here I was, thinking you did all of this to try and woo me,” I quipped, giving him a coy smile.

“Let me amend my statement. I did _all_ of this for you, my love,” Edward sang, pulling me into his arms and dipping me deeply. His lips caressed mine while I tried to contain my giggles. He righted me, hugging me to his chest. “I brought in the cooler and the groceries, why don’t you set up the kitchen how you like it? I’ll carry up our bags to the bedroom.” He kissed my forehead before darting back outside. I padded to the kitchen. Unloading the food, I filled up the fridge and the pantry, located just next to it.

After a few trips up and down the stairs, Edward came into the kitchen and swept me into his arms. I squealed. “Put me down, Caveward!”

“I just want to show you the bedroom, Sweetness,” he purred, carrying me up the stairs. He walked down a short hallway, also wooden walls. There were three doors that we passed before he slid through a doorway at the end of the hall. The bedroom was rustically beautiful. Like the rest of the house, the walls were exposed wood. The ceiling had wooden beams, reaching to a point nine feet above our heads. The bed was king-sized and covered soft ivory bedding and the same faux animal pillows. He placed me on my feet, grinning sheepishly. “What do you think?”

“Like the rest of this place, it’s gorgeous,” I breathed, sitting down on the bed. I scooted back, testing out the mattress. It was firm, but comfy. Reaching the pillows, I curled up, giving Edward an impish grin. “It would be even more gorgeous if you were in bed with me.”

“Who am I to deny my girl?” he replied, crawling next to me and wrapping his arms around my body. “I’m so happy that we’re here. Thank you for coming with me and trusting me enough to spend your first vacation here.”

“Thank you for inviting me,” I smiled, moving my fingers to thread into his soft, thick hair. “I know that I was a bit of an emotional mess at the beginning of the trip…”

“It’s understandable. Now? Just relax, enjoy and let me spoil you,” he breathed, kissing my mouth deeply. We lost each other in the kiss, making out like horny teenagers, groping and entwining our bodies together. Pulling apart when my phone rang in my pocket, we were panting heavily. “I’ll let you talk to whomever is calling you. I’ll figure out dinner.”

“Kay,” I blushed, watching as he got up out of the bed. He adjusted his arousal before leaving me in the bedroom. I found my phone, seeing Alice’s face. Answering the call, I snarled, “There better be a good reason why you’re calling, Mary Alice Whitlock. Edward and I were in the middle of one hot make out session.”

“Sorry,” she giggled. “I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t lose your cajones with your lingerie choices. Go simple and sedate tonight. The cami set should be perfect.”

“You’re calling me to tell me what to wear when I go to bed? In like, eight hours?” I deadpanned.

“Just saying,” Alice snorted. “I have a strong feeling that my baby girl is going to get her swerve on while on this trip.”

“I know I’m going to get my swerve on. We talked about this. I’m ready,” I said, looking out the door to make sure that Edward wasn’t listening. “I just want to ensure that it’s on my terms. Not his. Not yours. Capische?”

“I get it. I’ll let you go. Have fun and be one with your nakedness. It’s great for a blitz attack from a sexy, hot deputy,” Alice chortled, hanging up before I could respond. Rolling my eyes, I got up and began unpacking both of our clothes into the bureau and hanging them into the walk-in closet. I tossed my pajama set onto the bed before ambling back downstairs. Edward had pulled out some steaks. They were marinating in a large bowl. He was also preparing the oven to make baked potatoes.

“I hope you don’t mind meat and potatoes,” he blushed. “I’ve got this awesome grill and I want to show you that I have improved in my cooking skills.”

“I have no doubts,” I said, pointing to the aluminum wrapped potatoes. “Do you want me to make something to go with it? A salad? Creamed spinach?”

“That would be great, Sweetness,” he said, kissing me gently. “I’m going to start the grill in an hour. I want to check to make sure I have all of the gear for tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?” I asked.

“I want to take you on that hike to that gorgeous meadow about three miles from here. After checking the weather, tomorrow is the only viable option. It’s supposed to be rainy the rest of the time we’re here,” he explained. I frowned, slightly bereft. “Don’t pout, love. We can certainly entertain ourselves in the house.” His voice was filled with promise and my panties flooded.

_Yes. Please._

xx PUTP xx

I woke up early the next morning. Edward and I, after we had a delicious meal of steaks, baked potatoes and sautéed spinach (I didn’t have all of the ingredients for creamed spinach), we sat out on the enclosed porch, just enjoying each other and the quietness of his cabin. Then, Edward got frisky. We began kissing each other, our hands traveling over our bodies. Then, our clothes began flying off and we ended up dry humping each other into oblivion before going up to the bedroom. Edward pleaded with me to go to bed with him, without any clothing, but I stood firm. Once all of my clothing was gone, I’d want all of him.

I already did. His body made mine sing in ways that I never even imagined. I was in a perpetual state of arousal around Edward. It was different with him than with Jake. It was very different and I loved it.

I did compromise and stayed topless, falling asleep with Edward’s bare chest pressed to mine. When I did wake up with the birds chirping loudly outside the window, I swiped Edward’s discarded shirt he wore last night and padded downstairs. Swiping my book from my bag in the kitchen, making myself some coffee, I settled into the front porch with a warm fluffy blanket and looked out over the lake. The sound of the frogs and cicadas, not to mention the infernal birds invaded my ears. The scent of pine trees and fish reminded me of mornings like this with my dad, fishing at the crack of dawn.

I don’t know how long I sat on that couch, just staring out over the tranquil water. The sun had risen further into the sky, bathing the lake in an ethereal glow when Edward walked outside, looking adorably rumpled and still half-asleep. “What are you doing up? It’s summer time. You’re on vacation,” he yawned, scratching his chest and stretching his lean body. He sat down next to me, moving me to his lap and nuzzling my neck. “Come back to bed, Sweetness.”

“If you’re so tired, just sleep here with me,” I said, running my fingers through his disheveled hair.

He shot me a look before laying back, holding me to his chest. Within moments, he was snoring quietly and I was not far behind him, the rumbling purr lulling me to sleep. Our siesta didn’t end as nearly as tranquilly as our beginning. Edward fell off the couch and I landed on top of him, jamming my head on the corner of the cocktail table. “OW!” I moaned, rolling off him.

“Shit! Bella, are you okay?” Edward asked, cradling my head. He sat us up, holding me on his lap. He looked incredibly worried. “How many fingers am I holding up?” He waved his entire hand in my face.

“I don’t know. Your hand won’t stop moving,” I said, pushing his palm away from my nose and stopping the incessant movement. I sat up, rubbing the knot that was forming at the base of my skull. _That’s going to leave a mark._ “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Edward answered, his hands checking my head. “I’m more worried about you.” He pouted adorably.

“I’ve had worse. At least the bruise will be hidden by my hair,” I teased, getting up. Edward followed me, hovering like a nervous mother hen. “Edward, baby, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he whispered, pulling me into his arms.

“Edward, you did not hurt me. Gravity did. Blame Isaac Newton,” I said, rubbing his back. “Why don’t we eat some breakfast and then get ready for our hike to this magical meadow?”

“We don’t have to go. I’d rather…” he began.

“I want to see this place. Since you said it’s supposed to be rainy and shitty the rest of our time here, let’s make the most of the sunny, gorgeous day. Okay?” I murmured, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him.

“Okay,” he said, staring into my eyes. There was so much concern littered in his evergreen orbs. “But, if you are getting a headache or anything…we’re coming back and I’m taking you to the hospital, Bella.”

“I’ve had worse, Edward. You’re talking to a habitual klutz,” I said, wriggling out of his arms and standing up. “Now, do you want pancakes or French toast?”

After breakfast, Edward and I got ready for our hike to the meadow. Edward helped me pack a large backpack, complete with a change of clothes, a sleeping bag, necessary survival gear and some of our meal. His pack was significantly bigger since he had to carry the tent and some other items for our three mile hike and overnight stay in the meadow.

Honestly, I was freaking out about camping. Jake took me and the kids once. Every sound, every rustle, _everything,_ -it freaked me the fuck out. I was terrified of being eaten by panthers or stung by a scorpion. When I saw a rattle snake as I was taking a piss, I hauled ass back to the car and demanded we leave. Jake never suggested camping again.

We only ever went on trips that included room service until he passed away.

_Does Vancouver have snakes?_

With one more check of our gear, we set off northward past the lake just after noon. Our pace was slow and steady since I was unsure on my feet with the forty pound pack on my back. Edward was patient, never rushing me and offering me help with each passing mile. The scenery was out of a story book. The sky was a brilliant blue, with majestic mountains in the background. The trees stood tall and proud, but were not bunched together, leaving space for beautiful flowers to bloom along the trail. Halfway through our hike, Edward and I stopped by a nearby brook and he plucked a few wild flowers for me. I thanked him, tucking them into my ponytail.

By half past five, we finally arrived at the meadow that Edward was gushing about. It was beyond any description that he could have used or what I had imagined. “How did you find this?” I asked, barely above a whisper. I was afraid my voice was going to disturb the tranquility of the meadow.

“A happenstance,” Edward shrugged, leading me to a fallen tree trunk. “One of the first trips I made up here, I went on a hike and discovered this place. I’ve come every single time since. It’s even better at night. You can see every single star, the auroras and the edge of the Milky Way.” He looked over at me, seating me on the trunk. Our packs were leaning against it. He was blushing furiously, which was an oddity for him. He was normally so self-assured. “As odd as it sounds, I’ve fantasized of making love under the stars. In this spot…”

I bit my lip, listening to his quiet confession.

“I’ve never brought anyone here. Not that I dated anybody once I moved to Forks,” he continued. “I was focused on my mom, my job and…then, you came into my life. I knew you were special. From the moment I met you, I knew you were…I love you, so much, Bella. You deserve the moon and the stars.” He smiled anxiously, his blush deepening, looking up at me. “I would love to make love to you. Tonight. Here…Under the moon and stars.”

I wanted him. My body craved his. The idea of making love in this meadow, under the stars, sounded incredibly romantic. “That sounds perfect,” I reassured. His responding crooked smile was breathtaking as he gathered me in his arms, kissing me feverishly. I threw my arms around his neck and we cuddled for a few moments before we broke apart. “Were you nervous about asking?”

“I was a hot mess. I’d be afraid that you’d hate me for wanting this. I remember Grace telling me about your one camping trip with Jake and the kids. Something about a snake?” he quipped.

“She was three. How could she have remembered that?” I growled.

“Apparently, seeing your mother screaming like a lunatic while running with her jeans around her ankles is not something you would forget,” Edward snickered. I lightly smacked his arm as his laughter increased. He sobered and we began unloading our gear. He set up the tent, which was larger than I anticipated. While he worked on that, I gathered wood and stones for the fire. Our home away from home was set up and we worked on making dinner. In a cooler in his bag, we had some chicken breasts and some leftovers from dinner from the night before. I grilled the chicken breasts and we ate in a companionable silence. Edward was still seemingly nervous and honestly, so was I. The prospect of making love with Edward was exciting, but my mind was reeling. As the sun was setting, I was growing more and more anxious. “Are you okay, Bella?” Edward asked.

“I’m…” I murmured. “I just need a few moments alone.” He frowned slightly. “I’m sorry, but my mind is going a mile a minute. I just want to…”

“I understand,” he said, leaning over and kissing me. He reached into his bag and handed me a walkie-talkie and a large flashlight. “Take as much time as you need, love. If you get lost, just radio me.”

“You’re not mad?” I asked.

“No, Sweetness. I get it,” he said. “Just come back to me?”

I nodded, kissing his lips chastely before walking back toward the cabin. I wandered until I reached a small babbling brook. I sat down on a rock, just staring. For a few moments, I just listened to the water and some quiet birds chirping. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I laid my cheek against them. “Jake, please don’t hate me…” I whispered in the darkness.

 _I could never hate you, Bella…_ I looked up, around the quiet sanctuary of my brook. _You deserve happiness. Do not be ashamed or upset about moving on._

“Jake?” I squeaked. I blinked furiously, rubbing my heels of my hands into my eyes and then shaking my head.

_Don’t bother looking for me…it’s only your subconscious talking to you. And no, you’re not going crazy. Bells, I’ve told you before in your dreams that I do not want you to pine for me. I understand your feelings, but he loves you. You love him._

“I love you, too,” I choked out.

_I know. But, I do not want you to be alone forever. Be with him…_

“You’re not mad?” I asked.

 _Never, Bella. It’s a big deal and I get that. Edward is the one for you. He’s the one who has healed your heart. He’s the one who loves our children. He’s the_ one _._

A flash of cool air rustled my hair and like that, the feeling of confusion and anxiety left me. I was ready. “Jake, thank you,” I said as I got up from my spot. I felt a warmth on my cheek and a whispered ‘I love you’ in the wind. Smiling softly, I turned to walk back toward our camp site. Shockingly enough, I got back to the campsite without getting lost. Though I gripped the walkie-talkie like a talisman, just in case I needed it.

Edward was sitting on the fallen tree, his hands reaching for the fire. It had gotten significantly cooler since the sun dipped below the horizon. His eyes were trained on the flames, dancing in the soft breeze. I walked over to him, sitting on his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms slid around my waist, pulling me closer to his warm body. “You okay, Sweetness?”

“Yeah,” I answered, staring into his twinkling eyes. “Just a slight panicky moment. I’m coming to grips at what we’re about to do. Jake was the only guy I’d ever been with.”

“If you don’t…” he began but I pressed my fingers to his mouth.

“I want you,” I murmured. “I want you to make love to me under the stars. I want your hands all over my body. I want you _inside_ of me.” I leaned forward, kissing his mouth, just ghosting my lips over his. My hands threaded into his hair while I pressed my forehead against his. “I want to give you all of me. I’m yours. Make me yours, Edward.”

He pulled back, staring into my eyes. I don’t know what he was searching for, but he gently picked me up from his lap and carried me to a soft pallet near our tent. It was warm. Shockingly, so. “You look confused, Bella.”

“How is it this is hot?”

“It’s like an electric blanket, but run on batteries. I have another one in the tent. It’s not on, though,” he explained, showing me the blanket. He lay down next to me, curling me to his side. “Before we make love, I just want watch the stars.”

As we lay there, the stars began to twinkle and soon the sky was illuminated with a million stars and the subtle glow of the aurora borealis. Edward’s hand was idly moving up and down my back. My fingers slipped underneath his long-sleeved Henley, tracing the taut muscles of his belly. There was a low, rumbling growl emanating from Edward’s throat when he pulled me over his lap. His hands were cupping my face as he sat up, crashing his lips against mine. Our kisses began feverishly and needy, but changed into something slow, sensual and loving. His fingers deftly unbraided my hair before pulling my t-shirt over my head. He stared at my body, his eyes hungry and lust-filled. His hands glided up my arms, igniting my skin in flames. I felt as hot as the fire that was burning just behind him.

I’d never been comfortable with my body. Even more so once I had children. Jake insisted I was gorgeous, but I felt old and flabby. The way Edward was staring at me, I felt alive and sexy, desired. “I love you,” he whispered. His lips found my collarbone and he gently nibbled on my sensitive flesh. I whimpered, tugging on his shirt. With another sensual growl, he whipped the shirt off his body and tossed it next to our warm pallet of blankets. My fingernails traced down his muscled torso, earning me a guttural, animalistic growl. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer to his strong body. His arousal was pressed between my legs. I rolled my body, reveling the hardness of him. “Bella,” he groaned.

“Feel good?” I giggled.

“Feels amazing and I can’t wait until I feel that without anything between us,” he said in a strained voice. His voice, my arousal and his erection, the combination made me whimper. He smiled crookedly, but it was more wild and dangerous. My panties flooded. Edward kissed me, deep and sensual. His hands moved to my bra, removing it from my body. His palms cupped my breasts, rolling my nipples. I was moving over him, rolling my hips. With a twist of his body, I was pressed against the warm blankets. Edward’s lips were moving down my neck, kissing down to my heaving breasts. His lips wrapped around my nipple. Arching my back, I whimpered as I pressed my breast further into his mouth. His large hands cradled my ribcage as he suckled on my rosy bud. Kissing across my chest, he gave my other breast the same treatment. I was writhing with ecstasy, wanting to feel more of him. I wanted his fingers between my legs. I wanted his tongue inside of me. I wanted to hear his dirty mouth, describing the delicious and tantalizing things he was doing to me.

“Edward,” I moaned as he kissed down my belly. He looked up at me, giving me a wicked grin. “Please…don’t hold back any more. I _need_ you.”

“As I need you, but I need to taste you, Bella,” he murmured, his fingers gliding along the waistband of my capris. “To definitely see if my Sweetness is sweet.”

“That was cheesy, Cullen,” I giggled.

“It was, but I figured you’d want to hear that than I want to fuck you with my tongue,” he quipped.

“Option B is sounding pretty awesome right now,” I whimpered. “Fuck me with your tongue, Edward.”

“Fuck,” he spat, shocked at my admission. I unbuttoned my pants and started to shimmy them down over my ass, taking my panties along with them. “No…I want to unwrap my present.” He pressed a kiss just beneath my navel before sliding my pants and underwear down my legs. My skin glowed under the ethereal light of the auroras and the dimming flickering of the dwindling campfire. Once I was fully naked, I felt exposed but not uncomfortable. Edward’s eyes were moving over me, appreciating my body. My pale skin erupted in goose flesh from arousal. His hands traced my hipbones. “So beautiful…” His nose nuzzled my belly and he began pressing sweet kisses to my flesh.

I bit my lip, watching him move closer and closer to my sex. I desperately wanted his mouth on me. I moved my legs, spreading them. Edward looked up at me, his eyes burning with desire. With a wink, he pressed his lips on my inner thigh, sucking on my skin. I yelped quietly, feeling the arousal pour out of me. Edward moaned quietly as he inhaled deeply. Barely brushing his mouth over my sex, he looked at me one last time. With a subtle buck of my hips, it gave him the go-ahead to kiss my more intimate place.

With a long, languid swipe of his tongue, he licked the length of my slit. I fell back, pressing my back into the unrelenting ground. His tongue was wet and soft, touching me in a way that I never thought I’d experience in my lifetime. My hands flew to his hair, tangling into the silken strands. His hand was holding open my folds as his tongue continued its sensual assault on my body. With the tip of his tongue, he flicked my clit. My body was already on fire, close to its release. Wrapping his lips around my clit, he slid two fingers inside of me, curling them just right. “OH, YES!” I screamed, my hands tugging on his hair. My response caused him to growl against my body. His hand was pumping and curling perfectly, bringing me closer and closer to the brink of absolute pleasure.

Edward’s tongue was relentless, kissing me and taunting me. My hips were moving in concert with his undulations of his tongue. His fingers moved within me, causing my body to seize in orgasmic bliss. I was chanting his name as the warmth built in my belly, spreading to the far reaches of my fingertips and toes. With growling scream, I came hard and powerfully, relishing in the euphoria one could only get from an amazing orgasm.

Or rather, a thorough tongue-fucking.

Crawling up my body, Edward covered me with his. The warmth of his skin made me jump but I quickly recovered, pulling him down to me and kissing him deeply, tasting my essence on his plump, sweet lips. Breaking apart, we both were panting heavily, staring into each other’s eyes. Edward looked so exquisite with the backdrop of the starry sky and magical auroras. “We can stop, Bella. If it’s too much…”

“I want you,” I whispered to him, kissing his nose. “Please, Edward?” I reached for his shorts, unbuttoning them clumsily. He went to help me but I pushed him back. “You got to ‘unwrap’ me. Now, it’s my turn.” Making quick work of the zipper, I gently shoved down his shorts and boxer briefs down over his hips. His erection slapped his taut lower belly, causing me to groan wantonly.

_I’d missed that sound._

Biting my lip, I wrapped my fingers around his arousal. It was now his turn to groan. “Bella, I’m so riled…I want to be inside of you and not embarrass myself.”

“Then, what are you waiting for?” I asked coyly.

We had had the discussion about birth control immediately after we started fooling around. Edward had tested clean and I’d only ever been with Jake, but had a nasty allergic reaction to spermicide the one time we did use protection. I couldn’t really use condoms. With me being on the shot and us both being clean, we decided to forego condoms and just be together as nature intended.

“Absolutely nothing,” he murmured, crawling back over me, caging me with his arms. His very strong arms. His lower body moved closer to mine and I could feel his hardness press against my thigh. He stared into my eyes, caressing my cheek with his thumb. “I love you, Bella.”

“I love you, too,” I smiled, pressing my hand against his. He kissed me deeply as he thrust inside of me. I gasped quietly, shocked at how full I felt and the emotions of being complete for the first time in nearly three years. We didn’t move for a few moments. Edward was breathing heavily, his forehead pressed to mine. My legs were locked around his slender waist. His hardness was buried deep inside of my body and I was about to cry when Edward opened his eyes. The love I saw within them was beyond all recognition. I knew, in that instant, that we were meant to be.

Sinuously, Edward moved above me. His body was beauty in motion. What was even more amazing was when he effortlessly flipped us so I was perched on his lap. “I want to see you against the stars,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist. Our bodies joined together in that perfect, primordial dance, making love in the open and claiming each other for all of the heavens to see. Our kisses were fervent, our touches were soft and adoring and whispers were of love and devotion. “Bella, I’m so close,” he said, his hands gripping my hips.

I nodded, biting my lip almost to the point of bleeding. He kissed me deeply, his hips moving with mine. Every inch of his body was buried deep within me, sliding in and out with ease. My fingers dug into his back, scratching down his skin as my muscles clenched around him. My insides were quivering in anticipation of my impending orgasm. Burying my nose against his neck, I moaned loudly as my release zipped through me like wildfire, quaking me to the very core. Edward’s arms wrapped around me as his erection twitched inside of me. Warmth spread between my legs from his own powerful release.

With panting breaths, we clung to each other. Edward’s hands were gliding over my back and I was toying with his slightly damp hair at the nape of his neck. I shivered when a subtle breeze blew past us. Edward looked at me. “You’re cold. I’m sorry…”

I covered his lips with mine. “I’m perfect,” I whispered, cupping his cheeks. Another shudder racked my frame. Now that we’d stopped our lovemaking, the chill of the Canadian night was now getting to me.

“As much as I want to bask with you in my arms, naked, you’re nearly convulsing. I love you, Bella. I don’t want you sick,” he said, handing me his shirt, which was buried under his body. Sliding off him, I pulled it on, immediately feeling the warmth of his body and the non-electric, electric blanket. Edward kissed me gently before tossing on his shorts and going in search of my pack, which had my leggings and a heavy sweatshirt. I found them quickly, pulling on a fresh pair of panties and dressing in my warm clothes. Edward has put on a hoodie before gathering me in his arms. “In my fantasy, we spent a lot more time naked. It was a lot warmer,” he quipped. “I don’t like you dressed. You’ve got a gorgeous body and now that I’ve had you, I want you. Always.”

Licking my lips, I felt alive and desired for the first time in forever. I understood his sentiment. “You’re not the only one,” I replied huskily.

“We can at least resume the cuddling in the tent. It’s not as nice without clothing, but I want to keep you in my arms, Sweetness,” Edward said, tugging on my hand and leading me to the tent. I couldn’t deny his sweet smile or his tempting offer. Clambering into the tent, we snuggled inside the sleeping bag. Edward did remove his hoodie and we spent an hour or two just talking, cuddling and kissing. Things began to get heated and round two was sizzling, but when Edward pulled back the sleeping bag, the sudden change of the temperature caused me to shriek.

“No. Way. I am NOT getting naked. It’s freezing!” I chattered, laughing nervously. Edward apologized, wrapping his body around mine. Once my tremors slowed, I kissed his neck. “When we get back to the cabin, we can resume what we started.”

“Promise?” Edward asked, his eyes twinkling in the dim light.

“It’s more than a promise. It’s a vow,” I growled.

xx PUTP xx

When I woke up the next morning, I was alone. My heart began to fly uncontrollably and I clambered out of the tent. The fire had been put out and Edward was nowhere in sight. In the distance, I heard the rumbling of an engine. At the south entrance of the meadow, Edward’s SUV appeared with my boyfriend at the wheel. I furrowed my brow, concerned that he walked all the way back to the cabin alone. Parking the SUV, he hopped out, wearing a baseball cap and a pair of sweat pants. “Damn, I was hoping to be back before you were up,” he chuckled. “I couldn’t find anything to leave for a note. I considered leaving it in the ashes of the fire, but it was still warm when I left.”

“When did you get up?” I asked, tugging on my hoodie.

“About three hours ago,” he answered. “I was so sore from the hike and _other_ activities that I figured you’d be in the same boat.” I grimaced, internally agreeing with him. My legs were on fire from the hike and every other muscle was sore from our making love. It was an amazing feeling, but there was no way I could have hiked back to the cabin. Plus, the skies looked like they were about to open up at any minute. “Did I guess correctly?”

“In more ways than two,” I quipped, walking towards him and snuggling in his arms. “Thank you for getting the car, Edward. I feel badly that you hiked all that way, though.”

“More like jogged. Without the gear, it took me no time. The drive back was a bit more challenging since the roads to this location are a bit bumpy and I kind of like my suspension,” he laughed. “Now, we do need to work quickly. There’s a storm brewing and I want to be back at the cabin by noon.”

“Let me brush my teeth first,” I chided gently. He blushed, kissing my cheek before working on dismantling the tent. I walked toward the brook, peeing in the woods and brushing my teeth quickly. Tossing my hair up in a messy bun, I limped back to the car. Edward was nearly done packing the back when I arrived back at the campsite. The rumbling thunder was the impetus for his haste. “How bad is the storm going to be?” I asked.

“Pretty nasty. If we had hiked back, it would not have been pleasant,” Edward explained, tossing some water onto the campfire. “Besides, that vow you made last night, it’s making me yearn for you. Last night was magical, but I want to make love to you in my bed.” He crossed over to me, taking my face in his hands. “I want to make love to you in the shower.” _Kiss._ “The couch.” _Kiss._  “In front of the fireplace.” _Kiss._ “The kitchen…”

“I have a few places, too,” I purred, flipping his hat backwards so I could kiss him deeply. “The porch.” I nibbled on his earlobe. “Your car.” My lips moved down to his jaw, tasting the saltiness of his skin and enjoying the stubble that adorned his face. “That bathtub.” I kissed his chin. “And every inch of that bedroom.”

“Fuck,” he moaned, nearly bending me in half when his lips covered mine. We lost each other in the kiss, only breaking apart when a clap of thunder resounded nearby. With that, the rain began falling in earnest and Edward pushed me into the car. “I’ll be done in five minutes. Once we get back to the cabin, we have a date with the bathtub.”

An hour later, Edward pulled into the garage of his cabin and we went directly up to the bathroom, clothes flying haphazardly with each clumsy step and harried kiss. I felt like a teenager, needing to be as close as possible to my boyfriend. The fire in my belly is burning brightly, being encouraged by Edward’s love, affection and endless need to touch me.

We made love in the bathtub, making a huge mess of the bathroom. We laughed as we mopped up the spilled water and soap suds that Edward insisted we use. After a long nap, we made love in the bed and again in the window seat, the lightning enhancing each thrust and gasp.

The rest of our trip, we stayed in the cabin, in various stages of undress. Edward loved the easy access of my new lingerie and I loved the freedom of just being with him whenever I wanted. Each time I moved, I was reminded of what had happened between us and I loved every minute of it.

He was a very attentive lover and he had some serious skills. It was rare that I was able to orgasm through penetrative sex when I had been with Jake. With Edward, it was the norm. His stamina was unrivaled and his recovery time was almost superhuman.

And let’s not forget his potty mouth. Edward loved the dirty talk and honestly, so did I. It’s what made me come so hard when we were together. His silken voice telling me how wet and tight I was, it made me just melt in a puddle of orgasmic goo.

When we weren’t doing each other, we were relaxing or I was talking with my kids. The rain hadn’t let up since we got back from our camping trip. The morning we were supposed to drive back, the sun finally broke from the clouds. I was sitting on the porch, relishing the last few hours of solace before our nearly six hour drive back to Forks. Edward came out onto the porch, carrying two mugs of coffee and looking adorably rumpled. Not to mention, his chest was covered with love bites from yours truly. I smiled. _He’s mine._ He sat down on the couch, handing me a cup and pulling my feet into his lap. We sat quietly, enjoying each other’s company. Edward’s smooth voice broke our silence. “I don’t want to let you go. Not yet,” he sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you hogging the blankets or kicking my kidneys. And let’s not forget the sleep-talking/snoring.”

“I do not snore,” I said, giving him a sharp stare. His teasing eyes told me everything, that he was just making fun of me.

“You don’t, but you do talk,” he chuckled. “I’m going to miss it.”

“I’m going to miss sleeping next to you, too,” I whispered, moving so I could curl up against his side. “It’s what I missed the most after…” I trailed off. “It’s why I slept on the couch for almost a year and a half.”

“Bella,” he rasped.

I couldn’t look up at him. I knew that I had to lighten the mood. “You could always come with me to Phoenix when I bring the kids to visit Billy, Rachel and Rebecca.”

“When are you going?” he asked.

“Next weekend. I’m staying at a hotel while the kids are going with Billy and his new girlfriend, Susan,” I said, finally meeting his gaze. “Are you still on vacation?”

“No, but I happen to know the boss,” Edward quipped, winking his eye. “Have you bought your tickets?”

“I was going to once we got back,” I replied. “Billy wasn’t sure if the weekend that we’d agreed upon was going to work with Rebecca and Rachel, not to mention his erratic work schedule.”

“I thought Billy was retired,” Edward said.

“He is, but he still works on the reservation in the security office. He’s now a dispatcher. I got the thumbs up last night from Rebecca in an email,” I explained. “Do you want to come?”

“Let me talk to Charlie and see if I can extend my vacation,” he answered. “If it’s feasible, I’d love to come with you to Phoenix.”

“It won’t be too weird?” I asked, looking up at him. “I mean…”

“It might be awkward, but I’d love to see where you went to school, where you taught, your old house,” he said, putting me immediately at ease. “Now, we should probably pack up because I really miss Grace and John. They called my phone, asking when we were coming back.”

“You’re right. I loved it up here, but I really do miss my babies,” I said. “We can bring them up here, right? The weekend before school?”

“Whenever we want, Sweetness,” Edward smiled, kissing my lips. “But, I will miss sleeping next to you. Just saying.”

“You can just stay over at my place until we go to Phoenix,” I suggested.

“I need to pick up some more clothes if we’re going to Arizona. However, I do love the idea of staying with you until then,” he said, his face quirking up in his warm crooked smile.

And I loved the idea of him staying with us permanently. Another week was just not enough.

_Was it? Definitely not…_

**A/N: Sorry about the wait in between updates. As mentioned earlier, RL has exploded. I have roughly ‘two months’ of normalcy before the craziness begins again. And I have a lot of things to wrap up, write for fundraisers and begin (two new stories, one will be premiered with a fundraiser…the fundraiser for autism!) Regardless, last week I was only home long enough to sleep just to turn around and get up to do everything all over again.**

**Anyhoo…pictures for this bad boy are on my blog and tumblr. There will be _some_ citrusy pic teasers, but not a lot. I think the words speak for themselves, hmmm? Though, the lemon outside…I have to pat myself on the back for that one. I think it turned out AWESOME! You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79’s Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation and on twitter: tufano79. **

**Up next will be July Fourth, Phoenix and some drama with one of Jake’s sisters…which one? Also, some bonding with Edward and the kids in EPOV! Please, leave me some! ;-)**

 

 


	16. Author's Note

Regarding _Picking up the Pieces_

This is not a chapter. I apologize. I know many of you are anxious to hear more about these two. However, this story hits way to close to home, to be honest. Bella lost her husband to pancreatic cancer and Edward’s mother is fighting breast cancer.

This past May, I lost mother to lung cancer and I don’t think that I can write this story, at least not now, without sobbing hysterically. Yes, it could be cathartic to get those emotions out, but I just _can’t_. Not right now. The story, I promise you, will not be abandoned. It is on hiatus, though. For how long? I’m not sure. I’d like to start working on it over the summer, but I can’t put a timeline on grief.

My heart and mind miss my mother TOO much for me to address this story which deals with cancer, the cruel vindictive bitch who took my mother away too soon. I’m seeing a therapist and trying, desperately, to not go back on antidepressants. With time, I hope I can come back to this, but for now …

Please be patient and hug your loved ones for me, especially your mothers. I’d give anything for one more hug from mine.

Thank you for reading and much love to all of you.

~ Tufano79


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